falling for granite.
i spaced off today in my work world. i thought of a lot of things. i miss second chances. reality always comes back from phone calls or someone tapping my shoulder.
at the end of the day i received a call. a confused son calling on behalf of his angry dad. they want to visit their mother's space. they took the bus and were lost. i offered to pick them up.
i searched for them, and i saw them along the roadside. dad had a cain and a son in tow.
gosh he looked tired.
he was angry at me for some reason. i think it's just the grief coming out.
i drive to the site where dad's mother rests. i park facing the land. i turn my vehicle's brights on.
as dad rushes to the spot, he falls to his knees and falls down flat... and cries. a grown man crying.
his son's hand is on his back. the son keeps whispering, "jesus... jesus... jesus" over and over again.
dad is clenching the grass, weeping and talking softly.
it's during these moments that my mind wanders away while i wait at the car.
why am i here?
i wonder what it's like to have a common job.
one that lacks uncomfortable experiences.
then i remember... it's what i've always done.
i've given dad his time. i walk up. i place my hand on his back.
i am there silent.
never say it's ok...
never say it will be alright...
because it's not.
they sing happy birthday to mom.
dad cries louder.
i can feel his anguish.
dad takes out a small bag.
they are carnation pedals.
carnation's were mom's favorite.
they place them around mom's headstone.
we leave.
the silent drive back feels like forever...
in the end, dad offers his thanks.
offers an apology for his anger.
i just nod.
----
now i type all this down.
emotional things put into my head not by choice.
thank you livejournal. ...my way of releasing it all back into the world.
-teo
at the end of the day i received a call. a confused son calling on behalf of his angry dad. they want to visit their mother's space. they took the bus and were lost. i offered to pick them up.
i searched for them, and i saw them along the roadside. dad had a cain and a son in tow.
gosh he looked tired.
he was angry at me for some reason. i think it's just the grief coming out.
i drive to the site where dad's mother rests. i park facing the land. i turn my vehicle's brights on.
as dad rushes to the spot, he falls to his knees and falls down flat... and cries. a grown man crying.
his son's hand is on his back. the son keeps whispering, "jesus... jesus... jesus" over and over again.
dad is clenching the grass, weeping and talking softly.
it's during these moments that my mind wanders away while i wait at the car.
why am i here?
i wonder what it's like to have a common job.
one that lacks uncomfortable experiences.
then i remember... it's what i've always done.
i've given dad his time. i walk up. i place my hand on his back.
i am there silent.
never say it's ok...
never say it will be alright...
because it's not.
they sing happy birthday to mom.
dad cries louder.
i can feel his anguish.
dad takes out a small bag.
they are carnation pedals.
carnation's were mom's favorite.
they place them around mom's headstone.
we leave.
the silent drive back feels like forever...
in the end, dad offers his thanks.
offers an apology for his anger.
i just nod.
----
now i type all this down.
emotional things put into my head not by choice.
thank you livejournal. ...my way of releasing it all back into the world.
-teo