R-rated sermon
OMG HE IS TEACHING THE BIBLE IN CHURCH HOW DARE HE!
We went to my grandmother's house for the long weekend and went to Sunday School with her. Now, the preacher there is a wonderful and well-educated man and generally teaches a very informative Sunday morning Bible study with handout notes and everything.
But this past Sunday left me wondering if he had been taken over by aliens or something.
It was Family Day, right? (Don't ask me why. It just WAS.) So there were no Sunday School classes for the kids; they were all in the main sanctuary with their parents. And the preacher says he intends to teach a Bible study on the importance of families. All well and good.
But then it all goes WTF? as he starts preaching in too much detail about Lot's daughters got him drunk and slept with him (he missed the part where Lot offered his daughters out to be gang-raped, though.)
And then he spent way too much time on Jacob and Leah's dysfunctional relationship, which made their daughter Dinah gay, and also got her raped by the prince of wherever. He said something about the prince and Dinah's relationship being sick (my word, not his), which, yeah, RAPE. But also the prince decided after that that he was SO IN LOVE with Dinah, so the preacher's correct, that is Wrong. I don't remember how Dinah felt. If she fell in love with the prince that would be even sicker. But the pastor didn't get to the part where Dinah's brothers show up and slaughter dang near everybody. Do they collect foreskins there, or was that just David? Or am I getting my icky Bible stories mixed up again? (My favorite one is when Jael drives a tent spike RIGHT THROUGH SISERA'S HEAD while he's sleeping. Girl power!)
The Bible--not rated G!
This sermon--also not rated G. I think, if I were him, I'd have saved that one till the kiddies were safely in class. Danae summing up her reaction to the Lot/daughters story: "That's just disgusting."
There was more, but I don't remember it all. Too many references to not needing a manual to know what to do with his wife when he got home after being away for several days, and etc. TMI TMI TMI.
ETA: Another story he went over: how one of Jacob's sons (either Reuben or Simeon, don't remember which) went to get his birthright/blessing and Jacob was like "NO COZ U SLEPT W/ MY WIFE!!11!" Not his own mother, one of Jacob's other wives or their handmaidens. Honestly, Jacob got around. And that's kinda harsh IMO, considering that Jacob impersonated his own brother in order to steal his birthright and blessing.
Pointless poll:
Poll Squicky Bible stories
We went to my grandmother's house for the long weekend and went to Sunday School with her. Now, the preacher there is a wonderful and well-educated man and generally teaches a very informative Sunday morning Bible study with handout notes and everything.
But this past Sunday left me wondering if he had been taken over by aliens or something.
It was Family Day, right? (Don't ask me why. It just WAS.) So there were no Sunday School classes for the kids; they were all in the main sanctuary with their parents. And the preacher says he intends to teach a Bible study on the importance of families. All well and good.
But then it all goes WTF? as he starts preaching in too much detail about Lot's daughters got him drunk and slept with him (he missed the part where Lot offered his daughters out to be gang-raped, though.)
And then he spent way too much time on Jacob and Leah's dysfunctional relationship, which made their daughter Dinah gay, and also got her raped by the prince of wherever. He said something about the prince and Dinah's relationship being sick (my word, not his), which, yeah, RAPE. But also the prince decided after that that he was SO IN LOVE with Dinah, so the preacher's correct, that is Wrong. I don't remember how Dinah felt. If she fell in love with the prince that would be even sicker. But the pastor didn't get to the part where Dinah's brothers show up and slaughter dang near everybody. Do they collect foreskins there, or was that just David? Or am I getting my icky Bible stories mixed up again? (My favorite one is when Jael drives a tent spike RIGHT THROUGH SISERA'S HEAD while he's sleeping. Girl power!)
The Bible--not rated G!
This sermon--also not rated G. I think, if I were him, I'd have saved that one till the kiddies were safely in class. Danae summing up her reaction to the Lot/daughters story: "That's just disgusting."
There was more, but I don't remember it all. Too many references to not needing a manual to know what to do with his wife when he got home after being away for several days, and etc. TMI TMI TMI.
ETA: Another story he went over: how one of Jacob's sons (either Reuben or Simeon, don't remember which) went to get his birthright/blessing and Jacob was like "NO COZ U SLEPT W/ MY WIFE!!11!" Not his own mother, one of Jacob's other wives or their handmaidens. Honestly, Jacob got around. And that's kinda harsh IMO, considering that Jacob impersonated his own brother in order to steal his birthright and blessing.
Pointless poll:
Poll Squicky Bible stories