[AO3 Crosspost] I have Mjölnir in my pants (and other works by Tom Hiddleston)
✗ TECHNICAL DETAILS
FANDOM: Marvel’s MCU
SERIES: The Dots Verse
RATING: Mature
WORDCOUNT: 1 289
PAIRING(S): FrostIron
CHARACTER(S): Loki, Tony Stark, Heimdall
GENRE: Alternate Universe (Blind!Loki)
TRIGGER WARNING(S): None
SUMMARY: Loki is, supposedly, still looking for a job. Key word being ‘supposedly’.
THE DOTS VERSE ON LIVEJOURNAL: [ Series Masterpost]
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Usually, it’s Loki who takes care of the flat.
He’s still looking for a job, so it’s not like he hasn’t got time to do anything else, and he insisted anyway, saying he needed to get used to the place -Tony spent a full four-days weekend putting Braille labels everywhere, cutting pots lids, making sure he got Loki’s closet organized the way he wants it… yes, they have separated closets. Loki needs his to be neat and organized, and those are two words Tony isn’t ready to apply to himself yet.
Or at least not to that extent.
Anyway, the point is, Loki spends a lot of time at home, and he insists on taking care of things while he’s here, but today it’s a month to the day since he came here and saved Tony from his own misery, and Tony decided to try his hand at cooking.
Okay, it’s pre-made risotto but seriously, have you tried Tony’s cooking? He fails omelettes. Omelettes.
And the end result is the same anyway: Tony is setting the table, preparing his surprise, and he’s just finished arranging the flowers -which is more for himself than Loki, as he will only enjoy the perfume, but it’s not a reason- when he notices Loki has left his laptop up and running on the table, showing one of his usual blank pages… except when Tony goes to close it, he gets a window that says: “do you want to save changes made to ‘I have Mjölnir in my pants’?”
Tony has no idea what Mjölnir is but such a title can’t really be ignored, so he clicks ‘cancel’ and presses the ‘select all’ keys… and finally notices something very interesting, which is that there are about two hundred ‘blank’ pages in this document.
Tony knows he should probably leave it at that. He knows he should, and he almost does, until he remembers exactly how curious he is, and goes back to the beginning.
Mjölnir. A magical hammer intended for the god of Thunder, majestic and powerful like all his fellow gods before him. It has the power to smite anyone who should chose to oppose its wielder, turning them into smoking ashes, or so the legend goes.
Because the truth is, there may have been the tiniest -and I say that with the utmost respect for every person to ever work on that magnificent object, truly- surprising effect in Mjölnir. Because unless I’m mistaken -and I’m pretty sure I’m not- I don’t think the scriptures intended for ‘smiting’ to be a euphemism for 'making you terribly horny'.
Tony can’t help it: he snorts. Loudly. And then there’s a voice coming from the door, surprised and curious:
“Was that Fenrir?”
It’s a male’s voice, deep and rough like gravel, and not one that Tony recognizes, but Loki laughs.
“That didn’t really sound like Fenrir,” he says easily. “Now come in, Tony’s due home in about an hour, I’d like us to be done before he can see you.
“Or you could just tell him, you know.”
“Yes, I know,” Loki says, and Tony hears him remove the harness from Fenrir’s shoulders. “And I’m trying to but I haven’t found the right moment yet.”
“Loki,” the voice says again, “I am your friend, you know that. Which is why I’m going to ask you the most important question: do you really think there’s going to be a good moment for this?”
Now, tony isn’t paranoid or anything -no, really, he isn’t. Pessimistic, well, he can’t deny it, but not paranoid, and there’s been nothing to suggest anything was wrong -it’s only been a month for God’s sake- but this still sounds like there’s something he doesn’t know about Loki that he’s not going to like, and it makes him frown.
“Seriouly, Loki. You don’t drop that at breakfast: ‘Oh, by the way honey, I’m a worldwide famous porn writer’.”
“Wait,” Tony says without thinking, "what do you mean, world famous?”
He’s only just reached the stairs, and Loki turns his head toward him, looking… not panicked exactly, more surprised and embarrassed. The man next to him is tall, black, and he wears a honey-orange costume that is the exact color of his eyes.
“I… wasn’t expecting you to react to that part first,” Loki admits.
“I just read the first paragraphs of I have Mjölnir in my pants, I kind of figured out.”
“I have Mjölnir in my pants?” The man questions, and Loki reddens.
“It’s a working title,” he mumbles.
“Yeah. I am a Ninja and My Pudding and I were working titles too,” the man says, and Tony has to snort at that.
“And they were accepted, weren’t they?” Loki frowns. “Just be happy, this is far from the most ridiculous title I came up with.”
“Which says a lot about your titles, boy.”
“Oh, shut up, Heimdall,” Loki grunts, beet red, and the man snorts.
“Come on, the worst part’s done. Now you just have to show him your books. See you later, Loki.”
And Heimdall waves at Tony and leaves them on their own. Tony chuckles, already sorting through the short list of writers who started off as ‘porn writers’ and became just ‘writers’. It’s not very long, to be honest. There’s Nathan Nicholls, whom Tony has a soft spot for because it is said in his biography that he is blind, and so are his main characters. Plus, he specializes in homoerotic fiction, and that’s rare enough to be noted.
Then there’s Tom Hiddleston -extremely big sales, translated in about thirty languages… from what Tony has read he mostly writes het, but it’s written well enough -with an actual plot and character development and everything- that Tony has read almost all his books -he even laughed at the last one, because one of the characters had this habit of chewing on pens until they burst, which Tony himself has done too often to count.
Additionally, Tom Hiddleston is also known for his fructuous collaboration with Sygin Bergsdottir in several novel. And with her name added to the list, Tony has reached the end of it.
“So,” he asks, almost smug -what? Loki’s cute when he blushes- “Which one are you? Nicholls, or Hiddleston?”
But Loki doesn’t like the tone of his voice, and refuses to answer.
Tony pesters him during diner, from starters to dessert. He keeps asking during the movie, and then when they abandon the pretense and start to just make out on the couch, throws one or two comments during foreplay, and then there are much more interesting things to think of.
“Come on,” he asks again when they lay together in the bed, his head pillowed against Loki’s chest, an arm draped over his waist. “Which one are you?”
“You’re not going to leave me alone until I answer, are you?” Loki sighs, already half asleep, and Tony shakes his head. “Fine. I’m both.”
“You’re… you’re both?” Tony asks, raising on an elbow to stare at Loki’s silhouette, and his boyfriend nods. “But that means….”
“That means that I haven’t really been looking for a job all this time,” Loki admits. “And also that I am going to reuse today’s event at some point and that Robert did inherit his pen-destroying habit for you. Do you have any other question, or can I sleep now?”
“Just one more,” Tony promises. “Can I offer my services? You know, in case you lack inspiration for your sex scenes?”
Loki snorts and smashes a pillow on his head.
It takes a while before the resulting pillow fight, make out session and passionate sex calms down enough that they can finally go to sleep.
(Tony dreams of magic sex hammers.)