“So, wait. Explain this to me again?” Lois’ voice crackled over Chloe’s cell phone.
“I’ve explained this to you already. I spent last week explaining it to you in Metropolis. I spent half the flight out explaining it to you. I’m done explaining it.”
“Chloe.”
The blonde let out a very put upon sigh, “Oliver and I are married. We got married on the bachelor night from hell. We’re happy that we got married, but we want a wedding- preferably, one we’ll remember in the morning. We want cake and flowers and the whole shebang.”
“…Explain this to me again?”
Chloe simply hung up. She had been talking to her cousin for a week straight explaining the situation and her cousin just couldn’t seem to comprehend that Chloe got married. No, that’s not quite right. Lois couldn’t seem to comprehend that Chloe got married before she did. Lois was born first, started dating Clark first, got engaged first and yet Chloe got married first.
Sighing, Chloe took a deep gulp of the rapidly cooling coffee in her hands and reached out for the magazine on the kitchen table. Oliver had brought home the magazine last night, having received an advanced copy. The world now knew that Oliver and Chloe were married. Half the people thought it was romantic: billionaire playboy falls for long time friend. The other half… well, the politest thing they were calling her was pregnant gold digger. When word about how the couple got married (drunk and/or high was the general consensus) the tension grew even higher. Eventually Oliver’s PR guy begged the couple to sit down for an interview to get the truth out (and to stop the constant rise and fall of Oliver’s popularity - and the stock prices that rose and fell with it.)
The interview had gone well. The woman was both very professional and completely indifferent. This actually worried Chloe because it meant she had no way of knowing exactly where the woman fell on the Pro-Chloe, Anti-Chloe fence.
Chloe sighed as she finally opened the magazine to the article and looked through it. The article appeared… fine. Like the interview itself, the article seemed totally unbiased. There were no subtle barbs or glowing praise, just a simple recount of everything Chloe and Oliver said.
The blonde settled into her seat at the counter and settled in to read the actual article, skimming through the introduction since she already knew her own history.
Q: What really happened the night of your wedding?
O: That’s a funny story, actually.
C: No. It’s really not.
O: Okay, so maybe not. Our friends, Clark and Lois, were having their bachelor parties. All of us opened up a bottle of champagne to toast the occasion, provided by a very good friend of ours-
C: Who is conveniently overseas and thus safe from our current murderous reach. But she has to come back for the wedding so we’ll all see her then.
O: …Yes. Anyway, our friend err… roofied the champagne. Her philosophy is basically to let your inner wants out so it was a well intentioned drugging, I swear.
Q: Ookay. Well intentioned drugging. I see. Well, then what happened?
O: …We have no idea. I woke up with Lois on the railroad tracks in a bright green suit.
C: I woke up in my friend Clark’s closet in a Madonna wedding dress with a lemur.
Q: …A lemur. I see. So how did you find out what happened?
C: I saw my wedding ring and I had half a wedding certificate. My friend Clark had on a wedding ring too, so at first we were terrified that we’d married each other.
O: Our friends Emil and Tess had recorded most of the night on a video camera so we knew some of what happened. It wasn’t until I was changing clothes later that I found my half of the wedding certificate. I knew that if I had gotten married, it could only be to one person.
Q: But you don’t actually remember anything from that night?
C: Not a thing. We still have questions.
Q: Like what?
O: Why was Tess dressed as a Go-Go Dancer?
C: How did Emil get hired as an Elvis impersonator?
O: How did Clark steal the LuthorCorp sign… which he returned immediately, no harm done, don’t press charges.
Q: …Okay then. How do you feel about your marriage now that you’re both coherent?
O: Great!
C: Oliver and I have been dating for a while and we’d been friends for years before that. Last year, I had to leave for… personal reasons. That separation made us realize exactly how much we love each other. We’re happy that we got married. We just wish we remembered it.
O: Which is exactly why we’re doing it again.
Q: Doing it again?
O: We’re having another wedding. A real one… or I guess a traditional one would have been a better word.
Q: Any hints about your upcoming wedding?
C: The wedding itself will just be our friends and family. The reception, however, will involve a lot more hub-bub. The guest list for the reception is at about a thousand.
Q: Any other hints?
O: Uhm, not really? I will say that we’ll be selling pictures of the wedding to the highest bidder with all of the money going to charity. We know that people would really love to know about it so we figure, why not make sure any profit will go toward a good cause.
Q: You’ve mentioned both Lois Lane and Tess Mercer as good friends of yours. However, they also happen to be Oliver’s only serious ex-girlfriends. Does that ever cause any tension between you two?
C: Not really. Lois is family and Tess has become a good friend. There isn’t really any tension though there are awkward moments where we realize that we’ve all dated each other but those are over pretty quick.
Q: Dated each other?
C: I sort of dated Clark and Lois dated Oliver. Now I’m married to Oliver and Lois is marrying Clark.
Q: I see.
O: But we’re all very good friends, very close. I’m going to be Clark’s best man and though I have yet to ask him, I’m hoping he’ll be mine.
C: Same thing for Lois and me. I’m her Matron of Honor and she’s my Maid of Honor. And I’m hoping Tess will be a bridesmaid… I hope they don’t read this before we get around to asking them.
Q: Well, be sure and ask them soon then. Now, my last topic: pregnancy rumors. Yay or nay?
O & C: Nay!
O: Not that I don’t love the idea of kids, but our lives are pretty hectic right now. We’re both getting settled back into Star City, Chloe’s starting her new job, I’ve still got Green Arrow stress and Queen Industries stress. Plus two weddings.
C: Definitely. And I’m just honestly not ready to be a mom.
O: Or a dad. I’d definitely need to read some parenting books before I even thought about having kids yet.
Q: Okay, well thank you for sitting down with me and sharing the truth about your wedding and your lives.
O: You’re very welcome.
Chloe smiled and reached for her cell phone. Time to finalize her wedding party before the magazine hit the news stands.
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