[Log] Suffer the Little Children
Who: Tezuka Kunimitsu & Mizuki Hajime
When: December 21st
Where: School cafeteria
Summary: Tezuka learns some shocking news upon his return to Japan.
Warning/Rating: PG-13 for subject matter.
Player Comments: This be Gottis' Tezuka's first log! Oh my!
Comments/Crits Allowed: Y
It was quite a lot to take in, Tezuka mused, feeling rather weary. He really had been out of touch with his friends for a long time, and it showed, given the problems that seemed to clog around them. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought about what had happened to Echizen. In fact, it was so much to take in that it felt almost unreal. Surreal. He had heard that Oishi, Kikumaru, Kawamura and Inui also were present at the school. He could only hope that everything was going at least somewhat well with them. He worried, however.
And Fuji. Fuji who had once been what he supposed was his second best friend - Oishi being the first - and whose quirky habits and rare, genuine smile warmed him up inside. Bullied, Mizuki had said. Bullied and worse. What could be worse? His own arm was proof that bullying could leave long lasting scars. He touched it unconsciously, an old habit that he still hadn't dropped. Bad relationships. And eating disorders. That didn't sound like the Fuji he knew, or thought he knew. That sounded like a really damaged person, and had Tezuka not read the interaction between Fuji and Echizen in his journal, he might have thought that Mizuki was making it all up. But his gut feeling told him that the data player was serious.
Tezuka sat in the cafeteria, stirring his coffee and eating a bagel. He checked the clock on his cell phone. Mizuki ought to be here any minute now.
Mizuki arrived at the cafeteria to find Tezuka already there. "I hope you didn’t wait too long," he said. "Excuse me for one more moment as I get some tea?" Of course he knew how to be polite. It was the very basis of manipulation, after all. Not that he sought to manipulate Tezuka. It was simply the default mode.
Smile, smile, and wait for your opportunity. He knew how to act so as not to be too suspicious if he wanted.
Returning to the table with a cup of tea, he sat down very properly, fighting the urge to reach over his shoulder to trace the tattoo. He’d just had another session a bit earlier, slowly but steadily filling in the scales. "...So."
He gave Mizuki a short, affirmative nod and waited patiently while the other boy got his tea. Mizuki was surprisingly short; he had expected almost everyone to have grown at least a decimeter or so during his away years, but maybe that wasn't the case. He ate the bagel slowly (tomato, onion, lettuce and cream cheese) while he stared out over the cafeteria. Some familiar faces, some new ones. Or maybe old ones, just that they had grown or changed so much that he didn't recognize them anymore.
Mizuki returned and Tezuka put his bagel down, instead picking up his coffee cup. "So. Fuji, hm?"
"Fuji." Mizuki frowned just slightly. "He... well. He’s better than he used to be, in some ways, and worse than he used to be in others." He shook his head slowly. "What do you want to know?"
"Than he used to be?" Tezuka frowned. Then, how did he use to be? Why don't I know that? Why can't I pull anything good up to cross reference past and present with? We weren't that casual with each other, were we? "Hn. Well... I'm guessing this is a tall order, but... Everything."
"I suppose a short summary would be in order, first... Starting from the man who molested him as a child?" Mizuki asked calmly. "He's dead now, or I'd find and kill him... but I'd say it's safe to assume that particular experience left its mark in Fuji's idea about sexuality."
He took a sip of his tea before continuing. "He was bullied in high school. Don't feel bad about not knowing that, not even Kikumaru did. Appears that's when he learnt to be really good at hiding things. Started his little streak with very unwise choices of boyfriends before then, too, including a certain older man." He twirled a lock of hair around his finger. "No, not another paedophile... just a man just barely old enough that he should have known better than to mess with a middleschool kid. Apparently he didn't know better, nor did he know that abuse in a relationship is generally frowned upon."
Another sip. "Then he came here... And apparently, that unwise boyfriend of his found out where he was. Teamed up with a cousin of his who wanted Echizen. They... attacked Fuji and Dan. The older one raped Fuji, younger one tried to kill Dan. Very nearly succeeded, too."
He set his cup down, looking seriously at Tezuka. "After that, he got into some stupid stuff... and then into another relationship. The bastard didn't downright beat him, this time, but lied, manipulated, and stole his things. Fuji just recently got rid of him, and then felt guilty for doing so."
Somewhere during Mizuki's story, Tezuka put the cup of coffee down. He leaned back in his seat, arms crossed and eyes locked on the table. Someone had molested Fuji as a child. He had been bullied. He had been raped. He had been used. So. The somewhat strained looks Fuji could have during their days in middle school wasn't only because of his relationship with Yuuta being less than stellar. He had been dating someone who beat him. He had been dealing with the trauma that comes from being sexually abused.
And Tezuka hadn't had a clue.
He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, and he looked up at Mizuki, face pale but otherwise blank. "So. And how old was he when this all started?" How old had he been when... When...
Mizuki looked at him seriously. "Five," he replied quietly. "He was five." He shook his head. "One could assume that has something to do with his ability to constantly pick so-called boyfriends who see him as little more than a sex toy." Himself excluded, obviously.
He had no words. Simply, no words. Not that he was an overly vocal man to begin with, but this was... Stunned, disgusted and heart-wrenching silence. He stared down at his bagel. Suddenly the mere sight of it made him want to throw up. It looked... The cream cheese reminded him of semen. The tomato reminded him of blood. The onion. Tears. Tears and never ending tears. Lettuce brought his thoughts to the carefree, pure 'salad days' of youth. Fuji... Never had that. Not really.
"How long? Was it... A one time occurrence? Or..."
"It continued until the man died, I'm afraid," Mizuki murmured. "Fuji never told anyone... and then apparently blamed himself for his death, the way children often get unreasonable."
"And when did he die?"
"...Five years later."
He said nothing. He simply got up, brought his bagel with him and threw it in the dumpster. He left his coffee on the table and walked out of the cafeteria, and into a bathroom. Stood by the sink, washing his face again and again and again, while waiting for his stomach to calm down.
Mizuki sit quietly, calmly waiting for Tezuka to return. Absently his hand wandered to the base of his neck, tracing the spot where the tattoo reached over his shoulder.
It took him a good ten minutes before he had calmed down, which was quite the accomplishment, considering the fact that it wasn't easy to rile Tezuka up about anything that didn't have anything to do with tennis. But this... This was... At one point in the bathroom he realized that he was actually close to crying. He didn't, but he could feel his chest tighten uncomfortably.
After the ten minutes had passed - or maybe twelve, who was he to keep count - he returned to the table, finishing all of his - now cold - coffee in one go. "How do you know all this? I... never had a clue."
"We have... talked a lot," Mizuki murmured. "I knew all of this before I even agreed to date him, mind; that was only a very recent development. Granted, our heart-to-hearts took also some opening up of my own."
He sat down, staring at the now empty cup. "... How sane would you say that he is?"
"He is... coherent," Mizuki said, "more or less. However, his self-image is quite skewed, and his thoughts about sexuality, especially in regards to his own person, are rather twisted to say the least. I wouldn't say he is insane, so to speak, but... he does have problems."
"I would be quite worried if he didn't." Tezuka sighed, rubbing the back of his head and frowning. "I heard he's back in Tokyo right now. But I need to talk to him. Just... Know this. I won't mention it to him that we've had this conversation, if you'd rather I didn't. But... How much of his problems do you think I can address without him shutting me out and shutting off completely?"
"It's... complicated," Mizuki murmured. "He still shuts me out, sometimes. He doesn't exactly enjoy addressing his issues. I'd say it depends on your approach, and even then you should tread carefully." He sighed. "I'm sorry I cannot give more concrete data... but I'm hardly very accomplished on the topic, myself."
"Thank you, Mizuki-kun." He rose. Extended his hand. It was shaking ever so slightly. "And thank you... For being there for him. For being what I couldn't be."
Mizuki took the hand, looking Tezuka directly in the eye. "It's the least I can do for him," he said quietly. "It was the thought of him that kept me from killing myself not so long ago."
"I... See." He released his hand, but did not ask the logical following up question to that. He wasn't sure he could handle hearing more heart breaking stories right now. He filed this information away for later though; later he would have to ask Mizuki. Lest he'd tell him himself. He nodded at him, picked up his coat, and walked away.
Mizuki glanced at his almost empty tea cup, then finished it. He wasn't sure if sharing this particular data had been for the best, but he did know he had to do something.
Now to hope Fuji wouldn't hate him forever for this.
When: December 21st
Where: School cafeteria
Summary: Tezuka learns some shocking news upon his return to Japan.
Warning/Rating: PG-13 for subject matter.
Player Comments: This be Gottis' Tezuka's first log! Oh my!
Comments/Crits Allowed: Y
It was quite a lot to take in, Tezuka mused, feeling rather weary. He really had been out of touch with his friends for a long time, and it showed, given the problems that seemed to clog around them. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought about what had happened to Echizen. In fact, it was so much to take in that it felt almost unreal. Surreal. He had heard that Oishi, Kikumaru, Kawamura and Inui also were present at the school. He could only hope that everything was going at least somewhat well with them. He worried, however.
And Fuji. Fuji who had once been what he supposed was his second best friend - Oishi being the first - and whose quirky habits and rare, genuine smile warmed him up inside. Bullied, Mizuki had said. Bullied and worse. What could be worse? His own arm was proof that bullying could leave long lasting scars. He touched it unconsciously, an old habit that he still hadn't dropped. Bad relationships. And eating disorders. That didn't sound like the Fuji he knew, or thought he knew. That sounded like a really damaged person, and had Tezuka not read the interaction between Fuji and Echizen in his journal, he might have thought that Mizuki was making it all up. But his gut feeling told him that the data player was serious.
Tezuka sat in the cafeteria, stirring his coffee and eating a bagel. He checked the clock on his cell phone. Mizuki ought to be here any minute now.
Mizuki arrived at the cafeteria to find Tezuka already there. "I hope you didn’t wait too long," he said. "Excuse me for one more moment as I get some tea?" Of course he knew how to be polite. It was the very basis of manipulation, after all. Not that he sought to manipulate Tezuka. It was simply the default mode.
Smile, smile, and wait for your opportunity. He knew how to act so as not to be too suspicious if he wanted.
Returning to the table with a cup of tea, he sat down very properly, fighting the urge to reach over his shoulder to trace the tattoo. He’d just had another session a bit earlier, slowly but steadily filling in the scales. "...So."
He gave Mizuki a short, affirmative nod and waited patiently while the other boy got his tea. Mizuki was surprisingly short; he had expected almost everyone to have grown at least a decimeter or so during his away years, but maybe that wasn't the case. He ate the bagel slowly (tomato, onion, lettuce and cream cheese) while he stared out over the cafeteria. Some familiar faces, some new ones. Or maybe old ones, just that they had grown or changed so much that he didn't recognize them anymore.
Mizuki returned and Tezuka put his bagel down, instead picking up his coffee cup. "So. Fuji, hm?"
"Fuji." Mizuki frowned just slightly. "He... well. He’s better than he used to be, in some ways, and worse than he used to be in others." He shook his head slowly. "What do you want to know?"
"Than he used to be?" Tezuka frowned. Then, how did he use to be? Why don't I know that? Why can't I pull anything good up to cross reference past and present with? We weren't that casual with each other, were we? "Hn. Well... I'm guessing this is a tall order, but... Everything."
"I suppose a short summary would be in order, first... Starting from the man who molested him as a child?" Mizuki asked calmly. "He's dead now, or I'd find and kill him... but I'd say it's safe to assume that particular experience left its mark in Fuji's idea about sexuality."
He took a sip of his tea before continuing. "He was bullied in high school. Don't feel bad about not knowing that, not even Kikumaru did. Appears that's when he learnt to be really good at hiding things. Started his little streak with very unwise choices of boyfriends before then, too, including a certain older man." He twirled a lock of hair around his finger. "No, not another paedophile... just a man just barely old enough that he should have known better than to mess with a middleschool kid. Apparently he didn't know better, nor did he know that abuse in a relationship is generally frowned upon."
Another sip. "Then he came here... And apparently, that unwise boyfriend of his found out where he was. Teamed up with a cousin of his who wanted Echizen. They... attacked Fuji and Dan. The older one raped Fuji, younger one tried to kill Dan. Very nearly succeeded, too."
He set his cup down, looking seriously at Tezuka. "After that, he got into some stupid stuff... and then into another relationship. The bastard didn't downright beat him, this time, but lied, manipulated, and stole his things. Fuji just recently got rid of him, and then felt guilty for doing so."
Somewhere during Mizuki's story, Tezuka put the cup of coffee down. He leaned back in his seat, arms crossed and eyes locked on the table. Someone had molested Fuji as a child. He had been bullied. He had been raped. He had been used. So. The somewhat strained looks Fuji could have during their days in middle school wasn't only because of his relationship with Yuuta being less than stellar. He had been dating someone who beat him. He had been dealing with the trauma that comes from being sexually abused.
And Tezuka hadn't had a clue.
He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, and he looked up at Mizuki, face pale but otherwise blank. "So. And how old was he when this all started?" How old had he been when... When...
Mizuki looked at him seriously. "Five," he replied quietly. "He was five." He shook his head. "One could assume that has something to do with his ability to constantly pick so-called boyfriends who see him as little more than a sex toy." Himself excluded, obviously.
He had no words. Simply, no words. Not that he was an overly vocal man to begin with, but this was... Stunned, disgusted and heart-wrenching silence. He stared down at his bagel. Suddenly the mere sight of it made him want to throw up. It looked... The cream cheese reminded him of semen. The tomato reminded him of blood. The onion. Tears. Tears and never ending tears. Lettuce brought his thoughts to the carefree, pure 'salad days' of youth. Fuji... Never had that. Not really.
"How long? Was it... A one time occurrence? Or..."
"It continued until the man died, I'm afraid," Mizuki murmured. "Fuji never told anyone... and then apparently blamed himself for his death, the way children often get unreasonable."
"And when did he die?"
"...Five years later."
He said nothing. He simply got up, brought his bagel with him and threw it in the dumpster. He left his coffee on the table and walked out of the cafeteria, and into a bathroom. Stood by the sink, washing his face again and again and again, while waiting for his stomach to calm down.
Mizuki sit quietly, calmly waiting for Tezuka to return. Absently his hand wandered to the base of his neck, tracing the spot where the tattoo reached over his shoulder.
It took him a good ten minutes before he had calmed down, which was quite the accomplishment, considering the fact that it wasn't easy to rile Tezuka up about anything that didn't have anything to do with tennis. But this... This was... At one point in the bathroom he realized that he was actually close to crying. He didn't, but he could feel his chest tighten uncomfortably.
After the ten minutes had passed - or maybe twelve, who was he to keep count - he returned to the table, finishing all of his - now cold - coffee in one go. "How do you know all this? I... never had a clue."
"We have... talked a lot," Mizuki murmured. "I knew all of this before I even agreed to date him, mind; that was only a very recent development. Granted, our heart-to-hearts took also some opening up of my own."
He sat down, staring at the now empty cup. "... How sane would you say that he is?"
"He is... coherent," Mizuki said, "more or less. However, his self-image is quite skewed, and his thoughts about sexuality, especially in regards to his own person, are rather twisted to say the least. I wouldn't say he is insane, so to speak, but... he does have problems."
"I would be quite worried if he didn't." Tezuka sighed, rubbing the back of his head and frowning. "I heard he's back in Tokyo right now. But I need to talk to him. Just... Know this. I won't mention it to him that we've had this conversation, if you'd rather I didn't. But... How much of his problems do you think I can address without him shutting me out and shutting off completely?"
"It's... complicated," Mizuki murmured. "He still shuts me out, sometimes. He doesn't exactly enjoy addressing his issues. I'd say it depends on your approach, and even then you should tread carefully." He sighed. "I'm sorry I cannot give more concrete data... but I'm hardly very accomplished on the topic, myself."
"Thank you, Mizuki-kun." He rose. Extended his hand. It was shaking ever so slightly. "And thank you... For being there for him. For being what I couldn't be."
Mizuki took the hand, looking Tezuka directly in the eye. "It's the least I can do for him," he said quietly. "It was the thought of him that kept me from killing myself not so long ago."
"I... See." He released his hand, but did not ask the logical following up question to that. He wasn't sure he could handle hearing more heart breaking stories right now. He filed this information away for later though; later he would have to ask Mizuki. Lest he'd tell him himself. He nodded at him, picked up his coat, and walked away.
Mizuki glanced at his almost empty tea cup, then finished it. He wasn't sure if sharing this particular data had been for the best, but he did know he had to do something.
Now to hope Fuji wouldn't hate him forever for this.