Bumps, or, Retail: Thoughts on Hell

[tenshijin]

I thought about turning my no good, rotten, terribly bad day into an amusing set of scenes in a similar vein to my post of last year around this time (maybe a week in the future, but close enough) detailing my exploits through Boston. But then I realized that, while that method works beautifully to create an entrertaining and memorable sketch of an amazing weekend, it wouldn't work so well for my day today. Perhaps because to tell it in frank truth, compiling all the things that probably wouldn't go wrong that did all at the same time, reveals it already inching its tentacles into the realm of comedy. To try to inject comedy would only make the events all the sadder. Not even my Amazon order arriving today, carrying such joys as The Venture Brothers DVD, Sarah Kane's plays, two books on gay porn theory, a Bret Easton Ellis, and a book of gothic tales, could cheer me. I will admit that the brothers Venture did drag me back from the abyss, but only after I'd watched 12 episodes. But how... how to render a nasty day without it degenerating into a bitchfest? How to describe my woe without boring you to tears with my litany of sad complaints? A list? A vague supplication for sympathy? A movement piece?

MOVEMENT COMPOSITION ELEMENTS

The following elements must occur:
- All nine viewpoints
- Domination without physical contact
- An exit, reapperance, and immediate exit by the same character
- Uncomfortable durations
- Sickness as a kinesthetic response
- Repetition of an unpleasant task
- A rude awakening
- A package
- Hangers (more than one)

The following lines must be used:
"I think I'm having an allergic reaction to this sandwich."
"We don't ship to PO Boxes."
"You do know this is going to effect your rating."
"Is the new schedule out?"
"The seed of your loins is quite astute."

And... you have 5 minutes.