Conclusion, I'm Straight.
Ok, So I've been scanning this for awhile now, and I have come to a conclusion. You are not born gay or straight or bi, w/e that shit is. Its basically because of your thoughts. While the brain thinks of things without your control, you also think on will. And The images that you think can enter your brain, then alter the chemicals to have you
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Keep in mind that doctors have shown physical differences in the brains of gay and straight people.
Also, that would mean that straight people keep themselves straight by "straight thoughts" and prayer and thus can't be gay. Think for a moment. One trick I use on my straight friends that works extremely well to get the point across is to ask them to picture in their mind somebody they like very well of the same sex, and then try and imagine being sexually attracted. Most of the time it's a resounding NO unless the person has had thoughts previous, but then you are getting into bisexual territory.
You're right that there are a lot of chemicals going on, but we know by now that there is a lot more going on. Kinsey did a HUGE study indicating that there are people are across the gamut from completely straight to completely gay, but the two most important points are that he showed that most people are NOT purely straight or gay and then you add that to the physical differences in the brain which have been recently shown and you should get a conclusion that people are born that way. I'm not sure how you can interpret it any other way. Perhaps if the physical brain differences weren't there, but since they are, then how do you figure?
Again, I'd like to encourage you to read up on Kinsey and his studies. I'll see if I can find a link to the results of the brain differences things. It was only a few years ago...
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I have read a bit about the Kinsey studies, and I agree with Kinsey about not everyone being straight nor gay. Why do I agree? Because I have seen it before with myself. I mean shit, I wasn't thinking I was gay till I thought about attractive males back when I was younger, then hearing the word "You're gay," Or "That's Gay." allot. In different standpoints also did something. You're mind trick thing...Been there, done that. And now, I don't find them not attractive anymore. But what I have found out, I don't mind affection at all, I've hugged a man before, but I've also hugged a women too.
And this weird little thing I have with these "Physical Differences" I don't believe it, because I haven't seen a human brain with my own two eyes before. If I would actually see a brain and observe it and I would see the differences, then I would believe it.
The Mind is a very powerful weapon. It can either help you or fuck you.
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The last sentence I wrote to you was encouragement to find what felt right to you in your heart, but also to look at the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter however is that if some doctors or scientists, who are vastly more qualified than you or I, can tell the difference and say that the degree of how straight or gay you are is inborn because of physical differences, then I accept it as such. Is it the definitive answer? No, because there never truly is one, however this is way more then my eyes or somebody elses eyes playing tricks on them. This was an observation made by scientists and physicians that showed striking similarities in brain structure between gay men and straight women. I don't personally question a doctor on how they come to centuries of medical knowledge and understanding because I am infinitely unqualified to do so. If it pertains to me specifically, I expect the doctor to explain, but I certainly don't second guess. Only another doctor can usually do that. Do you truly feel qualified to look at two brains and tell the difference? I certainly don't.
I take your last sentence along with the statement that you can imagine yourself gay or straight as an insult, mainly because I spent many years lying to myself and everyone around me trying to prove I was straight. I wanted to badly to be straight that when the signs were there, I ignored them, and it caused me more than 10 years of pain. If I could have wished myself straight, I would have. When I finally realized and accepted that I was gay after all those years of dreading I might be, it was a massive relief, despite my wanting badly to be straight. Nobody who had a choice would have chosen this, at least not back in the 70's and 80's. The amount of hate and disgust was staggering. In a way, I'm lucky because I can live openly now here in MA, but not long ago, I was too ashamed and afraid to live an openly gay life.
If your heart and body tell you you're straight, then you are. If it tells you you're bi, then you are. If it tells you you're gay, then you are. I'm not saying you're gay or even 50/50, however if you are attracted -sexually- in the slightest to guys what-so-ever, then you're not purely hetero, just like most people aren't and what I am trying to say is that that's OK. Don't try and force yourself into being something you aren't. That was the mistake I made and it seemed to me you were trying awfully hard to make sure you didn't view yourself bi or gay in the slightest. I'm familiar with the fear and self denial patterns, and it just seemed to me that just maybe you were possibly doing the same thing. If you aren't, then that's good.
Also, don't take this the wrong way, but I think you could use a good therapist to help you deal with your difficulty with your dad. I know how difficulties between yourself and a parent can really cause a lot of problems, and having somebody to listen and help you sort through your feels can really be a very good thing, as long as the person is good at what they do. A few of your recent posts raised more than an eyebrow with me and I am a bit concerned for you. You're a good guy, and I think you need some assistance in helping you sort through your thoughts and feelings, especially where your dad is concerned. I hope you're not taking this crossly. Good luck to you!
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You see I know I am not qualified, but I know that if you put three different colors of food coloring in a bowl of milk close together, then you add dish soap. And you see the food coloring will separate at different parts of the bow. I know and believe this because I have actually done it before, even got pictures on my phone of that. This is a big reason I don't believe in born sexuality. Because I haven't seen the outcomes. And I'm sure I will learn it, because I want to learn it. But you know of a scientific hero I have? Issac Newton. Hes a big inspiration of why I really gotten into the scientific field.
Funny thing Is Dude, I use to say "I'm straight," But something would tell me I'm gay, but it was the other way around too. Now I say I'm Straight and feel strong about it. But Hey, I don't mind hugging guys.
Dude, I fucking love you. I like it how we can really just type about things, it makes me think. I'm not taking it the wrong way at all. And I'll also tell you this. I do talk to someone about the thoughts I've been having. I'm defiantly gonna tell him how I feel when I heard my brother being on a hit list. But it turned out to be a bomb threat. Anyway thanks for being concerned. Though the only thing I feel like I can do for now, Is keep fighting for my life. Well we'll see how my Dad and I handle each other, I go there the 20th.
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