Last year
Today for some reason I started to think about last year. More of second semester then first. Mainly because last year was an amazing year. I absolutely loved it. And in a way nothing can ever top it. But first semester wasn't great at all. In a way it was my fault way my fault. But other things just happened and I can't help but think if those things wouldn't have happen I would be the person I am today. I regret somethings in my life and somedays I wish that they didn't happen. But they did and I can take them back. I literally hated first semester. I cried to much. I fault with my supposible best friend at the time way to much about crap that we shouldn't have even been fighting about. Mainly we both butted in each others lives way to much. More then we should have been. That person thought they could make every decision about me the way they wanted it to be and I did the same, that's one of the things that I regret. Yes there were times when I thought it was right but now I look at it as me being selfish and wanting everything to go my way. I don't want that anymore. None of it!! The drama was crazy and it was absolutely unnecessary. But then there were good things that happened first semester maybe not many but there were. One was the relationship with my older sister her being off at college made me realize that she really does care and maybe not seeing each other everyday really showed both of us that we do love each other and that we can depend on each other. I know there have been a lot of times that i've gone to her for a shoulder to cry on or to escape the drama. Now I love her and appreciate her more then ever. I grew up a lot first semester some people might not agree but in my opinion I did. I was able to put the past behind me. I was able to forgive someone and forget. I was finally able to forgive myself for a mistake that mainly consumed my life for a long time. Yes that mistake was my fault and it will always be. I don't expect it not to be, but I was finally able to just forgive myself and in a way that's what helped me grow up. That semester I made friends, lost friends, and grew apart from some that I wish I wouldn't have. All in all that semester wasn't my best. Now second nothing compares to it. Man I laughed so much that semester and I did make new friends that I truly love to death now. Bad things happened that semester one of the worst birthdays of my life but the actually birthday and the people I was with on that day made it a lot better then the days before that. I was able to become friends with someone I thought hated me and they thought I hated them. Wow was that weird. Ended up I love her to death now and she's an awesome friend that I miss a ton a lot of days. One that I have to most random and funniest memories ever with now. The bad times weren't always so fun no tennis for like 3 months that really sucked. Physical therapy also really sucked. Graduation the biggest thing. But more good things happened then bad. Mainly that year was great. One of the best. I have to admit going into this year I was really negative, first off just saying goodbye to some of the most important people in my life really made school suck seeing the fact that they weren't going to be there anymore and knowing I had no one to watch out for me or to draw stupid pictures for or leave notes on their cars during athletics the biggest thing was knowing that in a way I didn't have my support there. Ya I know stupid. But they were the ones that always reassured me the ones the helped me up. The ones that were always there when I needed them to talk or to fume to or to give me advise or just to have a shoulder to cry on when I thought that the world was crumbling down on top of me. Ends up this year hasn't been half bad. Ya there have been sometimes that i've just cried and cried about things that I didn't know what was going to happen. With friends that I thought abandoned me but the thing is those one that were my support last year are still my support. Even if their not here anymore. They are always going to be there for me no matter what. I've grown up a lot this first semester to. In ways that I should have grown up a long time ago. I don't want to have grudges anymore I literally want to forget all the bad and just remember all the good. And that's my plan. This first semester was a lot better then last first semester. I am going to stop dwelling in the past of last year and start trying to make this year as good as last. Well yes I know this probably doesn't make sense and no one cares but it has just been on my mind all day and I thought this might help me a little bit if I wrote it in here. Ya I also know this is crazy and stupid but I still wanted to do it. DOn't ask me why but I did. That's all hope everyone had a good day!!