A moment in self-reflection, one of many during these holidays
One day, [the teacher] brought a plaster model of a man's head into out classroom. The surface of the model was as smooth as porcelain. [...] 'Raise your hand if you think the surface of the model is rough?'
What a stupid question, we all thought. It was obvious the surface was smooth. Nobody raised a hand.
'Now, raise your hand if you think the model has a smooth surface.'
Everyone raised their hands.
'I think you are all wrong or at best, you are only half right. I want you to look at it more closely and then tell me your answers.'
This time there was a magnifying glass beside the model. We looked through it and were surprised to discover millions of tiny holes on the smooth surface of the head.
- Li Cunxin, Mao's Last Dancer
--
I look back on my old self in this life and can't help but think I've come a long way. I still have many, many flaws, but not as many as I used to. And some flaws, some cracks in my diamond have become less deep, perhaps. Many things shaped this change. My family situation and family, my friends, the people I meet but once or twice, my mum especially. I've had nothing but wonderful teachers, and I love you all for it.
Of course, teachers can do nothing, if the student is unwilling to learn.
The one newspaper article that I remember and forget with the wind possibly has had one of the greatest pieces of advice to understand and apply when it comes to self improvement. I can't remember the exact words now, but it went something along the lines of this:
Most of the time, the things other people do that annoy or anger you will be things that you do yourself.
--
My biggest flaw was/is my inferiority complex. You could say most of my other flaws arise from it.
You could say that I had little to no self-worth. How could I be worth anything, when everything I was able to do, I knew someone who is better at it than I am? Everything I was good at, I knew someone who was excellent at it. Everything I was bad at, I didn't know anyone who was worse at it than I. I wanted to be someone other than me.
I was jealous.
I was envious.
I was, ultimately, worthless.
Or so I believed.
In some ways, these feelings didn't change. I still know people who can do everything I can do better. I still know people who can do everything I can't do at all. I know that no matter how much effort I put into something, there is still going to be someone better than I. But I now know this is no reason to sit in a corner and twiddle my thumbs, moping. I have no reason to; I've been given a wonderful opportunity that, perhaps, not everyone has.
What I have, what I'm so lucky to have, are people around me who can help me nurture my skills and help me grow as a artist/musician/RPer/person.
The small words or actions that reaffirmed that my existence is worth something meant, no, means so much to me. But I don't need to hold onto them like a crutch anymore. I don't need to cling to these words to keep me going. I don't need constant reassurance to know that I have meaning anymore. I can let go of that feeling of inferiority in my heart.
And I can let go of all the other meaningless walls and barriers I put around myself.
What a stupid question, we all thought. It was obvious the surface was smooth. Nobody raised a hand.
'Now, raise your hand if you think the model has a smooth surface.'
Everyone raised their hands.
'I think you are all wrong or at best, you are only half right. I want you to look at it more closely and then tell me your answers.'
This time there was a magnifying glass beside the model. We looked through it and were surprised to discover millions of tiny holes on the smooth surface of the head.
- Li Cunxin, Mao's Last Dancer
--
I look back on my old self in this life and can't help but think I've come a long way. I still have many, many flaws, but not as many as I used to. And some flaws, some cracks in my diamond have become less deep, perhaps. Many things shaped this change. My family situation and family, my friends, the people I meet but once or twice, my mum especially. I've had nothing but wonderful teachers, and I love you all for it.
Of course, teachers can do nothing, if the student is unwilling to learn.
The one newspaper article that I remember and forget with the wind possibly has had one of the greatest pieces of advice to understand and apply when it comes to self improvement. I can't remember the exact words now, but it went something along the lines of this:
Most of the time, the things other people do that annoy or anger you will be things that you do yourself.
--
My biggest flaw was/is my inferiority complex. You could say most of my other flaws arise from it.
You could say that I had little to no self-worth. How could I be worth anything, when everything I was able to do, I knew someone who is better at it than I am? Everything I was good at, I knew someone who was excellent at it. Everything I was bad at, I didn't know anyone who was worse at it than I. I wanted to be someone other than me.
I was jealous.
I was envious.
I was, ultimately, worthless.
Or so I believed.
In some ways, these feelings didn't change. I still know people who can do everything I can do better. I still know people who can do everything I can't do at all. I know that no matter how much effort I put into something, there is still going to be someone better than I. But I now know this is no reason to sit in a corner and twiddle my thumbs, moping. I have no reason to; I've been given a wonderful opportunity that, perhaps, not everyone has.
What I have, what I'm so lucky to have, are people around me who can help me nurture my skills and help me grow as a artist/musician/RPer/person.
The small words or actions that reaffirmed that my existence is worth something meant, no, means so much to me. But I don't need to hold onto them like a crutch anymore. I don't need to cling to these words to keep me going. I don't need constant reassurance to know that I have meaning anymore. I can let go of that feeling of inferiority in my heart.
And I can let go of all the other meaningless walls and barriers I put around myself.