(Untitled)
So I really wanted to get the baby fic up near Valentine’s Day, but that clearly didn’t happen. It just crossed the 15K point and is looking NOWHERE NEAR to being done and I made myself promise to get that fucker out of the way before I did anything else so now my laptop and I are at this Western-style impasse, hands over our holsters, yelling “you
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"We can't go to Saito with this," Arthur says. "He's not stupid and he's not forgiving. He's already figured out that Eames is the one that double-crossed him, he's already bought a prison and made himself warden just to put Eames in it, and he'll probably have Eames killed if we let this sit for too long."
"Is your legal system so backwards that you don't believe in innocent before proven guilty?" Eames grouses. "I'm telling you, I was set up."
"Well, he was told it was a British con artist with the alias Mr. F," Arthur says, "who do you think he's going to come after, Eames?"
"Some support would be nice, that's all I'm saying," Eames says, brushing imaginary pieces of lint of his prison-issued orange jumpsuit. Arthur notices that Eames seems to be fond of the hideous, eye-searing thing. He would be.
"What about inception?" Ariadne says in a low voice. Arthur has noticed that she's already far too ambitious for her age. He knows she's working with other teams as a point man when she's she tells them she's at school. Cobb would probably want to know about this, but Arthur really doesn't want to have to stand behind him and be the muscle while Dom delivers a patronizing and deeply hypocritical speech about how Ariadne is throwing away her future on dream tech. It's her own business. Also, Arthur really doesn't care. "We could feed him the idea that it's someone else?"
"He knows too much about how we work," Arthur admits. "He's caught us out before." The carpet is still a sore spot. And he still blames Nash. ("It would have been fine if Cobb hadn't rubbed Saito's face on it! Wool and polyester look the same if you sqint!" Nash had protested, right up until the end. "God knows Saito's a squinter!" Arthur does not care for Nash, and he really does not miss working with him.) "We're going to have to take care of this topside."
"We're not going to threaten Saito," Cobb says firmly. "He got me back to my kids-"
"But not out of the goodness of his heart, don't forget," Eames interrupts hopefully, "let's not rule out the threatening-him plan."
"- and he's scary powerful," Cobb finishes, ignoring Eames. "It's not going to work."
"I know," Arthur says, "that's why I'm going to seduce him."
"... Him?" Cobb says, taken aback
"It's the best plan I can come up with," Arthur says, shrugging.
"What about Eames?" Yusuf says.
"What about me?" Eames says, and then, realizing that everyone seems to expect some kind of manful, possessive outburst: "Oh, yes, I would be terribly jealous. Terribly. I am dead against it," he adds, unconvincingly.
Cobb squints at him.
"Well, my options are rent Arthur out to Saito or rot in prison," Eames says plaintively, "I like Arthur and all, but I like myself a lot more! Besides, you don't even know what Arthur's like! Sexually, I mean. It's more than one man can handle-"
"No," Cobb says, covering his ears with his hands, "No, no, no, no, no, I don't want to hear this."
"What's his problem?" Ariadne asks. "We're all adults here. Adults who are all aware of the sexual napalm that is Arthur."
"Jesus," Cobb says, "can we not say things like that? Can no one ever say anything like that ever again?"
"Cobb has issues about thinking about Arthur and I in flagrante," Eames says, sounding proud of the fact.
"Oh, because of that time he walked in on it?"
"What are you talking about? That never happened!" Seeing Yusuf open his mouth to reply to that, Cobb presses his hands more firmly over his ears and starts humming loudly.
"I dosed him," Yusuf tells Ariadne, "with a little mixture I like to call Forget-Me-Now. It just seemed kinder. He was a broken man."
"You're still talking about it, aren't you?" Cobb says. "Stop talking about it!"
"You're going to have to get used to it, Dom," Arthur says, "because it's this or letting Eames get beaten to death with a pillowcase full of batteries."
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