More thoughts and experiences (The song just happened to come on..)
Thank you, Antonio and Cynthia. You guys are awesome. And dude would I love to be Gambit.... whole power thing.
Not going to lie though, part of it's usage would be me being a jerk. Just part, not all.
Seriously, you guys are awesome.
That was one thing to be noted. Because honestly, I didn't think that anyone really came on here any more. Least, I'd know that some people did if I actually read my friends' journals. Will make a note to try and do more of that.
So I guess that would make this part three.
Yes, three.
Uhh... yeah.. Smiling thing, kinda gettting over it a little, still nags, but part of that is my fault. Technically, it's all my fault, but I don't want to take all the blame just yet.
Nope, not at all.
I have a tendency to smile either when I want to.
Go figure right?
Or just to get someone off of my back.
This one's the one that causes issues.
And I'm not the only one that does this. I know it, because I've spoken to people who they're friends do the same thing, and they find it to be a little unsettling to what they would prefer to see, or hear.
One's truer emotions.
Oh yeah. Truer. Such an awkward word.
Case in point:
A week ago and some change, not really sure about the change simply because I know that it was either at the beginning of the week or closer to today.
Not much of a difference I guess.
But I heard some news about a very dear friend of mine.
She'd made another life changing decision.
Crap and yay at the same time.
So. This passed weekend we hung out, felt a little awkward because I hate not dealing with my own issues, so I like to have others take care of their own.
Trust me, we're learning how to curb that. NOT easy. Like whoa, it isn't.
But for nearly the entire time that she was up in this area, we spoke of preferences, fantasys (if that's not how it's spelt, my bad), and other things relating to that subject.
To be honest, didn't really mind it, just... that... at this point.. it's kind of a step in the wrong direction.
Least in my opinion.
Then there was the time where another friend and I tried to find her and found that she was not in the best of sorts. Not anything dangerous, least not within reach.
But it was then that it was partially dealt with.
As she says, "I float from being totally depressed and wanting to end it all, to not wanting to and wanting to express and live life a little fuller." Yeah... that started in her words, and then became me trying to remember and failing horribly. But I'm thinking you get the idea.
Both sides pained me. Pained.
Wierd. Pained.
But yeah. Just felt wrong that someone I know should be sad. I can understand a little disgruntled and something in a reasonable range, but at the same time, it was wierd.
Speechless.
Which is kinda funny, cause she's one of the only people that can put me in that position.
I know I can ramble.
Proof of is how I type.
But to not know what to say, and not have an idea of where to start. Rare.
If you have an idea. please, tell me how one deals with such a predicament.
I mean the wordless part. The bigger issue... it's being handled. haha.
Now. Getting a little more back on track.
Why I brought up smiling and reason's to do so, and why it sometimes get me in trouble.
One of the reasons why I don't like to smile when others want me to is because I'm one who likes to think.
Randomly and for no real purpose or benefit.
Least, that's what I think, cause I can almost never remember what it is that I'm thinking about.
But as a part of this weekend, I was a little miffed a lot.
Yeah.. more than was necessary.
And I'm the type of person that hates to talk about my feelings and emotions.
Not looking for pity and all, it's just the way I do things.
Trust me, someone might verify that one of these days.
Let's take the whole talking about sex and being horny and such.
I got annoyed because it seemed like one tricking oneself into normalcy or something.
If you want to comment on that go for it.
But everytime something that annoyed me happened, "I have this face."
I was later told that I'm easy to read.
Something to work on.
But that it brought a little bit of shadow on the fun.
And I hate being the darkness.
But personally, if I have an issue, that's for me to deal with, not for me to have to talk about.
Least that's what I thought. I mean, it's my beef, not yours.
But if part of my beef has to do with you, should I still say something?
(Okay.. now for those that don't know, I have many sided conversations. Sometimes, it with just me and myself, but a different self. The other side of the conversation. There are two other voices. Jin being the one that I tend to talk with the most.)
Me: No. It's rude and can bring a bigger awkward silence than just smiling to placate the one asking what the issue is.
Jin: Yes. Because you are having a problem, and to make it known, means you can change what's going on, and hopefully cause some change.
Me: But still. You could anger someone, if not the very reason that you are there. I mean, why make waves?
Jin: Because you stop what's wrong in your mind. If by saying something causes a more desirable change, then kudos. If it makes things harder than you would like, then, them's the breaks. At least you have your piece of mind and it's not like they can hate on your for expressing yourself? They're supposed to be your friends right?
Me: Yeah.. But.. It's not what I'm about. Keep the fun going.
Jin: Yeah.. but sometimes.. you just have to be the bad guy.
Me: I hate being the bad guy. I'm always that guy.
So if you can understand that last little part, you'll understand most of what I've typed tonight, and how I personally might view some of it.
Insight, never hurts.
Help either.
I will say this though.
When confronted about my withholding possible information. I let out one of my gripes for the weekend.
And then was kinda reamed for not saying anything about it later.
Embarrassment and something else, something that kinda made me smile, but it's the reaming that I expected.
The embarrassment was on both parts.
Because of that little instance, I've promised to do my best to not, not say something if bothered.
I laughed but here's why I bring this up:
Even if I hadn't made the promise to stop doing that.
Is it better to just keep your mouth shut or speak your mind?
Whether or not it really grinds at you.
Or is it that only for certain people, that one should do so?
And that for others, it's best to just keep silent?
Not going to lie though, part of it's usage would be me being a jerk. Just part, not all.
Seriously, you guys are awesome.
That was one thing to be noted. Because honestly, I didn't think that anyone really came on here any more. Least, I'd know that some people did if I actually read my friends' journals. Will make a note to try and do more of that.
So I guess that would make this part three.
Yes, three.
Uhh... yeah.. Smiling thing, kinda gettting over it a little, still nags, but part of that is my fault. Technically, it's all my fault, but I don't want to take all the blame just yet.
Nope, not at all.
I have a tendency to smile either when I want to.
Go figure right?
Or just to get someone off of my back.
This one's the one that causes issues.
And I'm not the only one that does this. I know it, because I've spoken to people who they're friends do the same thing, and they find it to be a little unsettling to what they would prefer to see, or hear.
One's truer emotions.
Oh yeah. Truer. Such an awkward word.
Case in point:
A week ago and some change, not really sure about the change simply because I know that it was either at the beginning of the week or closer to today.
Not much of a difference I guess.
But I heard some news about a very dear friend of mine.
She'd made another life changing decision.
Crap and yay at the same time.
So. This passed weekend we hung out, felt a little awkward because I hate not dealing with my own issues, so I like to have others take care of their own.
Trust me, we're learning how to curb that. NOT easy. Like whoa, it isn't.
But for nearly the entire time that she was up in this area, we spoke of preferences, fantasys (if that's not how it's spelt, my bad), and other things relating to that subject.
To be honest, didn't really mind it, just... that... at this point.. it's kind of a step in the wrong direction.
Least in my opinion.
Then there was the time where another friend and I tried to find her and found that she was not in the best of sorts. Not anything dangerous, least not within reach.
But it was then that it was partially dealt with.
As she says, "I float from being totally depressed and wanting to end it all, to not wanting to and wanting to express and live life a little fuller." Yeah... that started in her words, and then became me trying to remember and failing horribly. But I'm thinking you get the idea.
Both sides pained me. Pained.
Wierd. Pained.
But yeah. Just felt wrong that someone I know should be sad. I can understand a little disgruntled and something in a reasonable range, but at the same time, it was wierd.
Speechless.
Which is kinda funny, cause she's one of the only people that can put me in that position.
I know I can ramble.
Proof of is how I type.
But to not know what to say, and not have an idea of where to start. Rare.
If you have an idea. please, tell me how one deals with such a predicament.
I mean the wordless part. The bigger issue... it's being handled. haha.
Now. Getting a little more back on track.
Why I brought up smiling and reason's to do so, and why it sometimes get me in trouble.
One of the reasons why I don't like to smile when others want me to is because I'm one who likes to think.
Randomly and for no real purpose or benefit.
Least, that's what I think, cause I can almost never remember what it is that I'm thinking about.
But as a part of this weekend, I was a little miffed a lot.
Yeah.. more than was necessary.
And I'm the type of person that hates to talk about my feelings and emotions.
Not looking for pity and all, it's just the way I do things.
Trust me, someone might verify that one of these days.
Let's take the whole talking about sex and being horny and such.
I got annoyed because it seemed like one tricking oneself into normalcy or something.
If you want to comment on that go for it.
But everytime something that annoyed me happened, "I have this face."
I was later told that I'm easy to read.
Something to work on.
But that it brought a little bit of shadow on the fun.
And I hate being the darkness.
But personally, if I have an issue, that's for me to deal with, not for me to have to talk about.
Least that's what I thought. I mean, it's my beef, not yours.
But if part of my beef has to do with you, should I still say something?
(Okay.. now for those that don't know, I have many sided conversations. Sometimes, it with just me and myself, but a different self. The other side of the conversation. There are two other voices. Jin being the one that I tend to talk with the most.)
Me: No. It's rude and can bring a bigger awkward silence than just smiling to placate the one asking what the issue is.
Jin: Yes. Because you are having a problem, and to make it known, means you can change what's going on, and hopefully cause some change.
Me: But still. You could anger someone, if not the very reason that you are there. I mean, why make waves?
Jin: Because you stop what's wrong in your mind. If by saying something causes a more desirable change, then kudos. If it makes things harder than you would like, then, them's the breaks. At least you have your piece of mind and it's not like they can hate on your for expressing yourself? They're supposed to be your friends right?
Me: Yeah.. But.. It's not what I'm about. Keep the fun going.
Jin: Yeah.. but sometimes.. you just have to be the bad guy.
Me: I hate being the bad guy. I'm always that guy.
So if you can understand that last little part, you'll understand most of what I've typed tonight, and how I personally might view some of it.
Insight, never hurts.
Help either.
I will say this though.
When confronted about my withholding possible information. I let out one of my gripes for the weekend.
And then was kinda reamed for not saying anything about it later.
Embarrassment and something else, something that kinda made me smile, but it's the reaming that I expected.
The embarrassment was on both parts.
Because of that little instance, I've promised to do my best to not, not say something if bothered.
I laughed but here's why I bring this up:
Even if I hadn't made the promise to stop doing that.
Is it better to just keep your mouth shut or speak your mind?
Whether or not it really grinds at you.
Or is it that only for certain people, that one should do so?
And that for others, it's best to just keep silent?