when the stars align
The Perseids are supposed to be at their peak tonight, but no, stupid WA weather be damned, it has to be rainy and cloudy so I can't try to watch with my new(ish) telescope that I have yet to use. Thanks to Donald's voicemail reminding me of the subconscious reason as to why I'm up so late on a work night.
Speaking of Donald, we broke up. I was getting tired of feeling shitty all the time and being talked down to and treated like an enemy... He told me at the beginning of our relationship he tried to bring me down because he felt I had too much of a free spirit. Well sir, a congratulations is in order because I'm not the same happy-go-lucky Aaryn I once was, mostly thanks to him. How messed up is that? I've never had the outright goal of changing someone to fit my wants/needs. He told me he was always afraid of me stabbing him in the back and fucking him over on purpose - seriously who does that? Donald does. He thought I'd abandon him on a whim. I told him if he kept thinking and telling me that I was going to abandon him, I would end up doing it, and his fears would come true... It certainly isn't a whim this time.
Before Donald, I was in a state of self-imposed singleness. It lasted about nine months - originally to be only six, but I extended it. Donald wants to get back together already - we've only been broken up for barely a week - he misses me and can't stand the way he treated me and wants a second chance to show me how different (i.e. nice) he can be and that he can treat me well blah blah blah. I'm kinda numb to the whole thing - I'm not really mad at him and I don't hate him by any means - I love him but I'm definitely not in love with him - I don't know if I want to deal with the drama bullshit anymore. He has lots of non-Aaryn related issues to work on, and I think it will take a lot longer than he's willing to admit. I told him earlier this evening I don't want to hear the play-by-play of his progress - cold, yes, but true.
I feel suffocated still - when will it stop?
I don't want a boyfriend or a main squeeze, but I'm not good at sharing my playmates, either - no games (of the head or heart variety) for me. I guess I'm out of luck for right now.
Speaking of Donald, we broke up. I was getting tired of feeling shitty all the time and being talked down to and treated like an enemy... He told me at the beginning of our relationship he tried to bring me down because he felt I had too much of a free spirit. Well sir, a congratulations is in order because I'm not the same happy-go-lucky Aaryn I once was, mostly thanks to him. How messed up is that? I've never had the outright goal of changing someone to fit my wants/needs. He told me he was always afraid of me stabbing him in the back and fucking him over on purpose - seriously who does that? Donald does. He thought I'd abandon him on a whim. I told him if he kept thinking and telling me that I was going to abandon him, I would end up doing it, and his fears would come true... It certainly isn't a whim this time.
Before Donald, I was in a state of self-imposed singleness. It lasted about nine months - originally to be only six, but I extended it. Donald wants to get back together already - we've only been broken up for barely a week - he misses me and can't stand the way he treated me and wants a second chance to show me how different (i.e. nice) he can be and that he can treat me well blah blah blah. I'm kinda numb to the whole thing - I'm not really mad at him and I don't hate him by any means - I love him but I'm definitely not in love with him - I don't know if I want to deal with the drama bullshit anymore. He has lots of non-Aaryn related issues to work on, and I think it will take a lot longer than he's willing to admit. I told him earlier this evening I don't want to hear the play-by-play of his progress - cold, yes, but true.
I feel suffocated still - when will it stop?
I don't want a boyfriend or a main squeeze, but I'm not good at sharing my playmates, either - no games (of the head or heart variety) for me. I guess I'm out of luck for right now.