Ten Years Later
Hi Dad. It's been ten years since we've last spoke, so I'm not even sure where to start. I guess I can start with the obvious: I miss you.
Past that, I guess saying a lot has happened in the meantime would be an understatement. I managed to finished school and get myself a good job in a field I enjoy. Remember that one evening I tired to explain what a city planner does? Well, it stuck. Despite some minor complaints, I take pride in being a public servant like you were.
I moved away from home, which I found out was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I ended up somewhere I didn't think I'd end up: San Francisco. Its an amazing city, and I've come to enjoy it despite the trade offs that I don't own my own home by now. I miss home a lot, and the slower pace of life. And I hate being more than a few hours away from Mom, Megan, and the nephews.
Oh yes, you should now know you're the grandfather of two beautiful baby boys: Liam and Vonn. I was fortunate to witness Liam come into the world, and Vonn a few weeks after this birth (he's two months old today).
Megan got settled a few years ago with young man, and seems to enjoy making a family of her own. I wish I could say Megan and I outgrew our indifferences, but its been hit and miss. Ive accepted that we just have differences ways to express ourselves. I still hold out for hope that well be on common ground someday.
Mom has trooped though over the years and I think she's found her second wind in life. She been supporting herself for the last few years, enjoying life and challenging herself. She spend as much time as she can with boys, with the family down in Vado, and friends.
I have a great circle of friends who are my family, and like such, have been there and will be there through some of the hardest parts of life. I'd like to think I took some of those values from you, and your loyalty to family and friends alike. I struggle with it sometimes that people don't understand that, but I think they do in the end.
I know we didn't talk about it even though you knew, but I've grown more settled and confident as a gay man. I think I've ran the gamut of falling head over heals for a boy, having my heart broken, breaking someone's heart, and stuff in between. Lessons learned, like I'm sure you would have offered.
I like to travel, as I'm sure that's no surprise to you knowing my exploration tenancies. I've been to some really amazing places and had some wonderful experiences. As a result of all my travels, I finally got to do something really special with all the miles I've collected. For years, I wanted to take Mom somewhere, and finally did. As we speak, we're of on our way back from visiting Spain for a week. It was really amazing to share that with her. I wish I could share the moment when she got her first passport stamp being admitted into the European Union.
I wish you could have been there. I wish I could have brought you with us. But I couldn't. You died ten years ago tonight. You died before I could share other things I wish you were there for: graduating college, moving away to my first job, stopped highlighting my hair unintentionally mocking your hair loss, calling you from a New Zealand mountain top, telling you not to friend me on Facebook but doing it anyways (don't ask what that is), making you come with me Bolivia without questioning, bailing me out of jail so mom didn't have to, and tons of other things.
I know people offer "I'm sure he'd be proud" or "he's watching right now" but I can't take complete solace in that. You know how I can be. But after ten years, I suppose one accepts what won't be, but also embraces the beauty of life, in both living and dying. I have tired to live your mantra of "life is like a tree; you prune it, you cry, you move on". It isn't always easy, but I try. I think now is one of those. And while time is said to heal all, I don't think this will ever heal. I'll keep wishing how I wish you were there for my next adventure, when I get married, when I have my own children, when I saw something amazing, or when I just wanted to hear how you're doing.
I could spend all night listing things that has happened since. I just wanted to acknowledged the time, where we are, and what I wish. Id like to say it was easy writing to you, but even ten years elapsed doesn't make it easier.
Past that, I guess saying a lot has happened in the meantime would be an understatement. I managed to finished school and get myself a good job in a field I enjoy. Remember that one evening I tired to explain what a city planner does? Well, it stuck. Despite some minor complaints, I take pride in being a public servant like you were.
I moved away from home, which I found out was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I ended up somewhere I didn't think I'd end up: San Francisco. Its an amazing city, and I've come to enjoy it despite the trade offs that I don't own my own home by now. I miss home a lot, and the slower pace of life. And I hate being more than a few hours away from Mom, Megan, and the nephews.
Oh yes, you should now know you're the grandfather of two beautiful baby boys: Liam and Vonn. I was fortunate to witness Liam come into the world, and Vonn a few weeks after this birth (he's two months old today).
Megan got settled a few years ago with young man, and seems to enjoy making a family of her own. I wish I could say Megan and I outgrew our indifferences, but its been hit and miss. Ive accepted that we just have differences ways to express ourselves. I still hold out for hope that well be on common ground someday.
Mom has trooped though over the years and I think she's found her second wind in life. She been supporting herself for the last few years, enjoying life and challenging herself. She spend as much time as she can with boys, with the family down in Vado, and friends.
I have a great circle of friends who are my family, and like such, have been there and will be there through some of the hardest parts of life. I'd like to think I took some of those values from you, and your loyalty to family and friends alike. I struggle with it sometimes that people don't understand that, but I think they do in the end.
I know we didn't talk about it even though you knew, but I've grown more settled and confident as a gay man. I think I've ran the gamut of falling head over heals for a boy, having my heart broken, breaking someone's heart, and stuff in between. Lessons learned, like I'm sure you would have offered.
I like to travel, as I'm sure that's no surprise to you knowing my exploration tenancies. I've been to some really amazing places and had some wonderful experiences. As a result of all my travels, I finally got to do something really special with all the miles I've collected. For years, I wanted to take Mom somewhere, and finally did. As we speak, we're of on our way back from visiting Spain for a week. It was really amazing to share that with her. I wish I could share the moment when she got her first passport stamp being admitted into the European Union.
I wish you could have been there. I wish I could have brought you with us. But I couldn't. You died ten years ago tonight. You died before I could share other things I wish you were there for: graduating college, moving away to my first job, stopped highlighting my hair unintentionally mocking your hair loss, calling you from a New Zealand mountain top, telling you not to friend me on Facebook but doing it anyways (don't ask what that is), making you come with me Bolivia without questioning, bailing me out of jail so mom didn't have to, and tons of other things.
I know people offer "I'm sure he'd be proud" or "he's watching right now" but I can't take complete solace in that. You know how I can be. But after ten years, I suppose one accepts what won't be, but also embraces the beauty of life, in both living and dying. I have tired to live your mantra of "life is like a tree; you prune it, you cry, you move on". It isn't always easy, but I try. I think now is one of those. And while time is said to heal all, I don't think this will ever heal. I'll keep wishing how I wish you were there for my next adventure, when I get married, when I have my own children, when I saw something amazing, or when I just wanted to hear how you're doing.
I could spend all night listing things that has happened since. I just wanted to acknowledged the time, where we are, and what I wish. Id like to say it was easy writing to you, but even ten years elapsed doesn't make it easier.