why is it so hard??
I always did hate school. It was always a source of discomfort. As of recently, my grades have dropped dramatically. It has gotten a bit better last semester, but not good enough. I need more time to bring my grades back to where they used to be. That's why I plan to take the fall semester off from registering for any classes. I think I need to cool down and think about what I really want to do in the future.
Now, more than anything, I want to add experience onto my resume. As of right now, I have NOTHING on my resume. No student clubs, activities or volunteer work experience. NOTHING. I doubt I can get a job at the level I'm at now. So I've been trying to look for volunteer jobs I have interest in.
Tomorrow I have volunteer work for 2 hours at an animal shelter called Animal Haven. For the most part I don't have to do a whole lot of talking. I feel so awkward interacting with complete strangers. A double whammy is having social anxiety like me. I feel nervous in the environment where there different volunteers around on different days of the week. I don't feel I have anyone to talk to. It feels like a giant burden to force myself to approach and be friendly to people. If only I were more outgoing. I believe by nature I am a shy person, but my social anxiety completely overshadows my entire personality. I let it control me. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough.
I don't want to be afraid anymore. I know that for sure. Someday I hope to be free of most of social anxiety's effects and aliments. But I must take every step forward from every step I take back. It's the only way. No one else can do this for me in my place; it has to be me who understands I can't run away from everything anymore. I have to take responsibility for my actions and nonactions. Let's go.
Now, more than anything, I want to add experience onto my resume. As of right now, I have NOTHING on my resume. No student clubs, activities or volunteer work experience. NOTHING. I doubt I can get a job at the level I'm at now. So I've been trying to look for volunteer jobs I have interest in.
Tomorrow I have volunteer work for 2 hours at an animal shelter called Animal Haven. For the most part I don't have to do a whole lot of talking. I feel so awkward interacting with complete strangers. A double whammy is having social anxiety like me. I feel nervous in the environment where there different volunteers around on different days of the week. I don't feel I have anyone to talk to. It feels like a giant burden to force myself to approach and be friendly to people. If only I were more outgoing. I believe by nature I am a shy person, but my social anxiety completely overshadows my entire personality. I let it control me. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough.
I don't want to be afraid anymore. I know that for sure. Someday I hope to be free of most of social anxiety's effects and aliments. But I must take every step forward from every step I take back. It's the only way. No one else can do this for me in my place; it has to be me who understands I can't run away from everything anymore. I have to take responsibility for my actions and nonactions. Let's go.