(no subject)
i came to a realization today...
sexuality (or the lack thereof) is only a symptom of a problem that runs MUCH deeper... i'm emotionally dead and empty... i don't know how to feel pleasure... i'm not even entirely sure what a feeling of pleasure *is*... i get a vague notion of it vicariously, by watching other people... and i can even sometimes figure out how to bring pleasure to others, which is nice i suppose... but i think i'm unable to feel pleasure for myself. That's something of a disturbing thing to realize, but it's been consistent for a long time, and definitely explains why i'm so unfulfilled.
Sometimes i wonder if the problem is that i have no soul at all...
sexuality (or the lack thereof) is only a symptom of a problem that runs MUCH deeper... i'm emotionally dead and empty... i don't know how to feel pleasure... i'm not even entirely sure what a feeling of pleasure *is*... i get a vague notion of it vicariously, by watching other people... and i can even sometimes figure out how to bring pleasure to others, which is nice i suppose... but i think i'm unable to feel pleasure for myself. That's something of a disturbing thing to realize, but it's been consistent for a long time, and definitely explains why i'm so unfulfilled.
Sometimes i wonder if the problem is that i have no soul at all...