I read the other day that Jon betrayed the monster. I didn’t know what to think about that. I didn’t know if it was a true story. I believe that Jon was capable of betrayal. I always felt that he betrayed me although in reality he probably didn't. For some reason I doubt the story was completely true. I don’t know why. I have no way of knowing.
The last church camp I ever went to at the rundown but beautiful San Marcos Baptist Camp was a special one. Jon ignored me the whole time which gave me time to be alone. The monster worked at the camp that last time. He stayed in a trailer set up in the parking lot with three other boys. Two of which were beautiful. He called me over to the trailer one night. He told me to wait at the door while he looked for something. He found it. He came to the door and handed me a card. The card was amazing. And at some point in those moments he gave a necklace. A key, A heart, A cross, A million emotions and words tangled in silver as a presentation. The card in summary said that I was loved, I was a great friend, and that I would be missed. I was amazed. I didn’t know that the monster had cared about me. All my attention was drawn to Jon and why he was ignoring me, why had he told me he wanted to be together and then broke off our friendship, bla, bla, bla. A million unimportant things. And here was the monster. He wasn’t jumping up and down yelling, “look at me, look at me”. He hardly said a word. He took me aside and gave me a card. He said I was important and then he gave me a necklace. And then I smiled and I gave him a hug. He said we should go for a walk later. He said he knew this really nice trail. I said yea maybe. I turned and I started to cry. For all my pettiness. For all the years I had wasted on Jon. For all the times I failed to look one seat over from Jon. Because if I had, I would have seen the monster. If I hadn’t been so distracted thinking about my thighs, we could have talked about something. If I could have listened just a little bit harder, maybe I would have heard the unsaid. And now it was too late. I was moving, he was moving, we were all moving. How could we start from here? How do you start from the end? How do you finish with a beginning? These are the things you’re not taught as a kid, or ever. People try so hard to figure life out. All the greatest things are the most complicated, but the simplest things teach us the most...life is all riddled and backward. Trying to comprehend it is a waste of time.
The last church camp I ever went to at the rundown but beautiful San Marcos Baptist Camp was a special one. Jon ignored me the whole time which gave me time to be alone. The monster worked at the camp that last time. He stayed in a trailer set up in the parking lot with three other boys. Two of which were beautiful. He called me over to the trailer one night. He told me to wait at the door while he looked for something. He found it. He came to the door and handed me a card. The card was amazing. And at some point in those moments he gave a necklace. A key, A heart, A cross, A million emotions and words tangled in silver as a presentation. The card in summary said that I was loved, I was a great friend, and that I would be missed. I was amazed. I didn’t know that the monster had cared about me. All my attention was drawn to Jon and why he was ignoring me, why had he told me he wanted to be together and then broke off our friendship, bla, bla, bla. A million unimportant things. And here was the monster. He wasn’t jumping up and down yelling, “look at me, look at me”. He hardly said a word. He took me aside and gave me a card. He said I was important and then he gave me a necklace. And then I smiled and I gave him a hug. He said we should go for a walk later. He said he knew this really nice trail. I said yea maybe. I turned and I started to cry. For all my pettiness. For all the years I had wasted on Jon. For all the times I failed to look one seat over from Jon. Because if I had, I would have seen the monster. If I hadn’t been so distracted thinking about my thighs, we could have talked about something. If I could have listened just a little bit harder, maybe I would have heard the unsaid. And now it was too late. I was moving, he was moving, we were all moving. How could we start from here? How do you start from the end? How do you finish with a beginning? These are the things you’re not taught as a kid, or ever. People try so hard to figure life out. All the greatest things are the most complicated, but the simplest things teach us the most...life is all riddled and backward. Trying to comprehend it is a waste of time.
Reply
Leave a comment