It's been how fucking long since I updated???
Holy Fucking Bat Shit!
I just realized how long it'd been since I updated. Hope you didn't think I was pulling a Cat. No, I've just been really fucking busy at work, plus my Dad is a douche and won't let us do LJ at the house. He's fucking paranoid of the internet.
Don't worry, though, I do keep notes of the important things that I want to LJ about.
1. There's this dude at work named Slim. Slim's name is one of those ironic ones like Robin Hood's Little John (not "YEAH" Lil' Jon). Slim is about 6'5", and about 260. Slim is a nice guy. When he's not weirding me out. I know he's not gay, but he just freaks the hell out of me sometimes.
One time, I had just gotten to work, and I had to do my opening sidework. So, I'm starting, and Slim comes up to say hi. That's cool, except that he goes to shake my hand, and doesn't let go for 2 and a half minutes. I'm not lying. He would not let go. I thought I was on Banzai with Mr. Shakehandsman.
Another time, I was at the bar getting a drink, when I feel an arm snaking its way between my body and my arm. DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON. I jump back and turn, to see Slim trying to put a glass on the bar by the means I just described.
Monday, the Fourth of July. I was standing at the podium talking to Slim, and he kept trying to put his arm through mine, like we were gonna promenade or something. I kept pulling away and taking steps away from him, but he KEPT FUCKING DOING IT. Even when I told him to stop, he didn't. He instead said, "That's annoying, isn't it?" I replied that yes it was, and I don't do that to him. He came back with, "That's because I don't find it annoying." WHAT?
2. The other day, when I came in, Billy called me aside, and handed me a memo that the GM wrote to me. Me personally. Yes, I got the memo. Before you get proud, though, the memo was about the fact that the night before, the burglar alarm went off, and the police came and found that one of the doors was unlocked. Nothing was stolen, but it sure made for a shitty night. This inspired me to decide not to be in my head that night. I left a message for everyone, telling them that I was not in my head, and for them to leave a message on my skull.
3. I went up to Adventure Landing to sit with Kate while she closed the other night, and she had something uber-special to show me. Apparently, some kid had shit in the Laser Tag arena. Not just copped a squat in the corner, no, this kid was running at full speed and shitting himself. There was a 30 foot long shit trail leading through the arena. There were solid plops, skid marks, splats, and the occasional solitary peanut. Afterwards, the kid went into the restroom, deposited his shitty underwear in the sink, and since the bathroom stall was locked from the inside, crawled underneath, smearing more shit. The kid apparently asked if he could use the bathroom in the middle of the match. The guy working said yeah, but he didn't know that the kid meant IN the middle of the match.
4. Back to July 4th. We had a couple of temp bartenders come in to work the outside bar. Temps always work the outside bar, because no one who works here wants to endure that heat. One of the guys, Adrian, I could tell was a little different from the beginning. I later found out, not to any surprise, that Adrian used to be a female impersonator. NOT A SHOCKER.
That's about all. Love, Peace, and Axle Grease
I just realized how long it'd been since I updated. Hope you didn't think I was pulling a Cat. No, I've just been really fucking busy at work, plus my Dad is a douche and won't let us do LJ at the house. He's fucking paranoid of the internet.
Don't worry, though, I do keep notes of the important things that I want to LJ about.
1. There's this dude at work named Slim. Slim's name is one of those ironic ones like Robin Hood's Little John (not "YEAH" Lil' Jon). Slim is about 6'5", and about 260. Slim is a nice guy. When he's not weirding me out. I know he's not gay, but he just freaks the hell out of me sometimes.
One time, I had just gotten to work, and I had to do my opening sidework. So, I'm starting, and Slim comes up to say hi. That's cool, except that he goes to shake my hand, and doesn't let go for 2 and a half minutes. I'm not lying. He would not let go. I thought I was on Banzai with Mr. Shakehandsman.
Another time, I was at the bar getting a drink, when I feel an arm snaking its way between my body and my arm. DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON. I jump back and turn, to see Slim trying to put a glass on the bar by the means I just described.
Monday, the Fourth of July. I was standing at the podium talking to Slim, and he kept trying to put his arm through mine, like we were gonna promenade or something. I kept pulling away and taking steps away from him, but he KEPT FUCKING DOING IT. Even when I told him to stop, he didn't. He instead said, "That's annoying, isn't it?" I replied that yes it was, and I don't do that to him. He came back with, "That's because I don't find it annoying." WHAT?
2. The other day, when I came in, Billy called me aside, and handed me a memo that the GM wrote to me. Me personally. Yes, I got the memo. Before you get proud, though, the memo was about the fact that the night before, the burglar alarm went off, and the police came and found that one of the doors was unlocked. Nothing was stolen, but it sure made for a shitty night. This inspired me to decide not to be in my head that night. I left a message for everyone, telling them that I was not in my head, and for them to leave a message on my skull.
3. I went up to Adventure Landing to sit with Kate while she closed the other night, and she had something uber-special to show me. Apparently, some kid had shit in the Laser Tag arena. Not just copped a squat in the corner, no, this kid was running at full speed and shitting himself. There was a 30 foot long shit trail leading through the arena. There were solid plops, skid marks, splats, and the occasional solitary peanut. Afterwards, the kid went into the restroom, deposited his shitty underwear in the sink, and since the bathroom stall was locked from the inside, crawled underneath, smearing more shit. The kid apparently asked if he could use the bathroom in the middle of the match. The guy working said yeah, but he didn't know that the kid meant IN the middle of the match.
4. Back to July 4th. We had a couple of temp bartenders come in to work the outside bar. Temps always work the outside bar, because no one who works here wants to endure that heat. One of the guys, Adrian, I could tell was a little different from the beginning. I later found out, not to any surprise, that Adrian used to be a female impersonator. NOT A SHOCKER.
That's about all. Love, Peace, and Axle Grease