a new breathe of the old steam
REMEMBERING*************
i'm just cracking open a new bottle of JD and im franticly trying to find a shot glass in the sea of dirty dishes, when Sara stopps and says.
"Who the fuck are you? when have you ever needed anything but the bottle. god i remember the old you, you would just show up and pound hard liqour right out of the bottle and be some wild guy."-this quote is a give or take on exact words-due to the partnership between my imagination and my memory, making words said into long poetic like movie quotes-but the important parts are still in there.
she then went on to talk about how thats what she always loved about me, even when she hated me. i would just go with the flow of anything and always winding up having a good time. she used the time the new us' met again.
and it was all true, that day i had woken up to the phone ringing with a picture of Dom the EMT in the window. I answer and without so much as a chance to breathe im over at his house jamming to a riff I wrote in Idaho (having only been back a day or so. the flow carried Russel and myself there as well) and before you know it we are headig up Mt. Rose to do some ridiculous extreme sport, that involves tearing ass down a mountain at an average of 35 miles per hour on some suped up bicycle. all the while riding on a path no wider than a quarter of a foot and jumping of fallen trees and boulders an shit. this was not my idea of fun, but Dominic was a "sponsered" rider and so i put my trust in him. as we reach the the bottom of the hill i we had to pedal a good 1,000 ft through several different peoples property (all of whom fucking hated the kids that did this shit on a regular basis, and often threaten them with an ass full of buckshot.) and at one point we had to cross a bridge made of a rickety rotten 2x4's in single file, thus resulting in me falling in a creek. we get to my car and i smoke whatevers left out of 6 or so ciggarette butts in my ash tray.
I was positive that i had broken my fucking coxxyx. and as i drove Dom and myself back to his car near the summit. a man named Dick called, he was screaming about how he is back in town (after a few years of working for a UPS factory in Las Vegas) and that he would be throwing a party. now without even second guessing the situation the next thing I know im walking up the driveway of a single story home in Double Diamond. Greeted by the faces of enemies and long lost friends. Rene Ayala was the first to be seen. (this man left reno on his own when he was 14-15 and had rarely been seen since, and never by me.) and on his arm was my future (one week into the future, directly relative to everclear and the Warriors) Girlfriend. evetually the night brought us to the home of some kid that we didnt know's mother. who was possibly away on bussiness. which she was, so we broke in and had a grand time. i belive there was 15-20 of us, not that many, but the amount of familiar faces was even less.
and so many many more things happened that I dont even have the will to type anymore. but Sara had brought this night up because it was a pretty random and spontaneous evening (day for me). and the hell of it is that it wasn't. this was all fun and not all of my days were, but I have the highest rate of seeing/experiencing bizzare shit out of anyone i know. or at least i used to.
so as im standing there in Sara's kitchen baffled as all hell, still holding the bottle. i tried to describe who I was. I wasnt neccessarily living in the moment, because i didnt feel as if I had lived it until a short while into the future. I was merely functioning in the present, and living it in the future. VERY HARD TO EXPLAIN. i told her that i think i was that way because i didnt have anyhing. and that even now when all of my shit has been moved back into my momdre's house. that just all of the emotional stuff tied into her place kept me grounded to it in a way. it was all hitting me at once. I haven't seen the bizzare in so long. i currently tend to turn down offers to hang out, just so i can SIT ON THAT FUCKING COUCH MAN!! it was all whirling over me the feeling of how i was returned to my body once more. and i couldnt belive it. that just living life a different way effects how you feel. and it felt so much better than i do now.
i sit down next to her and we share a laugh.
i dont need the shotglass anymore. the bottle does just fine.
ACTING**********
the next day I wake up and walk into the living room, Michael is already awake and playing God of War. he asks if I want to go to the art museum with him today. i say sure. i usually would have declined and would spend the day immitating a sloth. but i said it, the first step.
we go out. i see Troy (ex co-worker from Tower) we swap accolades and hugs and a brief synopsis of ourselves over the past month. this was good. i ask him if Kaleb was working here today (another ex-coworker from Tower. currently a security gaurd at the museum-and the sweetest man youll ever know.) he says he didnt see him. Michael and I head upstairs.
we wander, eventually enter the Warhol deal. I ask a security gaurd if Kaleb is working and as he say yes I see Kaleb behind him, smiling and posing at me from behind the glass wall. i let out an AHHH!! and jump foreward a bit, the security gaurd flinches, having thought i was going to strike him. Kaleb enters the room, we swap accolades and discuss the movie pickpocket wich had just recently let me borrow. this was even better.
after wandering a bit more and seeing this kick ass (cant remember her name) peice. she had been featured in Juxtopoz 4 or so times and did a reinvented disney character deal one time and i have always really dug her shit.
we head over to check out that new record store above blue moon on california, niether of us have had a chance yet. we walk down and as my mitt is on the door handle Michael spots Jacob(Sara's Ex-boyfriend, friend, ex-class president) i didnt even see him. i turn, we shake. he gives me a cigrette and asks if i know his good friend--"Anthony!? holy shit man" Anthony (ex-classmate, acquaintence, half-black man) and myself swapped accolades. i ask him about his baby? "its with the mother. custody bullshit" i ask him about the army "they didnt let me in, my heart beats faster than normal people." so what have you been doing/are you gunna do? "save up some money and go where the road takes me. these quotes make the convo seem depressing. but there were several words and laughs in between.
this too was good. we turn and head up to "discology"
the man is short bald and fragile. he asks how we heard of this place. and this is how it went
"a guy i used to work with traded a bunch of dvd's into you"
"did you use to work at Tower" (i did not namedrop)
"yeah"
"who do you know"
"it was Kaleb"
"aww yeah hes great, most of his movies got picked up already"
the store was lame, and the guy was a fucking egypt freak, who showed enthusiasm to the fact that I knew who Dr. Zahi Hawass was (he will be speaking at Tmcc this coming week"
all in all we shook hands, he was nice. another face goes into memory. this was goodish.
after stopping at a head shop run by foreingers (i dont know why i just hate it when a foreigner tries to sell you a meth pipe. and in this particular store i steered clear of em). we arrive back home. i read russels live journal and freak out about the "suicide!?!?!?" content. just then Josh calls me back after the 3 or so hours since i had left him a message.
next thing i know im heading up to his house. i play with his dogs new litter of puppies (10 of em), and then we head out to buy a sac. he takes his corvette and in the car i fill him in on the newest episodes of battlestar galactica, and he fills me in on stargate SG1 (mad nerds for that shit). we arrive at Joe and Crystals, they smoke and we wait for half an hour to go meet the dealers at Que n' Cushion. (these particular dealers are women, nurses in training i believe, and once cooked me spaghetti and made us stay to watch both 12 monkeys (one of my personal favorites) and Saw (not so much). last minute before we head out the location is changed. we arrive and the dealer is different, she says shes gunna get in. she opens the door and screams. aparently she didnt know that josh and i were in the back seat of the suburban. she slams the door. i move over. she opens it again and gets in. we shake hands. the woman is in her early twenties and already an alcoholic. she has the shakes from not being drunk, she is litterally vibrating while she finishes the deal. her leggs are against mine due to the awkward angle she is sitting at. rediculous. she gets back in her car and goes like 40 in the parking lot, ahahha and some asian guy was standing there watching her car and shaking his head.
after a bit of the three of them smoking Josh and i head back up to his parents house. and at the light two fucking wiggers pull up alongside and are just dancing to their shitty rap. just dancing, both of em looking at me, me staring back at them with a ciggarette dangling out of my mouth nearly an inch of ash on it. they were doing it to be assholes is all i can assume. i just stared, never blinking never moving. at one point the wigger in the passenger side opens his door and dances his way out, (litterally danced out. it took him like 20 seconds to step out just cause he had so many moves). then just dances, popping his collar an shit with his chest puffed out at the city, cigarette in his mouth too. just then the driver says WHATS UP MAAAANNNNN!!?? i say nothing, just stare. and the passanger dances back into the car, they continue to dance and the light changes. we both drive away.
neither of us speed, or yell or anything.
i eventually wind back up at Sara's.
i havnt so much as had a single run in, with anyone i knew or otherwise in a fucking week. i got to be me again, the feeling i hadnt had in so long, humming through me. i was able to breathe again, not to say that i was suffocating or anything, but that new life was breathed into the old me.
is this the begging of things to come?
or was this the last taste? of that sweaty steamy life.
--"right on for the darkness"
i'm just cracking open a new bottle of JD and im franticly trying to find a shot glass in the sea of dirty dishes, when Sara stopps and says.
"Who the fuck are you? when have you ever needed anything but the bottle. god i remember the old you, you would just show up and pound hard liqour right out of the bottle and be some wild guy."-this quote is a give or take on exact words-due to the partnership between my imagination and my memory, making words said into long poetic like movie quotes-but the important parts are still in there.
she then went on to talk about how thats what she always loved about me, even when she hated me. i would just go with the flow of anything and always winding up having a good time. she used the time the new us' met again.
and it was all true, that day i had woken up to the phone ringing with a picture of Dom the EMT in the window. I answer and without so much as a chance to breathe im over at his house jamming to a riff I wrote in Idaho (having only been back a day or so. the flow carried Russel and myself there as well) and before you know it we are headig up Mt. Rose to do some ridiculous extreme sport, that involves tearing ass down a mountain at an average of 35 miles per hour on some suped up bicycle. all the while riding on a path no wider than a quarter of a foot and jumping of fallen trees and boulders an shit. this was not my idea of fun, but Dominic was a "sponsered" rider and so i put my trust in him. as we reach the the bottom of the hill i we had to pedal a good 1,000 ft through several different peoples property (all of whom fucking hated the kids that did this shit on a regular basis, and often threaten them with an ass full of buckshot.) and at one point we had to cross a bridge made of a rickety rotten 2x4's in single file, thus resulting in me falling in a creek. we get to my car and i smoke whatevers left out of 6 or so ciggarette butts in my ash tray.
I was positive that i had broken my fucking coxxyx. and as i drove Dom and myself back to his car near the summit. a man named Dick called, he was screaming about how he is back in town (after a few years of working for a UPS factory in Las Vegas) and that he would be throwing a party. now without even second guessing the situation the next thing I know im walking up the driveway of a single story home in Double Diamond. Greeted by the faces of enemies and long lost friends. Rene Ayala was the first to be seen. (this man left reno on his own when he was 14-15 and had rarely been seen since, and never by me.) and on his arm was my future (one week into the future, directly relative to everclear and the Warriors) Girlfriend. evetually the night brought us to the home of some kid that we didnt know's mother. who was possibly away on bussiness. which she was, so we broke in and had a grand time. i belive there was 15-20 of us, not that many, but the amount of familiar faces was even less.
and so many many more things happened that I dont even have the will to type anymore. but Sara had brought this night up because it was a pretty random and spontaneous evening (day for me). and the hell of it is that it wasn't. this was all fun and not all of my days were, but I have the highest rate of seeing/experiencing bizzare shit out of anyone i know. or at least i used to.
so as im standing there in Sara's kitchen baffled as all hell, still holding the bottle. i tried to describe who I was. I wasnt neccessarily living in the moment, because i didnt feel as if I had lived it until a short while into the future. I was merely functioning in the present, and living it in the future. VERY HARD TO EXPLAIN. i told her that i think i was that way because i didnt have anyhing. and that even now when all of my shit has been moved back into my momdre's house. that just all of the emotional stuff tied into her place kept me grounded to it in a way. it was all hitting me at once. I haven't seen the bizzare in so long. i currently tend to turn down offers to hang out, just so i can SIT ON THAT FUCKING COUCH MAN!! it was all whirling over me the feeling of how i was returned to my body once more. and i couldnt belive it. that just living life a different way effects how you feel. and it felt so much better than i do now.
i sit down next to her and we share a laugh.
i dont need the shotglass anymore. the bottle does just fine.
ACTING**********
the next day I wake up and walk into the living room, Michael is already awake and playing God of War. he asks if I want to go to the art museum with him today. i say sure. i usually would have declined and would spend the day immitating a sloth. but i said it, the first step.
we go out. i see Troy (ex co-worker from Tower) we swap accolades and hugs and a brief synopsis of ourselves over the past month. this was good. i ask him if Kaleb was working here today (another ex-coworker from Tower. currently a security gaurd at the museum-and the sweetest man youll ever know.) he says he didnt see him. Michael and I head upstairs.
we wander, eventually enter the Warhol deal. I ask a security gaurd if Kaleb is working and as he say yes I see Kaleb behind him, smiling and posing at me from behind the glass wall. i let out an AHHH!! and jump foreward a bit, the security gaurd flinches, having thought i was going to strike him. Kaleb enters the room, we swap accolades and discuss the movie pickpocket wich had just recently let me borrow. this was even better.
after wandering a bit more and seeing this kick ass (cant remember her name) peice. she had been featured in Juxtopoz 4 or so times and did a reinvented disney character deal one time and i have always really dug her shit.
we head over to check out that new record store above blue moon on california, niether of us have had a chance yet. we walk down and as my mitt is on the door handle Michael spots Jacob(Sara's Ex-boyfriend, friend, ex-class president) i didnt even see him. i turn, we shake. he gives me a cigrette and asks if i know his good friend--"Anthony!? holy shit man" Anthony (ex-classmate, acquaintence, half-black man) and myself swapped accolades. i ask him about his baby? "its with the mother. custody bullshit" i ask him about the army "they didnt let me in, my heart beats faster than normal people." so what have you been doing/are you gunna do? "save up some money and go where the road takes me. these quotes make the convo seem depressing. but there were several words and laughs in between.
this too was good. we turn and head up to "discology"
the man is short bald and fragile. he asks how we heard of this place. and this is how it went
"a guy i used to work with traded a bunch of dvd's into you"
"did you use to work at Tower" (i did not namedrop)
"yeah"
"who do you know"
"it was Kaleb"
"aww yeah hes great, most of his movies got picked up already"
the store was lame, and the guy was a fucking egypt freak, who showed enthusiasm to the fact that I knew who Dr. Zahi Hawass was (he will be speaking at Tmcc this coming week"
all in all we shook hands, he was nice. another face goes into memory. this was goodish.
after stopping at a head shop run by foreingers (i dont know why i just hate it when a foreigner tries to sell you a meth pipe. and in this particular store i steered clear of em). we arrive back home. i read russels live journal and freak out about the "suicide!?!?!?" content. just then Josh calls me back after the 3 or so hours since i had left him a message.
next thing i know im heading up to his house. i play with his dogs new litter of puppies (10 of em), and then we head out to buy a sac. he takes his corvette and in the car i fill him in on the newest episodes of battlestar galactica, and he fills me in on stargate SG1 (mad nerds for that shit). we arrive at Joe and Crystals, they smoke and we wait for half an hour to go meet the dealers at Que n' Cushion. (these particular dealers are women, nurses in training i believe, and once cooked me spaghetti and made us stay to watch both 12 monkeys (one of my personal favorites) and Saw (not so much). last minute before we head out the location is changed. we arrive and the dealer is different, she says shes gunna get in. she opens the door and screams. aparently she didnt know that josh and i were in the back seat of the suburban. she slams the door. i move over. she opens it again and gets in. we shake hands. the woman is in her early twenties and already an alcoholic. she has the shakes from not being drunk, she is litterally vibrating while she finishes the deal. her leggs are against mine due to the awkward angle she is sitting at. rediculous. she gets back in her car and goes like 40 in the parking lot, ahahha and some asian guy was standing there watching her car and shaking his head.
after a bit of the three of them smoking Josh and i head back up to his parents house. and at the light two fucking wiggers pull up alongside and are just dancing to their shitty rap. just dancing, both of em looking at me, me staring back at them with a ciggarette dangling out of my mouth nearly an inch of ash on it. they were doing it to be assholes is all i can assume. i just stared, never blinking never moving. at one point the wigger in the passenger side opens his door and dances his way out, (litterally danced out. it took him like 20 seconds to step out just cause he had so many moves). then just dances, popping his collar an shit with his chest puffed out at the city, cigarette in his mouth too. just then the driver says WHATS UP MAAAANNNNN!!?? i say nothing, just stare. and the passanger dances back into the car, they continue to dance and the light changes. we both drive away.
neither of us speed, or yell or anything.
i eventually wind back up at Sara's.
i havnt so much as had a single run in, with anyone i knew or otherwise in a fucking week. i got to be me again, the feeling i hadnt had in so long, humming through me. i was able to breathe again, not to say that i was suffocating or anything, but that new life was breathed into the old me.
is this the begging of things to come?
or was this the last taste? of that sweaty steamy life.
--"right on for the darkness"