here instead
so i've already turned off my computer but i just had to turn it on again. i can't sleep. i've thoughts in my head and well you know how it goes with thinking especially in the late/early hours and well... i finally realized, really really realized this time what i've been completely blind to and missing this whole effing time, possibly been ignoring too. i know what's been messing everything up, as much as i can hold one thing responsible for a load of stuff anyway...
one | i really need to believe in myself again.
i know people believe in me. they've said as much and well yes, i'm going to go and nod okay? i'm going to believe that. part of what got me to here but that's another story so anyways...yes. but you see it is of utmost importance that I have to too and that's where we've been having problems yes...
two | i need to be able to rely on myself again.
because well... i'm thinking i don't. not really. haven't really been dependable and reliable as of late. for me. not the case with persons other than me. well, i don't think but i could be wrong.
three | i need to be able to accomplish things for and by myself again.
it's...a self efficacy thing. i sigh. i detest my writing for one, not that i've had any lately...ugh
i will. i will. i will write the poison away.
i lost the nerve and posted here instead. well, i was going to post it anyway. but tumblr? nuh uh. no more. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT.