He's still stuck in my throathole.
When the priest came in to give me last rites, I was all like, “WTF, mate? I’m still alive behind this fleshy cage!” It came out something like “uhhhh fffphffa chmmkp.” To which the priest responded by forcing the body of Christ in mint-like wafer form into my mouth. Look, I’m sure at least some of you have seen the photos, my mouth doesn’t close, it just hangs there all open and saggy like old tits; a veritable Christ-body deathtrap. I totally went into convulsions after transubstantiation had already occurred (critical mass in Catholic/communion speak) and there were little specks of Christ goodness everywhere. I really needed His blood to clear out my throathole but the priest wised up, the old fraud gave me just a drop. I guess that means I'm saved, LOL.
Somebody please bring me some goulash.
Somebody please bring me some goulash.