Future AU Log: Fuji and Shishido
Date: September, 2012
Warnings: Sap, and lots of it, with a side of angst.
Summary: PLOT. Possibly important information.
Note: I was a little hesitant to release this log until after the AU, but I think now's as good a time as any to post it -- it may make this plot more entertaining, at least? Hopefully everything's explained pretty well in the log itself; if not, I'm happy to answer any questions.
The rain bore down on Fuji as he crossed the street to the apartment building where he lived. He'd left his umbrella at home that day -- never a good thing to do during the rainy season -- and had to use a discarded newspaper to shield himself. Once inside, he tossed the ineffectual paper into the wastebasket by the door and climbed the creaky steps to the second floor.
The apartment wasn't big, even by Japanese standards. Ryou had complained when they'd signed the lease; there really wasn't enough room for two people to live here comfortably, especially when one of them had wings. But it was increasingly harder to find a landlord that would rent to mutants, and Ryou's wings notwithstanding, the two of them were a bit infamous. "I'm home," Shuusuke called out as he slipped off his shoes. He grabbed a kitchen towel to at least attempt to dry off, then hung it back up. The best plan was probably a proper shower ...
Even though it was just past 6, Shishido had already been up for a couple hours and had showered and even got something that could be considered supper going. While he appreciated the sleep, he often wished he could avoid the nightmares that plagued him during those hours. He envied Fuji that somewhat, even if his lover had nightmares he could wake and distract himself with something before attempting to sleep again. He didn't really have that choice.
Realizing his thoughts were heading down a path that wouldn't do anyone any good, something he blamed on the dreary weather he had woken up to, he headed out of the bedroom. "Welcome home," he said, a real happiness at seeing Fuji home safely turning his lips up at the corners. At least until he saw just how wet the smaller man was.
"Shit, you forgot your umbrella again didn't you?" Shishido gently scolded and questioned at the same time. One good thing about the small apartment was that it didn't take long to grab something if you knew where it was. And after a while he'd gotten used to his wings brushing against walls and furniture if he forgot to keep them tucked tight against his back. He turned and left the room in a flurry of black feathers, before returning a few seconds later with a bigger towel to drop on Fuji's head to start drying his hair.
"No getting sick, Shuusuke, we don't know any doctors we can trust to treat you and not give you the cure at the same time." He'd had his own run in with the cure a few years ago and it wasn't something he would wish on his worst enemy. Not that many of his enemies nowadays were mutants but still...
"I didn't mean to," Fuji said, peering at Shishido from underneath the towel with an apologetic smile. "Besides, you're the one I'm more worried about." He lifted the towel from his head and deposited it on the back of a chair to dry. "I'll do better next time," he promised, and stepped into the kitchen to examine today's candidate for dinner. More rice, at least, and something that might even be meat. It was an improvement. He didn't bother asking if he could try it, just pulled his hair from his face with one hand and dipped a spoon into the pot with the other. Not bad, he decided.
"Ryou?" Fuji asked, not looking up, not turning around. There was something he'd wanted to talk about for days now, and whenever he wanted to bring it up, he lost the nerve. The knowledge of what he had to do settled like a heavy stone in the pit of his stomach, again. He'd have to ignore it today. Today would have to be the day.
"Why would you be worried about me? I wasn't the one running around outside." That sentence implied more dangers than just a cold caused by rain. Japan hadn't been safe for mutants since they had all been blamed for that disaster. While Fuji wasn't as noticeable as he was with his wings, Fuji wasn't exactly unknown either thanks to their X-Prime days.
"And what? The food not good? I thought I did pretty good with what we had in stock." He'd hardly ever be able to say he was a gourmet cook, but he had deifnitely come a long way from his slightly burned grilled cheese days.
"It's fine," Fuji said, and finally turned to face Shishido, bracing his hands on the countertop behind him. He forced himself to smile, as though that might make the news easier to tell, or at least easier for Shishido to handle. "More than fine," he amended. He crossed the small room, touching Shishido's forearm as he passed, and invited him to sit beside him. "I've been thinking, Ryou." Somehow, he couldn't summon the words he needed, and he knew he was stalling. "I think we could fix this."
Shishido couldn't help but smile at the compliment; it wasn't often he could find something that would please both his and Fuji's tastebuds. Though thankfully he had somehow developed an immunity to some of the spicier foods his lover enjoyed. Either that or his tastebuds had just given up and died -- either way he didn't add minding in some extra spices that a few years ago would have made him guzzle down a glass of juice.
But none of that explained why Fuji was making him feel as if something was off balanced or something bad was coming. Needing the phsyical contact with him, he moved on to the couch and carefully wrapped an ebony wing around the wet mutant. He really should have made him change into dry clothes. "And what exactly needs to be fixed?" Oh, he could think of a few things, but the two of them didn't have the power to repair those. And while they certainly weren't living as well as they did back at the institute, they still took damn good care of their stuff and as far as he knew everything was in working order. Even if you did have to jiggle the coffee pot just right to get it to function.
Fuji relished the contact and leaned closer, resting his head on Shishido's shoulder. He was comfortable, and his wings were warm, even if he couldn't protect him from the chill that was starting to catch up to him. "All of it," Fuji said. He knew his explanation was vague -- maybe he did it on purpose, maybe it was just habit. He took a few deep breaths, relaxing in his lover's arms. It was getting easier, he had to admit. "Everything that's wrong. I think there might be a way. Not just for us," he added, absently tracing a pattern on Shishido's knee, "for everyone. The mutants and the humans. I think ..." He'd planned this speech for at least a week, now, and he never imagined it would come out quite like this. In his mind, he'd been firmer, resolute, unwavering... "I think I know where it all went wrong."
Shishido tensed, his wings ruffling as Fuji began to explain. He wanted to fix everything as well, but there was one thing he wasn't willing to risk in the process and that was the man in his arms. But if Fuji thought there might be a way to make the world a better place for mutants and humans... well he wouldn't be greedy. Or he'd try not to anyway. The least he could do was hear his lover out; he was a genius, after all, and maybe his plan wasn't as difficult as he feared and he could even help out.
"Okay, so how do we fix this?" Shishido asked tentatively. He raised his hand to comb fingers through damp hair a few times before wrapping his arm more firmly around Fuji's back and rubbing in a soothing circle. He could tell this was difficult for Fuji, because his lover rarely stumbled over his words or thoughts like he was now. And yeah, it made him nervous and his heart race a bit but Fuji had given him so much in the past that the least he could do was offer this small bit of encouragement. Even if he had the sinking feeling that it would lead to no good.
We. The word echoed in Fuji's mind as he tried to figure out how to best explain his plan. There wouldn't be a 'we'; he didn't think Shishido would be able to come with him, where he was going. "Do you ..." Fuji tensed and closed his eyes, bracing himself and just forcing the words out. "Do you think it's possible to go back in time? To August 15th," he added.
He didn't mean of the past year or even the year before that, and he didn't need to clarify: it was the 15th of August six years ago that they needed to save, back in 2007. That was when everything had gone wrong, Fuji had decided. When he'd lost his brother and his teammates and his friends, and when the public turned on the very people that had protected them. "I ..." His grip tightened on Shishido's knee. "I think there's a way."
August 15th: he couldn't miss the meaning behind that date if he had wanted to. That day was one of several he still had nightmares about. Clearly Fuji did not plan on fixing things in the future but stopping them from ever happening. Was there a way to go back in time? He wasn't sure if it would work, even if there was some way to get there. How did you stop something that big from happening? And then it hit him, Fuji did think there was a way to go back six years, and he did believe he could stop it and his lover was undoubtedly going to try. In the time that he had known Fuji he realized just how foolish it was to doubt him when he set his mind to something or try to talk him out of things. Yes, he had a few tricks that could distract him for a while, hopefully long enough for ideas to pass, but somehow he felt none of those techniques would work this time. And if there was a chance to bring back all those people, to stop all this suffering and to live better lives for them did he really want to stop Fuji's plan?
No, but he he could still hope that there was something he wasn't getting. "How?" he heard himself ask as he swallowed a lump in his throat. Please let him be misunderstanding this.
Fuji was quiet for a long moment. "... Portals," he finally said. His own portals, that usually took him through the three dimensions of space, could also be used to move through time. He'd done the experiments that proved it could happen, but he hadn't yet been able to stretch back across years. "I've gone back as far as weeks already," he explained slowly. "For only minutes at a time, then ... then coming back to where I left. When, I mean," he clarified. It was why Shishido hadn't noticed. "I want to try months next, and then ... " He trailed off, leaving the inevitable unsaid.
"You've gone back weeks already..." Shishido's mind was arguing with instincts. Every fibre in his body wanted to tell Fuji not to risk it, to stop toying with such dangerous things in case he wasn't able to come back or he got stuck between times or was injured somehow. But his mind was dying to know more about how this work, how Fuji planned on stopping this.... and if he was able to travel with another. "You can travel through your portals with other people... could you do the same for time travelling?" God he hoped so. Would he even notice if he didn't? Fuji just admitted he was time travelling and coming back to almost the exact moment he left. What if one day he just woke up to find Fuji gone and he never returned home? What if he had been planning to go back in time and return but was never able to? He would never know for sure what had happened, if he was happy, in the present, in the past.... dead.
His wings shook as he wrapped both tighter around his lover, pressing himself tight against Fuji's chilled damp clothes. "Promise me that no matter how silly you think it is that you'll leave a note or tell me or something when you go to practice on your own." Did Fuji even understand how devestating it would be for him to just suddenly lose him one day and never know for sure what had happened? He should have an idea, he had watched him pine for and crave Yuushi for years.
"I promise," Fuji said, huddling close and tucking his fingers into the fabric of Shishido's shirt. He could hear the faltering in Shishido's voice, even if Shishido couldn't. Maybe it hadn't been fair, but Fuji couldn't have told him about his experiments until he was sure that they would work. In fact, the first few hadn't....
But his smile brightened a little as he pulled back and looked Shishido in the eye. "I don't want to leave you," he admitted, "but it's dangerous enough for me. If something happened to you ..." He brushed long strands of hair out of Shishido's face and pressed a palm to his cheek. He didn't want to think about that, so let the sentence fall, and changed the topic. "I'm going to need your help," he declared.
Shishido didn't understand why Fuji was worried about other things harming him when clearly his lover was going to be the one to kill him. He was losing years off his life because of this conversation. Just as he could feel himself relax at the promise to keep him informed about when time travelling was practiced he tensed back up at being told he couldn't go. And even if Fuji didn't come out to say it in so many words, he was going to be left behind while his bonded went off to save the world alone. Did they even know what would happen if Fuji interefered and altered history?
He had a million things he wanted to ask, another million he wanted to demand and get promises for, but he found hismelf letting out a small hum at the hand to his face and his mouth moving of its own accord. "What can I do to help, Shuusuke?" He wanted to scream, or cry or even give his lover the cure so he couldn't possibly risk his life that way, but life had made him stronger than that. He trusted Fuji more than that. If there was a way this could be done the man in his arms would do it, with or without him, and since he could hardly ignore his lover when he asked for help, it would be with him. He just hoped it wouldn't be more than he could handle.
"I need a cover," Fuji explained, and tried to swallow his heartbreak so he could keep talking. This was harder than he'd thought it would be ... "I ... it would be weird if I showed up and started speaking to myself, wouldn't it?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but he couldn't ignore the truth: this conversation was painful for both of them. But if there was a way to fix this, to fix the world ... Fuji couldn't turn his back on it.
"You'd probably think you were Yagyuu and attack yourself," Shishido tried to joke but the seriousness in his voice showed just how worried something like that would actually happen. He didn't want this, didn't think that Fuji should put himself at risk like this but damnit, if he was, then he would make sure that he was as prepared and safe as could be. Maybe if he kept telling himself that Fuji was going back to a time where it was safe to be a mutant it wouldn't hurt so bad. And maybe if he told himself that enough times he'd start to believe it. "And I guess the cover depends on how far back you need to go and what you need to do." He really wished his wings would stop shaking like that, they gave aways his emotions far too easily and right now he needed to put on a show of being strong. He could cry and complain about the unfairness of it all later when Fuji was out and would never have to know just how much this was hurting him.
"That's what I don't know," Fuji admitted. He slowly disentangled himself from Shishido's embrace and turned to face him more directly. "Right before the blast won't make any sense," he explained, shaking his head. "No one would believe me. It has to be longer; I need to be able to make connections to people with some sort of authority if I'm going to be able to actually do anything about it." And that would take time, he knew. Friendships such as that would take at least years to form. "Maybe even ... maybe even be one of those authority figures myself," he added. "It could work, couldn't it?"
Shishido managed to force himself to nod in agreement, even if his brain was moving a mile a minute pointing out all of the things that made his heart twist in agony. Connections took time, like months and years worth of time. Would he have to go that long without Fuji? But as a time traveller he could spend years away and show up seconds after he left. Would Fuji still love him then? Could he rightfully promise him to be faithful to him and go perhaps years without knowing the embrace of a lover while for him it would be mere moments? Would any of it matter if Fuji succeeded and changed history? He probably wouldn't exist then; everything after the explosion would be rewritten. What would happen to Fuji then -- well his Fuji, since there would be two Fujis at that point. And damn, this was getting complicated.
One issue at a time: that's how he was going to take this. It was the only way he could take this without making himself mad from worry and overthinking something that he would probably never fully understand. But there were plenty of things he did understand, so he'd just focus on that. He'd gotten fairly good at disguising himself over the years, and seeing as he lived through the past once he could give his opinion on who he would trust and why. "Well there was that psychic explosion right? So... if you want to say you saw the future you need to go back before that right?" It'd been so long since he had thought about specific events in the past like this, it stirred strange feelings inside of him and he suspected that one of them was hope. Hope that they could go back to those peaceful school days where his biggest concern was who to flirt with and if his hair looked better than Ta-
Shisido's mind halted on the name and looked at Fuji with wide eyes before grabbing his shoulders, "Shuusuke, if you do this, you have to do more than stop that explosion, you need to save Haginosuke too. It happened about a month before, he was kidnapped from the rave we went to..." He doubted Fuji could forget when it happened any easier than he could. Taki had been their responsibility, they had gone out for the night together, they should have went home together but they had been so wrapped up in themselves and having a good time... and then they had gotten there too late to save him.
"I remember," Fuji replied. He'd numbed himself to that event and tried not to think about it too often ... he'd loved Taki back then, really loved him, and hadn't ever had the opportunity to say or do anything about it. And when he'd tried to save him, Hanamura-sensei had stopped him, given him some line about responsibility without even realizing what was going on while she lectured him. To save Haginosuke, he'd need to go back to Ryuhana.
So. Ryuhana, and authority. "Maybe I could get on staff there," he mused. "I'm old enough now that it's plausible, isn't it?" Maybe with enough authority he could sharpen their old team, turn X-Prime into something actually effective instead of the simple figureheads and spokespeople that Hanamura had trained them to be. "I can train them," he added. "Train us. Our team. We'll be able to fight back."
"You should just go for a headmaster position then. Nobody would be able to boss you around, you'd be able to do whatever the hell you wanted and you'd have every student and member of X-Prime at your disposal. I'd follow you. And it would give you a chance to watch over without having to interact that much with us." And it was already weird thinking about how Fuji was going back in time and would be interacting with them without them knowing it. Another reason to be the headmaster: he could lessen his interaction with people more likely to recognize him and he could also make excuse to not interact with people if it was too hard on him. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to face the carefree faces of people he knew would die.
That thought alone helped him feel a little less sorry for himself. If Fuji was willing to go through that hell to save their future then he would damn well support him. "When was the institute founded? You'd have to go back around then right?" How many years was that? Fifteen, between inception and explosion? Was it longer? Would he still love Fuji if for some reason he returned to him in his 40's or older after being away for what felt like seconds to him? Yes, always. At least he had one answer. No matter what happened, if this world still existed and Fuji returned to him, he knew he would still cherish him and love him.
Shishido had a point, and a good one at that. That was how he could do the most good, after all... "Help found the school?" he echoed. "I'd be there for ten years, Ryou, I don't know ..." Ten years felt like a long time; he'd grow into a different man in that amount of time. And that wasn't what he wanted: he wanted to come back to find Shishido safe, to find his brother and his best friend and all his teammates alive and thriving, and if he was an old man ... would he even remember? Would he be able to return to the life he left behind?
Shit, he'd given both the right and wrong suggestion. Right, because it might work, and wrong, because he was going to force his lover to be there for ten years. It was less time than he'd first thought but still... a decade seemed like forever still at their age. "Well... if you get good at the time travelling, couldn't you come back to visit once and a while? You'd have to get breaks or vacations where you could sneak away to use your portals without anyone figuring it out right?" He held his breath as he waited for an answer. He prayed that Fuji was that powerful and would eventually be that skilled.
"I don't even know if I can make it the first time," Fuji said. "I can try ..." He took Shishido's hand in his own and squeezed tight. "Maybe I'll get better at it," he suggested. Even then, he knew it was a hollow promise; he couldn't easily use his portals if his younger self was around to see it. He couldn't take any chances.
... and that meant even more changes. If he wasn't to be detected, he'd need an alias, and one thick enough to be impenetrable. He'd need to live it until he was used to it, until he became it completely. He looked up again, meeting Shishido's eyes. "Ne ... you'll help disguise me, right?"
"Trust me Shuusuke, if you want it badly enough, you can do it." He brushed bangs away from Fuji's eyes and leaned in to kiss him softly; he needed the excuse to close his eyes and will his tears away. Fuji had always been a better liar than him, but even he couldn't be fooled into believing that Fuji would return until his mission was complete. They had learned just how dangerous taking a chance could be and he wouldn't force his lover to compromise the chance to save their friends just so they could have a few days together every now and then. He would be the selfless and noble boyfriend he knew he could be, or could pretend to be.
Pulling his lips away, he rested his forehead against Fuji's and frowned slightly, "And I'll disguise you, but what you need right now is a hot shower. I can think up something for your new persona while you get warmed up." He didn't want to risk Fuji coming down with a serious fever when he meant what he said about not knowing a doctor who would help them. If Fuji was going to try to go back in time they needed to practice before he was forced to travel even a further distance.
"Alright," Fuji agreed quietly. He lingered on the couch next to Shishido, wanting to keep in contact as long as he could, but eventually he forced himself to stand. He didn't look over his shoulder as he walked to the bathroom, didn't say a word as he turned on the shower and stripped.
If the hot water could burn away the thought of leaving and leave only the promise of a brighter tomorrow, Fuji hoped that it would choose this moment to do it. It was a brilliant idea -- it was a genius idea -- but some small part of him had hoped, maybe, that Shishido would try and talk him out of it. That he hadn't only proved that it was something he should at least try to do.
The heat of the shower warmed his skin and masked his tears, so that there would be no tracks left on his face. It got inside him as he inhaled the steam, and he let wash away the traces of the man he was at that moment. If he was going to do this, Fuji Shuusuke needed to die, so that another man -- a greater man -- could be reborn in his place.
Years ago, Yuuta had changed their name, to differentiate the two of them from the parents that no longer wanted mutant children. They were still called Fuji, of course, but they wrote it differently. The first character turned over in his mind, the reading changed; the second changed from earth to a mountain, and the name seemed to grow within him like something blossoming.
He couldn't explain it better than that. When he stepped out of the shower and towelled himself off, he felt new. Reconstructed, somehow, and possibly stronger. It was a curious feeling.
He emerged from the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist.
Shishido had stayed on the couch far too long after Fuji had left it, staring off into space and wondering if he was doing the right thing or if he was letting Fuji risk his life on a lost cause. Letting out a long heartfelt sigh, he moved to the kitchen to prepare two bowls of food for them and to think about a diguise.
He thought about what he was like back then when he had been attending school and what Fuji was like and how he looked now. The years had been hard on both of them, and had given a shadow to Fuji's eyes that should never have been there. And of course there was the age difference. His lover's body had matured and no longer looked as fragile or small as it did before but people would definitely peg them for relatives on first sight of each other.
Simple was the key. They only needed just a few small changes that were easy to maintain and remember but were enough to throw a person off who wasn't looking for it. And with the age differences and the fact that nobody would be thinking of time travel, there was no reason for any one to be looking for it. It just had to be enough to keep his old eagle-eyed nosey self and genius Fuji from connecting the dots, not to mention any number of other people who interacted with Fuji on a daily basis. And then he thought of something... well, it would certainly keep himself from seeing the truth, and why couldn't he send his old self a visual treat as a reward for being strong enough to say good bye to his lover now.
He heard the shower turn off and grabbed the two bowls and chopsticks to bring them to the table. As he walked by the window, he saw his reflection and hastily set the food down and raised a hand to his face. Shit, he had been crying. He knew he had been trying to come to terms with what was going to happen, but he hadn't realised he'd spent the time while Fuji was in the shower falling apart. Now was not the time for this. He had to be strong. Quickly, before Fuji could see, he dashed back into the kitchen to wash his face and then hastily hid behind the fridge door with the excuse of pulling out some Fanta from the back of it.
"Wa-want a fanta?" Shishido asked clearing his throat as he held up a can, catching a glimpse of Fuji in the process. Damn, leave it Fuji to remind him just what he as going ot be giving up. Oh he loved the clever mind and the sense of humour and even the horrible sense of taste but Fuji's body could still make his heart skip a beat. Or clench in pain as it did now. "And I thought of a disguise for you too." He didn't want his lover to think he had just been moping and playing housewife the whole time he had been showering.
He took the can and cracked it open, then took a long drink of the soda. "Thank you," he said. It felt like his voice was miles away from where he stood, and he tried to shake his head to clear the daze, but it didn't fade. He wasn't ready yet. "I'm going to get dressed," he decided, and handed the half-full can back to Shishido without looking at him.
So he dressed in what was easily his best suit -- no jeans, anymore, and none of Shishido's old shirts with the backs cut out -- and came back to the table, quiet, resigned. He took his can back and drank again, then looked up at Shishido from where he sat. "Tell me about it," he requested, and let a small smile turn the corners of his mouth. "Who am I going to be, now?"
Shishido raised an eyebrow as Fuji came back into the room in an outfit that he remembered being shoved to the very far side of the closet, next to his own best suit. One that was hardly, if ever, worn nowadays. He almost asked if he was planning on going out somewhere but realized that this was probably phase one of the disguise. It would work. Fuji had always prefered casual comfy clothes to fancier dress suits, it would be a good first detterent. He would however miss the evil distraction that was all that glorious skin of Fuji's back on display in front of him if his lover chose that as his new attire until he le-
"Eat before it gets cold," he pointed out, needing a moment to stop his thoughts from veering off into the abyss again. He had to be strong, something not neccessarily made easier by bringing up his first mate. The cure had broken the bond but like how he had loved Fuji in his own way when he was bonded to Oshitari, he still cared for Oshitari even though he was no longer bonded to him. But the disguise would work and with his younger self was still very attached to him it would also distract young Shishido from looking to hard to see something that was hidden. Anyone who reminded him of his mate always earned a few extra trust points too which would help he was sure. It would also be his treat to his younger self; what more could a guy want then having his two loves in one - Fuji in the Oshitari cosplay disguise. He'd thank himself for it one day, he was sure.
Taking a few bites of his own meal, he thought of a good way to describe the disguise without giving his inspiration away. It would be interesting to see if Fuji could guess. It may seem childish, but he was going to take amusement and distractions out of any place he could right now. Besides, it would work, and that was what was important. "Your eyes are pretty noticable," he pointed out. Even though he did love Fuji's blue eyes, they were so bright and unnatural that they were nothing short of breathtaking at times. "And since contacts are risky and a pain, I was thinking glasses." People tended to notice the glasses more than eyes, they wouldn't irritate his eyes, and they were easy enough to slip off once alone if desired.
"We're gonna dye your hair too," Shishido added after a moment. The sandy colour, while not unnatural, was another of Fuji's most noticable traits, "We'll go darker to help you blend in more, the 'so dark it's blue' type black. It should match your suit look pretty well." Simple yet efficient tricks to disguise himself with. Nothing too elaborate that would make people wonder if something's being hidden or too complicated that might be forgotten if tired or drunk or caught up in someone's mutation. The contant dyeing might be hard to keep quiet but if Fuji did become headmaster there would be plenty of ways to do it. "What do you think?" Maybe they could add a piercing or two if they were feeling really daring but that was more personal preference...
Glasses and blue-black hair? That certainly sounded familiar ... "It won't bring him back," Fuji said, but smiled nonetheless. "But it's different enough that it may work. I'm willing to try it." He could hear the change in his own voice, now. He sounded more solid to himself, steadier; a man that had accepted his fate and would look into it unflinchingly.
His food was cold, just as Ryou had warned him it might be, but he ate it anyway. "We should do it soon," he said, between bites. "No, not leaving," he added when he caught Ryou's shocked look, "changing. I need to be used to it if I'm going to fool anyone." The longer he put off leaving, too, the better.
Shishido said nothing about being reminded that it wouldn't bring him back, it was yet another memory that haunted his dreams. But he hoped his friend was only half right, it might not return Yuushi to him today, but if it helped Fuji go back in time to change the events of that day, then it very well could bring him back. Besides, it was hard arguing a point when he was choking on rice, no thanks to Fuji scaring him half to death. He knew his friend would be leaving for his mission eventually, but he needed time for it to become a reality to him. But hair dye and glasses he could do. In fact, he probably had a couple pairs of glasses from his own disguises laying around the apartment somewhere.
"I'll get some tonight if you want, the local store will carry it." He knew because he had employed the use of hair dye from time to time over the years, though he always preferred his natural colour. And while he thought of transforming Fuji's outward appearance to this new person he would be introducing to his past, he noticed that Fuji had already started the internal transformation. He seemed different in the smaller things already, and Shishido wondered if he had a name yet...
"Hey Shuusuke, what will we call you?" he asked, referring to their younger selves.
Fuji was silent a moment. The name had come to him in the shower, but he hadn't spoken it aloud yet: doing so would solidify it; it would make this metamorphosis and the subsequent journey real. But he looked up, his eyes steady, and took that step forward. "Tomiyama," he replied. "Tomiyama Satoru." The given name seemed to fall off his tongue immediately following the surname, apparently of its own accord. He grabbed a pen off of the desk behind him and wrote the kanji on his paper napkin, then pushed it across the table. "Here. Like this." Treasure. Mountain. A clear mind.
"Tomiyama?" Shishido tested the name aloud. Somehow giving Fuji a new name made the situation so much more real. He sighed as he looked at the paper. Somehow, the name seemed familiar to him but he couldn't figure out why. "It's a good strong name, Shuusuke. Or should I start calling you Satoru? Damn, this will take some getting used to..." But it would be harder for Fuji to get used to answering to a name that wasn't really his, so if he had to call his lover a different name he'd do it. Even if everytime he used Tomiyama or Satoru it would be a mild twist to the knife in his heart reminding him again and again that Fuji was leaving.
He slid the napkin back across the table and stared at the empty space between them. How long would Fuji expect him to wait after he left before he did something stupid? Would the changes happen suddenly, just moments after Fuji stepped back in time? If nothing happened would Fuji be able to return to him soon after he had left, 10 years gone by for him but only 10 minutes in this world? Would he be forced to wait 10 long lonely years in this decaying city before he saw his lover again?
He wasn't like Fuji, he wasn't that strong. He couldn't go 10 years alone in this place. He'd nearly gone insane the last time his mate had left him, this time he could hold on to hope for a while but he knew it wouldn't last, not when he wouldn't even be sure if Fuji was alive? No, he'dd start to die inside with in the month, becoming nothing more than a hollow shell by the time his lover returned... if he returned. He'd willingly take the cure before that happened. The bond between them would break but he'd still love Fuji, could bond with him again if that's what the other wanted if they ever met again. The ache inside of him though would take years to heal, but being forced to take care of physical pains would help distract him from those too for a while at least.
These were all things best left unsaid to his lover though. They were all maybes and what ifs and he didn't want to distract Fuji when he needed all of his concentration for what he was trying to do. As he watched his bonded eat more of the by now cool food, he thought that Fuji could probably already guess what would happen here if things didn't go right.
"It may be a good idea," Fuji suggested. He finished his dinner and pushed the empty bowl away from himself, turned his eyes back down to his hands folded on his lap. He wondered if that would be harder, being called something else until he could get used to it. But again, it was just another small sacrifice for the good of the world. He looked back up with an unsteady smile. "I suppose we should start the process."
Part of him hoped that Ryou would protest and defer dyeing his hair to another night, but he didn't, and Fuji knew that tonight would have to be the night.
And that meant buying the dye. He was hesitant to leave the apartment, especially after what had just transpired. In this state, knowing what he did and what he would have to do, he wanted to spend every available moment with Ryou, in case something went wrong -- or in case something changed, and things were different when he returned to his own timeline. If he did.
Making sure not to forget his umbrella this time, he went to the store that Ryou had indicated earlier and came back with the appropriate box. It felt heavy in his hands, weighted like stone even after he set it on the table and opened it. The bottles inside seemed holy, somehow, and the mix and application were both slow and reverent.
He had thirty minutes to let the dye set, to burn through his scalp and into his mind. When he bent over the sink to rinse, it was like he watched the last trace of Fuji Shuusuke wash down the drain with the blue-black water. He dried his hair completely before facing Ryou, no longer Fuji but not yet Tomiyama.
Shishido had kept himself busy while Fuji was out, doing dishes and tidying the kitchen while he carefully stored questions, feelings of betrayal and sadness away and out of reach until he knew he would have time to be alone. If Fuji was going to do this, he was going to make the most out of their remaining time together. He wasn't going to squander what was left because he'd learned long ago just how precious time with someone you love was.
When his lover returned, he had fussed properly about it raining outside and how he was all damp in places again. He helped him mix the dye and put an old towel around his shoulders so the colour wouldn't get anywhere and then tried to keep himself occupied while Fuji waited for the colour to set in. He sensed that this was something his lover should do by himself, to help him accept what he was doing. Though he very much would have loved to comb his fingers through his hair to help rinse out the solution. It'd been a long time since they'd been able to take a shower together and wash each other's hair. Their current shower wasn't even big enough for him and his wings let alone two people and wings.
Setting his book down at the sound of water running, he went to their bedroom to hunt down the box that held his hats and sunglasses. He had some normal glasses in there with no prescription that should work well for this Tomiyama character. Narrowing it down to two, he returned to the living room and smiled at Fuji. Wow, it was amazing what a change in hair colour could do.
"Let's try this one," he said, moving closer to his lover to slip on a pair of glasses, his one hand moving to tangle in midnight locks at the same time. "Beautiful." Painfully so, but nobody would say he looked like the Fuji from his teens and that was the point.
Fuji instinctively closed his eyes as Ryou slipped the glasses on his face, and only opened them to look back up, blinking. The lenses didn't distort his vision after all. He caught Ryou's wrist and stood, looking him in the eyes. Beautiful... He was afraid that if he said anything, more words would come out than he intended and betray him, so he didn't speak, just moved forward to press his lips to Ryou's. Surely a kiss could convey all he needed: all the quiet desperation and unwillingness to actually leave his lover behind, how much he treasured him and would miss him in every moment that passed without him -- but also the pain of staying, and what it would mean for their world if he didn't do this.
He brushed Ryou's hair from his face, pulled him closer, deepened the kiss; tasted him, savored him.
Shuusuke... Shishido's body practically vibrated with the name as he was kissed. His arms and wings wrapped tightly around his lover to hold him close, sheltering them from the world behind a veil of black feathers. If possible, he never wanted this moment to end. He could tell that this was one of those moments that bordered on something big, where it was their last chance to turn back before they fell off the cliff. Not that he was scared of taking death defying plunges being part avian, but this time, he was tempted to back away. Yet he would go forward with this and move with his lover as far as he could and support him from where he was left behind.
As all of these emotions swirled with in him he knew he would never be able to find the words right now, so he did what he knew Shuusuke was doing and put as much as himself as he could in to the kiss until it verged on desperation and then he hesitantly drew back, taking in a deep breath of air.
"Satoru..." he breathed out against Fuji's cheek, breaking the moment that had surrounded them. He would not let himself have that moment of weakness where he begged for Fuji to reconsider; he'd lived in this hell they called Tokyo for too long now, and if his lover believed he could fix it, he would give everything he had to support him.
Without warning he pulled Fuji to him again and kissed him even harder than before, this time letting his desperation at needing and wanting him to show through. He might support this, but he would never stop loving the man in his arms no matter the alias he used.
Fuji -- Tomiyama -- wanted to break down, he wanted to give in, and stay longer than the short days he would need to prepare himself for leaving. He clung right back to Shishido, curling his fingers in his shirt, and glad for the intimacy that the embrace of black wings afforded them.
They'd been the only ones left. After August 15th, as the world changed around them, they felt more like refuges in their own country. Demoted, demeaned, regardless of what Yuushi tried to do to change the laws ... and then they'd lost him and his father both. They'd had only each other to rely on for years, now.
Fuji could taste the salt of tears on his lips, and wasn't sure if they were his or Ryou's, but it hardly mattered, as desperate and intense as he felt. Who would be his strength, after he left? Who would Ryou rely on? He sat down on the couch again, tugging Ryou down over him; he slid fingers into his hair and drew him close. "I'll always be here," he murmured. Somehow.
Shishdo's heart clenched at the words, they were sweet torture to him; they were exactly what he wanted to here and he knew that Fuji's love would always be with him but he wasn't foolish enough to think that was a declaration saying the rest of Fuji would stay either. God how he wished it was though, but to know that he would always have his love, that would be enough, would have to be enough. "I'll always support you," he choked as he leaned into Fuji to kiss one tear stained cheek and then a trail to his mouth where he could kiss him deeply again, his wings shaking from all of the emotions he was feeling. He had so desperately hoped that he would never have to go through the pain of saying goodbye to his mate again. It would be the memories of this moment and others they had shared in the past that would give him the strength to carry on. He'd be alone, but he wouldn't be, and if Fuji was as wonderufl as he knew him to be then the two of them would never have to be alone again. He clung to that hope as he pressed his lover back against the couch, further straddling him as they kissed.
Fuji reached up and untied the shirt straps from around Shishido's neck, pulling the fabric down to expose his chest. There were scars there, light ones, from injuries sustained while Shishido had been Cured and his healing factor hadn't been able to help him. He traced his fingertips over these lines, over every inch of skin, to memorize the touch, and slid them back up to his face, to touch his lips and watch his eyes. There was a chance, a strong one, that he may never see Ryou again. Not this Ryou. Not the one who had lived through these hard and long years with him. "I love you," he said, a whispered breath against skin, and clung tighter, wrapping both arms around him, his hands tangling in dark feathers. "Show me everything tonight, Ryou." Show me ten years of struggle and pain and friendship and joy, and I'll show you a brighter world, I promise...
Neither needed to say another word.
Warnings: Sap, and lots of it, with a side of angst.
Summary: PLOT. Possibly important information.
Note: I was a little hesitant to release this log until after the AU, but I think now's as good a time as any to post it -- it may make this plot more entertaining, at least? Hopefully everything's explained pretty well in the log itself; if not, I'm happy to answer any questions.
The rain bore down on Fuji as he crossed the street to the apartment building where he lived. He'd left his umbrella at home that day -- never a good thing to do during the rainy season -- and had to use a discarded newspaper to shield himself. Once inside, he tossed the ineffectual paper into the wastebasket by the door and climbed the creaky steps to the second floor.
The apartment wasn't big, even by Japanese standards. Ryou had complained when they'd signed the lease; there really wasn't enough room for two people to live here comfortably, especially when one of them had wings. But it was increasingly harder to find a landlord that would rent to mutants, and Ryou's wings notwithstanding, the two of them were a bit infamous. "I'm home," Shuusuke called out as he slipped off his shoes. He grabbed a kitchen towel to at least attempt to dry off, then hung it back up. The best plan was probably a proper shower ...
Even though it was just past 6, Shishido had already been up for a couple hours and had showered and even got something that could be considered supper going. While he appreciated the sleep, he often wished he could avoid the nightmares that plagued him during those hours. He envied Fuji that somewhat, even if his lover had nightmares he could wake and distract himself with something before attempting to sleep again. He didn't really have that choice.
Realizing his thoughts were heading down a path that wouldn't do anyone any good, something he blamed on the dreary weather he had woken up to, he headed out of the bedroom. "Welcome home," he said, a real happiness at seeing Fuji home safely turning his lips up at the corners. At least until he saw just how wet the smaller man was.
"Shit, you forgot your umbrella again didn't you?" Shishido gently scolded and questioned at the same time. One good thing about the small apartment was that it didn't take long to grab something if you knew where it was. And after a while he'd gotten used to his wings brushing against walls and furniture if he forgot to keep them tucked tight against his back. He turned and left the room in a flurry of black feathers, before returning a few seconds later with a bigger towel to drop on Fuji's head to start drying his hair.
"No getting sick, Shuusuke, we don't know any doctors we can trust to treat you and not give you the cure at the same time." He'd had his own run in with the cure a few years ago and it wasn't something he would wish on his worst enemy. Not that many of his enemies nowadays were mutants but still...
"I didn't mean to," Fuji said, peering at Shishido from underneath the towel with an apologetic smile. "Besides, you're the one I'm more worried about." He lifted the towel from his head and deposited it on the back of a chair to dry. "I'll do better next time," he promised, and stepped into the kitchen to examine today's candidate for dinner. More rice, at least, and something that might even be meat. It was an improvement. He didn't bother asking if he could try it, just pulled his hair from his face with one hand and dipped a spoon into the pot with the other. Not bad, he decided.
"Ryou?" Fuji asked, not looking up, not turning around. There was something he'd wanted to talk about for days now, and whenever he wanted to bring it up, he lost the nerve. The knowledge of what he had to do settled like a heavy stone in the pit of his stomach, again. He'd have to ignore it today. Today would have to be the day.
"Why would you be worried about me? I wasn't the one running around outside." That sentence implied more dangers than just a cold caused by rain. Japan hadn't been safe for mutants since they had all been blamed for that disaster. While Fuji wasn't as noticeable as he was with his wings, Fuji wasn't exactly unknown either thanks to their X-Prime days.
"And what? The food not good? I thought I did pretty good with what we had in stock." He'd hardly ever be able to say he was a gourmet cook, but he had deifnitely come a long way from his slightly burned grilled cheese days.
"It's fine," Fuji said, and finally turned to face Shishido, bracing his hands on the countertop behind him. He forced himself to smile, as though that might make the news easier to tell, or at least easier for Shishido to handle. "More than fine," he amended. He crossed the small room, touching Shishido's forearm as he passed, and invited him to sit beside him. "I've been thinking, Ryou." Somehow, he couldn't summon the words he needed, and he knew he was stalling. "I think we could fix this."
Shishido couldn't help but smile at the compliment; it wasn't often he could find something that would please both his and Fuji's tastebuds. Though thankfully he had somehow developed an immunity to some of the spicier foods his lover enjoyed. Either that or his tastebuds had just given up and died -- either way he didn't add minding in some extra spices that a few years ago would have made him guzzle down a glass of juice.
But none of that explained why Fuji was making him feel as if something was off balanced or something bad was coming. Needing the phsyical contact with him, he moved on to the couch and carefully wrapped an ebony wing around the wet mutant. He really should have made him change into dry clothes. "And what exactly needs to be fixed?" Oh, he could think of a few things, but the two of them didn't have the power to repair those. And while they certainly weren't living as well as they did back at the institute, they still took damn good care of their stuff and as far as he knew everything was in working order. Even if you did have to jiggle the coffee pot just right to get it to function.
Fuji relished the contact and leaned closer, resting his head on Shishido's shoulder. He was comfortable, and his wings were warm, even if he couldn't protect him from the chill that was starting to catch up to him. "All of it," Fuji said. He knew his explanation was vague -- maybe he did it on purpose, maybe it was just habit. He took a few deep breaths, relaxing in his lover's arms. It was getting easier, he had to admit. "Everything that's wrong. I think there might be a way. Not just for us," he added, absently tracing a pattern on Shishido's knee, "for everyone. The mutants and the humans. I think ..." He'd planned this speech for at least a week, now, and he never imagined it would come out quite like this. In his mind, he'd been firmer, resolute, unwavering... "I think I know where it all went wrong."
Shishido tensed, his wings ruffling as Fuji began to explain. He wanted to fix everything as well, but there was one thing he wasn't willing to risk in the process and that was the man in his arms. But if Fuji thought there might be a way to make the world a better place for mutants and humans... well he wouldn't be greedy. Or he'd try not to anyway. The least he could do was hear his lover out; he was a genius, after all, and maybe his plan wasn't as difficult as he feared and he could even help out.
"Okay, so how do we fix this?" Shishido asked tentatively. He raised his hand to comb fingers through damp hair a few times before wrapping his arm more firmly around Fuji's back and rubbing in a soothing circle. He could tell this was difficult for Fuji, because his lover rarely stumbled over his words or thoughts like he was now. And yeah, it made him nervous and his heart race a bit but Fuji had given him so much in the past that the least he could do was offer this small bit of encouragement. Even if he had the sinking feeling that it would lead to no good.
We. The word echoed in Fuji's mind as he tried to figure out how to best explain his plan. There wouldn't be a 'we'; he didn't think Shishido would be able to come with him, where he was going. "Do you ..." Fuji tensed and closed his eyes, bracing himself and just forcing the words out. "Do you think it's possible to go back in time? To August 15th," he added.
He didn't mean of the past year or even the year before that, and he didn't need to clarify: it was the 15th of August six years ago that they needed to save, back in 2007. That was when everything had gone wrong, Fuji had decided. When he'd lost his brother and his teammates and his friends, and when the public turned on the very people that had protected them. "I ..." His grip tightened on Shishido's knee. "I think there's a way."
August 15th: he couldn't miss the meaning behind that date if he had wanted to. That day was one of several he still had nightmares about. Clearly Fuji did not plan on fixing things in the future but stopping them from ever happening. Was there a way to go back in time? He wasn't sure if it would work, even if there was some way to get there. How did you stop something that big from happening? And then it hit him, Fuji did think there was a way to go back six years, and he did believe he could stop it and his lover was undoubtedly going to try. In the time that he had known Fuji he realized just how foolish it was to doubt him when he set his mind to something or try to talk him out of things. Yes, he had a few tricks that could distract him for a while, hopefully long enough for ideas to pass, but somehow he felt none of those techniques would work this time. And if there was a chance to bring back all those people, to stop all this suffering and to live better lives for them did he really want to stop Fuji's plan?
No, but he he could still hope that there was something he wasn't getting. "How?" he heard himself ask as he swallowed a lump in his throat. Please let him be misunderstanding this.
Fuji was quiet for a long moment. "... Portals," he finally said. His own portals, that usually took him through the three dimensions of space, could also be used to move through time. He'd done the experiments that proved it could happen, but he hadn't yet been able to stretch back across years. "I've gone back as far as weeks already," he explained slowly. "For only minutes at a time, then ... then coming back to where I left. When, I mean," he clarified. It was why Shishido hadn't noticed. "I want to try months next, and then ... " He trailed off, leaving the inevitable unsaid.
"You've gone back weeks already..." Shishido's mind was arguing with instincts. Every fibre in his body wanted to tell Fuji not to risk it, to stop toying with such dangerous things in case he wasn't able to come back or he got stuck between times or was injured somehow. But his mind was dying to know more about how this work, how Fuji planned on stopping this.... and if he was able to travel with another. "You can travel through your portals with other people... could you do the same for time travelling?" God he hoped so. Would he even notice if he didn't? Fuji just admitted he was time travelling and coming back to almost the exact moment he left. What if one day he just woke up to find Fuji gone and he never returned home? What if he had been planning to go back in time and return but was never able to? He would never know for sure what had happened, if he was happy, in the present, in the past.... dead.
His wings shook as he wrapped both tighter around his lover, pressing himself tight against Fuji's chilled damp clothes. "Promise me that no matter how silly you think it is that you'll leave a note or tell me or something when you go to practice on your own." Did Fuji even understand how devestating it would be for him to just suddenly lose him one day and never know for sure what had happened? He should have an idea, he had watched him pine for and crave Yuushi for years.
"I promise," Fuji said, huddling close and tucking his fingers into the fabric of Shishido's shirt. He could hear the faltering in Shishido's voice, even if Shishido couldn't. Maybe it hadn't been fair, but Fuji couldn't have told him about his experiments until he was sure that they would work. In fact, the first few hadn't....
But his smile brightened a little as he pulled back and looked Shishido in the eye. "I don't want to leave you," he admitted, "but it's dangerous enough for me. If something happened to you ..." He brushed long strands of hair out of Shishido's face and pressed a palm to his cheek. He didn't want to think about that, so let the sentence fall, and changed the topic. "I'm going to need your help," he declared.
Shishido didn't understand why Fuji was worried about other things harming him when clearly his lover was going to be the one to kill him. He was losing years off his life because of this conversation. Just as he could feel himself relax at the promise to keep him informed about when time travelling was practiced he tensed back up at being told he couldn't go. And even if Fuji didn't come out to say it in so many words, he was going to be left behind while his bonded went off to save the world alone. Did they even know what would happen if Fuji interefered and altered history?
He had a million things he wanted to ask, another million he wanted to demand and get promises for, but he found hismelf letting out a small hum at the hand to his face and his mouth moving of its own accord. "What can I do to help, Shuusuke?" He wanted to scream, or cry or even give his lover the cure so he couldn't possibly risk his life that way, but life had made him stronger than that. He trusted Fuji more than that. If there was a way this could be done the man in his arms would do it, with or without him, and since he could hardly ignore his lover when he asked for help, it would be with him. He just hoped it wouldn't be more than he could handle.
"I need a cover," Fuji explained, and tried to swallow his heartbreak so he could keep talking. This was harder than he'd thought it would be ... "I ... it would be weird if I showed up and started speaking to myself, wouldn't it?" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, but he couldn't ignore the truth: this conversation was painful for both of them. But if there was a way to fix this, to fix the world ... Fuji couldn't turn his back on it.
"You'd probably think you were Yagyuu and attack yourself," Shishido tried to joke but the seriousness in his voice showed just how worried something like that would actually happen. He didn't want this, didn't think that Fuji should put himself at risk like this but damnit, if he was, then he would make sure that he was as prepared and safe as could be. Maybe if he kept telling himself that Fuji was going back to a time where it was safe to be a mutant it wouldn't hurt so bad. And maybe if he told himself that enough times he'd start to believe it. "And I guess the cover depends on how far back you need to go and what you need to do." He really wished his wings would stop shaking like that, they gave aways his emotions far too easily and right now he needed to put on a show of being strong. He could cry and complain about the unfairness of it all later when Fuji was out and would never have to know just how much this was hurting him.
"That's what I don't know," Fuji admitted. He slowly disentangled himself from Shishido's embrace and turned to face him more directly. "Right before the blast won't make any sense," he explained, shaking his head. "No one would believe me. It has to be longer; I need to be able to make connections to people with some sort of authority if I'm going to be able to actually do anything about it." And that would take time, he knew. Friendships such as that would take at least years to form. "Maybe even ... maybe even be one of those authority figures myself," he added. "It could work, couldn't it?"
Shishido managed to force himself to nod in agreement, even if his brain was moving a mile a minute pointing out all of the things that made his heart twist in agony. Connections took time, like months and years worth of time. Would he have to go that long without Fuji? But as a time traveller he could spend years away and show up seconds after he left. Would Fuji still love him then? Could he rightfully promise him to be faithful to him and go perhaps years without knowing the embrace of a lover while for him it would be mere moments? Would any of it matter if Fuji succeeded and changed history? He probably wouldn't exist then; everything after the explosion would be rewritten. What would happen to Fuji then -- well his Fuji, since there would be two Fujis at that point. And damn, this was getting complicated.
One issue at a time: that's how he was going to take this. It was the only way he could take this without making himself mad from worry and overthinking something that he would probably never fully understand. But there were plenty of things he did understand, so he'd just focus on that. He'd gotten fairly good at disguising himself over the years, and seeing as he lived through the past once he could give his opinion on who he would trust and why. "Well there was that psychic explosion right? So... if you want to say you saw the future you need to go back before that right?" It'd been so long since he had thought about specific events in the past like this, it stirred strange feelings inside of him and he suspected that one of them was hope. Hope that they could go back to those peaceful school days where his biggest concern was who to flirt with and if his hair looked better than Ta-
Shisido's mind halted on the name and looked at Fuji with wide eyes before grabbing his shoulders, "Shuusuke, if you do this, you have to do more than stop that explosion, you need to save Haginosuke too. It happened about a month before, he was kidnapped from the rave we went to..." He doubted Fuji could forget when it happened any easier than he could. Taki had been their responsibility, they had gone out for the night together, they should have went home together but they had been so wrapped up in themselves and having a good time... and then they had gotten there too late to save him.
"I remember," Fuji replied. He'd numbed himself to that event and tried not to think about it too often ... he'd loved Taki back then, really loved him, and hadn't ever had the opportunity to say or do anything about it. And when he'd tried to save him, Hanamura-sensei had stopped him, given him some line about responsibility without even realizing what was going on while she lectured him. To save Haginosuke, he'd need to go back to Ryuhana.
So. Ryuhana, and authority. "Maybe I could get on staff there," he mused. "I'm old enough now that it's plausible, isn't it?" Maybe with enough authority he could sharpen their old team, turn X-Prime into something actually effective instead of the simple figureheads and spokespeople that Hanamura had trained them to be. "I can train them," he added. "Train us. Our team. We'll be able to fight back."
"You should just go for a headmaster position then. Nobody would be able to boss you around, you'd be able to do whatever the hell you wanted and you'd have every student and member of X-Prime at your disposal. I'd follow you. And it would give you a chance to watch over without having to interact that much with us." And it was already weird thinking about how Fuji was going back in time and would be interacting with them without them knowing it. Another reason to be the headmaster: he could lessen his interaction with people more likely to recognize him and he could also make excuse to not interact with people if it was too hard on him. He couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to face the carefree faces of people he knew would die.
That thought alone helped him feel a little less sorry for himself. If Fuji was willing to go through that hell to save their future then he would damn well support him. "When was the institute founded? You'd have to go back around then right?" How many years was that? Fifteen, between inception and explosion? Was it longer? Would he still love Fuji if for some reason he returned to him in his 40's or older after being away for what felt like seconds to him? Yes, always. At least he had one answer. No matter what happened, if this world still existed and Fuji returned to him, he knew he would still cherish him and love him.
Shishido had a point, and a good one at that. That was how he could do the most good, after all... "Help found the school?" he echoed. "I'd be there for ten years, Ryou, I don't know ..." Ten years felt like a long time; he'd grow into a different man in that amount of time. And that wasn't what he wanted: he wanted to come back to find Shishido safe, to find his brother and his best friend and all his teammates alive and thriving, and if he was an old man ... would he even remember? Would he be able to return to the life he left behind?
Shit, he'd given both the right and wrong suggestion. Right, because it might work, and wrong, because he was going to force his lover to be there for ten years. It was less time than he'd first thought but still... a decade seemed like forever still at their age. "Well... if you get good at the time travelling, couldn't you come back to visit once and a while? You'd have to get breaks or vacations where you could sneak away to use your portals without anyone figuring it out right?" He held his breath as he waited for an answer. He prayed that Fuji was that powerful and would eventually be that skilled.
"I don't even know if I can make it the first time," Fuji said. "I can try ..." He took Shishido's hand in his own and squeezed tight. "Maybe I'll get better at it," he suggested. Even then, he knew it was a hollow promise; he couldn't easily use his portals if his younger self was around to see it. He couldn't take any chances.
... and that meant even more changes. If he wasn't to be detected, he'd need an alias, and one thick enough to be impenetrable. He'd need to live it until he was used to it, until he became it completely. He looked up again, meeting Shishido's eyes. "Ne ... you'll help disguise me, right?"
"Trust me Shuusuke, if you want it badly enough, you can do it." He brushed bangs away from Fuji's eyes and leaned in to kiss him softly; he needed the excuse to close his eyes and will his tears away. Fuji had always been a better liar than him, but even he couldn't be fooled into believing that Fuji would return until his mission was complete. They had learned just how dangerous taking a chance could be and he wouldn't force his lover to compromise the chance to save their friends just so they could have a few days together every now and then. He would be the selfless and noble boyfriend he knew he could be, or could pretend to be.
Pulling his lips away, he rested his forehead against Fuji's and frowned slightly, "And I'll disguise you, but what you need right now is a hot shower. I can think up something for your new persona while you get warmed up." He didn't want to risk Fuji coming down with a serious fever when he meant what he said about not knowing a doctor who would help them. If Fuji was going to try to go back in time they needed to practice before he was forced to travel even a further distance.
"Alright," Fuji agreed quietly. He lingered on the couch next to Shishido, wanting to keep in contact as long as he could, but eventually he forced himself to stand. He didn't look over his shoulder as he walked to the bathroom, didn't say a word as he turned on the shower and stripped.
If the hot water could burn away the thought of leaving and leave only the promise of a brighter tomorrow, Fuji hoped that it would choose this moment to do it. It was a brilliant idea -- it was a genius idea -- but some small part of him had hoped, maybe, that Shishido would try and talk him out of it. That he hadn't only proved that it was something he should at least try to do.
The heat of the shower warmed his skin and masked his tears, so that there would be no tracks left on his face. It got inside him as he inhaled the steam, and he let wash away the traces of the man he was at that moment. If he was going to do this, Fuji Shuusuke needed to die, so that another man -- a greater man -- could be reborn in his place.
Years ago, Yuuta had changed their name, to differentiate the two of them from the parents that no longer wanted mutant children. They were still called Fuji, of course, but they wrote it differently. The first character turned over in his mind, the reading changed; the second changed from earth to a mountain, and the name seemed to grow within him like something blossoming.
He couldn't explain it better than that. When he stepped out of the shower and towelled himself off, he felt new. Reconstructed, somehow, and possibly stronger. It was a curious feeling.
He emerged from the bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist.
Shishido had stayed on the couch far too long after Fuji had left it, staring off into space and wondering if he was doing the right thing or if he was letting Fuji risk his life on a lost cause. Letting out a long heartfelt sigh, he moved to the kitchen to prepare two bowls of food for them and to think about a diguise.
He thought about what he was like back then when he had been attending school and what Fuji was like and how he looked now. The years had been hard on both of them, and had given a shadow to Fuji's eyes that should never have been there. And of course there was the age difference. His lover's body had matured and no longer looked as fragile or small as it did before but people would definitely peg them for relatives on first sight of each other.
Simple was the key. They only needed just a few small changes that were easy to maintain and remember but were enough to throw a person off who wasn't looking for it. And with the age differences and the fact that nobody would be thinking of time travel, there was no reason for any one to be looking for it. It just had to be enough to keep his old eagle-eyed nosey self and genius Fuji from connecting the dots, not to mention any number of other people who interacted with Fuji on a daily basis. And then he thought of something... well, it would certainly keep himself from seeing the truth, and why couldn't he send his old self a visual treat as a reward for being strong enough to say good bye to his lover now.
He heard the shower turn off and grabbed the two bowls and chopsticks to bring them to the table. As he walked by the window, he saw his reflection and hastily set the food down and raised a hand to his face. Shit, he had been crying. He knew he had been trying to come to terms with what was going to happen, but he hadn't realised he'd spent the time while Fuji was in the shower falling apart. Now was not the time for this. He had to be strong. Quickly, before Fuji could see, he dashed back into the kitchen to wash his face and then hastily hid behind the fridge door with the excuse of pulling out some Fanta from the back of it.
"Wa-want a fanta?" Shishido asked clearing his throat as he held up a can, catching a glimpse of Fuji in the process. Damn, leave it Fuji to remind him just what he as going ot be giving up. Oh he loved the clever mind and the sense of humour and even the horrible sense of taste but Fuji's body could still make his heart skip a beat. Or clench in pain as it did now. "And I thought of a disguise for you too." He didn't want his lover to think he had just been moping and playing housewife the whole time he had been showering.
He took the can and cracked it open, then took a long drink of the soda. "Thank you," he said. It felt like his voice was miles away from where he stood, and he tried to shake his head to clear the daze, but it didn't fade. He wasn't ready yet. "I'm going to get dressed," he decided, and handed the half-full can back to Shishido without looking at him.
So he dressed in what was easily his best suit -- no jeans, anymore, and none of Shishido's old shirts with the backs cut out -- and came back to the table, quiet, resigned. He took his can back and drank again, then looked up at Shishido from where he sat. "Tell me about it," he requested, and let a small smile turn the corners of his mouth. "Who am I going to be, now?"
Shishido raised an eyebrow as Fuji came back into the room in an outfit that he remembered being shoved to the very far side of the closet, next to his own best suit. One that was hardly, if ever, worn nowadays. He almost asked if he was planning on going out somewhere but realized that this was probably phase one of the disguise. It would work. Fuji had always prefered casual comfy clothes to fancier dress suits, it would be a good first detterent. He would however miss the evil distraction that was all that glorious skin of Fuji's back on display in front of him if his lover chose that as his new attire until he le-
"Eat before it gets cold," he pointed out, needing a moment to stop his thoughts from veering off into the abyss again. He had to be strong, something not neccessarily made easier by bringing up his first mate. The cure had broken the bond but like how he had loved Fuji in his own way when he was bonded to Oshitari, he still cared for Oshitari even though he was no longer bonded to him. But the disguise would work and with his younger self was still very attached to him it would also distract young Shishido from looking to hard to see something that was hidden. Anyone who reminded him of his mate always earned a few extra trust points too which would help he was sure. It would also be his treat to his younger self; what more could a guy want then having his two loves in one - Fuji in the Oshitari cosplay disguise. He'd thank himself for it one day, he was sure.
Taking a few bites of his own meal, he thought of a good way to describe the disguise without giving his inspiration away. It would be interesting to see if Fuji could guess. It may seem childish, but he was going to take amusement and distractions out of any place he could right now. Besides, it would work, and that was what was important. "Your eyes are pretty noticable," he pointed out. Even though he did love Fuji's blue eyes, they were so bright and unnatural that they were nothing short of breathtaking at times. "And since contacts are risky and a pain, I was thinking glasses." People tended to notice the glasses more than eyes, they wouldn't irritate his eyes, and they were easy enough to slip off once alone if desired.
"We're gonna dye your hair too," Shishido added after a moment. The sandy colour, while not unnatural, was another of Fuji's most noticable traits, "We'll go darker to help you blend in more, the 'so dark it's blue' type black. It should match your suit look pretty well." Simple yet efficient tricks to disguise himself with. Nothing too elaborate that would make people wonder if something's being hidden or too complicated that might be forgotten if tired or drunk or caught up in someone's mutation. The contant dyeing might be hard to keep quiet but if Fuji did become headmaster there would be plenty of ways to do it. "What do you think?" Maybe they could add a piercing or two if they were feeling really daring but that was more personal preference...
Glasses and blue-black hair? That certainly sounded familiar ... "It won't bring him back," Fuji said, but smiled nonetheless. "But it's different enough that it may work. I'm willing to try it." He could hear the change in his own voice, now. He sounded more solid to himself, steadier; a man that had accepted his fate and would look into it unflinchingly.
His food was cold, just as Ryou had warned him it might be, but he ate it anyway. "We should do it soon," he said, between bites. "No, not leaving," he added when he caught Ryou's shocked look, "changing. I need to be used to it if I'm going to fool anyone." The longer he put off leaving, too, the better.
Shishido said nothing about being reminded that it wouldn't bring him back, it was yet another memory that haunted his dreams. But he hoped his friend was only half right, it might not return Yuushi to him today, but if it helped Fuji go back in time to change the events of that day, then it very well could bring him back. Besides, it was hard arguing a point when he was choking on rice, no thanks to Fuji scaring him half to death. He knew his friend would be leaving for his mission eventually, but he needed time for it to become a reality to him. But hair dye and glasses he could do. In fact, he probably had a couple pairs of glasses from his own disguises laying around the apartment somewhere.
"I'll get some tonight if you want, the local store will carry it." He knew because he had employed the use of hair dye from time to time over the years, though he always preferred his natural colour. And while he thought of transforming Fuji's outward appearance to this new person he would be introducing to his past, he noticed that Fuji had already started the internal transformation. He seemed different in the smaller things already, and Shishido wondered if he had a name yet...
"Hey Shuusuke, what will we call you?" he asked, referring to their younger selves.
Fuji was silent a moment. The name had come to him in the shower, but he hadn't spoken it aloud yet: doing so would solidify it; it would make this metamorphosis and the subsequent journey real. But he looked up, his eyes steady, and took that step forward. "Tomiyama," he replied. "Tomiyama Satoru." The given name seemed to fall off his tongue immediately following the surname, apparently of its own accord. He grabbed a pen off of the desk behind him and wrote the kanji on his paper napkin, then pushed it across the table. "Here. Like this." Treasure. Mountain. A clear mind.
"Tomiyama?" Shishido tested the name aloud. Somehow giving Fuji a new name made the situation so much more real. He sighed as he looked at the paper. Somehow, the name seemed familiar to him but he couldn't figure out why. "It's a good strong name, Shuusuke. Or should I start calling you Satoru? Damn, this will take some getting used to..." But it would be harder for Fuji to get used to answering to a name that wasn't really his, so if he had to call his lover a different name he'd do it. Even if everytime he used Tomiyama or Satoru it would be a mild twist to the knife in his heart reminding him again and again that Fuji was leaving.
He slid the napkin back across the table and stared at the empty space between them. How long would Fuji expect him to wait after he left before he did something stupid? Would the changes happen suddenly, just moments after Fuji stepped back in time? If nothing happened would Fuji be able to return to him soon after he had left, 10 years gone by for him but only 10 minutes in this world? Would he be forced to wait 10 long lonely years in this decaying city before he saw his lover again?
He wasn't like Fuji, he wasn't that strong. He couldn't go 10 years alone in this place. He'd nearly gone insane the last time his mate had left him, this time he could hold on to hope for a while but he knew it wouldn't last, not when he wouldn't even be sure if Fuji was alive? No, he'dd start to die inside with in the month, becoming nothing more than a hollow shell by the time his lover returned... if he returned. He'd willingly take the cure before that happened. The bond between them would break but he'd still love Fuji, could bond with him again if that's what the other wanted if they ever met again. The ache inside of him though would take years to heal, but being forced to take care of physical pains would help distract him from those too for a while at least.
These were all things best left unsaid to his lover though. They were all maybes and what ifs and he didn't want to distract Fuji when he needed all of his concentration for what he was trying to do. As he watched his bonded eat more of the by now cool food, he thought that Fuji could probably already guess what would happen here if things didn't go right.
"It may be a good idea," Fuji suggested. He finished his dinner and pushed the empty bowl away from himself, turned his eyes back down to his hands folded on his lap. He wondered if that would be harder, being called something else until he could get used to it. But again, it was just another small sacrifice for the good of the world. He looked back up with an unsteady smile. "I suppose we should start the process."
Part of him hoped that Ryou would protest and defer dyeing his hair to another night, but he didn't, and Fuji knew that tonight would have to be the night.
And that meant buying the dye. He was hesitant to leave the apartment, especially after what had just transpired. In this state, knowing what he did and what he would have to do, he wanted to spend every available moment with Ryou, in case something went wrong -- or in case something changed, and things were different when he returned to his own timeline. If he did.
Making sure not to forget his umbrella this time, he went to the store that Ryou had indicated earlier and came back with the appropriate box. It felt heavy in his hands, weighted like stone even after he set it on the table and opened it. The bottles inside seemed holy, somehow, and the mix and application were both slow and reverent.
He had thirty minutes to let the dye set, to burn through his scalp and into his mind. When he bent over the sink to rinse, it was like he watched the last trace of Fuji Shuusuke wash down the drain with the blue-black water. He dried his hair completely before facing Ryou, no longer Fuji but not yet Tomiyama.
Shishido had kept himself busy while Fuji was out, doing dishes and tidying the kitchen while he carefully stored questions, feelings of betrayal and sadness away and out of reach until he knew he would have time to be alone. If Fuji was going to do this, he was going to make the most out of their remaining time together. He wasn't going to squander what was left because he'd learned long ago just how precious time with someone you love was.
When his lover returned, he had fussed properly about it raining outside and how he was all damp in places again. He helped him mix the dye and put an old towel around his shoulders so the colour wouldn't get anywhere and then tried to keep himself occupied while Fuji waited for the colour to set in. He sensed that this was something his lover should do by himself, to help him accept what he was doing. Though he very much would have loved to comb his fingers through his hair to help rinse out the solution. It'd been a long time since they'd been able to take a shower together and wash each other's hair. Their current shower wasn't even big enough for him and his wings let alone two people and wings.
Setting his book down at the sound of water running, he went to their bedroom to hunt down the box that held his hats and sunglasses. He had some normal glasses in there with no prescription that should work well for this Tomiyama character. Narrowing it down to two, he returned to the living room and smiled at Fuji. Wow, it was amazing what a change in hair colour could do.
"Let's try this one," he said, moving closer to his lover to slip on a pair of glasses, his one hand moving to tangle in midnight locks at the same time. "Beautiful." Painfully so, but nobody would say he looked like the Fuji from his teens and that was the point.
Fuji instinctively closed his eyes as Ryou slipped the glasses on his face, and only opened them to look back up, blinking. The lenses didn't distort his vision after all. He caught Ryou's wrist and stood, looking him in the eyes. Beautiful... He was afraid that if he said anything, more words would come out than he intended and betray him, so he didn't speak, just moved forward to press his lips to Ryou's. Surely a kiss could convey all he needed: all the quiet desperation and unwillingness to actually leave his lover behind, how much he treasured him and would miss him in every moment that passed without him -- but also the pain of staying, and what it would mean for their world if he didn't do this.
He brushed Ryou's hair from his face, pulled him closer, deepened the kiss; tasted him, savored him.
Shuusuke... Shishido's body practically vibrated with the name as he was kissed. His arms and wings wrapped tightly around his lover to hold him close, sheltering them from the world behind a veil of black feathers. If possible, he never wanted this moment to end. He could tell that this was one of those moments that bordered on something big, where it was their last chance to turn back before they fell off the cliff. Not that he was scared of taking death defying plunges being part avian, but this time, he was tempted to back away. Yet he would go forward with this and move with his lover as far as he could and support him from where he was left behind.
As all of these emotions swirled with in him he knew he would never be able to find the words right now, so he did what he knew Shuusuke was doing and put as much as himself as he could in to the kiss until it verged on desperation and then he hesitantly drew back, taking in a deep breath of air.
"Satoru..." he breathed out against Fuji's cheek, breaking the moment that had surrounded them. He would not let himself have that moment of weakness where he begged for Fuji to reconsider; he'd lived in this hell they called Tokyo for too long now, and if his lover believed he could fix it, he would give everything he had to support him.
Without warning he pulled Fuji to him again and kissed him even harder than before, this time letting his desperation at needing and wanting him to show through. He might support this, but he would never stop loving the man in his arms no matter the alias he used.
Fuji -- Tomiyama -- wanted to break down, he wanted to give in, and stay longer than the short days he would need to prepare himself for leaving. He clung right back to Shishido, curling his fingers in his shirt, and glad for the intimacy that the embrace of black wings afforded them.
They'd been the only ones left. After August 15th, as the world changed around them, they felt more like refuges in their own country. Demoted, demeaned, regardless of what Yuushi tried to do to change the laws ... and then they'd lost him and his father both. They'd had only each other to rely on for years, now.
Fuji could taste the salt of tears on his lips, and wasn't sure if they were his or Ryou's, but it hardly mattered, as desperate and intense as he felt. Who would be his strength, after he left? Who would Ryou rely on? He sat down on the couch again, tugging Ryou down over him; he slid fingers into his hair and drew him close. "I'll always be here," he murmured. Somehow.
Shishdo's heart clenched at the words, they were sweet torture to him; they were exactly what he wanted to here and he knew that Fuji's love would always be with him but he wasn't foolish enough to think that was a declaration saying the rest of Fuji would stay either. God how he wished it was though, but to know that he would always have his love, that would be enough, would have to be enough. "I'll always support you," he choked as he leaned into Fuji to kiss one tear stained cheek and then a trail to his mouth where he could kiss him deeply again, his wings shaking from all of the emotions he was feeling. He had so desperately hoped that he would never have to go through the pain of saying goodbye to his mate again. It would be the memories of this moment and others they had shared in the past that would give him the strength to carry on. He'd be alone, but he wouldn't be, and if Fuji was as wonderufl as he knew him to be then the two of them would never have to be alone again. He clung to that hope as he pressed his lover back against the couch, further straddling him as they kissed.
Fuji reached up and untied the shirt straps from around Shishido's neck, pulling the fabric down to expose his chest. There were scars there, light ones, from injuries sustained while Shishido had been Cured and his healing factor hadn't been able to help him. He traced his fingertips over these lines, over every inch of skin, to memorize the touch, and slid them back up to his face, to touch his lips and watch his eyes. There was a chance, a strong one, that he may never see Ryou again. Not this Ryou. Not the one who had lived through these hard and long years with him. "I love you," he said, a whispered breath against skin, and clung tighter, wrapping both arms around him, his hands tangling in dark feathers. "Show me everything tonight, Ryou." Show me ten years of struggle and pain and friendship and joy, and I'll show you a brighter world, I promise...
Neither needed to say another word.