(no subject)
My lack of social interaction with actual people has caused me to pick up the mannerisms of people from ANTM cycle 8. and it is FIERCE!
I love who I am. I love being who I am. Sometimes I make bad decisions. I do not regret the decisions that I make despite my awareness and admittance that they are not the best decisions. I will not "be too hard on myself" I don't judge others, why start with myself?
I love people. I love the little quirks. I love the sensitivities. I love the emotions. I love the stereotypes, the reactions and the mannerisms. Sometimes these are things that make me ecstatic. Sometimes they make me want to throw chairs in people's faces, pick fights and cause chaos, but I even love my reactions to people. Sometimes it drives me crazy when people don't feel the same way I do. Its not that I want them to be like me, but I am confused as hell. It always reminds me that I don't see anything like other people see it. Social interactions are such a maze and I can never find the right way out, and I feel like I always whip out a sledge hammer to bust down a wall.
Here I have found a group of people that I would consider much "cooler" than myself. They met me and seemed to like me, but I don't know how their group works, and they've known each other for a little while longer, so I'm a bit out of the loop in several ways. I've never really been the sort of person to cling to a group or insist on never being alone. I'm fine by myself, but that isn't the best way to social interactions.
Here I also found a group of people I understand entirely. This groups works the way I've always known. I was drawn away by others and now I'm distant from everyone. I'll admit I'm not good at making friends. But I really think its about damn time to figure this shit out.