my colours have been stripped back to grey.hitch_hiker5January 7 2005, 02:26:10 UTC
hi lauren! yea i think I remember u. loz thanks for the awesome weekend. im still copping the repercussions of it all. im so behind on all my course work. i need to pretend its school and pretend that i hafta rock up everyday. its noon and i just woke up. my lifes being squandered on sleep and music. last night i went out and bought 6 cds. but yesterday i worked 11 and a quarter hours so i earned around $150 from that one shift and $500 from last weeks four shifts. so i figured i was entitled to some new songs. fucking burnt & downloaded songs just cant even compare to a brand new cd poppin out of its shiny colourful sheath. Californias off. my family doesnt want me. So I'm back in australia until hell freezes over or until jesus comes back or somethin. facing reality is such a bitch. running away was so much more enticing. made me feel free. now ive been shoved back in my cage and for extra measure they've added a few chains. dan cameron messaged me and asked if i wanted to catch up thursday. i was too scared so i said no. i got a wedding invitation in the mail from sarah & jase. i think dan made them send me one. its guna be weird. all markus, jethro, raf, dan, mel bell, lochy...they're all guna be there. i dont like any of those people anymore, they make me feel weird. plus i'll hafta go find some shit to wear. and since im not friends with any of those people i'll hafta get down to port elliot from norwood somehow and go there by myself. i cant go with dan cuz hes the best man so he's hanging out with jase and going hell early. i cant go with sarahs family cuz they'll be going all early. i just realized that hannah will be the flowergirl. LOL she'll be flashing her baby tits at everyone goin down the aisle. hahahaha that kid is a rebel without a cause. she kicks ass. shes not even 8. i want to see it though. i want to see the one thing that will finally make sarah smile. i want to see her standing at the altar making a decision for once. i wana see if the ice queen melts. with enough champagne i'm sure i'll have a blast. i'll have a beer with dan. hally told me he loves ecstasy now. he said he popped another two tablets the other night. hes furious i didnt call him. he said on the phone that after i threw up i promised to call him back the next day. i hate my life lauren but i dont know what i should be doing to make it better. should i be hangin out with all these boys and just trying to have fun? should i go back to work?? should i go to university? my accpetance form comes in the mail in like three weeks. i still cant believe i got into uni. all i wanted was to pass. im no fucking archaeologist. me in some safari suit, hangin around museums? i just dont see it. not now. maybe later. i feel like an artist, like a performer, i feel smart. im just not sure that any of those things are true. anyway. my bruises are fading, the grazes are now just wrinkled skin, theres no trace of sunburn left on me and i've slowly slunk back into the reality of the day to day. my colours have been stripped back to grey. my lifes empty. love you.
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