On the nature of dyad formations

[tenketsu]

I really like forming connections with persons (as opposed to people, who aren't worth my time), but the problem is that in truth I'm pretty bad at it. I mean, I'm great at talking to those I have no real desire to know better, at least sometimes--but it seems that with those who intrigue me, I either go too gung-ho and scare them away or else restrain so much that no friendship ever develops. This has led to my collection of friends being populated almost entirely by the Not Easily Scared, which is good--but sadly it dwindles faster than it re-populates. I suppose this isn't entirely true. I also have a large collection of almost accidental friends, whom I found I could easily talk in proper proportion to simply because I wasn't really bothered by whether or not they became friends. One thing I've learned from that is that there are a great deal more persons out there that I can be friends with if I so choose--but it remains that none of my Great Friendships have ever been with these, whether because of my own bias or because I'm actually that good at knowing the characteristics I want in a friend.

Thinking about it more, I'm suddenly doubtful of the truth of a number of my statements here, but I'm posting it anyway as a log of my train of thought. Blasted worldview, always being so complicated when I'm trying to sum things up with simple statements...