Go to the child, face her/him, and tell her/him which behavior is not okay (hitting, spitting, refusing to pick up toys or get dressed, etc.) and that s/he needs a time-out. Speak to the child in a serious tone but do not yell, grab, or jerk the child. Move the child away from other children and adults. Tell the child that he needs to stay in the time-out for "x" number of minutes. (Keep it short, one recommendation is one minute per one year of the child’s age, example: if the child is 5 years old, the child would receive a 5 minute time-out.) I'm not sure advise like this is always usable. Even if I was convinced that children should be controlled and forced to pick up their toys or get dressed, the whole thing assumes the child who previously wouldn't do what they were told would willingly "obey" the parent and go to time-out. Moving the child "might" work or it might result in a child fighting back. If it's a strong boy child, the mother could be injured or risks hurting the child to pull this off
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*nod* I know not every link I posted has information or tools that will work in every single instance...that's why I posted so many of them.
What I've done (and I've worked with strong boy children with anger management issues who were likely to hit or strike adults) is remove myself from the situation for a few minutes, if possible...the issue of physical safety/toning down the violent response, to me supercedes the need to get the child to "obey" at that moment. The child is then not getting positive or negative attention, but none at all...you refuse to participate in the interaction.
Yes, I know there are circumstances where that wouldn't work either. My singular point here is, "there are options, and lots of them."
I know not every link I posted has information or tools that will work in every single instance...that's why I posted so many of them.
Exactly. Not violent parenting taking creativity. Each situation may call for a slightly different response. It takes time too...
The other piece that I have found is this: When parents try to switch parenting technques, it takes time to do so successfully. The child may act out in the meanwhile. The child may test the parents limits. The biggest thing is that parents MUST stay CONSISTENT. You can't give up the second the child tests your limits and say "See- I told you these techniques won't work!"
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What I've done (and I've worked with strong boy children with anger management issues who were likely to hit or strike adults) is remove myself from the situation for a few minutes, if possible...the issue of physical safety/toning down the violent response, to me supercedes the need to get the child to "obey" at that moment. The child is then not getting positive or negative attention, but none at all...you refuse to participate in the interaction.
Yes, I know there are circumstances where that wouldn't work either. My singular point here is, "there are options, and lots of them."
Reply
Exactly. Not violent parenting taking creativity. Each situation may call for a slightly different response. It takes time too...
The other piece that I have found is this: When parents try to switch parenting technques, it takes time to do so successfully. The child may act out in the meanwhile. The child may test the parents limits. The biggest thing is that parents MUST stay CONSISTENT. You can't give up the second the child tests your limits and say "See- I told you these techniques won't work!"
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I did go on to post another link for a resource to go to when lots of suggestions don't work in a separate entry.
There's nothing easy about it and I don't mean it to sound that way. It's just that it can be done, with help and support.
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