How long is this going to go on?
Everyday I wake up with my heart in my stomach. I don't sleep well, I'm constantly watching my phone like a fool, I don't eat, and I cry almost every day, on the drive to work, from work, and late at night before bed. I build myself up only to turn around and tear myself down. I blame myself, others, and almost always the person who hurt me most. I want this to end...this pain is so ridiculous it shouldn't be allowed. I now truly understand the meaning of heartbreak....I literally feel like my heart is in shards in my chest, piercing every breath and trying to force me to break down into a blubbering, worthless, waste of space. I'm fighting it, I really am. But everytime I think I've built myself up, something comes along and rips whatever comfort I had away from me. I always thought my pride would stop me....but all I want to do is grovel and beg to be loved again. I know it wouldn't work...even if I could go through with it. But the idea of never being with him again is the single most frightening thing in my entire life. My self-worth somehow became tied to his love...and nowthat its gone...I find myself empty and scrambling. It's consuming my whole world and I don't know how to hold it back any longer....