Sorta a rant, sorta a story, sorta confusing
Oh ya! Been blown out of the water by sis and her 'secretive' conversation last night. It was important, but she took away from an hour + I could have been talking to the Rei and Foxy! Arg! No matter, might as well talk about it.
She came in around I think 10:30 and was like "Get offline I want to talk to you, since mom's asleep" and since she usually wouldn't have asked, I got offline pretty quick. Umm, anyway, we sat down on my bed and talked about life and stuff. The boring parts reigned over everything, so I'll leave em out, mainly it was all worth it to me, but not worthy of the journal.
Anyway, the points I wanted to cover were that my sis finally broke up and cried with me. It was strange, cause I always saw her to be a b*tch who didn't have emotions other than jealousy, hate, and anger. -shrugs- That is over with at least. Anyway, she said she was sorry for being a bitch, but she couldn't stand the fact that I was the one who she looked up to. That sorta makes me think. I don't know if she is being overly apolagetic, or is really serious.
She said it was because she never really got over dad. I guess none of us did, but she insisted that I must have, or at least am really good at recovering. Eh, I don't really think I'm explaining this very well, but the whole convo had to do with my family's 'Cry me a river' story, so it is hard to do without sounding story-bookish.
Hehe, maybe I gotta tell the stupid thing again. here's the quick version. My dad was a drunk, yep yep. He got drunk often, and violent sometimes. Anyway, he beat on my mom alot, and once my sister and I were home for it. Anyway, he hit my sister and I got pissed (but was only 12 so more like defensive) and tackled him. He just hit me too, and cut me with a peice of glass (got a pretty interesting scar on my inner theigh to show it too...wanna see? -giggles-). Anyway, that wasn't important. Since then I have been beating the hell out of myself, exausting myself, pushing myself, etc. I guess my sister was jealous that I could do that and not go to sleep crying at night about what if's and past memories. I don't know...it really isn't that big a deal anymore, it was 6 yrs back and I haven't heard from him since then, much less seen him. The police took care of him at first, and then he just never came back. -shrugs- I don't remember my original point.
Oh ya! My sister and I are getting along better now, I guess her crying made me see her as human again...hehe. Umm, oh, also, me ish still moving, and soon! Gonna be packed and ready in about 4 days. Wow...so soon, I don't know if I'm ready yet.
She came in around I think 10:30 and was like "Get offline I want to talk to you, since mom's asleep" and since she usually wouldn't have asked, I got offline pretty quick. Umm, anyway, we sat down on my bed and talked about life and stuff. The boring parts reigned over everything, so I'll leave em out, mainly it was all worth it to me, but not worthy of the journal.
Anyway, the points I wanted to cover were that my sis finally broke up and cried with me. It was strange, cause I always saw her to be a b*tch who didn't have emotions other than jealousy, hate, and anger. -shrugs- That is over with at least. Anyway, she said she was sorry for being a bitch, but she couldn't stand the fact that I was the one who she looked up to. That sorta makes me think. I don't know if she is being overly apolagetic, or is really serious.
She said it was because she never really got over dad. I guess none of us did, but she insisted that I must have, or at least am really good at recovering. Eh, I don't really think I'm explaining this very well, but the whole convo had to do with my family's 'Cry me a river' story, so it is hard to do without sounding story-bookish.
Hehe, maybe I gotta tell the stupid thing again. here's the quick version. My dad was a drunk, yep yep. He got drunk often, and violent sometimes. Anyway, he beat on my mom alot, and once my sister and I were home for it. Anyway, he hit my sister and I got pissed (but was only 12 so more like defensive) and tackled him. He just hit me too, and cut me with a peice of glass (got a pretty interesting scar on my inner theigh to show it too...wanna see? -giggles-). Anyway, that wasn't important. Since then I have been beating the hell out of myself, exausting myself, pushing myself, etc. I guess my sister was jealous that I could do that and not go to sleep crying at night about what if's and past memories. I don't know...it really isn't that big a deal anymore, it was 6 yrs back and I haven't heard from him since then, much less seen him. The police took care of him at first, and then he just never came back. -shrugs- I don't remember my original point.
Oh ya! My sister and I are getting along better now, I guess her crying made me see her as human again...hehe. Umm, oh, also, me ish still moving, and soon! Gonna be packed and ready in about 4 days. Wow...so soon, I don't know if I'm ready yet.