(no subject)
the taste of cupcakes and cherry vodka on my tongue. but i wish it were just cupcakes. it's getting late. but i'm still waiting. and waiting and waiting. it seems you spend your whole life waiting for something. but i don't know if i want to wait any longer, or forever. that's a long time.
it fades and there it is, back. persistent beats in the background. in the kitchen, upstairs where the couple lives. fighting and fucking all night. rubbing it in my face. i whisper into the vents, "please stop, please. don't fight, just fuck. it will last longer, you'll love each other more. you're getting nowhere." of course they don't hear me. and then they start yelling. and i start calling. filling these empty hours with something. conversation, booze drinkin', door knockin'. just anything with anyone to avoid having to talk to myself. see myself, be with myself. it's louder now, the yelling. the door slamming. the crying. and i've been there, i've seen it. on stairs and porches and backyards. everything on the sidewalk and waiting for someone to come pick us up. i saw my dad punch the floor. i waited for my mom to walk through the door. i sat on the couch, i kissed my brothers eye lids and told him to grow up slow. i told him i'll be the adult for both of us. i curled up in a ball and fell asleep, it was the only way to wait for her to get home. time passed faster while i dreamt. reality is too slow. and my face is hot, red cheeks, loved by so many. but not all.
it fades and there it is, back. persistent beats in the background. in the kitchen, upstairs where the couple lives. fighting and fucking all night. rubbing it in my face. i whisper into the vents, "please stop, please. don't fight, just fuck. it will last longer, you'll love each other more. you're getting nowhere." of course they don't hear me. and then they start yelling. and i start calling. filling these empty hours with something. conversation, booze drinkin', door knockin'. just anything with anyone to avoid having to talk to myself. see myself, be with myself. it's louder now, the yelling. the door slamming. the crying. and i've been there, i've seen it. on stairs and porches and backyards. everything on the sidewalk and waiting for someone to come pick us up. i saw my dad punch the floor. i waited for my mom to walk through the door. i sat on the couch, i kissed my brothers eye lids and told him to grow up slow. i told him i'll be the adult for both of us. i curled up in a ball and fell asleep, it was the only way to wait for her to get home. time passed faster while i dreamt. reality is too slow. and my face is hot, red cheeks, loved by so many. but not all.