every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never comin round...
Livejournal.
What up. Been a while.
I always check the friendspage to see what's happening in Post Secret and Underwater photos, as well as books. So many books I'd like to check out.
Story of my life.
A thousand good intentions.
Since my last entry (Im not even sure when that was), things have changed. Change is good. Evolving. Rotating. Always in motion. Not always in the direction I want, but such is life. It needs to be that way.
I keep an actual journal, with which I write in pen.
I never read back.
I always feel like Im repeating myself though.
Sometimes you have to.
Repeat something enough times then you just might do it, or start to believe in it anyway.
Sometimes text is so much more fluid.
Or not.
Life.
It's not necessarily the pursuit of a partner, it's okay to be alone, single, a cat lady...
But when I look around work, friends, family. Most everyone has a partner. My Mister Kitten is the only one right now who seems to be there when I need him.
It's okay.
We have our reasons, emotions, feelings, things that are best for us.
Which may not jive for others.
It's alright.
Patience is a virtue I find hard to... find.
I feel like Im stuck in stupid girl mode.
I like to call it this because it's based on emotional reaction as opposed to logical and rational thinking.
"I want this now even though it could very well lead to more pain in the future and when that happens I will redirect that frustration on to the other party, when I know it's my own to deal with."
Life.
The beauty of the future is we cannot predict it. We are all atoms vibrating spastically through a reality we've created for ourselves.
He had said he's created a new reality for himself, which is not to say Ive been forgotten, but this is a new chapter of his life. At first I was like, "dude, you're really high." But then I thought, well this is just it, this new reality for both of us, as the old reality became stagnant waters. It's a run-on sentence that keeps going when the reader wants it to end and to start a new page, chapter, paragraph at least
We grow, evolve, change. With experiences, people, education, thoughts...
I think I think too much,
But then there's that moment of clarity, the "a-ha!", when it clicks.
It clicked.
I know what I need to do, I just need to do it
I understand, I just need to respect it.
Sometimes, I just don't feel like doing anything.
You spend such a long time in a partnership during a young time in your life, that it becomes all that is your reality, your bubble. How can you have a bubble when there's so many sharp objects in the world? You can't. It's unhealthy.
Sometimes, most the time, I take such serenity in my bubble. Such solitude.
I forget about my loved ones, my friends and family, whom I love and thus it's returned.
That matters most, more than a man does. Men come and go (apparently) your friends and family are there forever.
I have to give enormous thanks to those who were there for me when my bubble popped last year.
Im glad it did.
Im more glad I let people back into it.
I keep wanting to create a new bubble, old habits die hard. Die harder...
But, it just feels so safe in here.
I love watching kids. Their curiosity of the world, their innocent views, not a care in the world while they swing on the swing, or ride their bike. They live moment to moment.
How do we lose that?
Tv, media, social media. Im always comparing myself to fictional situations broadcasted to me, as well as other people's lives. Other people's lives are not my own.
We all perceive things differently.
We can be in the same room, watching the same movie, drinking the same drink, but have completely different experiences.
I wish I could be more in the moment.
Brain could shut off for a bit, just downloading the information in front of me.
File complete. Move on.
Rant rant.
You gotta have an outlet.
What up. Been a while.
I always check the friendspage to see what's happening in Post Secret and Underwater photos, as well as books. So many books I'd like to check out.
Story of my life.
A thousand good intentions.
Since my last entry (Im not even sure when that was), things have changed. Change is good. Evolving. Rotating. Always in motion. Not always in the direction I want, but such is life. It needs to be that way.
I keep an actual journal, with which I write in pen.
I never read back.
I always feel like Im repeating myself though.
Sometimes you have to.
Repeat something enough times then you just might do it, or start to believe in it anyway.
Sometimes text is so much more fluid.
Or not.
Life.
It's not necessarily the pursuit of a partner, it's okay to be alone, single, a cat lady...
But when I look around work, friends, family. Most everyone has a partner. My Mister Kitten is the only one right now who seems to be there when I need him.
It's okay.
We have our reasons, emotions, feelings, things that are best for us.
Which may not jive for others.
It's alright.
Patience is a virtue I find hard to... find.
I feel like Im stuck in stupid girl mode.
I like to call it this because it's based on emotional reaction as opposed to logical and rational thinking.
"I want this now even though it could very well lead to more pain in the future and when that happens I will redirect that frustration on to the other party, when I know it's my own to deal with."
Life.
The beauty of the future is we cannot predict it. We are all atoms vibrating spastically through a reality we've created for ourselves.
He had said he's created a new reality for himself, which is not to say Ive been forgotten, but this is a new chapter of his life. At first I was like, "dude, you're really high." But then I thought, well this is just it, this new reality for both of us, as the old reality became stagnant waters. It's a run-on sentence that keeps going when the reader wants it to end and to start a new page, chapter, paragraph at least
We grow, evolve, change. With experiences, people, education, thoughts...
I think I think too much,
But then there's that moment of clarity, the "a-ha!", when it clicks.
It clicked.
I know what I need to do, I just need to do it
I understand, I just need to respect it.
Sometimes, I just don't feel like doing anything.
You spend such a long time in a partnership during a young time in your life, that it becomes all that is your reality, your bubble. How can you have a bubble when there's so many sharp objects in the world? You can't. It's unhealthy.
Sometimes, most the time, I take such serenity in my bubble. Such solitude.
I forget about my loved ones, my friends and family, whom I love and thus it's returned.
That matters most, more than a man does. Men come and go (apparently) your friends and family are there forever.
I have to give enormous thanks to those who were there for me when my bubble popped last year.
Im glad it did.
Im more glad I let people back into it.
I keep wanting to create a new bubble, old habits die hard. Die harder...
But, it just feels so safe in here.
I love watching kids. Their curiosity of the world, their innocent views, not a care in the world while they swing on the swing, or ride their bike. They live moment to moment.
How do we lose that?
Tv, media, social media. Im always comparing myself to fictional situations broadcasted to me, as well as other people's lives. Other people's lives are not my own.
We all perceive things differently.
We can be in the same room, watching the same movie, drinking the same drink, but have completely different experiences.
I wish I could be more in the moment.
Brain could shut off for a bit, just downloading the information in front of me.
File complete. Move on.
Rant rant.
You gotta have an outlet.