Don't tell me you're trying to help me out!?!?
I love when he tells me that he'll do x, y, or z to "help me out" or "make it easier on me". REALLY!?!?!?!? Haven't you done enough!?!?
I asked if he could keep Jo today while I go to work. He said he would but he didn't want her being shuffled around late at night because "he wants what's best for her" (again, REALLY!?!?). I told him that mom volunteered to meet him in town and pick Jovi up so she could put her to bed at a decent hour and so Jo wouldn't be shuffled around late at night. He said he didn't want to see my family because he left me and he's sure they don't like him very much. Yes, I never thought about the fact that you left me and my family may be less than fans of yours. *sigh / shakes head*
I told him to think about it from my point of view. If he doesn't want to see my family, imagine how I feel when I have to drop Jovi off or pick her up from K's house; or when K comes with him to pick Jovi up or drop her off. Yes, I'm sure it's nice to have someone go with you on your drive. Yes, I'm sure it's nice to have someone to get feedback from. Sure, that sounds great. But I don't have it. I don't get someone helping me out. I don't have someone that's there for me at 11 o'clock at night when I'm falling apart because my world is in pieces. I don't have someone I can talk to after you make me cry for the um-teenth time. I am reminded EVERY DAY how alone I am. How I don't have someone there to fill the emotional void you left.
Why can't I have what I want? No, our marriage was not perfect, but whose is? I know that there were things we needed to work on. I know there were things that didn't work for us. I know that there's no way we will ever go back to what we had. And maybe that's just it. Maybe God has a plan. Maybe? No. God DOES have a plan. Maybe it involves Christopher and me being together, maybe it doesn't.
Okay. Time to get back to reality. Showers, rehearsal, work..... *sigh
One day I'm going to get a break. One day I'm going to feel wanted. One day I'm going to have the future I dreamed of.
I asked if he could keep Jo today while I go to work. He said he would but he didn't want her being shuffled around late at night because "he wants what's best for her" (again, REALLY!?!?). I told him that mom volunteered to meet him in town and pick Jovi up so she could put her to bed at a decent hour and so Jo wouldn't be shuffled around late at night. He said he didn't want to see my family because he left me and he's sure they don't like him very much. Yes, I never thought about the fact that you left me and my family may be less than fans of yours. *sigh / shakes head*
I told him to think about it from my point of view. If he doesn't want to see my family, imagine how I feel when I have to drop Jovi off or pick her up from K's house; or when K comes with him to pick Jovi up or drop her off. Yes, I'm sure it's nice to have someone go with you on your drive. Yes, I'm sure it's nice to have someone to get feedback from. Sure, that sounds great. But I don't have it. I don't get someone helping me out. I don't have someone that's there for me at 11 o'clock at night when I'm falling apart because my world is in pieces. I don't have someone I can talk to after you make me cry for the um-teenth time. I am reminded EVERY DAY how alone I am. How I don't have someone there to fill the emotional void you left.
Why can't I have what I want? No, our marriage was not perfect, but whose is? I know that there were things we needed to work on. I know there were things that didn't work for us. I know that there's no way we will ever go back to what we had. And maybe that's just it. Maybe God has a plan. Maybe? No. God DOES have a plan. Maybe it involves Christopher and me being together, maybe it doesn't.
Okay. Time to get back to reality. Showers, rehearsal, work..... *sigh
One day I'm going to get a break. One day I'm going to feel wanted. One day I'm going to have the future I dreamed of.