~Issues~
Here's the update about the therapist:
Well she was really nice. I was nervous and I think alot of the time I was just blabbering. We didnt really touch on the subjects I wanted to but she needed to get an idea of who I was. One situaion turned into another and so on. Ofcourse we talked about my father and I started crying. I dont talk about him and when I do it's not usually like "oh, I miss him" Its easier for me to just kinda forget or pretend that he's near and I just cant see/talk to him. Say what you will but I deal with shit the way I want to. Whether its right or wrong.
Then it was onto when I was growing up. Well I have had a full time job since I was 14 years old. Had two jobs in High School and still managed to graduate a year early and with flying colors, all the while smoking weed everyday, and sneaking out of my house every night until like 4-5 in the morning and going to sleep for an hour and doing it all over again. Well, she was very surprised about this. Then she says "You've never really had a normal life, have you?" What am I supposed to say? I had to do what I had to do. Ive always been like that. I can get everything done that needs to and then make time to "relax". Yes, we figured out that I have always turned to something (drugs,alcohol????) for relaxiation. I dont know, Ive always been so busy and thats what happened. I really dont know how, but thats still me to this day.
All in all, I left her office confused. I didnt know what she thought or what I thought. I was depressed. For alot of reasons, I guess. My dad was the main one, and then myself also. I didnt expect to feel so depressed, I thought I would go there and leave with some kind of relief. Yeah, that didnt happen. When I got home I tried so desperately to hide it from Steve but he's too smart for me. I was sitting at the table and I ended up sitting on the chair he broke the other day, and it just like split in all different pieces... laugh now cuz I am too but damn it hurt. It scratched my back up pretty badly! So yeah I went into the bedroom and just cried. So of course Steve comes in to consoul me, but I was just so.... I dont know.
Ok so I started writing this like hours ago, but I'm so busy at work I cant finish it until tonight....
So, I will talk to ya guys later tonight!
Bye, Bye