The Big, Bad Pains of the World
I'm trying to understand the logic of the world.
What're the odds between someone getting better from a serious illness and not?
I mean, there are medical reasons, histories, blah blah blah.
But when it really comes down to it, why certain people?
How can someone be healthy one day and then suddenly not the next day?
Every once in a while, I hear a friend say, sometimes a good friend, "My **** has cancer." And until now, I had always reacted in a very sympathetic, unsure, but genuinely concerned kind of way, knowing it was something bad, that had tricky odds, so I just told them to hope for the best and to stay positive.
But it's different now. It's hard to know the utter fear of losing a loved one to cancer unless it's happened to you before. It's difficult to accept someone being alright one day and slowly deteriorating from a disease the next. When I hear someone say their **** has actually died of cancer, I can't help but think they were chosen for a reason. I'm not saying that karma had any part in it, or that anyone who has died of cancer deserved it for something.
But it's hard to accept that they had to go through it while other people didn't. Why them? Why are certain people picked to go through the misery of this horrible disease? Why does it exist? Why are some people freakishly healthy, running marathons at 75 while others die at 30 from heart attacks?
I know a lot of people do terrible things to their body without consciously thinking it'll harm them. But there are some people who do the same terrible things with no consequence. I don't understand it.
I want to know why my mom was picked to be one of those misfortunate people. Some people have never been in the hospital once, even in their late years, while others are forced to sit in waiting rooms for two hours, writhing in pain, unsure of what's wrong with them. I mean, I would know firsthand. I got a lifelong disease from an herbal acne medication I had taken as an early teen. Why was it in my genes that both of my parents had a recessive allele that was severely allergic to that one chemical (doxycycline)? Why was it passed down to me? And why was I given that one specific drug in my life? There were plenty of other treatments. What force of fate decided some crazy Chinese doctor (who wasn't even my PCP) would give me that specific pill? Why do people have diseases we've never even heard of before? Why did they deserve it and not someone else? Why are there people living in prison lifting weights and getting three meals a day during their punishment while young mothers die from birth complications?
Why does my mother have to have breast cancer? And why does it run through my genes, every generation, so that I'll get it too? Why does she have to be hooked up to machines and have biopsies and spend thousands of dollars that we don't have on hospital visits? Why do I get to live easy when she's going through so much all the time??
WHY IS THE WORLD UNFAIR?
You know why?
...It just is.
What're the odds between someone getting better from a serious illness and not?
I mean, there are medical reasons, histories, blah blah blah.
But when it really comes down to it, why certain people?
How can someone be healthy one day and then suddenly not the next day?
Every once in a while, I hear a friend say, sometimes a good friend, "My **** has cancer." And until now, I had always reacted in a very sympathetic, unsure, but genuinely concerned kind of way, knowing it was something bad, that had tricky odds, so I just told them to hope for the best and to stay positive.
But it's different now. It's hard to know the utter fear of losing a loved one to cancer unless it's happened to you before. It's difficult to accept someone being alright one day and slowly deteriorating from a disease the next. When I hear someone say their **** has actually died of cancer, I can't help but think they were chosen for a reason. I'm not saying that karma had any part in it, or that anyone who has died of cancer deserved it for something.
But it's hard to accept that they had to go through it while other people didn't. Why them? Why are certain people picked to go through the misery of this horrible disease? Why does it exist? Why are some people freakishly healthy, running marathons at 75 while others die at 30 from heart attacks?
I know a lot of people do terrible things to their body without consciously thinking it'll harm them. But there are some people who do the same terrible things with no consequence. I don't understand it.
I want to know why my mom was picked to be one of those misfortunate people. Some people have never been in the hospital once, even in their late years, while others are forced to sit in waiting rooms for two hours, writhing in pain, unsure of what's wrong with them. I mean, I would know firsthand. I got a lifelong disease from an herbal acne medication I had taken as an early teen. Why was it in my genes that both of my parents had a recessive allele that was severely allergic to that one chemical (doxycycline)? Why was it passed down to me? And why was I given that one specific drug in my life? There were plenty of other treatments. What force of fate decided some crazy Chinese doctor (who wasn't even my PCP) would give me that specific pill? Why do people have diseases we've never even heard of before? Why did they deserve it and not someone else? Why are there people living in prison lifting weights and getting three meals a day during their punishment while young mothers die from birth complications?
Why does my mother have to have breast cancer? And why does it run through my genes, every generation, so that I'll get it too? Why does she have to be hooked up to machines and have biopsies and spend thousands of dollars that we don't have on hospital visits? Why do I get to live easy when she's going through so much all the time??
WHY IS THE WORLD UNFAIR?
You know why?
...It just is.