Lily's Friend: Renamed "With Her Own Eyes": A WIP
With Her Own Eyes
Summary: Mary Macdonald watches the breakup of another of Lily Evan’s friendships.
Warning: Emo!Snape.
The fire bites, the fire bites. Bites
to the little death. Bites
till she comes to nothing. Bites
on her own sweet tongue. She goes on. Biting.
Olga Broumas, “Circe”
*
“Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?” Chico Marx
“Seven, eight, nine…,” Mary Macdonald counted under her breath. Twenty-seven stirs clockwise! Potions-making really was the most boring thing on earth. When Mary got was out of Hogwarts, she was going to marry someone rich like Potter, buy all her potions premade at the Apothecary, and never, ever, stir a cauldron again.
Beside her, Lizzie Noir was craning her neck trying to see what Lily and Snape were up to. They were talking animatedly as they stirred, but all Mary could hear was a faint buzzing. Snape must have cast his anti-eavesdropping spell. And Sluggy never caught on. Really the man was dense sometimes. Or, more likely, he was letting them get away with it; he let his favorites get away with anything, and Perfect-Potion Lily was his hands-down favorite from all the years.
Noir muttered resentfully, “The book says clockwise only! Why is she adding a counter-clockwise stir?” Mary stood on tiptoes to see into the other cauldrons, just in time to see Lily’s potion turn the exact shade of aquamarine it was supposed to be at this stage. Lily threw back her head and laughed inaudibly in triumph. Snape was looking intently between Lily’s potion and his own, which was still a little too dark. Mary turned her head to check Noir’s; it was nearly teal. And Mary’s-was sending a froth of bilious brown bubbles spilling over the top of her cauldron. She had forgotten to keep stirring.
Mary yelped and jumped back from the mess. Noir, glaring murderously, extinguished Mary’s flame; Snape sneered and vanished the spill before it reached his and Lily’s side of the table. Lily smiled sympathetically and mouthed, “Tough luck.”
It was really official now: Mary HATED Potions.
Lily’s was the only perfect potion in class today again, with Snape’s a close second this time. Occasionally he did better than her, sometimes he failed miserably with his “experiments”, but usually he came second. Noir, as almost always, came third, as she jealously pointed out in a hissed undertone to Mary. As though Mary cared! Mulciber, Avery, and Remus Lupin also ended up with samples that were at least shades of green and of the right consistency. Mulciber smirked at Mary a little as he passed her on the way to Sluggy, flourishing his green sample flask.
James Potter had done nearly as poorly as Mary today. He had to walk past their table to leave his sample for Sluggy; when he saw Mary dejectedly bottling her brown and sludgy sample, he flashed her a grin and tossed his bright orange flask in the air, catching it again. “Thought I’d try to make it look more like a snitch,” he said.
Mary turned to him, giggling, and he grinned more widely. “No harm in a fellow trying for something a little less repulsive than all that Slytherin green.” Then he looked past Mary and froze, the grin gone.
Mary twisted back to look. It was only Sluggy praising Lily’s work again; Lily was pink with pleasure. And Snape-Snape had his head a little ducked, and he was staring out from under that long greasy hair of his. At Lily. And he was smiling a little. At Lily. Mary thought, “Why-he likes her.” She turned her head back to James. “And James doesn’t like that.”
She felt a little stab of jealousy; Sirius might be the most handsome boy in their house, but James was so cool, and good-looking too, and a Quidditch star besides. In History he sat in front of her, and sometimes she just wanted to smooth that hair of his down for him. But Mary would never be as pretty as Lily, nor as bright, nor as talented; no wonder if James had eyes for Lily instead. Even if she was a Muggleborn. Mary lowered her eyes to her sample flask and put the cork in with great deliberation.
She thought, trying to suppress the forlorn feeling James’s frozen face had caused, “And anyhow I wouldn’t want my best friend to get involved with a slimy Slytherin. Anything is better than that.”
*
Mary nibbled the end of her quill and scowled at her Potions homework, then looked over at Lily. “I don’t see why you don’t dump that slimy Slytherin as your Potions partner. I could use a little help in Sluggy’s class.”
Lily looked up and frowned. “That again? Give it a rest already, Macdonald. I’m not changing partners.” She had finished her fourteen inches already and was lying on her stomach reading the Transfigurations chapter; one stocking-clad foot kept kicking her bedpost. It was going to drive Mary batty.
“I mean, you don’t actually like him, do you?” Mary asked. “Besides being an ugly geek, he’s one of those Dark wizard wannabes that house breeds; how can you stand to hang out with him?”
“He’s not! Just because he’s in Slytherin doesn’t mean he’s dark. I know he has a bit of a nasty sense of humor, but he’s not evil. I’ve known him since we were nine, Mary; I told you, he’s the only other wizard in my home town. And you know I’m not on the Floo. He’s the only one I can hang out with over the summer holidays when I’m at home. “
Mary bent her head back over her parchment. “All Slytherins go mad for the Dark Arts, Lily. You’ll see.”
“Besides,” Lily said, “you know Sluggy likes people from different houses to work together. So he’d be disappointed if we switched. And Snape and I work really well together.”
Mary grumbled, “He’s the only professor who tries to do that, and I don’t see why he bothers. And that cow Noir may be the third best in class, but it doesn’t do me any good. She’s always on my case to be more careful, to follow the instructions exactly-” Mary’s voice rose in a finicky whine, then dropped to normal as she continued, “but you<./i> never follow the instructions exactly and you do better than her! I’d rather have you as a partner-you’re like me, you go by flair, not just the book. I could learn from you better. That cow just annoys me, the way she bleats on about chopping the ingredients exactly!”
Lily raised her eyebrows. “Well, if we were partners I’d be on your case about chopping the ingredients exactly too, Mary! Sometimes you get careless. No, Snape and I don’t always follow the instructions exactly, but it’s not because we can’t be bothered to-it’s because we’re experimenting. Noir is afraid to try anything that’s not exactly how the book says to do it, that’s her problem brewing-and yours is that you just get careless sometimes. I don’t think having me as a Potions partner would change that-I mean, you get careless in Charms too. Only in Charms, you can’t ruin two hours work by not paying attention at one wrong moment.”
Mary stared gloomily at her homework, remembering her overflowing cauldron. “You’re right on that. That’s why I hate Potions, I think; one wrong move wrecks everything. None of the other classes is like that. That, and having to work with Slytherins.”
Lily laughed. “Yeah, right. Letting a Lethifold sneak up on you wouldn’t be a wrong move; trying to use secateurs on Devil’s snare wouldn’t wreck anything!”
Mary grinned a little. “Well, okay, maybe wrong moves could wreck things in other classes too. But you don’t have to be focusing like that for hours at a time!”
“Oh, yeah, I do know what you mean. Potions requires you to stay focused the whole time, and that’s not your thing.” Lily kicked the bedpost again as she returned her attention to her book. One day Mary really would kill her for that.
*
Mary dawdled in the upstairs corridor, looking absently out at the twilight. Full moon tonight, but it would rise much later. Only the dying sun’s rays lit the chill landscape. She should go to dinner, most everyone else had already gone down. But she really didn’t want to. She didn’t want to have to watch James sneaking glances at Lily the way she’d started to notice he did. Every time he said something especially funny to his friends, every time one of the Quidditch team told a story featuring him, he’d look over to see if she’d noticed. If she had noticed. Not Mary. He didn’t notice Mary noticing at all.
“Hey, Macdonald,” drawled a voice. She turned; it was Mulciber. What was he doing up here, not down in the dungeons where that lot belonged? Mary raised her eyebrows at the tall Slytherin. He smirked in return and leaned against the wall, fiddling with his wand. “Noticed you weren’t at dinner yet…. So. Um. Hogsmeade is coming up. Would you maybe like to … try for tea at Madam Puddifoots, maybe, or a butterbeer at Rosmerta’s?”
Mary snorted. “As if! I don’t hang out with slimy Slytherins.”
His smile twisted. “Think you’re better than us?”
Mary crossed her arms. “I don’t think, I know!”
“So if you’re better than me, like you so obviously are in Potions, you won’t have any problems dealing with this. Serpensortia!”
The end of his wand exploded and shot out a long black snake. Mary screamed and backed against the window. The snake hissed and slithered forward; Mulciber, still leaning casually against the wall and holding his wand loosely ready, watched with a lazy grin. Mary fumbled for her wand, her hands shaking.
“Better than me?” Mulciber taunted. “Doesn’t look like i-”
“Evanesco! Impedimenta!” two voices shouted. A third added, “Ten points from Slytherin.”
The Marauders hadn’t yet gone down to dinner either.
*
Mary was still crying when James came back to the common room with Lily. It was sweet of him to fetch her best friend, but she would have rather he had stayed with her.
“Shouldn’t she see Madam Pomfrey?” Lily said sharply.
“Na-ah,” drawled James. “She wasn’t actually hurt.”
“But what happened?” asked Lily, sinking down beside Mary on the sofa and holding her.
Mary sobbed, “Mulciber cast a spell that threw a snake at me! I could have been killed! And he laughed, like he thought it was funny!”
Lily hugged Mary harder and patted her shoulder. “Shh, it’s all right now, you’re safe. It’s all right.”
She slanted a questioning glance up at James. Mary watched James through her hair; he shrugged. “Mulciber set a snake on her, so I did an Evanesco. It worked.”
“A snake? Was it, um, poisonous?”
“How would I know, Evans? Serpents are associated with the worst sort of dark magic, that’s all I know. I wouldn’t ever STUDY them. They’re evil!”
Lily petted Mary absently. She asked, “What was Mulciber about?”
Mary stiffened in Lily’s arms; should she tell them?
James grinned sourly. “Seemed to think it was funny to scare her.”
Lily fixed him with a cold eye. “You should know about that, Potter. Sort of your specialty, isn’t it?”
James’s smile twisted. “Well. Um. But at least I never use Dark Magic!”
Lily stiffened in turn. “This was Dark Magic?”
James, in contrast, relaxed. “Where’s your head, Evans? Mulciber threw SNAKES at Macdonald. Which could have KILLED her. Of course it was Dark Magic!”
Mary started sniffling again, and Lily turned her attention back to her. James said gallantly, “You don’t want to go down to dinner after all this, do you, Macdonald? I’ll nick something from the kitchens for you, shall I?”
Mary smiled tremulously up at him. “Please. That would be so kind.”
“And for you, Evans?” He smiled. At Lily. And Lily smiled back. Mary hid her face on Lily’s shoulder again, fighting the urge to start crying harder.
Lily said, “Yes, that would be kind. Of course I’m staying with her.”
*
Mary finally gave up the attempt to feign sleep and sat up in bed. She hugged her knees and shivered. Maybe she should have done like Lily said and gone to Pomfrey for some Dreamless Sleep, but she hadn’t wanted to look like a sissy. Mary twitched her bedcurtains aside and gazed at the moonlight streaming through the window. That Peter Pettigrew had told her last month that there were werewolves in the Forbidden Forest; oddly, James and Sirius had laughed uproariously at that, while Remus had given her a rather sickly grin and shook his head disparagingly. Not that she really believed it, but that had sounded rather disturbingly like distant howling an hour or so ago. She shivered again, trying to take reassurance from the untroubled breathing of her roommates. That snake had her imagining monsters. Mary snorted at herself; next she’d be looking for a Boggart under the bed.
Maybe it was the draft from the door that was making her shiver so. Cleone had been last to bed, and she’d left the door ajar. Again. Tasha and Mary had been telling her since first year to be more considerate about that. But if Mary used her wand to shut it, the door would slam and wake the others. But Mary’s feet were already icy; she didn’t want to get out of bed.
As she debated with herself, she heard a faint noise. In the near-total hush, the sound of the Fat Lady opening was audible even up the stairs. Mary perked up; everyone knew it was usually the Marauders who snuck out past curfew. Maybe that was James coming in, and when he saw she couldn’t sleep he’d want to comfort her….
Mary hastily donned slippers and dressing gown and crept to the top of the stairs. Tasha must have been last up; the door at the bottom was open too. Sure enough, she could hear Sirius laughing quietly about something. She started down silently.
In a moment she could make out his low words. “-old Snivellus practically wet his pants, didn’t you love the expression on his ugly mug!”
James hissed, “Padfoot, you idiot, he could have been killed if I hadn’t pulled him out of there in time, and then we’d-”
“Sneaking around like that, he deserved-”
Mary had reached the bottom of the stairs. She interrupted breathlessly, “Out of where?”
James and Sirius whirled before the boys’ staircase, their outdoor cloaks swinging. Sirius answered automatically, “The tunnel by the Whomping Will-ow!” James had jabbed him sharply with his elbow.
Mary stared at James. His hair was more tousled even than usual, and he looked a little exasperated. On him it looked good. She said, “You saved Snape from something just now?! Like you did me earlier? Oh, please, tell me what happened!”
James bit his lip. “Actually-I sort of promised not to talk about it.”
Mary looked at him pleadingly. “But I wouldn’t tell anyone else! Don’t you trust me?” She put her hand on his sleeve.
He grinned at her and shook her hand off. “But I really did kind of promise. What kind of guy would I be, if I broke my word? But what are you doing awake, anyhow? Couldn’t sleep after the snake that slimy bastard threw at you?”
She gasped a little at his language, blushed, and nodded. “What you need is some cocoa,” he said authoritatively. “Coming right up!” Dropping his outdoor cloak in a heap on the floor, he disappeared back out the portrait hole. Mary turned to Sirius-oh, and there was Peter Pettigrew. She asked them, “Will you tell me about it?” Both shook their heads adamantly. Mary frowned. “Why ever not? I want to know what happened! How did James save Snape, of all people?”
They shook their heads again, and Pettigrew said, “It’s no good, Macdonald.”
They poked up the fire a bit, and Mary pouted until James returned with a tray of cocoa and biscuits for four. James really had a way with the house elves in the kitchen, to get them to give him cocoa at this hour. He still wouldn’t tell her about rescuing Snape, but he chatted with her about some of his trickier Quidditch maneuvers for twenty minutes while they drank their cocoa.
After that Mary found that she could sleep.
*
Mary and Lily arrived in potions class the next day before any of the Slytherins; Mary kept her eye out for Snape, wondering how he was after his misadventure the night before. Rather than being early like usual, he stormed into the room only a moment before Sluggy. Mary was first startled, and then outraged, by the look of sheer hate he turned on the Marauders’ table.
“Why, that ungrateful little-jerk!” she thought. “James saved his life and he looks at him like that-oh! It must have been him that James made the promise not to tell to, and he doesn’t trust him to keep his word. The whole thing must make Snape look like a laughingstock, and he doesn’t think James will keep his secret.”
And really, it did surprise her that James would make such a promise to Snape, of all people. But of course if he did, he would keep it. It made her quite hot to see Snape’s distrust! He was judging James by himself, the sneaky Slytherin. But she couldn’t let on she knew anything; if she did, Snape would think he was right about James not being trustworthy. Mary ducked her head and attended strictly to laying out her cauldron and tools.
After Sluggy finished giving the day’s instructions and the students started milling about to gather ingredients, Lily put her hand on Snape’s arm. “Sev? What’s wrong?” she asked.
A muscle jumped in his jaw, and he grated, “Nothing.”
Lily snorted. “Don’t give me that! What is it, really?”
He made a choking noise, and then repeated, furiously, “Nothing!”
Her hand dropped away; she looked a little hurt. “Fine. Be that way, then; don’t tell me.” She turned a little away and busied herself with her own tools.
Snape’s face was a mask of rage; he was practically snarling down at his cauldron, and he was gripping the table so tightly his knuckles were white. Mary noticed that Noir wasn’t the slightest bit surprised; he must have been like this all day.
Snape’s filthy temper continued all lesson; he didn’t need his anti-eavesdropping spell, because he barely said a word even to Lily. She tried twice more to get him to tell her what was wrong, but her own temper rose when he kept refusing. When she tried to consult with him about trying the effect of a pinch of moonwort and he shook his head without looking at her, she exploded, “I thought we were supposed to be friends! Why are you giving me the silent treatment like this?”
He opened his mouth and shut it again. She turned her shoulder a little to him and focused on her potion. Snape shot another hate-filled glare at the Marauders, and then gave Lily’s averted shoulder the oddest look. It was almost-desperate. Then he returned to his own brewing, his movements uncharacteristically jerky.
After that there was scarcely a word spoken at their table. And Noir had the best potion in class. Mary reflected sourly, “Well, at least one of us is happy.”
Snape slammed his materials away and was out of there before Mary had finished labeling her flask. Lily looked after him; her expression kept shifting between annoyance and worry. Mary looked over at the Marauder’s table; Sirius and James were laughing, pretending to douse each other with their leftover potions. Mary’s lips tightened as she thought of Snape’s distrust and ingratitude. She blurted, “How can you call a git like that a friend, Lily?”
Lily inhaled sharply, and then sighed. “I don’t know why he wouldn’t tell me what’s up.”
“I do.” But Mary, with an effort, held her tongue.
*
Snape’s surliness carried over to their next Potions class; he was still white, glowering, and thin-lipped. He was a little more in control than last time, however, and he came in well before Sluggy. Mary was sorry to see Lily turn and smile at the git when he entered the room. The Slytherin only compressed his lips in return and nodded. He ignored everyone at their table while he started jerkily setting out his tools. Lily frowned at him, and then touched his potions-stained hand. He jumped, cutting his finger on the knife whose position he’d been adjusting.
“Oh, sorry,” Lily cried, pulling her wand and quickly healing the cut. Flittering-wick had given her a few private lessons in Healing Charms, claiming she showed an aptitude.
Snape muttered, “It was nothing. My fault, anyhow.”
Lily grabbed his hand to examine her work, and held on to it, saying, “Severus, tell me. What is it that’s got you so upset? And for so long?”
“I can’t,” he forced out through gritted teeth. “Lily-I would-but I can’t.”
Lily dropped Snape’s hand, looking wounded, as Sluggy sailed into the room.
Snape didn’t use his anti-eavesdropping spell against Noir; he didn’t need to. Lily didn’t say another word to him throughout the rest of class, and he reciprocated. He kept sneaking sidelong glances at Lily from behind his hair; Mary thought Lily was too busy keeping her face buried in her cauldron to notice. Noir came in second that day, to her obvious glee, after Snape. He was the only one who’d gotten the consistency perfect, and the topaz color. Lily had been so upset by Snape’s behavior she’d been off her game; her potion was, like Noir’s, a bit too pale and watery.
Mary had forgotten to add the jobberknoll feathers, and her own potion had congealed in her cauldron. While Lily and Noir were up turning in their sample flasks, Mary disgustedly tried to chip out some caramel-colored pieces to give Sluggy. Snape looked at her sample chips and then at her, significantly, raising his eyebrow and lip.
Mary flushed in embarrassed anger.
“Snivellus!” came a jovial voice from behind her. “Sneering at your Gryffindor betters again? Sooner or later we’ll break you of that. What’s it going to take?” James grinned at Snape, juggling a brown and sludgy sample flask from hand to hand.
Snape stared insolently at James’s flask, then at his savior’s face. “It would take you lot being my betters in any way. You’re pretty well on track to prove the opposite.” He smiled crookedly at James, his thin face twisted with loathing and-derision?
James only laughed and sauntered on to Sluggy’s desk, but Mary stood stunned. For Snape to insult James like that, when James had just saved his neck! He should be thanking James on bended knee! The base ingratitude, the bloody nerve, the-oh, Mary didn’t have words for how awful Snape was. She tasted iron in her mouth; she’d bitten her lip hard enough to draw blood. Mary stared at Snape with a furious contempt almost equal to his own; he finally tore his gaze away from James’s figure and met her eyes. His eyebrows lifted slightly, and then he gave a scornful laugh. “Yet another member of the Potter fanclub, I see. You do realize, Macdonald, that there’s no actual indication that he knows your name?”
Ooh, Mary had nothing awful enough to repay Snape with. But she knew what he’d hate most.
For Lily to know what a sniveling ungrateful coward Snape was.
*
“Look, I have to tell you something,” Mary hissed to Lily, pulling on her sleeve. “It’s really important.” She all but dragged Lily to their favorite place to gossip, a niche in the courtyard that held a huge, long-dry fountain. It was cold out there, but very private, and no one could sneak up on them. They squeezed in behind the fountain, and Lily absently cast a small fire-charm in the bowl. Both girls held their hands gratefully out to the flames.
Lily turned her head and said, “Well, Mary, what’s so important you dragged me out here to tell me?”
Mary spat, “I know what that slimy Snivellus of yours is so upset about, that’s what! He’s a greasy ungrateful git who can’t bear that anyone else should be better than a cowardly creep like him! He hates James because James saved his life!”
Lily had tried to interrupt at the “Snivellus,” but Mary was so upset she just talked over her. Now Lily stared at Mary, mouth agape. “Mary-what the, what on earth are you talking about? Saved his life? James? Are we talking about James Potter here? He wouldn’t spit on Severus if Sev were burning.”
“Ooh!” Mary ranted. “You never give him any credit. But James is a hero! He saved Snivellus’s life, just like he saved mine that same day when that slimy friend of Snivellus’s, Mulciber, tried to kill me with that snake-spell!”
“Stop calling Snape Snivellus,” Lily said sharply. “And calm down. What on earth are you talking about? And how do you know anything about whatever happened, anyway?”
“I heard it with my own ears,” Mary hissed. “And I’ll call him Snivellus if I want! That’s all he is, a pathetic sniveling coward who hates his betters-”
Lily folded her arms and said coldly, “Mary, if you want me to listen to you, enough with the insults! Now what was it that you heard?”
Mary gulped and collected herself. She knew that look; Lily was perfectly capable of turning on her heel and not speaking to her for days if Mary didn’t shut it now. Well, when Lily had heard the truth she’d be abusing Snape too. She said sulkily, “It was the night after Mulciber attacked me, and I… I couldn’t sleep.” Lily’s eyes softened and she reached out to touch Mary’s arm briefly. Mary sniffled, “I… Cleone had left the doors open again and so I heard it when the Fat Lady opened. And I went to look, and I could hear James and Sirius talking. They didn’t know I could hear them. Sirius was laughing about how scared Snivellus---” she quailed at Lily’s glare and said, “I’m just telling you what he said! And you know Black calls him that!”
Mary tossed her head and continued defiantly, “So like I said, Sirius was laughing about how scared Snivellus had looked. He said-well, he was a little vulgar. And James was a little annoyed, like he was angry with Sirius for taking it so lightly, and he said that Snape would have been killed if he-James I mean-hadn’t pulled him out of there in time. And I’d just reached the bottom of the stairs, and I asked, out of where? And Sirius said that Snape-Snivellus-had snuck into a tunnel by the Whomping Willow. But then James elbowed him to shut him up, and he said it was a secret, that he had promised not to tell. And then I saw Sni-Snape’s face in class the next day, and I saw that he hated James worse than ever, and I figured out the rest. He hates James because he’s afraid James WILL tell, and make him a laughingstock in front of the whole school. He judges James by himself! James is too, too noble to break a promise. Even a promise to Sni-an enemy.”
Lily’s mobile face had flickered through a dozen expressions during Mary’s rapid-fire explanation; it settled on sheer incredulity. “You think that James Potter promised Severus Snape to keep a secret that would humiliate Snape if it got out? He’d be sending Howlers to Sev in the Great Hall if he had something like that on him!”
“Well, that sort of surprised me too,” Mary admitted. “But I figure he must have felt sorry for him. You know he can be sympathetic.” Lily looked at her keenly, and Mary blushed.
Lily scowled at the flames, obviously thinking hard. Her foot tapped absently on the cobbles. She looked up abruptly and said, “Mary, how sure are you about what you heard? I mean the exact words?
Mary said, blushing, “Well the exact words Black used were that Snivellus practically wet himself with fear, if that’s what you mean. I told you he was being vulgar!”
Lily shook her head impatiently. “But are you sure Potter said Severus would have been killed, and that he
‘pulled him out’? Are you sure about that part? And about a promise not to talk?”
Mary nodded, confused. Lily added, “And all this happened the night Mulciber attacked you? The night of the full moon, three days ago now?”
Mary nodded again. Lily muttered, “That reckless idiot. I am going to KILL him.”
Mary yelped, affronted, “James is not a reckless idiot! How can you say that? He was a hero! He saved his worst enemy, and look at the thanks he got for it!”
Lily snorted. “Oh, Potter’s always been a reckless idiot. But loyal to his friends, I’ll give him that. It’s the only good thing I know about him. I’m talking about Sev, who deserves to have his skinny neck wrung. I hope at least he learned his lesson.”
Mary gasped. “How can you-when you know what an ungrateful, an ungrateful BASTARD he is-insulting the person who saved his life-Lily! You sound like you’re standing up for him still!”
Lily pulled a lock of red hair to her mouth and started absently chewing it. “For Sev? Oh, I suspect that deep inside, Sev is exactly as grateful as he ought to be to Potter. And vice versa. Snape’s just got you fooled with that snide exterior of his, that’s all, Mary.”
Mary gaped at her. “You’re still DEFENDING him? Even after all this?”
“I’m a lot more worried about his hanging out with someone who uses Dark magic than I am about his gross ingratitude to that arrogant toerag James Potter, which is what you seem to mean by ‘all this,’ Mary.”
Lily suddenly started to giggle. “But, oh, poor Sev, indebted to Potter because of his own arrogance! No wonder he’s been sulky as a bear. And of course he couldn’t say anything to me or anyone. Oh, Potter of all people. I don’t have to wring his neck after all-this is so much worse for him.”
She grinned at Mary. “C’mon, let’s go in. I’m freezing out here. And Mary-don’t tell anyone else. Potter was dead serious about needing to keep this a secret.”
Mary stared at her, bewildered. Lily sighed and repeated, “Listen. Potter would be really angry if this piece of gossip made the rounds.”
Mary sighed. “Yeah, I know. It would make him look like he broke his promise.”
Lily snorted. “Exactly. You wouldn’t want to make James Potter look bad, now would you?”
“But if I told it like I told you, how I just happened to overhear-”
“Mary. Um. The other party is a Slytherin. Even if most of our house believed Potter blameless, the story would get twisted. You know stories always do. No. If any word of this goes any farther, Potter, trust me, will be furious. With you.”
Mary nodded reluctantly.
*
Lily had gone to their room to get in some quiet studying-the Gryffindor common room being uncommonly full of boisterous Marauders telling a surely-apocryphal tale of getting lost in the Forbidden Forest at night. But Mary noticed how James’s eyes slid hopefully over each time the door to the girls’ dormitory staircase opened.
She decided she might as well go up too. The O.W.L.s weren’t getting any farther away, and it was too noisy to study down here.
Lily had her nose in a book and a self-inked quill dribbling black ink on her quilt. “You’re missing the parchment,” Mary said helpfully.
“Rats!” exclaimed Lily, pulling her wand. “Tergeo-no, that didn’t do it.”
“Try Scourgify,” recommended Mary, flopping on her bed. She watched idly until Lily finally Banished the stain.
Mary pulled out her Potions text. But that reminded her-a bitter sense of wrongdoing flooded Mary. But Lily seemed to have gone barking on that subject….. Mary kept her nose in the book and tried to speak casually. “I saw you this afternoon. After we talked. With him.”
Lily’s voice was equally casual. “So?”
“So he seemed to be pretty pleased with life, all of a sudden!”
Mary glanced over at Lily, who was glancing over at her. Lily giggled when their would-be-casual gazes crossed; Mary went red.
Mary tried hard, but she couldn’t help but let her voice get hot with anger. “So how can you take his side over James Potter’s?! You know what really happened! If nothing else, where’s your house loyalty?”
She sat up and glared at Lily, who didn’t seem impressed. Lily deliberated a moment and then said, “Well, remember how, when we first came, Professor McGonagall told us we were supposed to regard our house as our family here?”
Mary regarded Lily’s impish grin with deep suspicion. “So?”
“So how do you get on with your sister Marlene?” In Mary’s view, the Head Girl embodied the worst traits of Hufflepuff, being an insufferable prig about things like studying and pranks. Mary threw a pillow at Lily, who laughed and Charmed it to the ceiling. “See, even if Potter’s my house-brother, that doesn’t mean I have to like him or approve of everything he does.”
Mary sneered, “So you don’t approve of his saving your precious Sev?” The malice in her own voice frightened her a little.
Lily frowned. “Actually, I do approve of that. I just…. Things are more complicated.” She cast a spell to verify that no one was outside the room, flopped down on her bed, and lowered her voice. “Mary…. You know how you heard Potter by accident. Suppose… suppose you found out it wasn’t really an accident. Suppose you found out that he knew you were on the stairs, and deliberately said what he did to Black so you’d hear about his saving Snape. So that you’d know without him actually breaking his word not to tell. What would you think of Potter then?”
Mary blinked, confused. “James didn’t know I was there!”
Lily kicked the bedpost. “I know that! That’s not the point! I just meant-suppose-just suppose he did -how would it change how you felt about him? If he tried to-to keep the letter of the law, but tried to break the spirit by tricking you? So he could say truthfully that he’d kept his promise, but really he’d wriggled out of honoring it? Wouldn’t you think that was a dirty trick? I mean, suppose he had promised to keep the secret because someone else had promised him to keep something of his secret in return-and he wanted them to have to keep their word, so instead of just breaking the promise and telling, he tried to slither around it, to let the secret out without actually saying it….”
Mary said, “James wouldn’t do something like that.”
Lily kicked the bedpost again. “I’m not saying he would! I’m just saying suppose. Suppose he did. Wouldn’t you think the worse of him, if he pulled a dirty trick like that?”
Mary complained, “Stop, Lily, with all this supposing. You’re making no sense.”
Lily bit her lip. “I know, only…. Only what if-what if you also realized he just did it because he was-he was a bit sweet on you, and wanted you to think well of him….?”
Mary felt tears pricking her eyes. She blinked rapidly. “James Potter isn’t sweet on me.” She failed utterly at suppressing the desolation in her voice.
Lily cried, “Oh, Mary, I didn’t mean it like that! Forget it! Forget I said anything! I’m sorry, Mary.” She rushed over and hugged Mary, saying, “I didn’t say it. I didn’t say anything. You’re still just upset from that snake, aren’t you, Mary?”
Mary agreed, wetly, into Lily’s shoulder, that she was still upset about Mulciber’s snake.
*
The last time Mary had bothered to notice Snivellus Sodding Snape, he’d been walking beside Lily looking as though he’d invented a spell to stride on sunlight. But in their next Potions class, his face was pasty, his shoulders were hunched halfway to his ears, and his lips were twisted tightly shut. And if he’d washed his greasy hair at all over the weekend, Mary was a house elf in a tea towel. Mary looked at him in some confusion. What had happened now? She twisted automatically to look at the Marauders’ table, but James and Black were levitating Pettigrew over James’s cauldron, pretending they were going to drop him in. They were paying no attention to Snivellus, nor even to Lily.
Lily seemed to be wondering the same as Mary; she put her hand on Snape’s sleeve again, and he outright flinched. Her hand dropped away, and she let him be.
Sluggy noticed nothing, of course, and began the class with his usual sickening oratory.
*
A/N: Thanks, thanks, thanks, to everone who has commented. Some of the comments have made it clear I had incorrectly communicated some of what I intended. The correct response to that is not meta, to try to persuade you that my (miscommunicated) authorial intent is the only correct way of reading; it's to re-write the fiction, to better convey by the characters' actions and words what (the author prefers to think) is going on.
So I've added only a very little scene here (I have the ending written, but I want to post mostly chronologically), but this is a rewritten beginning.
Now. Quick question for readers. I'm sending this to a twelve-year-old; I don't expect her to have canon memorized. So her personal copy will have the Mulciber/Potter-respective-awfulness argument from TPT copied in.
I'll insert it AFTER Lily's stumbling explanation to Mary of how that conversation had altered her understanding of Sev.
Would it make this story more readable should I do the same for you?
I've been trying to preserve the single POV--but not if it no longer works.
Summary: Mary Macdonald watches the breakup of another of Lily Evan’s friendships.
Warning: Emo!Snape.
The fire bites, the fire bites. Bites
to the little death. Bites
till she comes to nothing. Bites
on her own sweet tongue. She goes on. Biting.
Olga Broumas, “Circe”
*
“Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?” Chico Marx
“Seven, eight, nine…,” Mary Macdonald counted under her breath. Twenty-seven stirs clockwise! Potions-making really was the most boring thing on earth. When Mary got was out of Hogwarts, she was going to marry someone rich like Potter, buy all her potions premade at the Apothecary, and never, ever, stir a cauldron again.
Beside her, Lizzie Noir was craning her neck trying to see what Lily and Snape were up to. They were talking animatedly as they stirred, but all Mary could hear was a faint buzzing. Snape must have cast his anti-eavesdropping spell. And Sluggy never caught on. Really the man was dense sometimes. Or, more likely, he was letting them get away with it; he let his favorites get away with anything, and Perfect-Potion Lily was his hands-down favorite from all the years.
Noir muttered resentfully, “The book says clockwise only! Why is she adding a counter-clockwise stir?” Mary stood on tiptoes to see into the other cauldrons, just in time to see Lily’s potion turn the exact shade of aquamarine it was supposed to be at this stage. Lily threw back her head and laughed inaudibly in triumph. Snape was looking intently between Lily’s potion and his own, which was still a little too dark. Mary turned her head to check Noir’s; it was nearly teal. And Mary’s-was sending a froth of bilious brown bubbles spilling over the top of her cauldron. She had forgotten to keep stirring.
Mary yelped and jumped back from the mess. Noir, glaring murderously, extinguished Mary’s flame; Snape sneered and vanished the spill before it reached his and Lily’s side of the table. Lily smiled sympathetically and mouthed, “Tough luck.”
It was really official now: Mary HATED Potions.
Lily’s was the only perfect potion in class today again, with Snape’s a close second this time. Occasionally he did better than her, sometimes he failed miserably with his “experiments”, but usually he came second. Noir, as almost always, came third, as she jealously pointed out in a hissed undertone to Mary. As though Mary cared! Mulciber, Avery, and Remus Lupin also ended up with samples that were at least shades of green and of the right consistency. Mulciber smirked at Mary a little as he passed her on the way to Sluggy, flourishing his green sample flask.
James Potter had done nearly as poorly as Mary today. He had to walk past their table to leave his sample for Sluggy; when he saw Mary dejectedly bottling her brown and sludgy sample, he flashed her a grin and tossed his bright orange flask in the air, catching it again. “Thought I’d try to make it look more like a snitch,” he said.
Mary turned to him, giggling, and he grinned more widely. “No harm in a fellow trying for something a little less repulsive than all that Slytherin green.” Then he looked past Mary and froze, the grin gone.
Mary twisted back to look. It was only Sluggy praising Lily’s work again; Lily was pink with pleasure. And Snape-Snape had his head a little ducked, and he was staring out from under that long greasy hair of his. At Lily. And he was smiling a little. At Lily. Mary thought, “Why-he likes her.” She turned her head back to James. “And James doesn’t like that.”
She felt a little stab of jealousy; Sirius might be the most handsome boy in their house, but James was so cool, and good-looking too, and a Quidditch star besides. In History he sat in front of her, and sometimes she just wanted to smooth that hair of his down for him. But Mary would never be as pretty as Lily, nor as bright, nor as talented; no wonder if James had eyes for Lily instead. Even if she was a Muggleborn. Mary lowered her eyes to her sample flask and put the cork in with great deliberation.
She thought, trying to suppress the forlorn feeling James’s frozen face had caused, “And anyhow I wouldn’t want my best friend to get involved with a slimy Slytherin. Anything is better than that.”
*
Mary nibbled the end of her quill and scowled at her Potions homework, then looked over at Lily. “I don’t see why you don’t dump that slimy Slytherin as your Potions partner. I could use a little help in Sluggy’s class.”
Lily looked up and frowned. “That again? Give it a rest already, Macdonald. I’m not changing partners.” She had finished her fourteen inches already and was lying on her stomach reading the Transfigurations chapter; one stocking-clad foot kept kicking her bedpost. It was going to drive Mary batty.
“I mean, you don’t actually like him, do you?” Mary asked. “Besides being an ugly geek, he’s one of those Dark wizard wannabes that house breeds; how can you stand to hang out with him?”
“He’s not! Just because he’s in Slytherin doesn’t mean he’s dark. I know he has a bit of a nasty sense of humor, but he’s not evil. I’ve known him since we were nine, Mary; I told you, he’s the only other wizard in my home town. And you know I’m not on the Floo. He’s the only one I can hang out with over the summer holidays when I’m at home. “
Mary bent her head back over her parchment. “All Slytherins go mad for the Dark Arts, Lily. You’ll see.”
“Besides,” Lily said, “you know Sluggy likes people from different houses to work together. So he’d be disappointed if we switched. And Snape and I work really well together.”
Mary grumbled, “He’s the only professor who tries to do that, and I don’t see why he bothers. And that cow Noir may be the third best in class, but it doesn’t do me any good. She’s always on my case to be more careful, to follow the instructions exactly-” Mary’s voice rose in a finicky whine, then dropped to normal as she continued, “but you<./i> never follow the instructions exactly and you do better than her! I’d rather have you as a partner-you’re like me, you go by flair, not just the book. I could learn from you better. That cow just annoys me, the way she bleats on about chopping the ingredients exactly!”
Lily raised her eyebrows. “Well, if we were partners I’d be on your case about chopping the ingredients exactly too, Mary! Sometimes you get careless. No, Snape and I don’t always follow the instructions exactly, but it’s not because we can’t be bothered to-it’s because we’re experimenting. Noir is afraid to try anything that’s not exactly how the book says to do it, that’s her problem brewing-and yours is that you just get careless sometimes. I don’t think having me as a Potions partner would change that-I mean, you get careless in Charms too. Only in Charms, you can’t ruin two hours work by not paying attention at one wrong moment.”
Mary stared gloomily at her homework, remembering her overflowing cauldron. “You’re right on that. That’s why I hate Potions, I think; one wrong move wrecks everything. None of the other classes is like that. That, and having to work with Slytherins.”
Lily laughed. “Yeah, right. Letting a Lethifold sneak up on you wouldn’t be a wrong move; trying to use secateurs on Devil’s snare wouldn’t wreck anything!”
Mary grinned a little. “Well, okay, maybe wrong moves could wreck things in other classes too. But you don’t have to be focusing like that for hours at a time!”
“Oh, yeah, I do know what you mean. Potions requires you to stay focused the whole time, and that’s not your thing.” Lily kicked the bedpost again as she returned her attention to her book. One day Mary really would kill her for that.
*
Mary dawdled in the upstairs corridor, looking absently out at the twilight. Full moon tonight, but it would rise much later. Only the dying sun’s rays lit the chill landscape. She should go to dinner, most everyone else had already gone down. But she really didn’t want to. She didn’t want to have to watch James sneaking glances at Lily the way she’d started to notice he did. Every time he said something especially funny to his friends, every time one of the Quidditch team told a story featuring him, he’d look over to see if she’d noticed. If she had noticed. Not Mary. He didn’t notice Mary noticing at all.
“Hey, Macdonald,” drawled a voice. She turned; it was Mulciber. What was he doing up here, not down in the dungeons where that lot belonged? Mary raised her eyebrows at the tall Slytherin. He smirked in return and leaned against the wall, fiddling with his wand. “Noticed you weren’t at dinner yet…. So. Um. Hogsmeade is coming up. Would you maybe like to … try for tea at Madam Puddifoots, maybe, or a butterbeer at Rosmerta’s?”
Mary snorted. “As if! I don’t hang out with slimy Slytherins.”
His smile twisted. “Think you’re better than us?”
Mary crossed her arms. “I don’t think, I know!”
“So if you’re better than me, like you so obviously are in Potions, you won’t have any problems dealing with this. Serpensortia!”
The end of his wand exploded and shot out a long black snake. Mary screamed and backed against the window. The snake hissed and slithered forward; Mulciber, still leaning casually against the wall and holding his wand loosely ready, watched with a lazy grin. Mary fumbled for her wand, her hands shaking.
“Better than me?” Mulciber taunted. “Doesn’t look like i-”
“Evanesco! Impedimenta!” two voices shouted. A third added, “Ten points from Slytherin.”
The Marauders hadn’t yet gone down to dinner either.
*
Mary was still crying when James came back to the common room with Lily. It was sweet of him to fetch her best friend, but she would have rather he had stayed with her.
“Shouldn’t she see Madam Pomfrey?” Lily said sharply.
“Na-ah,” drawled James. “She wasn’t actually hurt.”
“But what happened?” asked Lily, sinking down beside Mary on the sofa and holding her.
Mary sobbed, “Mulciber cast a spell that threw a snake at me! I could have been killed! And he laughed, like he thought it was funny!”
Lily hugged Mary harder and patted her shoulder. “Shh, it’s all right now, you’re safe. It’s all right.”
She slanted a questioning glance up at James. Mary watched James through her hair; he shrugged. “Mulciber set a snake on her, so I did an Evanesco. It worked.”
“A snake? Was it, um, poisonous?”
“How would I know, Evans? Serpents are associated with the worst sort of dark magic, that’s all I know. I wouldn’t ever STUDY them. They’re evil!”
Lily petted Mary absently. She asked, “What was Mulciber about?”
Mary stiffened in Lily’s arms; should she tell them?
James grinned sourly. “Seemed to think it was funny to scare her.”
Lily fixed him with a cold eye. “You should know about that, Potter. Sort of your specialty, isn’t it?”
James’s smile twisted. “Well. Um. But at least I never use Dark Magic!”
Lily stiffened in turn. “This was Dark Magic?”
James, in contrast, relaxed. “Where’s your head, Evans? Mulciber threw SNAKES at Macdonald. Which could have KILLED her. Of course it was Dark Magic!”
Mary started sniffling again, and Lily turned her attention back to her. James said gallantly, “You don’t want to go down to dinner after all this, do you, Macdonald? I’ll nick something from the kitchens for you, shall I?”
Mary smiled tremulously up at him. “Please. That would be so kind.”
“And for you, Evans?” He smiled. At Lily. And Lily smiled back. Mary hid her face on Lily’s shoulder again, fighting the urge to start crying harder.
Lily said, “Yes, that would be kind. Of course I’m staying with her.”
*
Mary finally gave up the attempt to feign sleep and sat up in bed. She hugged her knees and shivered. Maybe she should have done like Lily said and gone to Pomfrey for some Dreamless Sleep, but she hadn’t wanted to look like a sissy. Mary twitched her bedcurtains aside and gazed at the moonlight streaming through the window. That Peter Pettigrew had told her last month that there were werewolves in the Forbidden Forest; oddly, James and Sirius had laughed uproariously at that, while Remus had given her a rather sickly grin and shook his head disparagingly. Not that she really believed it, but that had sounded rather disturbingly like distant howling an hour or so ago. She shivered again, trying to take reassurance from the untroubled breathing of her roommates. That snake had her imagining monsters. Mary snorted at herself; next she’d be looking for a Boggart under the bed.
Maybe it was the draft from the door that was making her shiver so. Cleone had been last to bed, and she’d left the door ajar. Again. Tasha and Mary had been telling her since first year to be more considerate about that. But if Mary used her wand to shut it, the door would slam and wake the others. But Mary’s feet were already icy; she didn’t want to get out of bed.
As she debated with herself, she heard a faint noise. In the near-total hush, the sound of the Fat Lady opening was audible even up the stairs. Mary perked up; everyone knew it was usually the Marauders who snuck out past curfew. Maybe that was James coming in, and when he saw she couldn’t sleep he’d want to comfort her….
Mary hastily donned slippers and dressing gown and crept to the top of the stairs. Tasha must have been last up; the door at the bottom was open too. Sure enough, she could hear Sirius laughing quietly about something. She started down silently.
In a moment she could make out his low words. “-old Snivellus practically wet his pants, didn’t you love the expression on his ugly mug!”
James hissed, “Padfoot, you idiot, he could have been killed if I hadn’t pulled him out of there in time, and then we’d-”
“Sneaking around like that, he deserved-”
Mary had reached the bottom of the stairs. She interrupted breathlessly, “Out of where?”
James and Sirius whirled before the boys’ staircase, their outdoor cloaks swinging. Sirius answered automatically, “The tunnel by the Whomping Will-ow!” James had jabbed him sharply with his elbow.
Mary stared at James. His hair was more tousled even than usual, and he looked a little exasperated. On him it looked good. She said, “You saved Snape from something just now?! Like you did me earlier? Oh, please, tell me what happened!”
James bit his lip. “Actually-I sort of promised not to talk about it.”
Mary looked at him pleadingly. “But I wouldn’t tell anyone else! Don’t you trust me?” She put her hand on his sleeve.
He grinned at her and shook her hand off. “But I really did kind of promise. What kind of guy would I be, if I broke my word? But what are you doing awake, anyhow? Couldn’t sleep after the snake that slimy bastard threw at you?”
She gasped a little at his language, blushed, and nodded. “What you need is some cocoa,” he said authoritatively. “Coming right up!” Dropping his outdoor cloak in a heap on the floor, he disappeared back out the portrait hole. Mary turned to Sirius-oh, and there was Peter Pettigrew. She asked them, “Will you tell me about it?” Both shook their heads adamantly. Mary frowned. “Why ever not? I want to know what happened! How did James save Snape, of all people?”
They shook their heads again, and Pettigrew said, “It’s no good, Macdonald.”
They poked up the fire a bit, and Mary pouted until James returned with a tray of cocoa and biscuits for four. James really had a way with the house elves in the kitchen, to get them to give him cocoa at this hour. He still wouldn’t tell her about rescuing Snape, but he chatted with her about some of his trickier Quidditch maneuvers for twenty minutes while they drank their cocoa.
After that Mary found that she could sleep.
*
Mary and Lily arrived in potions class the next day before any of the Slytherins; Mary kept her eye out for Snape, wondering how he was after his misadventure the night before. Rather than being early like usual, he stormed into the room only a moment before Sluggy. Mary was first startled, and then outraged, by the look of sheer hate he turned on the Marauders’ table.
“Why, that ungrateful little-jerk!” she thought. “James saved his life and he looks at him like that-oh! It must have been him that James made the promise not to tell to, and he doesn’t trust him to keep his word. The whole thing must make Snape look like a laughingstock, and he doesn’t think James will keep his secret.”
And really, it did surprise her that James would make such a promise to Snape, of all people. But of course if he did, he would keep it. It made her quite hot to see Snape’s distrust! He was judging James by himself, the sneaky Slytherin. But she couldn’t let on she knew anything; if she did, Snape would think he was right about James not being trustworthy. Mary ducked her head and attended strictly to laying out her cauldron and tools.
After Sluggy finished giving the day’s instructions and the students started milling about to gather ingredients, Lily put her hand on Snape’s arm. “Sev? What’s wrong?” she asked.
A muscle jumped in his jaw, and he grated, “Nothing.”
Lily snorted. “Don’t give me that! What is it, really?”
He made a choking noise, and then repeated, furiously, “Nothing!”
Her hand dropped away; she looked a little hurt. “Fine. Be that way, then; don’t tell me.” She turned a little away and busied herself with her own tools.
Snape’s face was a mask of rage; he was practically snarling down at his cauldron, and he was gripping the table so tightly his knuckles were white. Mary noticed that Noir wasn’t the slightest bit surprised; he must have been like this all day.
Snape’s filthy temper continued all lesson; he didn’t need his anti-eavesdropping spell, because he barely said a word even to Lily. She tried twice more to get him to tell her what was wrong, but her own temper rose when he kept refusing. When she tried to consult with him about trying the effect of a pinch of moonwort and he shook his head without looking at her, she exploded, “I thought we were supposed to be friends! Why are you giving me the silent treatment like this?”
He opened his mouth and shut it again. She turned her shoulder a little to him and focused on her potion. Snape shot another hate-filled glare at the Marauders, and then gave Lily’s averted shoulder the oddest look. It was almost-desperate. Then he returned to his own brewing, his movements uncharacteristically jerky.
After that there was scarcely a word spoken at their table. And Noir had the best potion in class. Mary reflected sourly, “Well, at least one of us is happy.”
Snape slammed his materials away and was out of there before Mary had finished labeling her flask. Lily looked after him; her expression kept shifting between annoyance and worry. Mary looked over at the Marauder’s table; Sirius and James were laughing, pretending to douse each other with their leftover potions. Mary’s lips tightened as she thought of Snape’s distrust and ingratitude. She blurted, “How can you call a git like that a friend, Lily?”
Lily inhaled sharply, and then sighed. “I don’t know why he wouldn’t tell me what’s up.”
“I do.” But Mary, with an effort, held her tongue.
*
Snape’s surliness carried over to their next Potions class; he was still white, glowering, and thin-lipped. He was a little more in control than last time, however, and he came in well before Sluggy. Mary was sorry to see Lily turn and smile at the git when he entered the room. The Slytherin only compressed his lips in return and nodded. He ignored everyone at their table while he started jerkily setting out his tools. Lily frowned at him, and then touched his potions-stained hand. He jumped, cutting his finger on the knife whose position he’d been adjusting.
“Oh, sorry,” Lily cried, pulling her wand and quickly healing the cut. Flittering-wick had given her a few private lessons in Healing Charms, claiming she showed an aptitude.
Snape muttered, “It was nothing. My fault, anyhow.”
Lily grabbed his hand to examine her work, and held on to it, saying, “Severus, tell me. What is it that’s got you so upset? And for so long?”
“I can’t,” he forced out through gritted teeth. “Lily-I would-but I can’t.”
Lily dropped Snape’s hand, looking wounded, as Sluggy sailed into the room.
Snape didn’t use his anti-eavesdropping spell against Noir; he didn’t need to. Lily didn’t say another word to him throughout the rest of class, and he reciprocated. He kept sneaking sidelong glances at Lily from behind his hair; Mary thought Lily was too busy keeping her face buried in her cauldron to notice. Noir came in second that day, to her obvious glee, after Snape. He was the only one who’d gotten the consistency perfect, and the topaz color. Lily had been so upset by Snape’s behavior she’d been off her game; her potion was, like Noir’s, a bit too pale and watery.
Mary had forgotten to add the jobberknoll feathers, and her own potion had congealed in her cauldron. While Lily and Noir were up turning in their sample flasks, Mary disgustedly tried to chip out some caramel-colored pieces to give Sluggy. Snape looked at her sample chips and then at her, significantly, raising his eyebrow and lip.
Mary flushed in embarrassed anger.
“Snivellus!” came a jovial voice from behind her. “Sneering at your Gryffindor betters again? Sooner or later we’ll break you of that. What’s it going to take?” James grinned at Snape, juggling a brown and sludgy sample flask from hand to hand.
Snape stared insolently at James’s flask, then at his savior’s face. “It would take you lot being my betters in any way. You’re pretty well on track to prove the opposite.” He smiled crookedly at James, his thin face twisted with loathing and-derision?
James only laughed and sauntered on to Sluggy’s desk, but Mary stood stunned. For Snape to insult James like that, when James had just saved his neck! He should be thanking James on bended knee! The base ingratitude, the bloody nerve, the-oh, Mary didn’t have words for how awful Snape was. She tasted iron in her mouth; she’d bitten her lip hard enough to draw blood. Mary stared at Snape with a furious contempt almost equal to his own; he finally tore his gaze away from James’s figure and met her eyes. His eyebrows lifted slightly, and then he gave a scornful laugh. “Yet another member of the Potter fanclub, I see. You do realize, Macdonald, that there’s no actual indication that he knows your name?”
Ooh, Mary had nothing awful enough to repay Snape with. But she knew what he’d hate most.
For Lily to know what a sniveling ungrateful coward Snape was.
*
“Look, I have to tell you something,” Mary hissed to Lily, pulling on her sleeve. “It’s really important.” She all but dragged Lily to their favorite place to gossip, a niche in the courtyard that held a huge, long-dry fountain. It was cold out there, but very private, and no one could sneak up on them. They squeezed in behind the fountain, and Lily absently cast a small fire-charm in the bowl. Both girls held their hands gratefully out to the flames.
Lily turned her head and said, “Well, Mary, what’s so important you dragged me out here to tell me?”
Mary spat, “I know what that slimy Snivellus of yours is so upset about, that’s what! He’s a greasy ungrateful git who can’t bear that anyone else should be better than a cowardly creep like him! He hates James because James saved his life!”
Lily had tried to interrupt at the “Snivellus,” but Mary was so upset she just talked over her. Now Lily stared at Mary, mouth agape. “Mary-what the, what on earth are you talking about? Saved his life? James? Are we talking about James Potter here? He wouldn’t spit on Severus if Sev were burning.”
“Ooh!” Mary ranted. “You never give him any credit. But James is a hero! He saved Snivellus’s life, just like he saved mine that same day when that slimy friend of Snivellus’s, Mulciber, tried to kill me with that snake-spell!”
“Stop calling Snape Snivellus,” Lily said sharply. “And calm down. What on earth are you talking about? And how do you know anything about whatever happened, anyway?”
“I heard it with my own ears,” Mary hissed. “And I’ll call him Snivellus if I want! That’s all he is, a pathetic sniveling coward who hates his betters-”
Lily folded her arms and said coldly, “Mary, if you want me to listen to you, enough with the insults! Now what was it that you heard?”
Mary gulped and collected herself. She knew that look; Lily was perfectly capable of turning on her heel and not speaking to her for days if Mary didn’t shut it now. Well, when Lily had heard the truth she’d be abusing Snape too. She said sulkily, “It was the night after Mulciber attacked me, and I… I couldn’t sleep.” Lily’s eyes softened and she reached out to touch Mary’s arm briefly. Mary sniffled, “I… Cleone had left the doors open again and so I heard it when the Fat Lady opened. And I went to look, and I could hear James and Sirius talking. They didn’t know I could hear them. Sirius was laughing about how scared Snivellus---” she quailed at Lily’s glare and said, “I’m just telling you what he said! And you know Black calls him that!”
Mary tossed her head and continued defiantly, “So like I said, Sirius was laughing about how scared Snivellus had looked. He said-well, he was a little vulgar. And James was a little annoyed, like he was angry with Sirius for taking it so lightly, and he said that Snape would have been killed if he-James I mean-hadn’t pulled him out of there in time. And I’d just reached the bottom of the stairs, and I asked, out of where? And Sirius said that Snape-Snivellus-had snuck into a tunnel by the Whomping Willow. But then James elbowed him to shut him up, and he said it was a secret, that he had promised not to tell. And then I saw Sni-Snape’s face in class the next day, and I saw that he hated James worse than ever, and I figured out the rest. He hates James because he’s afraid James WILL tell, and make him a laughingstock in front of the whole school. He judges James by himself! James is too, too noble to break a promise. Even a promise to Sni-an enemy.”
Lily’s mobile face had flickered through a dozen expressions during Mary’s rapid-fire explanation; it settled on sheer incredulity. “You think that James Potter promised Severus Snape to keep a secret that would humiliate Snape if it got out? He’d be sending Howlers to Sev in the Great Hall if he had something like that on him!”
“Well, that sort of surprised me too,” Mary admitted. “But I figure he must have felt sorry for him. You know he can be sympathetic.” Lily looked at her keenly, and Mary blushed.
Lily scowled at the flames, obviously thinking hard. Her foot tapped absently on the cobbles. She looked up abruptly and said, “Mary, how sure are you about what you heard? I mean the exact words?
Mary said, blushing, “Well the exact words Black used were that Snivellus practically wet himself with fear, if that’s what you mean. I told you he was being vulgar!”
Lily shook her head impatiently. “But are you sure Potter said Severus would have been killed, and that he
‘pulled him out’? Are you sure about that part? And about a promise not to talk?”
Mary nodded, confused. Lily added, “And all this happened the night Mulciber attacked you? The night of the full moon, three days ago now?”
Mary nodded again. Lily muttered, “That reckless idiot. I am going to KILL him.”
Mary yelped, affronted, “James is not a reckless idiot! How can you say that? He was a hero! He saved his worst enemy, and look at the thanks he got for it!”
Lily snorted. “Oh, Potter’s always been a reckless idiot. But loyal to his friends, I’ll give him that. It’s the only good thing I know about him. I’m talking about Sev, who deserves to have his skinny neck wrung. I hope at least he learned his lesson.”
Mary gasped. “How can you-when you know what an ungrateful, an ungrateful BASTARD he is-insulting the person who saved his life-Lily! You sound like you’re standing up for him still!”
Lily pulled a lock of red hair to her mouth and started absently chewing it. “For Sev? Oh, I suspect that deep inside, Sev is exactly as grateful as he ought to be to Potter. And vice versa. Snape’s just got you fooled with that snide exterior of his, that’s all, Mary.”
Mary gaped at her. “You’re still DEFENDING him? Even after all this?”
“I’m a lot more worried about his hanging out with someone who uses Dark magic than I am about his gross ingratitude to that arrogant toerag James Potter, which is what you seem to mean by ‘all this,’ Mary.”
Lily suddenly started to giggle. “But, oh, poor Sev, indebted to Potter because of his own arrogance! No wonder he’s been sulky as a bear. And of course he couldn’t say anything to me or anyone. Oh, Potter of all people. I don’t have to wring his neck after all-this is so much worse for him.”
She grinned at Mary. “C’mon, let’s go in. I’m freezing out here. And Mary-don’t tell anyone else. Potter was dead serious about needing to keep this a secret.”
Mary stared at her, bewildered. Lily sighed and repeated, “Listen. Potter would be really angry if this piece of gossip made the rounds.”
Mary sighed. “Yeah, I know. It would make him look like he broke his promise.”
Lily snorted. “Exactly. You wouldn’t want to make James Potter look bad, now would you?”
“But if I told it like I told you, how I just happened to overhear-”
“Mary. Um. The other party is a Slytherin. Even if most of our house believed Potter blameless, the story would get twisted. You know stories always do. No. If any word of this goes any farther, Potter, trust me, will be furious. With you.”
Mary nodded reluctantly.
*
Lily had gone to their room to get in some quiet studying-the Gryffindor common room being uncommonly full of boisterous Marauders telling a surely-apocryphal tale of getting lost in the Forbidden Forest at night. But Mary noticed how James’s eyes slid hopefully over each time the door to the girls’ dormitory staircase opened.
She decided she might as well go up too. The O.W.L.s weren’t getting any farther away, and it was too noisy to study down here.
Lily had her nose in a book and a self-inked quill dribbling black ink on her quilt. “You’re missing the parchment,” Mary said helpfully.
“Rats!” exclaimed Lily, pulling her wand. “Tergeo-no, that didn’t do it.”
“Try Scourgify,” recommended Mary, flopping on her bed. She watched idly until Lily finally Banished the stain.
Mary pulled out her Potions text. But that reminded her-a bitter sense of wrongdoing flooded Mary. But Lily seemed to have gone barking on that subject….. Mary kept her nose in the book and tried to speak casually. “I saw you this afternoon. After we talked. With him.”
Lily’s voice was equally casual. “So?”
“So he seemed to be pretty pleased with life, all of a sudden!”
Mary glanced over at Lily, who was glancing over at her. Lily giggled when their would-be-casual gazes crossed; Mary went red.
Mary tried hard, but she couldn’t help but let her voice get hot with anger. “So how can you take his side over James Potter’s?! You know what really happened! If nothing else, where’s your house loyalty?”
She sat up and glared at Lily, who didn’t seem impressed. Lily deliberated a moment and then said, “Well, remember how, when we first came, Professor McGonagall told us we were supposed to regard our house as our family here?”
Mary regarded Lily’s impish grin with deep suspicion. “So?”
“So how do you get on with your sister Marlene?” In Mary’s view, the Head Girl embodied the worst traits of Hufflepuff, being an insufferable prig about things like studying and pranks. Mary threw a pillow at Lily, who laughed and Charmed it to the ceiling. “See, even if Potter’s my house-brother, that doesn’t mean I have to like him or approve of everything he does.”
Mary sneered, “So you don’t approve of his saving your precious Sev?” The malice in her own voice frightened her a little.
Lily frowned. “Actually, I do approve of that. I just…. Things are more complicated.” She cast a spell to verify that no one was outside the room, flopped down on her bed, and lowered her voice. “Mary…. You know how you heard Potter by accident. Suppose… suppose you found out it wasn’t really an accident. Suppose you found out that he knew you were on the stairs, and deliberately said what he did to Black so you’d hear about his saving Snape. So that you’d know without him actually breaking his word not to tell. What would you think of Potter then?”
Mary blinked, confused. “James didn’t know I was there!”
Lily kicked the bedpost. “I know that! That’s not the point! I just meant-suppose-just suppose he did -how would it change how you felt about him? If he tried to-to keep the letter of the law, but tried to break the spirit by tricking you? So he could say truthfully that he’d kept his promise, but really he’d wriggled out of honoring it? Wouldn’t you think that was a dirty trick? I mean, suppose he had promised to keep the secret because someone else had promised him to keep something of his secret in return-and he wanted them to have to keep their word, so instead of just breaking the promise and telling, he tried to slither around it, to let the secret out without actually saying it….”
Mary said, “James wouldn’t do something like that.”
Lily kicked the bedpost again. “I’m not saying he would! I’m just saying suppose. Suppose he did. Wouldn’t you think the worse of him, if he pulled a dirty trick like that?”
Mary complained, “Stop, Lily, with all this supposing. You’re making no sense.”
Lily bit her lip. “I know, only…. Only what if-what if you also realized he just did it because he was-he was a bit sweet on you, and wanted you to think well of him….?”
Mary felt tears pricking her eyes. She blinked rapidly. “James Potter isn’t sweet on me.” She failed utterly at suppressing the desolation in her voice.
Lily cried, “Oh, Mary, I didn’t mean it like that! Forget it! Forget I said anything! I’m sorry, Mary.” She rushed over and hugged Mary, saying, “I didn’t say it. I didn’t say anything. You’re still just upset from that snake, aren’t you, Mary?”
Mary agreed, wetly, into Lily’s shoulder, that she was still upset about Mulciber’s snake.
*
The last time Mary had bothered to notice Snivellus Sodding Snape, he’d been walking beside Lily looking as though he’d invented a spell to stride on sunlight. But in their next Potions class, his face was pasty, his shoulders were hunched halfway to his ears, and his lips were twisted tightly shut. And if he’d washed his greasy hair at all over the weekend, Mary was a house elf in a tea towel. Mary looked at him in some confusion. What had happened now? She twisted automatically to look at the Marauders’ table, but James and Black were levitating Pettigrew over James’s cauldron, pretending they were going to drop him in. They were paying no attention to Snivellus, nor even to Lily.
Lily seemed to be wondering the same as Mary; she put her hand on Snape’s sleeve again, and he outright flinched. Her hand dropped away, and she let him be.
Sluggy noticed nothing, of course, and began the class with his usual sickening oratory.
*
A/N: Thanks, thanks, thanks, to everone who has commented. Some of the comments have made it clear I had incorrectly communicated some of what I intended. The correct response to that is not meta, to try to persuade you that my (miscommunicated) authorial intent is the only correct way of reading; it's to re-write the fiction, to better convey by the characters' actions and words what (the author prefers to think) is going on.
So I've added only a very little scene here (I have the ending written, but I want to post mostly chronologically), but this is a rewritten beginning.
Now. Quick question for readers. I'm sending this to a twelve-year-old; I don't expect her to have canon memorized. So her personal copy will have the Mulciber/Potter-respective-awfulness argument from TPT copied in.
I'll insert it AFTER Lily's stumbling explanation to Mary of how that conversation had altered her understanding of Sev.
Would it make this story more readable should I do the same for you?
I've been trying to preserve the single POV--but not if it no longer works.