My True Friends
How are all of yall? Im going crazy, insane, and farther down into my depression. I find that I am a hopeless romantic and nothing will ever make me happy. I sit here looking at my pictures on my door of my friends and family and I realize that I am nothing without them. Will I ever make any of my own accomplishments? Will I ever find true love? I cant help but think that my depression is of my own spawning. This is my punishment to myself because of what I have done the innocence that I defiled. I hate myself for what I did to Aimee, Bonnie, Arial, Michelle, Kim, and Tabitha. All of which I took their love for me, raped them of it and through it away. Do I even deserve to be entrusted with another heart to love and to cherish? I think not. For who can trust me now, who can love me, who can look at me with anything other than disgust and distrust? I am retched, a whore in every since. I have been blessed and I through it away every time someone had mercy on my soul and I showed every one of them that I do not deserve that. I deserve to roam this earth alone for the rest of time and never know true love again. Yes I said again, I knew love many times but I was picky and thought I had found someone better. But in turn I found despair because I could have been happy. Could have been.
I talked to Bonnie and lacy a couple of minutes ago. I loved to hear their voices, I was almost in tears. Bonnie’s voice was so gentle, I miss just hanging out with her and missy and the rest of the gang. Lacy and I only talked for a couple of seconds but I had so much I wanted to tell her. I miss her so much and the way its looking I wont be able to see her until the end of January. That may be to late.
I talked to missy last night for about an hour. It was just a normal conversation that we usually have. But there was one thing that really touched me that she reminded me of. That was the parties we used to have where all we did is get a bunch of friends together and play dumb games such as monopoly and Clue. But it was fun cause we were all together and happy. Why cant I be happy again? Why do I have to hate myself so? Well I don’t know. Maybe I will find someone. Maybe I will get married one day. Maybe I will be a 1000 year old man sitting on my front porch with my old and wrinkly wife watching my children play with theirs on the eve of Christmas. Maybe…
I talked to Bonnie and lacy a couple of minutes ago. I loved to hear their voices, I was almost in tears. Bonnie’s voice was so gentle, I miss just hanging out with her and missy and the rest of the gang. Lacy and I only talked for a couple of seconds but I had so much I wanted to tell her. I miss her so much and the way its looking I wont be able to see her until the end of January. That may be to late.
I talked to missy last night for about an hour. It was just a normal conversation that we usually have. But there was one thing that really touched me that she reminded me of. That was the parties we used to have where all we did is get a bunch of friends together and play dumb games such as monopoly and Clue. But it was fun cause we were all together and happy. Why cant I be happy again? Why do I have to hate myself so? Well I don’t know. Maybe I will find someone. Maybe I will get married one day. Maybe I will be a 1000 year old man sitting on my front porch with my old and wrinkly wife watching my children play with theirs on the eve of Christmas. Maybe…