Not Your Average Love Story (1/2)
Title: Not Your Average Love Story (1/2)
Character/Pairing: Nathaniel Taylor/Alicia Washington/Ayani Taylor
Word Count: 12959
Rating: NC-17
Spoiler alert: N/A, pre-series
Author's Note: Well, I did it. Finally. My A/W/T origin fic is complete.
And it's all for you my darling sky_kiss. I love you, happy birthday!
It felt strange to come through a civilian airport while still conspicuous in her dark military fatigues, pack slung over her shoulder as she passed through Arrivals. Alicia noted the interested looks of the people waiting for friends or family, took in their mixture of admiration and resentment with cool disinterest. Civilians were aware of the difficulty of military life, the dangers and the things they lacked, but popular opinion had been swayed recently after it was announced some of the first recipients of dome technology wouldn't be public housing, but rather the world's largest military bases.
Such a base was where she had been sent home from by her commanding officer on much needed leave, to act in his place when it came to his wife - he had candidly shared that the woman was prone to overworking herself in his absence, and he needed someone to ensure that wasn't happening until he too could make it home. He did at least have a fixed date to aim for, along with their entire unit - everyone's presence was required at a fundraiser in three weeks' time. But Alicia was the emissary this time and she was all too aware of her target.
Ayani Taylor. She had seen pictures, heard stories and still felt woefully unprepared to meet the woman. That the tales had been coloured by her Colonel's obvious adoration was... problematic. While she trusted his opinion - and Taylor himself - implicitly, it didn't help her nerves not to know if she should actually expect the funny, articulate, stunning woman she had been told of (by the unit, as well as him), whether anyone could live up to such a mental image.
Should she prepare herself to be as charmed as the rest of the guys - and did she want to be?
Alicia didn't like to be ill prepared, a trait instilled by her father and nurtured by the military, so she took a little time on the flight to do some research. Ayani Taylor had been steadily working her way up through government, keeping her nose clean and gaining an genuinely good reputation. She had recently become Secretary for Education and by all accounts was doing a fabulous job. Active in the community, she advocated many causes dear to her heart, especially cancer charities after the death of several close family members. Mother to Lucas, the young boy that Taylor was so proud of, she had nurtured his intellect instead of stifling it, meaning her son had a bright future ahead of him.
Maybe she wasn't too good to be true after all. But then again, maybe she was...
Walking out into the main hall, Alicia looked around for the woman Taylor had assured her would be waiting to take her home - no barracks accommodation for her this time around. There were plenty of unfamiliar faces dotted about, making it hard to pick out the features of a woman she'd only seen frozen in time in photographs. Eventually her gaze naturally settled on a seated woman some distance away and she couldn't help but stare.
The woman was dressed smartly in a deep red blouse and pencil skirt that sat just above her knees. Extending from the back material were a pair of the most gorgeous legs Alicia had ever seen. The range of emotions that flooded her were alarming in that moment; envy, fascination, approval and a healthy amount of lust that just sat there, heavy in her stomach, taunting her.
She traced the legs up, saw the plex computer resting on crossed knees, and a head of stunning tumbling auburn curls bowed as its owner worked. It was this that finally clued Alicia in to who she was looking at, a fact confirmed when the woman quickly scanned the hall for someone, or something. Their eyes locked and the sergeant knew she had been ogling Ayani Taylor, wife of the man she'd harboured feelings for (it was just a crush, it was) for a good couple of years.
There were times she wished the world wasn't quite so fond of messing with her head.
Alicia crossed to Ayani when the older woman smiled and got to her feet and the pair ended up standing silently in front of one another, neither entirely sure how to begin.
"Alicia." Ayani began, her voice full of warmth. "It's so good to finally meet you."
"You too, ma'am. Colonel Taylor speaks very highly of you." Alicia found herself smiling, inspired by the genuine reaction of the older woman.
"Call me Ayani, please." The politician said, gathering up her things. "And I'm glad to hear it, as he should."
Alicia chuckled, liking the woman's humour immediately. She watched with curiosity as Ayani hooked a rebreather around her neck, saw the competent manner the woman had with the device and wished that their world could be another way.
"Now, dear, do you have your rebreather?" Ayani asked, and Wash nodded, patting her pack. "Good. You won't need it when we get home, but the walk to the car will be a little uncomfortable without it."
A strange affection bloomed in Alicia's chest at Ayani's easy use of the word home, something that was becoming ever more alien to her as the years passed. Sure, her unit was her family now, wherever they were was, technically, 'home'. And she still had brothers, still had her father - only they no longer had the same place that they could all gather, not since their father sold the family home after her mother's death and his children's deployments. The place was too big, too empty for him, and she understood, she did. It just... made her a little sad.
If Ayani noticed her preoccupation nothing was said, the politician simply waited as Alicia slipped the rebreather over her head. She navigated her ponytail with little trouble, but the straps along her cheeks had never sat quite properly. Before she could adjust them, Ayani's soft hands were tending to the unevenness, fingertips smoothing over the soldier's cheeks to lay the straps flat.
The warmth in her stomach grew at the gentle contact of another's hands, the way Ayani's fingers lingered just a moment too long and eyes - up close, the most gorgeous green Alicia had ever seen - locked on to her own. Something flickered there, in their depths... if Alicia had to put a name to it, it would be interest, something bordering on fascination. She wondered if the same could be seen in her own when she had first clocked Ayani from across the room.
"Ready to go?" Ayani asked, clearing her throat and taking step back.
Alicia nodded, gathered her pack into a firmer grip. "Yes ma'am." She said, despite it coming out muffled by the device she was wearing.
Ayani pursed her lips playfully at the slip of terminology, but slid her own rebreather into place and turned on her heel to lead the way out of the terminal. And Alicia forced herself to keep up, tamping down the desire to hang back a bit, just to watch those legs again...
#
Alicia wasn't entirely sure what to expect when they made it outside, but following Ayani through to the parking garage wasn't high on the list. She had assumed the woman was important enough (in her own right, and to the government) that they would insist on her having a vehicle to drive her around at all times.
It was nice, then, to see Ayani remotely unlock a relatively understated black sedan, one of the higher end electric vehicles on the market.
"Everything okay?" The older woman called, and it was only the verbal prompt that made Alicia realise she was standing stock still in the middle of the garage.
She shook her head, crossing the distance to the car quickly. "Sorry." She replied, further explanation not worth attempting when their speech was so muffled.
Ayani's eyes crinkled with a smile that wasn't visible behind her rebreather, and slipped into the driver's seat of the vehicle. Alicia followed suit, and gratefully tugged the filter from over her mouth once they were securely inside.
"There." Ayani said, starting the engine and beginning the journey towards their final destination. "That wasn't so bad."
Alicia just nodded her agreement, settling back in the seat to take in her surroundings. She should really be sleeping, stealing the moment's rest that this trip would afford her - but she was still a hopelessly curious creature and, being unfamiliar with Chicago from a civilian's point of view, she couldn't stop herself looking around at anything and everything they passed.
Ayani narrated certain parts of the route without prompting, an indication of the comfort already existing between them. Alicia asked questions here and there but was mostly silent, enjoying the calm she was so unused to experiencing.
Eventually though, when Alicia had been quiet for too long, the older woman was prompted into clearing her throat. "Forgive me for prying dear, but are you alright? You're very quiet."
Smiling genuinely, Alicia turned to look at the woman behind the wheel. "I'm fine, thank you. This area reminds me of where I grew up. I was just... reminiscing."
Ayani smiled. "Nathaniel mentioned you had siblings in the forces?"
Alicia nodded. "One in each branch. My father is ex-navy, but he works in contracting now."
"Are you going to visit while you're on leave?" Ayani asked.
Alicia shook her head, her heart feeling a little heavy. "No ma'am. My father is away on business and my brothers are deployed. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."
Ayani laughed, taking them out of the suburbs proper to a selection of more secluded houses. She pulled them up into the driveway of an impressive home, one that Alicia immediately felt a sort of kinship with - a strength of feeling she hadn't felt since leaving her childhood home at the age of eighteen.
"Well." Ayani said, breaking Alicia's reverie. The smile she wore was broad and warm and inspired the same in the younger woman. "I'm sure I'll cope somehow."
#
The next few days for Alicia consisted of familiarising herself with the Taylor home and somewhat relishing the option to live a comfortable, warm and rather cosy existence rather than being cooped up in cold and sterile barracks for once.
She got to know Lucas during the times he wasn't at school, enjoyed playing games with the young boy and discovered herself to be far better with children than she thought. Ayani would sometimes join in but it was more likely that she would just stop in the doorway and observe for a few minutes, watching both of them with a fond expression.
Alicia would have expected to find this a little odd, unsettling. Instead it was comforting, the speed with which Ayani had accepted her, welcomed her as part of the family. It filled a gap in her life which she didn't realise was empty, the presence of a strong female lacking even though she had no doubt of the constant support of her family.
Ayani quickly became like a mother, sister and best friend all rolled into one. They spent mealtimes laughing, sharing stories of Taylor, their ways of putting up with him and how he differed at home and in the field. Alicia could tell the older woman was grateful for her input, likely didn't get the information from her husband, and it was nice to hear tales of her CO in his natural state (though both agreed there were very few real differences).
During the times Ayani was working, Alicia tended towards a more sedentary lifestyle than usual. Her days started with a run around the neighbourhood, blissfully free of the restricting rebreather over her mouth, but then she was forced to turn to other pursuits. It was unusual for her to be so still, and therefore something she wasn't entirely successful at at first, so when Ayani happened to be free Alicia found her mood to be much more easily lightened.
On days together they did things that Alicia hadn't considered spending time on since her mother died; they visited stores she would never have chosen for herself, had extended lunches at restaurants she wouldn’t have looked twice at.
And now she found herself sitting in one of these eateries, staring down at the empty dessert plate that she couldn't quite believe she had managed to consume. Her stomach was achingly full but in the very best way and she felt a pleasant buzz in her veins as a result of the wine the pair of them had indulged in.
Ayani was leant indolently back in her seat opposite, arm folded over her stomach while her free hand dangled her glass of wine. "What are you thinking about?" She asked fondly, hand surreptitiously smoothing up and down her side, easing the discomfort of her equally large meal.
Alicia shook her head and smiled, a little embarrassed at being so easily read. "Just, uh... Considering how unlike me all of this is."
Ayani smiled. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I am." Alicia replied with a nod.
"Well, that's good." Ayani grinned. "Because I'm having more fun than I have in months."
Alicia couldn't deny the little thrill that sent through her, that she was responsible for this woman's good humour. And when she looked back on it later, this conversation would be the start of those feelings changing from simple happiness to something rather more concerning.
"You seem to be relaxing in front of my eyes dear." Ayani mused, holding up the bottle between them. "More wine?"
She shouldn't.... But Alicia found herself holding her glass out none the less. "Are you trying to get me drunk ma'am?"
Ayani laughed, the happy sound catching the ear of many of their fellow diners. "Not at all. I don't feel I need to... Nathaniel warned me you could be a little introverted, but I see that's not true."
Alicia wanted to feel offence at this painting of her character, but could see the reason her commanding officer thought so. She was always slow to trust people, a safety net she couldn't quite let go of.
"It usually takes me a while to open up to people." Alicia admitted.
"Well, I'm honoured that you're opening such a lot of yourself to me... So to speak." Ayani grinned wickedly, well aware of her double speak. "I must admit I like what I see."
Alicia felt the flush rise up her neck, fought it down before it reached her face and prayed the other woman didn't notice. There was a flame of pleasure, hope and a little inappropriate attraction burning in her chest now at the woman's flirting, something she should deny...
"Now Alicia." Ayani spoke, drawing her out of her thoughts. "I'm afraid I asked you here on false pretences."
"Really?" Alicia smiled, unable to keep the suggestive tone from tripping off her tongue.
Ayani laughed once more. "Really. You know this fundraiser we have to go to in a week?"
Alicia nodded, the thought of it bringing her mood down a little. She hated the things, dreaded returning to their base in the city to fetch her dress uniform. It might have given Taylor a date by which he had to be back in the country, but otherwise the damn things could take a hike as far as she was concerned.
"I do ma'am."
Ayani blithely ignored her downturn in mood, settling the bill as she talked. "I need a new dress, and I am not about to turn down the chance of a female eye when I finally have one around."
"Ayani I'm not sure..." Alicia immediately protested.
"Nonsense." Ayani said, cutting off her process before it even started. "I trust your opinion, Alicia. And we're going to go now, before you lose your nerve."
-
Despite the frequency of the activity during her week with Ayani, shopping was not a talent that Alicia had ever managed to gain, not even with the prompting of her mother. It was done only when absolutely necessary and even then in poor spirits - it was certainly never done for recreation.
Until now, apparently.
Alicia sat back in the plush chair in the private fitting room (she assumed Ayani was able to use her expenses for event outfits because while the Taylors were more than comfortable, they weren't really on this level) and fiddled with the hem of her jacket while she waited. Ayani had already made it through three dresses without even asking the soldier's opinion, and it was starting to get a little boring.
"Alicia?" Ayani called from behind the curtain.
Alicia sat up a little straighter at the sound of the pleased voice. "Yes Ayani?"
"I must admit I rather like this one." Ayani said. "But you must promise to give me your true opinion."
"I promise, Ayan-."
The response died in her throat when the attendant pulled the curtain back, revealing Ayani in her latest dress. It was a floor length and strapless in a deep dark red that went perfectly with her auburn hair. The bodice was tight, clinging to her torso and giving her not unimpressive cleavage. The skirt fell to the floor in waves of silky material and as Ayani twirled, Alicia's mouth went a little dry.
She cleared her throat and pasted on a smile, but still couldn't quite find her voice while Ayani was standing there looking expectantly at her.
"That good, huh?" Ayani smirked.
Alicia cleared her throat. "Beautiful." She said.
She wasn't entirely sure whether she meant Ayani or the dress. And from the curious look on the older woman's face, neither was she.
#
After the first week passed, Alicia often found herself curled up on the sofa of an evening , learning how to relax once more after so long away from creature comforts. She was getting better after two weeks spent in the Taylor home, but she still struggled to find something that worked for her.
She tried to watch television, but found herself unable to settle. Films held her attention longer but she was reliant on Ayani's recommendations and so while the woman was otherwise occupied Alicia had to find another way of passing the time.
Often she ended up reading, proper books from shelves dotted around the Taylor home, books like she hadn't seen since her mother was alive. It was in one such story that she was engrossed when she noticed a shadow fall over her page, looked up to see Ayani standing in front of her with a glass of whiskey in each hand.
"That's one of my favourites." She said as Alicia put the book to one side, took the proffered drink.
"What's this for?" Alicia asked with a smile.
"A celebration." Ayani said, seeming to Alicia's eyes as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Nathaniel just called, he'll be home tomorrow."
Alicia smiled at the thought of seeing Taylor again, sipping at the dark liquid and enjoying the burn as Ayani seated herself alongside, curling her legs underneath herself. The older woman was dressed casually in sweatpants and a light sweater and Alicia's happiness faded a little when she became aware that she felt somewhat exposed in her shorts and a tank. She could almost feel the older woman's eyes on her as they passed over her lower body, watched the politician smile privately and take a swallow of liquor.
"You have gorgeous legs, Alicia."
The sergeant snorted into her glass, earning a curious look in response. She blamed the ease of her reply on her comfort and the alcohol. "That's the first thing I noticed about you ma'am."
Ayani laughed, a sweet little sound that was almost a giggle, raising her glass in a toast. "To good taste."
Alicia echoed the sentiment, all the while marvelling to herself how easy it had been to compliment the woman, how easy it had been to tell the truth and not feel judged for it. How easily Ayani had admitted admiration in return, and how warm the praise made her feel.
And how utterly, utterly screwed she was.
-
Whatever film Ayani selected for them that evening was completely lost on Alicia. She was hyper aware of the woman next to her to a degree that she found quite intimidating, unlike anything she could remember feeling for quite some time.
It didn't help that when Ayani settled more firmly on the couch after setting them up for the film, she was significantly closer than before. Alicia's feet brushed the older woman's thigh and it was a battle to act like a normal human being and not flinch at the innocent contact.
Ayani smiled over at her, not commenting on her reaction even if it had been noted. She settled back to enjoy the film and so Alicia followed suit, trying to actually concentrate on what was playing out on the screen.
The difficulty of such a venture meant that she spent the majority of the two hours staring mutely at the screen, ignoring Ayani's warmth beside her, and trying to react in the correct way at the correct times. Eventually, Ayani paused the playback of the film and shifted to face her, frowning.
"What's wrong?" She asked bluntly.
Alicia tried to smile, but it probably came out closer to a grimace. "Nothing's wrong ma'am."
"Ayani." The older woman corrected. "Now I know something's wrong. Alicia, please tell me."
Ayani reached out to take her hand, but this time Alicia did flinch away, getting hastily to her feet and standing awkwardly next to the sofa. She hesitated, not wanting to flee yet finding it harder to ignore the warning bells in her head. But Ayani looked hurt as she too got to her feet, and Alicia's heart couldn't take that, couldn't actively cause pain to the woman who had been so unnecessarily kind.
"I'm sorry." She said quietly, suddenly feeling very young, very uncertain.
Ayani gently tucked a strand of hair behind the younger woman's ear. "Whatever for?"
What happened next was simultaneously the most selfish, stupid thing Alicia had ever done, and the bravest choice she had made since she signed herself into military service. Ayani was so close, so tempting, so much of what she wanted and yet still unfamiliar, unknown.
It was therefore far too easy to close the gap between them, let instinct take over as she lowered her head, saw the flicker of uncertainty (of interest) in the depths of Ayani's green eyes before she was kissing her commanding officer's wife and it felt like perfection.
For one blissful moment, Alicia felt Ayani start to respond, felt lips start to move back against her own, felt the older woman's smaller hands come to ghost along her sides, then settle on her hips.
And then the contact was lost so abruptly that Alicia thought she might have imagined it, until she focussed on Ayani once more and found her standing alarmingly still, lip caught between her teeth.
The urge to run was immense, all-consuming, it burned through her like fire. But Alicia was a soldier. She would not run.
That didn't mean she couldn't shut herself down as she always had before, pushing the emotional pain out of her mind before it had a chance to take hold and bring her down.
Alicia saw Ayani's obvious distress upon noticing her face quickly wiped of all emotion, a second before she pulled herself up to attention. (It was, after all, a coping mechanism the Taylor woman was familiar with, Alicia had learnt the refinement of it from the best man she knew).
"Excuse me, ma'am." Alicia said detachedly, nodding once before passing the smaller woman and heading towards the stairs.
She heard her name called, just the once, in a voice full of frustration, but she didn't stop until the safety of her room. She shut the door with a soft click and then collapsed against it, sliding to the floor with a heavy sigh.
She'd managed to mess up what was turning out to be a perfect situation.
And tomorrow, her Colonel was coming home.
#
Waking up the next morning was a nightmare.
It started out much as it ever had, Alicia opening her eyes with the same feeling of safety and comfort that had greeted her every day of her stay thus far. But then.... then the memory hit, the feeling of utter dejection so strong that it left her motionless for some time.
She heard Ayani call her for breakfast while she was staring mutely at the ceiling but ignored the summons for the first time in favour of showering, then packing her things up quickly and quietly. While she was shoving her clothing into the lone black bag she'd arrived with, the sound of Lucas's laughter filtered up to her, followed quickly by a deep rumble that was all too familiar. Her heart lurched in her chest at the thought of seeing Taylor now, a mixture of hope and failure creating a vortex of pain that she forced herself to ignore.
Taking a final look around the room she had been so kindly given - and it would be a final look, she was certain, she would not be welcome here any longer - she stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind her.
She crept down the stairs, intent on slipping out and walking back to town when another laugh sounded to her right, one of pleasure and surprise.
"Wash!" She heard, and turned to see Taylor walking through from the kitchen to greet her.
Working on instinct alone, Alicia came to attention, dropping her bag to the floor. "Sir. Glad to see you home safe, sir."
He looked her over curiously for a moment, not missing a thing from the image she presented. He frowned at the bag, stepping closer. "You planning on going somewhere?"
Ayani stepped through into the entranceway as he spoke, rushed forward at his words. "Alicia?" She asked, face falling immediately at what she saw.
Lucas was beside her, impatient as ever to know what was going on, and his face lit up when he saw his friend. "Wash!" He cried, all childlike joy, as if he hadn't seen her for days. "Will you teach me that card trick again? I want to show Stephanie..."
Alicia forced a smile to her face at the mention of the boy's crush. "Maybe later, Lucas."
Ayani slipped a hand over her son's shoulder, guiding him towards the stairs. "Why don't you go get ready for school, your father will come for you when it's time to go."
Lucas grumbled, but went anyway, all three adults watching him leave before the Taylors turned their attention back to Alicia.
"Sir, I'd like to request redeployment asap." She said, falling into parade rest, eyes fixed firmly on the wall over his shoulder.
She didn't miss the alarm in Ayani's gaze, green eyes set imploringly on her. Neither did she miss the way Taylor snuck a look at his wife out if the corner of his eye before turning his attention back to her. "Explain, sergeant."
"Please sir. I could be of more use out there."
"Alicia..." Ayani spoke, voice thick with emotion.
Taylor looked between the two of them now, openly curious and confused. "I'll... give you two a moment." He said slowly, walking through to the kitchen.
Alicia stood steady under Ayani's critical gaze, not flinching when she drew closer, purposeful steps bringing the older woman to stand in front of her.
Slowly, as if not to scare a nervous animal, Ayani reached up to smooth her hands over Alicia's cheeks, cupping her face and holding her steady.
"Alicia, please explain." She implored, voice soothingly quiet.
Alicia remained still only through years of practice, her heart hammering in her chest as she sought the words to make this sound better than it was. "I... kissed you."
Ayani hummed, nodding. "And?"
"And you're married." Alicia said, brown eyes dark and desperate.
"This is true."
"To my commanding officer!" Alicia finished in a hushed whisper.
Ayani smiled sadly. "Who you are deeply in love with."
Alicia's eyes fluttered closed unbidden, hating that she'd done such a poor job of hiding it, hating that Ayani could read her so well after only a couple of weeks. She tipped her head up and down in an approximation of a nod, didn't open her eyes even when Ayani exhaled heavily.
Then there was a gentle press of lips to her own, a calm, tender kiss that sent sparks of pleasure through her like fireworks. She imagined she felt the tip of Ayani's tongue swipe over the line between her lips before the older woman pulled back.
"And now I've kissed you."
"Oh Ayani." Alicia breathed, letting her eyes link with the older woman's finally. "That just makes things so much worse."
Ayani let out a little sigh, and leant to press her forehead against Alicia's. The soldier could scarcely breathe with the press of emotions on her chest, but felt her arms encircle the older woman of their own volition.
"I don't know what to do." She whispered, not wanting to let go even though it felt like her only option.
"Alicia..." Ayani started, stepping back and taking the younger woman's hands from her body, holding them firmly in her own. "Can you do me a favour?"
"Anything." Alicia breathed, not even surprised by the force of truth behind her utterance.
The older woman smiled, rubbed a thumb over Alicia's lower lip. "I need to talk to my husband." She said, tightening the grip she had on the soldier's right hand when the younger woman recoiled slightly at the suggestion. "Please don't panic. Trust me."
It seemed ridiculous to Alicia to believe such a request with such conviction, but she did. She did. "I do trust you, Ayani."
The light returned to the older woman's eyes at this statement, and she squeezed Alicia's hand once more. "Good. That's very good." She chuckled. "Can I suggest you wait outside? The front porch is very nice at this time of day - but you don't have to, my dear. Above all I want you to be comfortable, do you understand?"
Alicia nodded. "I'll do that, ma'am."
The seriousness of their situation truly struck home when Ayani didn't chastise her for her slip, merely leant to press another gentle kiss to her lips before walking through to the kitchen.
Alicia let her hand come up to play over her lips as she moved her bag to sit beside the door, feeling them tingle even now. She shook her head at the romanticism of that thought, and let herself out onto the front porch as promised. The morning was crisp and cool, the air still fresh outside of the city. It made her feel better almost instantly, despite the uncertainty of her life in that moment, and she leant against the railing to wait.
#
Ayani walked through to the kitchen with her head whirling with ideas, plans, possibilities and options, none of which she could quite settle on. She knew what she wanted, had a pretty good idea of what Alicia was hoping for.
But her husband was an unknown, in this.
She found him sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of water half-full in front of him. He painted a relaxed picture, reclined back in the chair, but she knew better - she could read the tension in his body, saw it increase when she walked over to join him.
"What's going on Ayani?"
She settled in the chair and folded her arms on the table, regarding him carefully. "I'm afraid we might have a problem."
He straightened at this, leaning towards her. "A problem?" He echoed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is strictly wrong. Just... we have a rather important decision to make with regards to Alicia." She said. "You must have noticed there was some tension between the three of us, just now."
Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "I'm not blind, Ayani."
"No, dear, neither am I." Ayani smiled. "And while it might be a very long time since I was courted, I can recognise when someone is interested in me."
Her husband's eyes widened a little at this. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying exactly what you think I am." Ayani said. "I can also recognise when someone is interested in you, for that matter."
Nathaniel scoffed, uneasy. "Me? Ayani..."
"Yes dear? Don't try and pretend you've not noticed. Not seen the way she lights up when you're mentioned, when you walk in to the room." She said, smiling reassuringly. "Of course, she's good at hiding it. Most of the time. But I know what it is to love you, I recognise the signs. And why do you think she's so devastated now?"
Settling back down with his elbows on the table, Nathaniel levelled her with a reluctantly curious look. "You're going to have to tell me what happened before I can answer that."
"While you were away, Alicia kissed me." Ignoring Nathaniel's shock, Ayani powered on. "And I didn't stop her - I might even have encouraged her interest, I'm not sure. And just now, I kissed her in return."
There was a long pause. "... And that's why she wants to go back?"
"Yes dear. She is mortified, for no good reason."
Nathaniel sat quietly for a moment, working through the information she has provided. "Two weeks... Ayani, this seems to have happened pretty damn quickly."
Ayani shrugged, resting her chin on an upturned palm. "I feel like I've known her almost as long as you have, the way you talk about her. You must see in yourself that's she's always been more to you. Beyond a subordinate, even if you've never thought of her that way consciously."
"I haven't-." Nathaniel interjected.
"I know darling, I trust you." Ayani smiled, taking his hand. "If I feel like she's been a part of my life for well over a year now, then she must feel the same about me. It felt right when I met her. Like we were supposed to have met, been brought together. I don't believe in fate, darling, you know that. But this comes quite close."
A wry smile turned her husband's lips. "I seem to remember you made me work much harder."
Ayani affected a large, dramatic, sigh. "You're just not as easy on the eye."
Nathaniel growled playfully, bringing her hand to his lips and nipping at the inside of her wrist. He soothed it with a kiss, a cover up, Ayani knew, for him formulating his next question.
"Lay it out for me Ayani." He said eventually. "What is it you want?"
"This woman, this funny, smart, beautiful woman would lay down her life for you, we both know that to be true. I think we owe her something in return." Ayani said. "And it is something I want to give."
A crease appeared between her husband's eyes. "You want to... invite her into our marriage?"
"Oh, Nathaniel that makes it sound so cold. No, darling. I want us both to be free to become almost painfully fond of her, to appreciate her as she deserves, and eventually I don't doubt, to love her." She said, passion making her voice waver somewhat. "It would be a complement, not an intrusion."
She watched Nathaniel take her words in, could practically see the cogs turning in his head. Ayani knew her husband, he would never dismiss an idea out of turn if it had even the slightest hint of merit. His next words would be key, would determine if he had listened to her reasoning at all.
"What would happen when we deployed again?" He said, and Ayani understood that, if not at the same conclusion, they were now at least on the same page.
She had not misread him, was correct in judging the quite unique way he discussed his medic as being a more personal level of interest, perhaps still innocent in his conscious mind, but more convoluted in his subconscious.
"Has Alicia ever showed you preference over other members of the squad? Ever tended to you, when someone else was more in need?" She smiled when Nathaniel shook his head. "No, because you're both professionals. Why should that change? I'd hazard that it may even make her a better soldier, to bring down some of her barriers, make her more willing to rely on her instincts."
"Wash had always been instinctive, that's what's making me accept this so quickly. She wouldn't have kissed you if it didn't seem right to her, she's not a spontaneous person."
Ayani nodded, accepting his point, accepting his better knowledge of Alicia. "Then I think we have our answer." She said. "Alicia wants us both. I want her. The question is now, do you?"
"What would you say if I said yes?"
Ayani grinned. "I would be extremely pleased."
He took both of her hands firmly. "You're sure?"
"I am." She assured him. "I'm sure, I'm confident in your love for me and I'm certain, one hundred percent, that our actions will make all three of us happy beyond belief."
Nathaniel looked at her like he couldn't quite believe his luck - an awed, innocent expression that had been too long missing from her husband's eyes. "What happens now?"
"I'll go upstairs while you talk to her. If you're both happy, send her to me. Take Lucas to school and when you get back... join us."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that." Ayani returned, standing and leaning her hip against the side of the kitchen table.
Nathaniel joined her, hands resting on her hips. His uncertainty was fading as he allowed the impish pleasure to overtake him. He looked younger than he had in years. "It's a good thing we have a big bed." He teased.
Ayani smiled, humming with pleasure as she embraced him. "That's almost like fate too."
#
The minutes spent pacing on the porch had been the longest wait of Alicia's life, knowing that within the house behind her a monumental decision was being made. Would she be welcome to stay, perhaps even - did she dare hope? - welcomed into a life that she wanted more than she could quite handle. Or would she be on the first transport back to the front line?
The front door opened and she turned on her heel to see her commanding officer step out of the house and look around for her. When his eyes lit upon her they were shuttered, not giving anything away, not helping her to form a picture of what had occurred.
Before he could even open his mouth Alicia blurted, "I'm sorry sir."
His frown wasn't affected, was born of genuine confusion. "What for?"
"Sir?" Alicia asked.
"What are you sorry for?"
Alicia felt suddenly lost, for the first time not immediately sure what her commanding officer was thinking. "I kissed your wife, sir." She said, feeling quite pathetic.
Taylor nodded. "And she kissed you. Definitely something worth considering in that, but not something you need to apologise for."
A mixture of surprise, concern and hope flooded her, leaving her not entirely sure what to say.
Taylor took the decision out of her hands, gesturing to the bench. "Have a seat, Wash."
Alicia did as he asked, seating herself with ramrod straight posture and folding her hands in her lap. She looked down at them for a long time, hoping he would speak first, hoping he would know how to approach this better than she did. But eventually the silence became too long, too painful, and she sighed before speaking.
"Ayani explained what happened?" She asked tentatively.
"She did." He confirmed. "She also made a quite interesting proposal."
Alicia thought back to Ayani's quiet confidence as she dismissed her to the porch, the flicker of a plan in the older woman's eyes. Had she been less confused, Alicia would have queried it at the time.
"A proposal sir?"
Taylor nodded. "She has become very fond of you, you know. More so than I would ever have expected. She values your loyalty and willingness to save my ass almost as much as I do." He smiled when she huffed out a laugh. "Ayani wants to show you how much it means to her.... As do I."
Alicia's reliance on stoicism had never been so required at the confirmation of what she had suspected - open arms from the Taylors into a world of love and acceptance she could only have dreamt of.
"Is this the right thing to do?" She asked - letting herself believe it, letting herself need it. "I want it so badly, but so much could go wrong, I want to be sure."
"Wash... It's not exactly like I have experience in this." Taylor admitted with a wry smile, reaching out for her hand and then hesitating.
Taking a chance, Alicia caught it and linked their fingers, feeling a low hum of pleasure and rightness spread through her body from the point of contact.
Taylor brought their linked hands to his mouth and pressed a light kiss to the back of her hand. Alicia felt the bands around her heart loosen, the tightness in her chest ease at his gesture. It was more than she could have hoped for so soon.
"This is a very new way of thinking for me, Wash." He murmured against her skin, before bringing their hands down to rest on his thigh.
"I know."
The seriousness with which he was regarding her should have set her on edge, made her nervous. Instead it soothed, comforted - it was serious. And treating it otherwise would be foolish.
"I don't want to rush it." He continued.
"I know."
"But at the same time I... I'm curious to see where it could go."
Alicia felt some of the weight lift from her shoulders at his admittance and couldn't force down the hesitant upturn of her lips. "You are? Honestly? Because this isn't something to half-heartedly attempt sir."
"Wash." He said firmly. "I know my own mind. Might have taken you both to clear the fog, but I know what I want."
Alicia smiled properly now. "What exactly do you want sir?"
He smirked. "Isn't it obvious?"
Alicia shrugged. "Would like to hear it."
"Well..." He chuckled. "That's another thing I'm not willing to rush."
Alicia felt her face fall without her permission to do so, leading Taylor to sigh and reach out to cup her cheek, rubbing a thumb along her lower lip.
"Anything about this strike you as complete madness?" He asked, previous levity gone from his voice.
Alicia nodded. "All of it sir."
"Good. Glad it's not just me."
Alicia snorted, leaning into the firmness of his touch on her. "If we do this, what happens when we deploy?"
Taylor's back straightened. "That's a good question, soldier. Can I rely on you to keep your emotions in check?"
"I think so sir. I've managed to hide that I'm in love with you for nearly two years, so I have practice."
Alicia's eyes widened when she realised what she had admitted, fighting the urge to recoil in horror from such truth. But Nathaniel simply nodded, accepting her words, digesting their meaning.
"I can't deny you've done a fine job of that if it took Ayani to make me see the truth."
At the mention of his wife, Alicia cleared her throat. "It seems too good to be true."
Taylor smiled. "This is all her, Wash. I'm just following in her wake."
"I'm beginning to understand how that works, sir." Alicia admitted. "I'm still so sor-."
Taylor shot her a stern glare, prompting her to fall silent immediately. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you keep saying sorry?" He elaborated.
"It feels like I took advantage of her hospitality. Of your willingness to send me home to her."
"I can promise you she doesn't see it that way." Taylor said.
"And you?"
"I..." He paused, clearly sorting his thoughts through. "I certainly can't blame you for falling for her."
Alicia chuckled, pulling her hand away to release her ponytail and run her hands through her hair. She noticed Taylor's eyes firmly fixed on her, taking her in in what she imagined was an entirely new way. It was... pleasant to be watched in such a way by a male gaze again, even if it was so far beyond anything she expected when she stepped off the plane two weeks ago.
"And I can't blame her for falling for you." He said gruffly.
Alicia swallowed heavily at his words. "Thank you sir."
Taylor laughed. "You're very welcome."
Mentally rolling her eyes at the way that two previously level headed soldiers were managing to talk themselves in circles, she propped her elbow on the back of the seat and leant her head on her hand. "What happens now?"
"It's up to you." He said. "But Ayani is waiting for you upstairs, if you want."
A rush of heat flooded her body with such alarming speed that her breath caught in her throat at the suggestion. Ayani was waiting for her right now? It was more than she could quite get sorted out in her head.
"I would like that." She found herself saying, her mouth and brain forming the words that she couldn't believe she would dare admit. "What about you sir?"
"I have a few things to take care of first." He said, blue eyes warm and showing his hunger at the prospect in front of him. "But I will join you after."
"Good." Alicia smiled, satisfied. She stood, heading for the door but stopping by his side, smoothing a confident hand over his shoulder. "We'll keep the bed warm sir."
His growl followed her into the house, making her blood pulse harder in her veins and her skin tingle with promise. It was a sensation that lasted precisely as long as it took her to catch sight of the staircase stretching apparently endlessly before her. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her foot onto the first step and moved surely into the next stage of her life.
Character/Pairing: Nathaniel Taylor/Alicia Washington/Ayani Taylor
Word Count: 12959
Rating: NC-17
Spoiler alert: N/A, pre-series
Author's Note: Well, I did it. Finally. My A/W/T origin fic is complete.
And it's all for you my darling sky_kiss. I love you, happy birthday!
It felt strange to come through a civilian airport while still conspicuous in her dark military fatigues, pack slung over her shoulder as she passed through Arrivals. Alicia noted the interested looks of the people waiting for friends or family, took in their mixture of admiration and resentment with cool disinterest. Civilians were aware of the difficulty of military life, the dangers and the things they lacked, but popular opinion had been swayed recently after it was announced some of the first recipients of dome technology wouldn't be public housing, but rather the world's largest military bases.
Such a base was where she had been sent home from by her commanding officer on much needed leave, to act in his place when it came to his wife - he had candidly shared that the woman was prone to overworking herself in his absence, and he needed someone to ensure that wasn't happening until he too could make it home. He did at least have a fixed date to aim for, along with their entire unit - everyone's presence was required at a fundraiser in three weeks' time. But Alicia was the emissary this time and she was all too aware of her target.
Ayani Taylor. She had seen pictures, heard stories and still felt woefully unprepared to meet the woman. That the tales had been coloured by her Colonel's obvious adoration was... problematic. While she trusted his opinion - and Taylor himself - implicitly, it didn't help her nerves not to know if she should actually expect the funny, articulate, stunning woman she had been told of (by the unit, as well as him), whether anyone could live up to such a mental image.
Should she prepare herself to be as charmed as the rest of the guys - and did she want to be?
Alicia didn't like to be ill prepared, a trait instilled by her father and nurtured by the military, so she took a little time on the flight to do some research. Ayani Taylor had been steadily working her way up through government, keeping her nose clean and gaining an genuinely good reputation. She had recently become Secretary for Education and by all accounts was doing a fabulous job. Active in the community, she advocated many causes dear to her heart, especially cancer charities after the death of several close family members. Mother to Lucas, the young boy that Taylor was so proud of, she had nurtured his intellect instead of stifling it, meaning her son had a bright future ahead of him.
Maybe she wasn't too good to be true after all. But then again, maybe she was...
Walking out into the main hall, Alicia looked around for the woman Taylor had assured her would be waiting to take her home - no barracks accommodation for her this time around. There were plenty of unfamiliar faces dotted about, making it hard to pick out the features of a woman she'd only seen frozen in time in photographs. Eventually her gaze naturally settled on a seated woman some distance away and she couldn't help but stare.
The woman was dressed smartly in a deep red blouse and pencil skirt that sat just above her knees. Extending from the back material were a pair of the most gorgeous legs Alicia had ever seen. The range of emotions that flooded her were alarming in that moment; envy, fascination, approval and a healthy amount of lust that just sat there, heavy in her stomach, taunting her.
She traced the legs up, saw the plex computer resting on crossed knees, and a head of stunning tumbling auburn curls bowed as its owner worked. It was this that finally clued Alicia in to who she was looking at, a fact confirmed when the woman quickly scanned the hall for someone, or something. Their eyes locked and the sergeant knew she had been ogling Ayani Taylor, wife of the man she'd harboured feelings for (it was just a crush, it was) for a good couple of years.
There were times she wished the world wasn't quite so fond of messing with her head.
Alicia crossed to Ayani when the older woman smiled and got to her feet and the pair ended up standing silently in front of one another, neither entirely sure how to begin.
"Alicia." Ayani began, her voice full of warmth. "It's so good to finally meet you."
"You too, ma'am. Colonel Taylor speaks very highly of you." Alicia found herself smiling, inspired by the genuine reaction of the older woman.
"Call me Ayani, please." The politician said, gathering up her things. "And I'm glad to hear it, as he should."
Alicia chuckled, liking the woman's humour immediately. She watched with curiosity as Ayani hooked a rebreather around her neck, saw the competent manner the woman had with the device and wished that their world could be another way.
"Now, dear, do you have your rebreather?" Ayani asked, and Wash nodded, patting her pack. "Good. You won't need it when we get home, but the walk to the car will be a little uncomfortable without it."
A strange affection bloomed in Alicia's chest at Ayani's easy use of the word home, something that was becoming ever more alien to her as the years passed. Sure, her unit was her family now, wherever they were was, technically, 'home'. And she still had brothers, still had her father - only they no longer had the same place that they could all gather, not since their father sold the family home after her mother's death and his children's deployments. The place was too big, too empty for him, and she understood, she did. It just... made her a little sad.
If Ayani noticed her preoccupation nothing was said, the politician simply waited as Alicia slipped the rebreather over her head. She navigated her ponytail with little trouble, but the straps along her cheeks had never sat quite properly. Before she could adjust them, Ayani's soft hands were tending to the unevenness, fingertips smoothing over the soldier's cheeks to lay the straps flat.
The warmth in her stomach grew at the gentle contact of another's hands, the way Ayani's fingers lingered just a moment too long and eyes - up close, the most gorgeous green Alicia had ever seen - locked on to her own. Something flickered there, in their depths... if Alicia had to put a name to it, it would be interest, something bordering on fascination. She wondered if the same could be seen in her own when she had first clocked Ayani from across the room.
"Ready to go?" Ayani asked, clearing her throat and taking step back.
Alicia nodded, gathered her pack into a firmer grip. "Yes ma'am." She said, despite it coming out muffled by the device she was wearing.
Ayani pursed her lips playfully at the slip of terminology, but slid her own rebreather into place and turned on her heel to lead the way out of the terminal. And Alicia forced herself to keep up, tamping down the desire to hang back a bit, just to watch those legs again...
#
Alicia wasn't entirely sure what to expect when they made it outside, but following Ayani through to the parking garage wasn't high on the list. She had assumed the woman was important enough (in her own right, and to the government) that they would insist on her having a vehicle to drive her around at all times.
It was nice, then, to see Ayani remotely unlock a relatively understated black sedan, one of the higher end electric vehicles on the market.
"Everything okay?" The older woman called, and it was only the verbal prompt that made Alicia realise she was standing stock still in the middle of the garage.
She shook her head, crossing the distance to the car quickly. "Sorry." She replied, further explanation not worth attempting when their speech was so muffled.
Ayani's eyes crinkled with a smile that wasn't visible behind her rebreather, and slipped into the driver's seat of the vehicle. Alicia followed suit, and gratefully tugged the filter from over her mouth once they were securely inside.
"There." Ayani said, starting the engine and beginning the journey towards their final destination. "That wasn't so bad."
Alicia just nodded her agreement, settling back in the seat to take in her surroundings. She should really be sleeping, stealing the moment's rest that this trip would afford her - but she was still a hopelessly curious creature and, being unfamiliar with Chicago from a civilian's point of view, she couldn't stop herself looking around at anything and everything they passed.
Ayani narrated certain parts of the route without prompting, an indication of the comfort already existing between them. Alicia asked questions here and there but was mostly silent, enjoying the calm she was so unused to experiencing.
Eventually though, when Alicia had been quiet for too long, the older woman was prompted into clearing her throat. "Forgive me for prying dear, but are you alright? You're very quiet."
Smiling genuinely, Alicia turned to look at the woman behind the wheel. "I'm fine, thank you. This area reminds me of where I grew up. I was just... reminiscing."
Ayani smiled. "Nathaniel mentioned you had siblings in the forces?"
Alicia nodded. "One in each branch. My father is ex-navy, but he works in contracting now."
"Are you going to visit while you're on leave?" Ayani asked.
Alicia shook her head, her heart feeling a little heavy. "No ma'am. My father is away on business and my brothers are deployed. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."
Ayani laughed, taking them out of the suburbs proper to a selection of more secluded houses. She pulled them up into the driveway of an impressive home, one that Alicia immediately felt a sort of kinship with - a strength of feeling she hadn't felt since leaving her childhood home at the age of eighteen.
"Well." Ayani said, breaking Alicia's reverie. The smile she wore was broad and warm and inspired the same in the younger woman. "I'm sure I'll cope somehow."
#
The next few days for Alicia consisted of familiarising herself with the Taylor home and somewhat relishing the option to live a comfortable, warm and rather cosy existence rather than being cooped up in cold and sterile barracks for once.
She got to know Lucas during the times he wasn't at school, enjoyed playing games with the young boy and discovered herself to be far better with children than she thought. Ayani would sometimes join in but it was more likely that she would just stop in the doorway and observe for a few minutes, watching both of them with a fond expression.
Alicia would have expected to find this a little odd, unsettling. Instead it was comforting, the speed with which Ayani had accepted her, welcomed her as part of the family. It filled a gap in her life which she didn't realise was empty, the presence of a strong female lacking even though she had no doubt of the constant support of her family.
Ayani quickly became like a mother, sister and best friend all rolled into one. They spent mealtimes laughing, sharing stories of Taylor, their ways of putting up with him and how he differed at home and in the field. Alicia could tell the older woman was grateful for her input, likely didn't get the information from her husband, and it was nice to hear tales of her CO in his natural state (though both agreed there were very few real differences).
During the times Ayani was working, Alicia tended towards a more sedentary lifestyle than usual. Her days started with a run around the neighbourhood, blissfully free of the restricting rebreather over her mouth, but then she was forced to turn to other pursuits. It was unusual for her to be so still, and therefore something she wasn't entirely successful at at first, so when Ayani happened to be free Alicia found her mood to be much more easily lightened.
On days together they did things that Alicia hadn't considered spending time on since her mother died; they visited stores she would never have chosen for herself, had extended lunches at restaurants she wouldn’t have looked twice at.
And now she found herself sitting in one of these eateries, staring down at the empty dessert plate that she couldn't quite believe she had managed to consume. Her stomach was achingly full but in the very best way and she felt a pleasant buzz in her veins as a result of the wine the pair of them had indulged in.
Ayani was leant indolently back in her seat opposite, arm folded over her stomach while her free hand dangled her glass of wine. "What are you thinking about?" She asked fondly, hand surreptitiously smoothing up and down her side, easing the discomfort of her equally large meal.
Alicia shook her head and smiled, a little embarrassed at being so easily read. "Just, uh... Considering how unlike me all of this is."
Ayani smiled. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I am." Alicia replied with a nod.
"Well, that's good." Ayani grinned. "Because I'm having more fun than I have in months."
Alicia couldn't deny the little thrill that sent through her, that she was responsible for this woman's good humour. And when she looked back on it later, this conversation would be the start of those feelings changing from simple happiness to something rather more concerning.
"You seem to be relaxing in front of my eyes dear." Ayani mused, holding up the bottle between them. "More wine?"
She shouldn't.... But Alicia found herself holding her glass out none the less. "Are you trying to get me drunk ma'am?"
Ayani laughed, the happy sound catching the ear of many of their fellow diners. "Not at all. I don't feel I need to... Nathaniel warned me you could be a little introverted, but I see that's not true."
Alicia wanted to feel offence at this painting of her character, but could see the reason her commanding officer thought so. She was always slow to trust people, a safety net she couldn't quite let go of.
"It usually takes me a while to open up to people." Alicia admitted.
"Well, I'm honoured that you're opening such a lot of yourself to me... So to speak." Ayani grinned wickedly, well aware of her double speak. "I must admit I like what I see."
Alicia felt the flush rise up her neck, fought it down before it reached her face and prayed the other woman didn't notice. There was a flame of pleasure, hope and a little inappropriate attraction burning in her chest now at the woman's flirting, something she should deny...
"Now Alicia." Ayani spoke, drawing her out of her thoughts. "I'm afraid I asked you here on false pretences."
"Really?" Alicia smiled, unable to keep the suggestive tone from tripping off her tongue.
Ayani laughed once more. "Really. You know this fundraiser we have to go to in a week?"
Alicia nodded, the thought of it bringing her mood down a little. She hated the things, dreaded returning to their base in the city to fetch her dress uniform. It might have given Taylor a date by which he had to be back in the country, but otherwise the damn things could take a hike as far as she was concerned.
"I do ma'am."
Ayani blithely ignored her downturn in mood, settling the bill as she talked. "I need a new dress, and I am not about to turn down the chance of a female eye when I finally have one around."
"Ayani I'm not sure..." Alicia immediately protested.
"Nonsense." Ayani said, cutting off her process before it even started. "I trust your opinion, Alicia. And we're going to go now, before you lose your nerve."
-
Despite the frequency of the activity during her week with Ayani, shopping was not a talent that Alicia had ever managed to gain, not even with the prompting of her mother. It was done only when absolutely necessary and even then in poor spirits - it was certainly never done for recreation.
Until now, apparently.
Alicia sat back in the plush chair in the private fitting room (she assumed Ayani was able to use her expenses for event outfits because while the Taylors were more than comfortable, they weren't really on this level) and fiddled with the hem of her jacket while she waited. Ayani had already made it through three dresses without even asking the soldier's opinion, and it was starting to get a little boring.
"Alicia?" Ayani called from behind the curtain.
Alicia sat up a little straighter at the sound of the pleased voice. "Yes Ayani?"
"I must admit I rather like this one." Ayani said. "But you must promise to give me your true opinion."
"I promise, Ayan-."
The response died in her throat when the attendant pulled the curtain back, revealing Ayani in her latest dress. It was a floor length and strapless in a deep dark red that went perfectly with her auburn hair. The bodice was tight, clinging to her torso and giving her not unimpressive cleavage. The skirt fell to the floor in waves of silky material and as Ayani twirled, Alicia's mouth went a little dry.
She cleared her throat and pasted on a smile, but still couldn't quite find her voice while Ayani was standing there looking expectantly at her.
"That good, huh?" Ayani smirked.
Alicia cleared her throat. "Beautiful." She said.
She wasn't entirely sure whether she meant Ayani or the dress. And from the curious look on the older woman's face, neither was she.
#
After the first week passed, Alicia often found herself curled up on the sofa of an evening , learning how to relax once more after so long away from creature comforts. She was getting better after two weeks spent in the Taylor home, but she still struggled to find something that worked for her.
She tried to watch television, but found herself unable to settle. Films held her attention longer but she was reliant on Ayani's recommendations and so while the woman was otherwise occupied Alicia had to find another way of passing the time.
Often she ended up reading, proper books from shelves dotted around the Taylor home, books like she hadn't seen since her mother was alive. It was in one such story that she was engrossed when she noticed a shadow fall over her page, looked up to see Ayani standing in front of her with a glass of whiskey in each hand.
"That's one of my favourites." She said as Alicia put the book to one side, took the proffered drink.
"What's this for?" Alicia asked with a smile.
"A celebration." Ayani said, seeming to Alicia's eyes as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "Nathaniel just called, he'll be home tomorrow."
Alicia smiled at the thought of seeing Taylor again, sipping at the dark liquid and enjoying the burn as Ayani seated herself alongside, curling her legs underneath herself. The older woman was dressed casually in sweatpants and a light sweater and Alicia's happiness faded a little when she became aware that she felt somewhat exposed in her shorts and a tank. She could almost feel the older woman's eyes on her as they passed over her lower body, watched the politician smile privately and take a swallow of liquor.
"You have gorgeous legs, Alicia."
The sergeant snorted into her glass, earning a curious look in response. She blamed the ease of her reply on her comfort and the alcohol. "That's the first thing I noticed about you ma'am."
Ayani laughed, a sweet little sound that was almost a giggle, raising her glass in a toast. "To good taste."
Alicia echoed the sentiment, all the while marvelling to herself how easy it had been to compliment the woman, how easy it had been to tell the truth and not feel judged for it. How easily Ayani had admitted admiration in return, and how warm the praise made her feel.
And how utterly, utterly screwed she was.
-
Whatever film Ayani selected for them that evening was completely lost on Alicia. She was hyper aware of the woman next to her to a degree that she found quite intimidating, unlike anything she could remember feeling for quite some time.
It didn't help that when Ayani settled more firmly on the couch after setting them up for the film, she was significantly closer than before. Alicia's feet brushed the older woman's thigh and it was a battle to act like a normal human being and not flinch at the innocent contact.
Ayani smiled over at her, not commenting on her reaction even if it had been noted. She settled back to enjoy the film and so Alicia followed suit, trying to actually concentrate on what was playing out on the screen.
The difficulty of such a venture meant that she spent the majority of the two hours staring mutely at the screen, ignoring Ayani's warmth beside her, and trying to react in the correct way at the correct times. Eventually, Ayani paused the playback of the film and shifted to face her, frowning.
"What's wrong?" She asked bluntly.
Alicia tried to smile, but it probably came out closer to a grimace. "Nothing's wrong ma'am."
"Ayani." The older woman corrected. "Now I know something's wrong. Alicia, please tell me."
Ayani reached out to take her hand, but this time Alicia did flinch away, getting hastily to her feet and standing awkwardly next to the sofa. She hesitated, not wanting to flee yet finding it harder to ignore the warning bells in her head. But Ayani looked hurt as she too got to her feet, and Alicia's heart couldn't take that, couldn't actively cause pain to the woman who had been so unnecessarily kind.
"I'm sorry." She said quietly, suddenly feeling very young, very uncertain.
Ayani gently tucked a strand of hair behind the younger woman's ear. "Whatever for?"
What happened next was simultaneously the most selfish, stupid thing Alicia had ever done, and the bravest choice she had made since she signed herself into military service. Ayani was so close, so tempting, so much of what she wanted and yet still unfamiliar, unknown.
It was therefore far too easy to close the gap between them, let instinct take over as she lowered her head, saw the flicker of uncertainty (of interest) in the depths of Ayani's green eyes before she was kissing her commanding officer's wife and it felt like perfection.
For one blissful moment, Alicia felt Ayani start to respond, felt lips start to move back against her own, felt the older woman's smaller hands come to ghost along her sides, then settle on her hips.
And then the contact was lost so abruptly that Alicia thought she might have imagined it, until she focussed on Ayani once more and found her standing alarmingly still, lip caught between her teeth.
The urge to run was immense, all-consuming, it burned through her like fire. But Alicia was a soldier. She would not run.
That didn't mean she couldn't shut herself down as she always had before, pushing the emotional pain out of her mind before it had a chance to take hold and bring her down.
Alicia saw Ayani's obvious distress upon noticing her face quickly wiped of all emotion, a second before she pulled herself up to attention. (It was, after all, a coping mechanism the Taylor woman was familiar with, Alicia had learnt the refinement of it from the best man she knew).
"Excuse me, ma'am." Alicia said detachedly, nodding once before passing the smaller woman and heading towards the stairs.
She heard her name called, just the once, in a voice full of frustration, but she didn't stop until the safety of her room. She shut the door with a soft click and then collapsed against it, sliding to the floor with a heavy sigh.
She'd managed to mess up what was turning out to be a perfect situation.
And tomorrow, her Colonel was coming home.
#
Waking up the next morning was a nightmare.
It started out much as it ever had, Alicia opening her eyes with the same feeling of safety and comfort that had greeted her every day of her stay thus far. But then.... then the memory hit, the feeling of utter dejection so strong that it left her motionless for some time.
She heard Ayani call her for breakfast while she was staring mutely at the ceiling but ignored the summons for the first time in favour of showering, then packing her things up quickly and quietly. While she was shoving her clothing into the lone black bag she'd arrived with, the sound of Lucas's laughter filtered up to her, followed quickly by a deep rumble that was all too familiar. Her heart lurched in her chest at the thought of seeing Taylor now, a mixture of hope and failure creating a vortex of pain that she forced herself to ignore.
Taking a final look around the room she had been so kindly given - and it would be a final look, she was certain, she would not be welcome here any longer - she stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind her.
She crept down the stairs, intent on slipping out and walking back to town when another laugh sounded to her right, one of pleasure and surprise.
"Wash!" She heard, and turned to see Taylor walking through from the kitchen to greet her.
Working on instinct alone, Alicia came to attention, dropping her bag to the floor. "Sir. Glad to see you home safe, sir."
He looked her over curiously for a moment, not missing a thing from the image she presented. He frowned at the bag, stepping closer. "You planning on going somewhere?"
Ayani stepped through into the entranceway as he spoke, rushed forward at his words. "Alicia?" She asked, face falling immediately at what she saw.
Lucas was beside her, impatient as ever to know what was going on, and his face lit up when he saw his friend. "Wash!" He cried, all childlike joy, as if he hadn't seen her for days. "Will you teach me that card trick again? I want to show Stephanie..."
Alicia forced a smile to her face at the mention of the boy's crush. "Maybe later, Lucas."
Ayani slipped a hand over her son's shoulder, guiding him towards the stairs. "Why don't you go get ready for school, your father will come for you when it's time to go."
Lucas grumbled, but went anyway, all three adults watching him leave before the Taylors turned their attention back to Alicia.
"Sir, I'd like to request redeployment asap." She said, falling into parade rest, eyes fixed firmly on the wall over his shoulder.
She didn't miss the alarm in Ayani's gaze, green eyes set imploringly on her. Neither did she miss the way Taylor snuck a look at his wife out if the corner of his eye before turning his attention back to her. "Explain, sergeant."
"Please sir. I could be of more use out there."
"Alicia..." Ayani spoke, voice thick with emotion.
Taylor looked between the two of them now, openly curious and confused. "I'll... give you two a moment." He said slowly, walking through to the kitchen.
Alicia stood steady under Ayani's critical gaze, not flinching when she drew closer, purposeful steps bringing the older woman to stand in front of her.
Slowly, as if not to scare a nervous animal, Ayani reached up to smooth her hands over Alicia's cheeks, cupping her face and holding her steady.
"Alicia, please explain." She implored, voice soothingly quiet.
Alicia remained still only through years of practice, her heart hammering in her chest as she sought the words to make this sound better than it was. "I... kissed you."
Ayani hummed, nodding. "And?"
"And you're married." Alicia said, brown eyes dark and desperate.
"This is true."
"To my commanding officer!" Alicia finished in a hushed whisper.
Ayani smiled sadly. "Who you are deeply in love with."
Alicia's eyes fluttered closed unbidden, hating that she'd done such a poor job of hiding it, hating that Ayani could read her so well after only a couple of weeks. She tipped her head up and down in an approximation of a nod, didn't open her eyes even when Ayani exhaled heavily.
Then there was a gentle press of lips to her own, a calm, tender kiss that sent sparks of pleasure through her like fireworks. She imagined she felt the tip of Ayani's tongue swipe over the line between her lips before the older woman pulled back.
"And now I've kissed you."
"Oh Ayani." Alicia breathed, letting her eyes link with the older woman's finally. "That just makes things so much worse."
Ayani let out a little sigh, and leant to press her forehead against Alicia's. The soldier could scarcely breathe with the press of emotions on her chest, but felt her arms encircle the older woman of their own volition.
"I don't know what to do." She whispered, not wanting to let go even though it felt like her only option.
"Alicia..." Ayani started, stepping back and taking the younger woman's hands from her body, holding them firmly in her own. "Can you do me a favour?"
"Anything." Alicia breathed, not even surprised by the force of truth behind her utterance.
The older woman smiled, rubbed a thumb over Alicia's lower lip. "I need to talk to my husband." She said, tightening the grip she had on the soldier's right hand when the younger woman recoiled slightly at the suggestion. "Please don't panic. Trust me."
It seemed ridiculous to Alicia to believe such a request with such conviction, but she did. She did. "I do trust you, Ayani."
The light returned to the older woman's eyes at this statement, and she squeezed Alicia's hand once more. "Good. That's very good." She chuckled. "Can I suggest you wait outside? The front porch is very nice at this time of day - but you don't have to, my dear. Above all I want you to be comfortable, do you understand?"
Alicia nodded. "I'll do that, ma'am."
The seriousness of their situation truly struck home when Ayani didn't chastise her for her slip, merely leant to press another gentle kiss to her lips before walking through to the kitchen.
Alicia let her hand come up to play over her lips as she moved her bag to sit beside the door, feeling them tingle even now. She shook her head at the romanticism of that thought, and let herself out onto the front porch as promised. The morning was crisp and cool, the air still fresh outside of the city. It made her feel better almost instantly, despite the uncertainty of her life in that moment, and she leant against the railing to wait.
#
Ayani walked through to the kitchen with her head whirling with ideas, plans, possibilities and options, none of which she could quite settle on. She knew what she wanted, had a pretty good idea of what Alicia was hoping for.
But her husband was an unknown, in this.
She found him sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of water half-full in front of him. He painted a relaxed picture, reclined back in the chair, but she knew better - she could read the tension in his body, saw it increase when she walked over to join him.
"What's going on Ayani?"
She settled in the chair and folded her arms on the table, regarding him carefully. "I'm afraid we might have a problem."
He straightened at this, leaning towards her. "A problem?" He echoed. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is strictly wrong. Just... we have a rather important decision to make with regards to Alicia." She said. "You must have noticed there was some tension between the three of us, just now."
Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "I'm not blind, Ayani."
"No, dear, neither am I." Ayani smiled. "And while it might be a very long time since I was courted, I can recognise when someone is interested in me."
Her husband's eyes widened a little at this. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying exactly what you think I am." Ayani said. "I can also recognise when someone is interested in you, for that matter."
Nathaniel scoffed, uneasy. "Me? Ayani..."
"Yes dear? Don't try and pretend you've not noticed. Not seen the way she lights up when you're mentioned, when you walk in to the room." She said, smiling reassuringly. "Of course, she's good at hiding it. Most of the time. But I know what it is to love you, I recognise the signs. And why do you think she's so devastated now?"
Settling back down with his elbows on the table, Nathaniel levelled her with a reluctantly curious look. "You're going to have to tell me what happened before I can answer that."
"While you were away, Alicia kissed me." Ignoring Nathaniel's shock, Ayani powered on. "And I didn't stop her - I might even have encouraged her interest, I'm not sure. And just now, I kissed her in return."
There was a long pause. "... And that's why she wants to go back?"
"Yes dear. She is mortified, for no good reason."
Nathaniel sat quietly for a moment, working through the information she has provided. "Two weeks... Ayani, this seems to have happened pretty damn quickly."
Ayani shrugged, resting her chin on an upturned palm. "I feel like I've known her almost as long as you have, the way you talk about her. You must see in yourself that's she's always been more to you. Beyond a subordinate, even if you've never thought of her that way consciously."
"I haven't-." Nathaniel interjected.
"I know darling, I trust you." Ayani smiled, taking his hand. "If I feel like she's been a part of my life for well over a year now, then she must feel the same about me. It felt right when I met her. Like we were supposed to have met, been brought together. I don't believe in fate, darling, you know that. But this comes quite close."
A wry smile turned her husband's lips. "I seem to remember you made me work much harder."
Ayani affected a large, dramatic, sigh. "You're just not as easy on the eye."
Nathaniel growled playfully, bringing her hand to his lips and nipping at the inside of her wrist. He soothed it with a kiss, a cover up, Ayani knew, for him formulating his next question.
"Lay it out for me Ayani." He said eventually. "What is it you want?"
"This woman, this funny, smart, beautiful woman would lay down her life for you, we both know that to be true. I think we owe her something in return." Ayani said. "And it is something I want to give."
A crease appeared between her husband's eyes. "You want to... invite her into our marriage?"
"Oh, Nathaniel that makes it sound so cold. No, darling. I want us both to be free to become almost painfully fond of her, to appreciate her as she deserves, and eventually I don't doubt, to love her." She said, passion making her voice waver somewhat. "It would be a complement, not an intrusion."
She watched Nathaniel take her words in, could practically see the cogs turning in his head. Ayani knew her husband, he would never dismiss an idea out of turn if it had even the slightest hint of merit. His next words would be key, would determine if he had listened to her reasoning at all.
"What would happen when we deployed again?" He said, and Ayani understood that, if not at the same conclusion, they were now at least on the same page.
She had not misread him, was correct in judging the quite unique way he discussed his medic as being a more personal level of interest, perhaps still innocent in his conscious mind, but more convoluted in his subconscious.
"Has Alicia ever showed you preference over other members of the squad? Ever tended to you, when someone else was more in need?" She smiled when Nathaniel shook his head. "No, because you're both professionals. Why should that change? I'd hazard that it may even make her a better soldier, to bring down some of her barriers, make her more willing to rely on her instincts."
"Wash had always been instinctive, that's what's making me accept this so quickly. She wouldn't have kissed you if it didn't seem right to her, she's not a spontaneous person."
Ayani nodded, accepting his point, accepting his better knowledge of Alicia. "Then I think we have our answer." She said. "Alicia wants us both. I want her. The question is now, do you?"
"What would you say if I said yes?"
Ayani grinned. "I would be extremely pleased."
He took both of her hands firmly. "You're sure?"
"I am." She assured him. "I'm sure, I'm confident in your love for me and I'm certain, one hundred percent, that our actions will make all three of us happy beyond belief."
Nathaniel looked at her like he couldn't quite believe his luck - an awed, innocent expression that had been too long missing from her husband's eyes. "What happens now?"
"I'll go upstairs while you talk to her. If you're both happy, send her to me. Take Lucas to school and when you get back... join us."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that." Ayani returned, standing and leaning her hip against the side of the kitchen table.
Nathaniel joined her, hands resting on her hips. His uncertainty was fading as he allowed the impish pleasure to overtake him. He looked younger than he had in years. "It's a good thing we have a big bed." He teased.
Ayani smiled, humming with pleasure as she embraced him. "That's almost like fate too."
#
The minutes spent pacing on the porch had been the longest wait of Alicia's life, knowing that within the house behind her a monumental decision was being made. Would she be welcome to stay, perhaps even - did she dare hope? - welcomed into a life that she wanted more than she could quite handle. Or would she be on the first transport back to the front line?
The front door opened and she turned on her heel to see her commanding officer step out of the house and look around for her. When his eyes lit upon her they were shuttered, not giving anything away, not helping her to form a picture of what had occurred.
Before he could even open his mouth Alicia blurted, "I'm sorry sir."
His frown wasn't affected, was born of genuine confusion. "What for?"
"Sir?" Alicia asked.
"What are you sorry for?"
Alicia felt suddenly lost, for the first time not immediately sure what her commanding officer was thinking. "I kissed your wife, sir." She said, feeling quite pathetic.
Taylor nodded. "And she kissed you. Definitely something worth considering in that, but not something you need to apologise for."
A mixture of surprise, concern and hope flooded her, leaving her not entirely sure what to say.
Taylor took the decision out of her hands, gesturing to the bench. "Have a seat, Wash."
Alicia did as he asked, seating herself with ramrod straight posture and folding her hands in her lap. She looked down at them for a long time, hoping he would speak first, hoping he would know how to approach this better than she did. But eventually the silence became too long, too painful, and she sighed before speaking.
"Ayani explained what happened?" She asked tentatively.
"She did." He confirmed. "She also made a quite interesting proposal."
Alicia thought back to Ayani's quiet confidence as she dismissed her to the porch, the flicker of a plan in the older woman's eyes. Had she been less confused, Alicia would have queried it at the time.
"A proposal sir?"
Taylor nodded. "She has become very fond of you, you know. More so than I would ever have expected. She values your loyalty and willingness to save my ass almost as much as I do." He smiled when she huffed out a laugh. "Ayani wants to show you how much it means to her.... As do I."
Alicia's reliance on stoicism had never been so required at the confirmation of what she had suspected - open arms from the Taylors into a world of love and acceptance she could only have dreamt of.
"Is this the right thing to do?" She asked - letting herself believe it, letting herself need it. "I want it so badly, but so much could go wrong, I want to be sure."
"Wash... It's not exactly like I have experience in this." Taylor admitted with a wry smile, reaching out for her hand and then hesitating.
Taking a chance, Alicia caught it and linked their fingers, feeling a low hum of pleasure and rightness spread through her body from the point of contact.
Taylor brought their linked hands to his mouth and pressed a light kiss to the back of her hand. Alicia felt the bands around her heart loosen, the tightness in her chest ease at his gesture. It was more than she could have hoped for so soon.
"This is a very new way of thinking for me, Wash." He murmured against her skin, before bringing their hands down to rest on his thigh.
"I know."
The seriousness with which he was regarding her should have set her on edge, made her nervous. Instead it soothed, comforted - it was serious. And treating it otherwise would be foolish.
"I don't want to rush it." He continued.
"I know."
"But at the same time I... I'm curious to see where it could go."
Alicia felt some of the weight lift from her shoulders at his admittance and couldn't force down the hesitant upturn of her lips. "You are? Honestly? Because this isn't something to half-heartedly attempt sir."
"Wash." He said firmly. "I know my own mind. Might have taken you both to clear the fog, but I know what I want."
Alicia smiled properly now. "What exactly do you want sir?"
He smirked. "Isn't it obvious?"
Alicia shrugged. "Would like to hear it."
"Well..." He chuckled. "That's another thing I'm not willing to rush."
Alicia felt her face fall without her permission to do so, leading Taylor to sigh and reach out to cup her cheek, rubbing a thumb along her lower lip.
"Anything about this strike you as complete madness?" He asked, previous levity gone from his voice.
Alicia nodded. "All of it sir."
"Good. Glad it's not just me."
Alicia snorted, leaning into the firmness of his touch on her. "If we do this, what happens when we deploy?"
Taylor's back straightened. "That's a good question, soldier. Can I rely on you to keep your emotions in check?"
"I think so sir. I've managed to hide that I'm in love with you for nearly two years, so I have practice."
Alicia's eyes widened when she realised what she had admitted, fighting the urge to recoil in horror from such truth. But Nathaniel simply nodded, accepting her words, digesting their meaning.
"I can't deny you've done a fine job of that if it took Ayani to make me see the truth."
At the mention of his wife, Alicia cleared her throat. "It seems too good to be true."
Taylor smiled. "This is all her, Wash. I'm just following in her wake."
"I'm beginning to understand how that works, sir." Alicia admitted. "I'm still so sor-."
Taylor shot her a stern glare, prompting her to fall silent immediately. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you keep saying sorry?" He elaborated.
"It feels like I took advantage of her hospitality. Of your willingness to send me home to her."
"I can promise you she doesn't see it that way." Taylor said.
"And you?"
"I..." He paused, clearly sorting his thoughts through. "I certainly can't blame you for falling for her."
Alicia chuckled, pulling her hand away to release her ponytail and run her hands through her hair. She noticed Taylor's eyes firmly fixed on her, taking her in in what she imagined was an entirely new way. It was... pleasant to be watched in such a way by a male gaze again, even if it was so far beyond anything she expected when she stepped off the plane two weeks ago.
"And I can't blame her for falling for you." He said gruffly.
Alicia swallowed heavily at his words. "Thank you sir."
Taylor laughed. "You're very welcome."
Mentally rolling her eyes at the way that two previously level headed soldiers were managing to talk themselves in circles, she propped her elbow on the back of the seat and leant her head on her hand. "What happens now?"
"It's up to you." He said. "But Ayani is waiting for you upstairs, if you want."
A rush of heat flooded her body with such alarming speed that her breath caught in her throat at the suggestion. Ayani was waiting for her right now? It was more than she could quite get sorted out in her head.
"I would like that." She found herself saying, her mouth and brain forming the words that she couldn't believe she would dare admit. "What about you sir?"
"I have a few things to take care of first." He said, blue eyes warm and showing his hunger at the prospect in front of him. "But I will join you after."
"Good." Alicia smiled, satisfied. She stood, heading for the door but stopping by his side, smoothing a confident hand over his shoulder. "We'll keep the bed warm sir."
His growl followed her into the house, making her blood pulse harder in her veins and her skin tingle with promise. It was a sensation that lasted precisely as long as it took her to catch sight of the staircase stretching apparently endlessly before her. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her foot onto the first step and moved surely into the next stage of her life.