Taxing Freedom
Freedom isn’t free. It’s a commodity. If people are expected to ‘pay a price’, for ‘actions’, and ‘choices’, then freedom too should have a price attached to it. And that price is slavery. Or freedom taxes. By allowing people to enjoy freedom so indiscriminately in our country, we have sullied the good name of Lady Liberty. The only way to remedy the state of freedom in our country is to re-value freedom by putting a price on it. I propose that citizens should all pay freedom taxes. By valuing freedom at 50,000 dollars per citizen, I hope to allow none but the richest, most freedom loving citizens to enjoy the sweet caramel nugget that is our liberty. Citizens unable to pay freedom taxes should be enslaved so they can learn to enjoy freedom by not having it. Like wildebeests, slave-citizens will work under the yolk of anti-liberty while always casting a wistful glance to the green pastures on the other side of the forced labor camp fence. By valuing freedom with slavery, America will once again sink into the gilded bliss of the golden age of our Founding Fathers.
Rich people are better than poor people, because rich people can enjoy freedom more than the poor. By being able to buy anything you want, and by having the liberty to live a relatively indolent life-style, rich people are able to live the American dream. Money can buy you surgical beauty, so why not freedom? With freedom taxes and a large slave labor pool I propose to make rich people even more happy and free. With the close proximity of slaves, independent citizens will always be reminded that they are happier and much more free than their slaves.
The revenue from freedom taxes will be used to sponsor freedom infomercials and freedom advertising. Educational freedom videos will remind people that freedom isn’t free. Each freedom infomercial will be geared towards different groups, with the slavery infomercials marketed to remind slaves that they aren’t free, and with free-citizen infomercials informing free-citizens that they are not slaves. Freedom tax revenue will be used to construct freedom farms (forced labor camps), and each slave-citizen will be microchiped and collared to monitor and control behavior. Revenue will also be used to research how people can enjoy freedom in ways people have never enjoyed freedom before. Research will also be conducted to determine how freedom can be denied to slaves, and of course revenue will also be used to determine how to make better freedom infomercials.
By commodifying freedom, I hope to allow certain levels of freedom to surface in society. 50,000 dollars should buy you only a certain level of freedom. I propose a three tiered freedom scale, with the first 50,000 dollar mark allowing people to enjoy the basic level of freedom regular citizens now enjoy, except that freedom level one citizens will have the added bonus of owning a single slave. The second level of freedom will be 500,000 dollars. Freedom level 2 citizens will enjoy all the benefits of level 1 except they will have the freedom of owning as many slaves as they wish. Freedom level 3 citizens will be taxed 10,000,000 dollars, and they will have the freedom of being able to do whatever they want. Level 3 citizens will be able to kill and otherwise savage whomever they wish at their own discretion. No law will hinder level 3 citizens and they will be able to act in complete autonomy.
People no longer appreciate freedom in their lives because people no longer realize they have choices.
Freedom has become abstract for most people because people choose to not make foolish decisions. Or people choose to make choices with a perspective as to how it will and will not affect future choices and freedoms. We are all faced with choices in our lives. I myself was faced with the choice recently of either writing this paper or running through the woods screaming like a wildebeest. So I ran through the woods screaming like a wildebeest. While I was running I tripped in a moment of fear inspired vertigo and I fell onto my spine. It was a most excruciating experience full of spine tingling pain. But I made the choice. Maybe it wasn’t a very good choice in retrospect, but the choice was there, and that choice, sir, was sweet! Sweeter now than it was then due to the limited mobility my spine injury has induced in me. By contrasting my loping wildebeest experience with my new found sense of impairment I am now able to fully enjoy the experience. Freedom, like anything else, can only be made sweeter by depriving people of it.
So here I am, sitting, writing, thinking, and fingering a stomach wound caused by the indigestion of a pinecone. Imagining the golden days of my youth, when I frolicked much like a wildebeest, and when I stenciled on a piece of paper much as a wildebeest is prone to do. I was young in those days and I begin to wonder where those blissful wildebeest days went. Perhaps they went to Idaho, the sunshine state, but I know that would just be a lie. The truth is that those days flew past with a series of choices like sleeping, breathing and living. And it makes me sick to think that I’ve experienced so much freedom without the added bonus of seeing people who were not free. How can anybody stomach the sweetness of freedom without being able to cleanse their pallet with the bitterness of slavery? I think to myself how my own freedom has been compromised because I’ve taken it for granted. Without slaves, without a price, freedom has become by default worthless. Every day the enjoyment of freedom is compromised because people have nothing to contrast it too. This must stop. Freedom is far too precious to be considered as anything other than as a commodity. By quantifying freedom society can realize and enjoy the richness of what liberty can be, rather than accept the bland cheapness of a society in which everybody enjoys government sponsored equality.
Rich people are better than poor people, because rich people can enjoy freedom more than the poor. By being able to buy anything you want, and by having the liberty to live a relatively indolent life-style, rich people are able to live the American dream. Money can buy you surgical beauty, so why not freedom? With freedom taxes and a large slave labor pool I propose to make rich people even more happy and free. With the close proximity of slaves, independent citizens will always be reminded that they are happier and much more free than their slaves.
The revenue from freedom taxes will be used to sponsor freedom infomercials and freedom advertising. Educational freedom videos will remind people that freedom isn’t free. Each freedom infomercial will be geared towards different groups, with the slavery infomercials marketed to remind slaves that they aren’t free, and with free-citizen infomercials informing free-citizens that they are not slaves. Freedom tax revenue will be used to construct freedom farms (forced labor camps), and each slave-citizen will be microchiped and collared to monitor and control behavior. Revenue will also be used to research how people can enjoy freedom in ways people have never enjoyed freedom before. Research will also be conducted to determine how freedom can be denied to slaves, and of course revenue will also be used to determine how to make better freedom infomercials.
By commodifying freedom, I hope to allow certain levels of freedom to surface in society. 50,000 dollars should buy you only a certain level of freedom. I propose a three tiered freedom scale, with the first 50,000 dollar mark allowing people to enjoy the basic level of freedom regular citizens now enjoy, except that freedom level one citizens will have the added bonus of owning a single slave. The second level of freedom will be 500,000 dollars. Freedom level 2 citizens will enjoy all the benefits of level 1 except they will have the freedom of owning as many slaves as they wish. Freedom level 3 citizens will be taxed 10,000,000 dollars, and they will have the freedom of being able to do whatever they want. Level 3 citizens will be able to kill and otherwise savage whomever they wish at their own discretion. No law will hinder level 3 citizens and they will be able to act in complete autonomy.
People no longer appreciate freedom in their lives because people no longer realize they have choices.
Freedom has become abstract for most people because people choose to not make foolish decisions. Or people choose to make choices with a perspective as to how it will and will not affect future choices and freedoms. We are all faced with choices in our lives. I myself was faced with the choice recently of either writing this paper or running through the woods screaming like a wildebeest. So I ran through the woods screaming like a wildebeest. While I was running I tripped in a moment of fear inspired vertigo and I fell onto my spine. It was a most excruciating experience full of spine tingling pain. But I made the choice. Maybe it wasn’t a very good choice in retrospect, but the choice was there, and that choice, sir, was sweet! Sweeter now than it was then due to the limited mobility my spine injury has induced in me. By contrasting my loping wildebeest experience with my new found sense of impairment I am now able to fully enjoy the experience. Freedom, like anything else, can only be made sweeter by depriving people of it.
So here I am, sitting, writing, thinking, and fingering a stomach wound caused by the indigestion of a pinecone. Imagining the golden days of my youth, when I frolicked much like a wildebeest, and when I stenciled on a piece of paper much as a wildebeest is prone to do. I was young in those days and I begin to wonder where those blissful wildebeest days went. Perhaps they went to Idaho, the sunshine state, but I know that would just be a lie. The truth is that those days flew past with a series of choices like sleeping, breathing and living. And it makes me sick to think that I’ve experienced so much freedom without the added bonus of seeing people who were not free. How can anybody stomach the sweetness of freedom without being able to cleanse their pallet with the bitterness of slavery? I think to myself how my own freedom has been compromised because I’ve taken it for granted. Without slaves, without a price, freedom has become by default worthless. Every day the enjoyment of freedom is compromised because people have nothing to contrast it too. This must stop. Freedom is far too precious to be considered as anything other than as a commodity. By quantifying freedom society can realize and enjoy the richness of what liberty can be, rather than accept the bland cheapness of a society in which everybody enjoys government sponsored equality.