so tonight marks a changing point in my life..
i realized that i care more about my ex-girlfriend now, then i have ever while we were together for 2 years.
today, sunday, is her 21st birthday. and i wanted to call her to wish her a happy birthday.
so on the way home from ponte's party i called her, it was about 2:30 am.
some guy picked up the phone and said they were busy, then hung up on me.
so i called back, and her girl friend answered the phone.(i will leave her name out)
she asked me why i have been calling over and over again. and i told her that i was trying to be nice and wish alaina a happy birthday.
so she said hold on and gave alaina the phone.
she sounded extremely drunk, not to mention as if she had just finished vomiting. and just sounded like she wasnt feeling well at all.
so i was completely concerned and asked if she was alright, and to please tell me the truth. she said they were having a great time and everything was just fine.
i asked where she was.
she said in philly, her mom got her a room for the night.
then i told her i really want her to call me when she wakes up later today. and she said ok. i told her to promise me, and she said she promised.. i just hope she remembers that i called and to call me back.
i didnt know what to think the rest of my ride home.
when i got home i called her back again. because i was just really concerned.
and her friend answered the phone again...and wanted to know why i wanted to get back into her life. i told her i was just trying to be a good friend and wish her a happy birthday. and she said to me that 'i broke her heart, so why am i trying to get back into her life.' and her friend also told me that alaina is apparently trying to work her way into a relationship with someone else. and i asked who it was with. and she wouldnt tell me. then she said 'dont take it personal if i hang up on you' and then did so.
i didnt know what to think. my mind was racing so fast. i had so many thoughts going thru my head. i needed to talk to someone. so its 3:15ish in the morning and i knock on my parents door and ask if my dad will talk to me. he says sure and we go to my room to talk about what happened tonight.
needless to say i cried for an hour straight. i couldnt breathe and i couldnt stop shaking. i am still shaking right now. but he helped calm me down and we talked about a lot of things.
i have so much on my mind right now and i dont know what to do.
alaina asked me to come to her birthday party tomorrow(later today) and i asked her why and that her family probably hates me because i hurt her. but she said they are over it and she woudl really like me to go.
i just dont understand why she would want to make such an effort to continue being friends with me, if she is trying to get into a relationshp with someone else. she knows that i want to be friends with her. but i cant do it if she is going to be with someone else.
this is the worst i have ever felt tonight.
and after searching deep down for why i reacted the way i did, i think its because i miss her so much. i care about her. i want the best for her.i wish things were different now, but they arent. hopefully she calls me. if not i am going to call her. because we have a lot to talk about. A LOT.
i am getting tired but i dont think im going to be able to sleep all night... and i'll probably cry a lot more.
edit: also on the way home from ponte's..i called erin up because i needed to talk really bad. and she listened to me go on and on and on. and i appreciate it. a lot. im sorry for leaving you out before in the entry. but thank you so very much! :)
today, sunday, is her 21st birthday. and i wanted to call her to wish her a happy birthday.
so on the way home from ponte's party i called her, it was about 2:30 am.
some guy picked up the phone and said they were busy, then hung up on me.
so i called back, and her girl friend answered the phone.(i will leave her name out)
she asked me why i have been calling over and over again. and i told her that i was trying to be nice and wish alaina a happy birthday.
so she said hold on and gave alaina the phone.
she sounded extremely drunk, not to mention as if she had just finished vomiting. and just sounded like she wasnt feeling well at all.
so i was completely concerned and asked if she was alright, and to please tell me the truth. she said they were having a great time and everything was just fine.
i asked where she was.
she said in philly, her mom got her a room for the night.
then i told her i really want her to call me when she wakes up later today. and she said ok. i told her to promise me, and she said she promised.. i just hope she remembers that i called and to call me back.
i didnt know what to think the rest of my ride home.
when i got home i called her back again. because i was just really concerned.
and her friend answered the phone again...and wanted to know why i wanted to get back into her life. i told her i was just trying to be a good friend and wish her a happy birthday. and she said to me that 'i broke her heart, so why am i trying to get back into her life.' and her friend also told me that alaina is apparently trying to work her way into a relationship with someone else. and i asked who it was with. and she wouldnt tell me. then she said 'dont take it personal if i hang up on you' and then did so.
i didnt know what to think. my mind was racing so fast. i had so many thoughts going thru my head. i needed to talk to someone. so its 3:15ish in the morning and i knock on my parents door and ask if my dad will talk to me. he says sure and we go to my room to talk about what happened tonight.
needless to say i cried for an hour straight. i couldnt breathe and i couldnt stop shaking. i am still shaking right now. but he helped calm me down and we talked about a lot of things.
i have so much on my mind right now and i dont know what to do.
alaina asked me to come to her birthday party tomorrow(later today) and i asked her why and that her family probably hates me because i hurt her. but she said they are over it and she woudl really like me to go.
i just dont understand why she would want to make such an effort to continue being friends with me, if she is trying to get into a relationshp with someone else. she knows that i want to be friends with her. but i cant do it if she is going to be with someone else.
this is the worst i have ever felt tonight.
and after searching deep down for why i reacted the way i did, i think its because i miss her so much. i care about her. i want the best for her.i wish things were different now, but they arent. hopefully she calls me. if not i am going to call her. because we have a lot to talk about. A LOT.
i am getting tired but i dont think im going to be able to sleep all night... and i'll probably cry a lot more.
edit: also on the way home from ponte's..i called erin up because i needed to talk really bad. and she listened to me go on and on and on. and i appreciate it. a lot. im sorry for leaving you out before in the entry. but thank you so very much! :)