the I love man-on-manifesto
It has come to my attention that I am totally vanilla when it comes to my pairings.
And I am. I really, really am. I do not deny this. See, the thing is, I don't write a lot of bandom porn. I just don't. And the reason for that is the same as the reason I basically only ship Pete/Patrick, Jon/Spencer, Gerard/Frank, and will TOLERATE Brendon/Ryan. (The only reason I don't go full out for Brendon/Ryan is because, frankly, I am still a recovering Ross-hater. And we're not going to talk about this freaky habit I am developing of imagining Greta and Chuck Bass having beautiful FUCKED UP babies, because it is clearly the exception that proves the rule. Or a fluke. Yeah, a fluke. Let's go with that.)
You see, I do not come here for the sexing. Nope! In fact, you know what, I have never been in a fandom for the sexing. True facts!* See, most of the time it's something else that draws me in, like the world (Supernatural, Heroes, Firefly, Harry Potter - MAN, THE TIME I TRIED TO WRITE PORN FOR HARRY POTTER, I weep for my fifteen year old self), the angst (The OC and OH, SUPERNATURAL, you always bring me the good stuff), or the banter (Bones, Jackass - hell YEAH, I wrote Jackass fic, and probably you will never ever find it). No, guys, for me bandom is all about their fucking FACES. Their faily little FACES. I have honestly never encountered such a pack of dorkwads in all my life. It warms my heart, it really does.
So I don't want to distract from their utter gooberability with blowjobs flying everywhichway (though anyone who knows me at all knows that I, like Bill Clinton, am an advocate of the blowjob as art form and firmly believe that it has a place and time in every person's life) and I don't want to waste time figuring out ways that Joe Trohman meets, I don't know, Lil Bow Wow and they fall in love in regency England. Guys, why should I go through the effort of making up something so elaborate when it just takes a little step or two to turn these dudes' fail-filled lives into a gay goldmine?? Man, I'm lazy as shit. I'm gonna let these guys write it for me. (Like the one time I thought, "Hey, you know what? I should totally write Alex James/Damon Albarn" and then I realized, oh no, wait, that's already been done, and it's called Alex James's autobiography.) So, you know, other writers with stronger work ethics than myself are free to take on these challenges, but I'm sitting it out.
This is not to say I don't appreciate crazy crossover AUs, because I do. And this is REALLY not to say that I don't appreciate porn because that would be an enormous FIB.
No, this is the long way of saying NO, your__design, I will NOT write porn about Guy Ripley and Hemmy and you cannot make me.
(The short way is: I condone a lot of things, but bestiality really is not one of them.)
*You know what, I just realized that this is untrue. There was a period of time I wrote what can only be called World Cup porn. I AM NOT PROUD OF THE THINGS I HAVE DONE.
And now I really have to be getting back to this essay I'm supposed to be writing. An essay that is SO NOT ABOUT GUY RIPLEY FUCKING PETE'S DOG THAT I HAVE DIFFICULTY FINDING STRONG ENOUGH WORDS TO EMPHASIZE THAT FACT.
It's five am and I should really be thinking of something more constructive. But really, my dearest, all I can think is that this argument stems from us not seeing eye to eye on Evening Out With Your Girlfriend and Take This To Your Grave. T-Rex, we were not meant to beeeeeee! :(
And I am. I really, really am. I do not deny this. See, the thing is, I don't write a lot of bandom porn. I just don't. And the reason for that is the same as the reason I basically only ship Pete/Patrick, Jon/Spencer, Gerard/Frank, and will TOLERATE Brendon/Ryan. (The only reason I don't go full out for Brendon/Ryan is because, frankly, I am still a recovering Ross-hater. And we're not going to talk about this freaky habit I am developing of imagining Greta and Chuck Bass having beautiful FUCKED UP babies, because it is clearly the exception that proves the rule. Or a fluke. Yeah, a fluke. Let's go with that.)
You see, I do not come here for the sexing. Nope! In fact, you know what, I have never been in a fandom for the sexing. True facts!* See, most of the time it's something else that draws me in, like the world (Supernatural, Heroes, Firefly, Harry Potter - MAN, THE TIME I TRIED TO WRITE PORN FOR HARRY POTTER, I weep for my fifteen year old self), the angst (The OC and OH, SUPERNATURAL, you always bring me the good stuff), or the banter (Bones, Jackass - hell YEAH, I wrote Jackass fic, and probably you will never ever find it). No, guys, for me bandom is all about their fucking FACES. Their faily little FACES. I have honestly never encountered such a pack of dorkwads in all my life. It warms my heart, it really does.
So I don't want to distract from their utter gooberability with blowjobs flying everywhichway (though anyone who knows me at all knows that I, like Bill Clinton, am an advocate of the blowjob as art form and firmly believe that it has a place and time in every person's life) and I don't want to waste time figuring out ways that Joe Trohman meets, I don't know, Lil Bow Wow and they fall in love in regency England. Guys, why should I go through the effort of making up something so elaborate when it just takes a little step or two to turn these dudes' fail-filled lives into a gay goldmine?? Man, I'm lazy as shit. I'm gonna let these guys write it for me. (Like the one time I thought, "Hey, you know what? I should totally write Alex James/Damon Albarn" and then I realized, oh no, wait, that's already been done, and it's called Alex James's autobiography.) So, you know, other writers with stronger work ethics than myself are free to take on these challenges, but I'm sitting it out.
This is not to say I don't appreciate crazy crossover AUs, because I do. And this is REALLY not to say that I don't appreciate porn because that would be an enormous FIB.
No, this is the long way of saying NO, your__design, I will NOT write porn about Guy Ripley and Hemmy and you cannot make me.
(The short way is: I condone a lot of things, but bestiality really is not one of them.)
*You know what, I just realized that this is untrue. There was a period of time I wrote what can only be called World Cup porn. I AM NOT PROUD OF THE THINGS I HAVE DONE.
And now I really have to be getting back to this essay I'm supposed to be writing. An essay that is SO NOT ABOUT GUY RIPLEY FUCKING PETE'S DOG THAT I HAVE DIFFICULTY FINDING STRONG ENOUGH WORDS TO EMPHASIZE THAT FACT.
It's five am and I should really be thinking of something more constructive. But really, my dearest, all I can think is that this argument stems from us not seeing eye to eye on Evening Out With Your Girlfriend and Take This To Your Grave. T-Rex, we were not meant to beeeeeee! :(