:(
So it's been a while, definitely neglected this blog a bit. For those of you wondering, I haven't forgot, I just...didn't have much to write about. I guess for those who were wondering, the long and short is that I recently came to terms with and admitted with myself that I've been dealing with a sort of depression since around 2008. It's more or less killed my motivation to do anything at all that I enjoy any more, and it's been even more difficult to admit to those closest to me. That also being said, a huge step for me was finally admitting this, which came about after a (really, really stupid) emotional moment I had about a week ago involving a certain bicycle-who-shal-not-be-named >:( the point is, I realize that for way too long I've been completely incapable of providing my own happiness. I am entirely dependent on the company and acceptance of others to provide me with any satisfaction, and it has me worried that my motives for anything may be misguided. I find that I put on an act of perpetual positiveness because my biggest fear is that if people see me sad and mopey that they won't want to be around me and I'll be all alone. It's really had me take a long look at my life and where I stand, for certain. Why am I writing all this? I guess it's nice to get it off my chest. A bit dark for a converted fanboy blog, huh? xD
My only request is this, of course. to my irl friend: please just...spend time with me. I know that my issue is that I depend too much on others, but if you don't go and force me out of my slump, I promise you that I'm just going to stay locked up at home and never get better. I'm trying...I really, really am, but I need a little push...
to my community friends: On a slightly more positive note...well, no, it's not positive at all, it's actually really frustrating. Do you know how difficult it is to find downloads of Shonentai's Playzone CD'S? I'll tell you! It's...well, really difficult.
:(
where was I going with this. oh yeah. I was trying to keep sane by watching clips from Emotion Shinseki (it has a singing Mabo. I don't need to explain myself further.) and wanted to check out all the other PZ tracks since well...they're fun, and I could use some cheer-up music! In fact, the only year I hunted down was '09...which had like one cool track (am I the only one who thinks FiVe is over-rated...?) girls, come to my rescue here...surely there is some mass Shonentai resource I am blissfully unaware of? To be more specific, 2001 (because Mabo), 2005 and 1996 (because Andalucia >_>) are the only ones I'm terribly interested in, but I'll take whatever's there for curiosity's sake.
I guess where I'm going with this is I'm back! My posts may be kind of sad sounding at first but I'd like this to stand as a testament of me getting better...something I can look back at and show myself how much I've been improving over time. I am really, really determined to get better...I want to be happy for real and not think so little of myself. Let this be the post be the one that starts my road to self-improvement from here on out!
My only request is this, of course. to my irl friend: please just...spend time with me. I know that my issue is that I depend too much on others, but if you don't go and force me out of my slump, I promise you that I'm just going to stay locked up at home and never get better. I'm trying...I really, really am, but I need a little push...
to my community friends: On a slightly more positive note...well, no, it's not positive at all, it's actually really frustrating. Do you know how difficult it is to find downloads of Shonentai's Playzone CD'S? I'll tell you! It's...well, really difficult.
:(
where was I going with this. oh yeah. I was trying to keep sane by watching clips from Emotion Shinseki (it has a singing Mabo. I don't need to explain myself further.) and wanted to check out all the other PZ tracks since well...they're fun, and I could use some cheer-up music! In fact, the only year I hunted down was '09...which had like one cool track (am I the only one who thinks FiVe is over-rated...?) girls, come to my rescue here...surely there is some mass Shonentai resource I am blissfully unaware of? To be more specific, 2001 (because Mabo), 2005 and 1996 (because Andalucia >_>) are the only ones I'm terribly interested in, but I'll take whatever's there for curiosity's sake.
I guess where I'm going with this is I'm back! My posts may be kind of sad sounding at first but I'd like this to stand as a testament of me getting better...something I can look back at and show myself how much I've been improving over time. I am really, really determined to get better...I want to be happy for real and not think so little of myself. Let this be the post be the one that starts my road to self-improvement from here on out!