(no subject)
Well, Luxie had twelve puppies last Friday evening. Work was dead because of the NASCAR races. Everyone wanted to go to a restaurant that had chicken wings and TVs, not that I didn't get any race fans and not that they didn't ask me for any chicken wings. Anyway, they sent us home early because business was so slow. When we got home, Luxie was in labor under the bed. We had bought her a massive kiddie pool in which to have the puppies. It sits in the middle of the kitchen but she told the kiddie pool to go fuck itself and then she had the puppies under the bed. Well, most of them. There were seven puppies chilling out and one hanging out of her vagina when we went home. We moved her into the kiddie pool and she had numbers 9, 10 and 11. Becky and Chris came over and while they were here, Luxie had number twelve after which I told her NO MORE BABIES THIS IS YOUR CUT OFF POINT! It was really gross when the babies were born. Luxie had to chew through their amniotic sacs. Then she ate them. The sacs, not the babies. We have twelve puppies now and they should be available for adoption the first week of June. Let me know if you or anyone you know wants a puppy. If you want to tell me that I am irresponsible for letting Luxie get pregnant and that I should be shot or stoned to death then maybe you should lick my ass instead. Just a suggestion. Anyway, Des posted some pictures of the puppies in her journal but most of the pictures she posted are disgusting amniotic sac pictures so I am posting some nice clean ones. I am putting them under a cut.
cuddling?
much resting ensued
snoring
a few of the puppies having a dinner. We really do have so many we can't even fit them in one shot
Well anyway, on Sunday we went to Atlanta to see Calvin and go see Tori play on Monday night. We stayed at Calvin's apartment. It was nice seeing him again. We also met his boyfriend who was very nice. They gave us a brief driving tour of the city. They also had a little long-haired ankle biting Chihuahua named Emmit who reminded me a lot of Steve Little but was less Republican.
On Monday, we went to Woodruff Arts Center which is where Tori played. We got there around 12:30 for the meet and greet. We waited around in the hot sun for five hours. It was well worth it but I got sunburn on my face but I burned around my glasses so I have a red face with two big white spots around my eyes. I look like a very sexy and red owl. I would post pictures of it but I'm not going to. Anyway, Tori came out and we met her. It was amazing. She is very beautiful. Well, I can't say that I exactly met her...per se...because I was unable to form words, but she looked at me and I blinked at her so I consider that an introduction. Des got her to autograph a picture she took of her in Orlando and I took a picture of Des and Tori together and when I took the camera down, Tori looked directly at me and said, "Did you take the picture?" and I said "Derrrrr". So that was our introduction. I'm sure she'll remember me always. Des also requested that she play "Siren", which is my favorite song. Tori said, "We'll see." but we didn't see because she didn't play it. The show was really amazing though. She played Des's favorite song, "Tear in your Hand" oh and before the show, I ran into this girl Shannon who I went to high school with. The place where Tori played is also an arts school and that's where Shannon goes. It was nice talking to her again. At first I was pretty sure she didn't know who I was but then she said she did know who I was AND that she and her friends might take a puppy. So Shannon if you are reading this, you are taking a puppy...or 12. Just look at the pictures. How can you resist?
Also, after the show, I ran into this girl Alex who I dated briefly in high school. Our relationship or whatever ended on a very sour note because I was a total asshole to her, more or less. You know, I don't think it's possible to truly realize what a complete asshole you are or were until you run into someone you haven't seen in a long time and you see in your face their utter shock and horror at seeing you. While Des was getting Matt Nathanson to sign his CD for her, I was in the bathroom waiting in line. I saw Alex drying her hands by the sink. I thought to myself, "I think she hates me so I probably shouldn't say anything." but I couldn't help myself so I said, "Alex?" and she looked up and her eyes got all big and she looked like she had just come face to face with like...I don't know...the personification of a really horrible terminal illness. Testicular cancer, maybe. I thought she was going to shit herself or throw up or possibly die. If any of those had happened, I would have pretended I didn't know her and it wasn't my fault. Anyway, she brought her hands up to her face the way you bring your hands to your face when you're looking at something really horrible and she said, "oh my god." and I said, "hi." and she said, "Oh my god." and I said, "Yeah." and then she just stared at me for a few seconds and then she said, "This is uh...really weird." and I said, "Yeah." and she just stared at me some more and at this point I was feeling sort of bad for putting her in that situation and I was also feeling like I must be the shittiest human being on the face of the Earth and I decided that I didn't want to subject anymore innocent people to having to look at me so I said, "Okay you can leave now." and then she ran out of the bathroom like her ass was on fire and maybe it was. But if it was, I wouldn't have put it out. Hmph. Anyway, I'm going to put some Tori pictures behind a cut and then I'm going to go do the laundry. I was going to wash some dishes but I'm just so fucking lazy I'm not sure if I can. Also, we work tomorrow night and I hear the Jehovah's Witness convention is in town and I'm really excited about that. You probably think I'm being sarcastic but I'm not. These people are the nicest people I've ever met. They tip well, drink like the planet is running out of alcohol and also invite you to sleep at their house if you ever need a place to stay. I am looking forward to making a lot of money tomorrow. Here is some Tori.
stupid fucking cunt girl who really pissed us off at the meet and greet so we took pictures of her so we could flame her all over the Internet like the mature individuals that we are
Jesus Christ.
cuddling?
much resting ensued
snoring
a few of the puppies having a dinner. We really do have so many we can't even fit them in one shot
Well anyway, on Sunday we went to Atlanta to see Calvin and go see Tori play on Monday night. We stayed at Calvin's apartment. It was nice seeing him again. We also met his boyfriend who was very nice. They gave us a brief driving tour of the city. They also had a little long-haired ankle biting Chihuahua named Emmit who reminded me a lot of Steve Little but was less Republican.
On Monday, we went to Woodruff Arts Center which is where Tori played. We got there around 12:30 for the meet and greet. We waited around in the hot sun for five hours. It was well worth it but I got sunburn on my face but I burned around my glasses so I have a red face with two big white spots around my eyes. I look like a very sexy and red owl. I would post pictures of it but I'm not going to. Anyway, Tori came out and we met her. It was amazing. She is very beautiful. Well, I can't say that I exactly met her...per se...because I was unable to form words, but she looked at me and I blinked at her so I consider that an introduction. Des got her to autograph a picture she took of her in Orlando and I took a picture of Des and Tori together and when I took the camera down, Tori looked directly at me and said, "Did you take the picture?" and I said "Derrrrr". So that was our introduction. I'm sure she'll remember me always. Des also requested that she play "Siren", which is my favorite song. Tori said, "We'll see." but we didn't see because she didn't play it. The show was really amazing though. She played Des's favorite song, "Tear in your Hand" oh and before the show, I ran into this girl Shannon who I went to high school with. The place where Tori played is also an arts school and that's where Shannon goes. It was nice talking to her again. At first I was pretty sure she didn't know who I was but then she said she did know who I was AND that she and her friends might take a puppy. So Shannon if you are reading this, you are taking a puppy...or 12. Just look at the pictures. How can you resist?
Also, after the show, I ran into this girl Alex who I dated briefly in high school. Our relationship or whatever ended on a very sour note because I was a total asshole to her, more or less. You know, I don't think it's possible to truly realize what a complete asshole you are or were until you run into someone you haven't seen in a long time and you see in your face their utter shock and horror at seeing you. While Des was getting Matt Nathanson to sign his CD for her, I was in the bathroom waiting in line. I saw Alex drying her hands by the sink. I thought to myself, "I think she hates me so I probably shouldn't say anything." but I couldn't help myself so I said, "Alex?" and she looked up and her eyes got all big and she looked like she had just come face to face with like...I don't know...the personification of a really horrible terminal illness. Testicular cancer, maybe. I thought she was going to shit herself or throw up or possibly die. If any of those had happened, I would have pretended I didn't know her and it wasn't my fault. Anyway, she brought her hands up to her face the way you bring your hands to your face when you're looking at something really horrible and she said, "oh my god." and I said, "hi." and she said, "Oh my god." and I said, "Yeah." and then she just stared at me for a few seconds and then she said, "This is uh...really weird." and I said, "Yeah." and she just stared at me some more and at this point I was feeling sort of bad for putting her in that situation and I was also feeling like I must be the shittiest human being on the face of the Earth and I decided that I didn't want to subject anymore innocent people to having to look at me so I said, "Okay you can leave now." and then she ran out of the bathroom like her ass was on fire and maybe it was. But if it was, I wouldn't have put it out. Hmph. Anyway, I'm going to put some Tori pictures behind a cut and then I'm going to go do the laundry. I was going to wash some dishes but I'm just so fucking lazy I'm not sure if I can. Also, we work tomorrow night and I hear the Jehovah's Witness convention is in town and I'm really excited about that. You probably think I'm being sarcastic but I'm not. These people are the nicest people I've ever met. They tip well, drink like the planet is running out of alcohol and also invite you to sleep at their house if you ever need a place to stay. I am looking forward to making a lot of money tomorrow. Here is some Tori.
stupid fucking cunt girl who really pissed us off at the meet and greet so we took pictures of her so we could flame her all over the Internet like the mature individuals that we are
Jesus Christ.