Why, hello there, Friday, where ya been?
Sorry for the brevity - but today is going to be a killer, schedule-wise and I chose to sleep in a bit this morning, not leaving me much time for writing. So, here are some small bits, stitched together without benefit of segues.
Dear OkCupid,
I’m pretty sure that someone who uses the handle “PokerThug” is NOT an exceptionally good match. (OKC sends you e-mails that say “we think this guy is an exceptionally good match”) Look to your algorithms, my friend, because something’s wrong. Although you could also add a few questions that are more pertinent than many of the ones you use. In addition to “Do you think a profile picture that just shows your naked abdomen is a good idea?” you can also add “Would you date a guy who wears his baseball cap on backward/sideways?” and “Would you be seen in public with a guy wearing a fedora and a trenchcoat if it weren’t raining or you weren’t in the middle of a theatrical production”. Because PokerThug broke both those rules. Plus, also Poker. And Thug. The first I could ignore, but not the second.
Thanks to Post-It Notes, I think my generation will seem a little less senile, as we age. Unless you stop judging senility by how much someone forgets, and start judging it by how many brightly colored pieces of paper are stuck up all over their house.
Dear people with whom I’m trying to schedule a conference call,
When you suggest three dates this next week, and I say I am completely booked this week. And the next open dates I have that meet the criteria of another participant, which is no Tues/Thursdays, would be the 25th or 27th. You are not helping when you e-mail everyone “How about this Sunday?” Try to think of as a hand of poker (apologies to PokerThug, as apparently I’m not as poker-averse as I may have implied) where when someone antes fifty cents (hey, I don’t play high stakes), your only option is to match it (so pick the 25th or 27th or say you can do either), up the ante (I can’t do those, let’s shoot for the NEXT week, here are the days I’m available), or fold (expletive it, we’ll never find a date in common, I don’t need to be on the call, send me the notes.) Throwing twenty-five cents onto the table just WASTES OUR TIME. I just SAID I'm not available until the 25th. When I repeat it, I'm pretty sure the repetition will be accompanied by FLAMES.
Weight Loss Contest
So, I sort of skipped that this week. Waddya want, on vacation, then sick, sick, grossly sick. Here’s the good news, though. Despite being on vacation, and being sick (where the only things I can taste are fat, sugar and salt, so you can guess what that meant and while some people don’t want to eat when they’re sick. I am NOT one of those people) I maintained the same weight. So, while I didn’t lose anything, I didn’t gain anything. Since half my colleagues DID gain, during the same time period, I’m feeling reasonably okay about that. I won’t win, but that’s not my goal.
And as proof that I’m all about self-sabotage, I sprained my ankle, so that whole, “that’s it, every day at lunch, I’m walking!’ thing….is all tangled up in a ball of used Vetrap. Vetrap…it’s like an Ace bandage, but thinner and it sticks to itself (3M brand is worth paying extra for if you want it to actually stick). Sure, they sell it for humans in the drugstore, all white-person fleshcolored. Or you can get the stuff for horses/dogs online, for much less, in colors that can either be camouflage by being the same color as your sock/stocking, or make a statement. I’m wearing purple today to go with my jacket. Mostly because I found that wearing black as camouflage made people think that it was actually my ankle that was all wrinkly, or that for some reason I had a sock on. My colleague: “Did you mean to do that? “Do what? Sprain my ankle?” “No, put a sock on one foot.” “That’s not a sock, it’s a bandage.” I’ve already got enough issues with fashion-impairment, I don’t need people thinking that I put pantyhose on, then a sock on one foot and then heels.
Dear OkCupid,
I’m pretty sure that someone who uses the handle “PokerThug” is NOT an exceptionally good match. (OKC sends you e-mails that say “we think this guy is an exceptionally good match”) Look to your algorithms, my friend, because something’s wrong. Although you could also add a few questions that are more pertinent than many of the ones you use. In addition to “Do you think a profile picture that just shows your naked abdomen is a good idea?” you can also add “Would you date a guy who wears his baseball cap on backward/sideways?” and “Would you be seen in public with a guy wearing a fedora and a trenchcoat if it weren’t raining or you weren’t in the middle of a theatrical production”. Because PokerThug broke both those rules. Plus, also Poker. And Thug. The first I could ignore, but not the second.
Thanks to Post-It Notes, I think my generation will seem a little less senile, as we age. Unless you stop judging senility by how much someone forgets, and start judging it by how many brightly colored pieces of paper are stuck up all over their house.
Dear people with whom I’m trying to schedule a conference call,
When you suggest three dates this next week, and I say I am completely booked this week. And the next open dates I have that meet the criteria of another participant, which is no Tues/Thursdays, would be the 25th or 27th. You are not helping when you e-mail everyone “How about this Sunday?” Try to think of as a hand of poker (apologies to PokerThug, as apparently I’m not as poker-averse as I may have implied) where when someone antes fifty cents (hey, I don’t play high stakes), your only option is to match it (so pick the 25th or 27th or say you can do either), up the ante (I can’t do those, let’s shoot for the NEXT week, here are the days I’m available), or fold (expletive it, we’ll never find a date in common, I don’t need to be on the call, send me the notes.) Throwing twenty-five cents onto the table just WASTES OUR TIME. I just SAID I'm not available until the 25th. When I repeat it, I'm pretty sure the repetition will be accompanied by FLAMES.
Weight Loss Contest
So, I sort of skipped that this week. Waddya want, on vacation, then sick, sick, grossly sick. Here’s the good news, though. Despite being on vacation, and being sick (where the only things I can taste are fat, sugar and salt, so you can guess what that meant and while some people don’t want to eat when they’re sick. I am NOT one of those people) I maintained the same weight. So, while I didn’t lose anything, I didn’t gain anything. Since half my colleagues DID gain, during the same time period, I’m feeling reasonably okay about that. I won’t win, but that’s not my goal.
And as proof that I’m all about self-sabotage, I sprained my ankle, so that whole, “that’s it, every day at lunch, I’m walking!’ thing….is all tangled up in a ball of used Vetrap. Vetrap…it’s like an Ace bandage, but thinner and it sticks to itself (3M brand is worth paying extra for if you want it to actually stick). Sure, they sell it for humans in the drugstore, all white-person fleshcolored. Or you can get the stuff for horses/dogs online, for much less, in colors that can either be camouflage by being the same color as your sock/stocking, or make a statement. I’m wearing purple today to go with my jacket. Mostly because I found that wearing black as camouflage made people think that it was actually my ankle that was all wrinkly, or that for some reason I had a sock on. My colleague: “Did you mean to do that? “Do what? Sprain my ankle?” “No, put a sock on one foot.” “That’s not a sock, it’s a bandage.” I’ve already got enough issues with fashion-impairment, I don’t need people thinking that I put pantyhose on, then a sock on one foot and then heels.