[Log] If I swallow anything evil, put your fingers down my throat

[kamennoegao]

Who: Fuji Syuusuke, Mizuki Hajime and Echizen Ryoma
What: Fuji does something stupid. Mizuki and Ryoma won't have it.
When: December 2nd.
Where: The cabins
Rating: PG-13 for eating disorders, talk of self harm and suicide, as well as general subject matter.


"Honestly, Echizen, you should try and smile a bit more," Fuji said, stretching out in the sofa. "I mean, the weather's nice and I know you can't ski, but I'm sure you could help build a snow fortress or something, right? Winter is made for being enjoyed at its fullest." He was snacking on a rather big chocolate bar while he watched his former team mate who sat by the window, sulking like a real expert.

"..." Shrug.

Well, no reply. Not that Fuji had expected one. He shrugged, finishing the chocolate bar and started on a bag of marshmallows instead. "Listen..." Munch. "I know you're going through a lot right now, believe me, I understand, but you should try and..."

"You don't understand shit! Just leave me alone."

"No, I will not." Fuji sighed, taking another handful of marshmallows, stuffing them into his mouth. Chew, chew... And then wash it down with some cola. "Listen, I..." God, how much had he eaten the past fifteen minutes. He stared at the empty bags that littered the floor around him. Oh god. That was disgusting. He felt queasy. "... Hold that thought, hm? I'll be right back~" Without waiting for a reply, he got to his feet and stumbled towards the closest bathroom.

Mizuki might or might not have been on his way to Fuji's room. He was certainly in the vicinity as he suddenly heard the sound of someone walking just a bit too quickly to be normal. Years of finely tuned dataist instincts taking over, he drew closer to the wall, immediately finding the corner and angle where he'd be the least likely to be noticed.

It was Fuji. A Fuji who didn't notice him, rushing down the hallway instead. A Fuji who didn't seem to be feeling well at all.

Well. At least he'd be able to put his stalking skills to some use.

Finally reaching the bathroom, Fuji slipped inside, opening one of the stalls. He leaned over the toilet seat, dry heaving for a moment, but that didn't seem to help. Get it out, get it out, get it out... He couldn't bring himself the put his own fingers down his throat, but he found the next best thing; the long handle of the toilet brush. That would be disgusting enough that thought of what he was doing alone should be enough to have him start throwing up. He was right.

Mizuki waited for a bit, figuring it wouldn't do any good to interrupt Fuji right now, considering the other was already going about his vile business as Mizuki's rather subtle stalking brought him close enough to know. Subtle enough that the other hadn't even noticed him, at least. Finally, though, he felt compelled to speak. "...Well. For all the things you bitch at yourself about, I never thought deep-throating a toilet brush would be one of them."

He flushed the disgusting mess away and straightened himself up, looking like a little kid caught with their hand in a cookie jar. "Mi--Mizuki...! I... Uh... You're up and about, I see..."

"And you're down and filthy. Come on, let's get your mouth cleaned up, and then you can give me a nice, long explanation."

"..." Meekly, and rather fatigued, he got to his feet and stumbled out of the stall, over to the sink. Allowing the faucet to run while he rinsed his mouth, he refused to look at himself in the mirror, or look at Mizuki.

"And I do expect a long explanation, you realize. Nothing less will satisfy me after this total idiocy."

"Well... Why? You already know most of how I work, do you not?"

"Oh, I do. It's the only reason I'm not currently yelling at you."

"... You know, I promised Echizen I'd come back to him... So maybe we can go check on him before we talk?" He leaned down to wash his entire face, splashing water onto both his hair and shirt in the process as his hands were still shaking.

Mizuki sighed. "Sure. Great. More heartbroken morons to deal with. What else would I want to spend my holiday on?"

"Well, it beats spending the holiday by yourself, right?" He straightened up, flashing Mizuki a smile. "... Anyway, let's go."

"Just don't blame me when I won't leave you out of my sight anymore."

"... Come again?" He blinked at him, stepping out of the bathroom.

"Well, I obviously can't trust you not to partake in self-destructive behavior, no matter how much I lecture you," Mizuki said dryly. "So I'll just have to keep an eye on you all the time so you can't do it without my being able to intervene."

"I... I'm not being self-destructive. I just felt sick, that's all." The words didn't even sound believable in his own ears, even though he wanted them to.

"Very funny, Fuji Syuusuke. You think I'm that stupid?"

"... No." His smile was bleak. "Still... We won't mention anything to Echizen, right?"

"That depends. How likely are you to repeat this idiocy?"

He was silent, only giving Mizuki a quick glance before stepping into the room where he had left Echizen. The boy still sat by the window, in his wheelchair. He looked really small like that, but Fuji's attention was momentarily drawn to the sofa where he had been seated. All the candy wrappings and all the empty bags were gone. "E--Echizen..."

"You don't leave a mess, senpai. You just don't." He didn't turn to look when he heard Fuji's voice, but when he heard another set of footsteps, he did, eyes widening slightly. He hadn't expected to see Fuji together with him of all people.

"And you leave your mess for kohai to find? Honestly, Fuji Syuusuke. Have I not taught you anything at all?"

"Eh... Apparently not." He smiled bashfully, walking over to Echizen. "Sorry about that~"

The younger boy made a small face and resumed staring at Mizuki. "... What are you doing here?"

"Me? What do you say, what am I doing here? I'm here to show a certain idiot of yours what it means when someone tells them to stop being stupid."

"Mi--Mizuki...!" Fuji blushed, making a small, dismissive wave with his hand.

"... Huh. I'm guessing you're talking about Fuji-senpai and not me then. What did he do?" Ryoma quirked an eyebrow, almost looking interested for once.

"The mess you complain about here? Nothing compared with what he wanted to flush down the toilet."

"... What?" Ryoma's eyes widened and then narrowed, studying Fuji. "The hell are you doing?"

"I..." He didn't blush anymore, now he was rather quite pale, giving Mizuki a miserable look that quietly asked if this really was necessary.

Hell yes this was necessary. Anything to get Fuji to understand the sheer idiocy of his actions. "My guess based on the bits of evidence I've seen? He ate himself sick, then walked to the toilet and stuck a stick down his throat to get it all out. Want to make some guesses as to why?"

Deflated, Fuji fell down on the sofa, burying his head in his hands.

Ryoma pressed his lips together, allowing his gaze to travel from Mizuki to Fuji and then back to Mizuki again. "... I saw that he was shoving stuff into his mouth like crazy," he mumbled. "But... Isn't that like... Anorexia or Bulimia or some shit? Doesn't girls do that?"

"You'd be surprised at all the things that girls do that boys can do as well," Mizuki said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Even absolutely idiotic things."

"Fu--Fuji-senpai... Why would you...?" When he looked at Fuji he was miserably aware that he probably looked just as small as he felt right then and there.

Fuji lifted his head slowly, taking a deep breath. He wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry, or simply never speak with Mizuki again, but as it was, he settled for:

"With all due respect, Echizen... That's not your business."

"But..."

"He finally got the guts to get away from his stupid abusive ex, and yes, Fuji, it does count as abuse, and now he's being miserable about it and punishing himself." Why, yes, he was angry.

"No, it..." Fuji fell silent, biting his lower lip.

"A--abusive? What?" Ryoma paled, hands shaking as he rolled away from the window, closer to the other boys.

"Not physically, from what I know," Mizuki said dryly, "which is the only reason I haven't hung the guy from his balls yet, but I do count emotional, mental, and financial abuse." He twisted a lock of dark hair around his finger. "All of which is absolutely ridiculous, of course. Fuji should stop being an ass and punishing himself over what I view as prime reasons for me to hurt said bastard."

"... Seriously. The Fuji-senpai I know don't take things laying down."

Fuji glanced over at Ryoma, a contemptuous smile on his face. "Funny. The Echizen I know doesn't either. He doesn't back down from things just because they turn a little rough. Maybe you're free to judge me when you make up with Dan-kun again, hm?"

It was Ryoma's turn to pale, and he felt as if Fuji had physically slammed him in the gut. Hands clutched the wheels of the chair hard as he turned it around, starting towards the door.

"Echizen, you're not going anywhere. Fuji, you're going to stop being such an idiotic ass." Mizuki sighed. What was he, some sort of a Seigaku babysitter? "I assure you, I have better things to do with my time than watching the two of you wreck what few precious little friendships you still have left, especially given that you're kind of forced to share a room for the time being, so think very carefully before you say or do anything else."

Ryoma stopped, back turned. "... Fuji-senpai. Don't... don't destroy yourself over that guy. I bet he's not worth it."

Fuji crossed his arms over his chest, still angry, with Mizuki, with Echizen, but mostly with himself. "Well, you're destroying everything around you because of some guy who abducted you. That's horrible, but it's not your fault, and I'm betting everything I own that he isn't worth it."

"... Five," Ryoma mumbled.

"Come again?"

Ryoma turned, looking at Fuji. "They were five."

Great. Now they were getting to Echizen's troubles. Against his better judgment, Mizuki didn't interrupt the two, simply listening quietly. If this got some sense into Fuji's head, it would only be good. Besides, he was a dataist. It wasn't like he could resist.

Five? Fuji leaned forward, a disbelieving look on his face. "I... didn't know. I'm sorry, Echizen."

"Hey, what difference does it make, right? I should just man it up and get on with it, right? That's what you're saying. But how come your own advice doesn't apply to yourself? If your ex was an ass, senpai, don't you think it's stupid as hell destroying yourself over him? Like, it's something only a loser would do. It's something I'm doing. Don't be me, because I promise, it's not all that great."

"E--Echizen..." Again his teeth caught his lower lip and he worried it for a while before glancing over at Mizuki. "I... I am sorry. Really. But..." But what? He wasn't even sure himself.

"But you're too used to this," Mizuki said quietly. "You're too used to being unable to do anything about the things that hurt you, so instead of lashing out, you turn around and hurt yourself instead. You're so used to it, you can't seem to find an alternative, no matter how badly it hurts your friends to watch you tear yourself apart bit by bit over something that's worth less than a piece of gum on the sole of your shoe."

'That's not true', he wanted to say, but he knew as soon as he heard the words that it was. He got to his feet and walked over to the window, staring outside. A light snowfall was obscuring the view, but in the distance the clouds split up and cool sunlight spilled down on the mountains. "I... never wish to hurt my friends," he finally mumbled.

"Funny way you have of showing it," Mizuki said dryly. "I know I should probably be the last person ever to say this to you, of all people, but we people are funny creatures in the way that we tend to get concerned for those we care about. And, through what I'm sure will later form into a plea of temporary insanity, I'd like to think I care about you. So, yes, being an idiot and getting yourself hurt is going to hurt me. And others. You're not that alone in the world, want it or not."

"I'm not getting myself hurt," Fuji said, voice wavering just a little. He still couldn't face either of them.

"Eating disorders, senpai? That's hurting yourself. Thinking you're in the wrong when your boyfriend is an ass, that's hurting yourself. Even I understand that."

"I can't comment too much on that last point, seeing as my data on your relationship with the baby dataist is rather too inconclusive to say which one of you is the ass," Mizuki said airily, "but the chibi does make a valid point, Fuji. You're abusing your body, and I'm not going to just stand by and watch it happen. I know you had no idea about it at the time, but you -- the idea of you, at least -- are the whole damn reason I didn't just jump off some nice, tall roof quite a while ago. It takes a worse person than me not to return the favour."

Fuji slowly turned around, back facing the window now, and arms resting on the windowsil. "... Mizuki..." His eyes were suspiciously shiny. "I..."

"I can't even count the times when it felt like it would have been so much easier to just do it," Mizuki said with a low tone. So what if Echizen heard. The guy was worse off than he was, anyway. "Get it over with and just... kill myself. I mean, Hell couldn't be that much worse, could it? But I didn't. You know why? Because I kept telling myself I couldn't die before I'd beaten you. And now you insist on being this totally pathetic little runt who is hardly worth anyone's attention, let alone someone's life, even if that someone is me."

"Don't belittle yourself," Fuji said automatically, his voice hoarse. Realizing how it sounded when he said it, he blushed and pulled a hand through his hair, visibly annoyed with himself. "I mean... I'm glad. Really, really glad that you didn't. Ki--kill yourself, I mean. I... I'm just..." He felt his legs give away under him and he fell down to his knees, tears spilling over. "I'm sorry, Mizuki... Echizen... I'm sorry I made you guys worry. I..."

Suicide... Ryoma didn't know the reason behind why Mizuki of all people would want to kill himself, but he wasn't too eager to know either. It wasn't his business. He would have tried to do it himself, long ago, if it wasn't for Dan. And now... And now... "Ma--maybe I really should leave," he mumbled to Mizuki. "Maybe this is something you two should... talk about."

"Oh, like hell I'm going to let you go off like that when you're obviously depressed and I just introduced the topic of suicide," Mizuki said dryly, throwing a glare Ryoma's way. "I've been falsely accused of rape, I'm not exactly eager to add indirect murder to the list, especially since all my data indicates I wouldn't live long after that." If Dan wasn't quite capable of murderous tendencies, he was sure Sanada would be, and the big lug had apparently taken on a rather protective stance towards the prince. "Look, Fuji... I know I'm probably not really getting through to you." He walked over to the former Seigaku player, crouching down on the floor. "But you know what? I can wait. I can wait until you realize how badly you're off, here. And until then, I'm afraid you're going to have to make do with my following your every move." He paused, then, without looking Ryoma's way, added, "Quite possibly both of yours."

Falsely accused of rape? Ryoma blinked, staring at Mizuki. That was... bad. He wondered how that made someone feel. Bad enough that they considered suicide as almost the only option open for them? Still... "You have no reason to watch over me like that. It's not like we're friends."

But I'm really not as bad off as Echizen... I'm fine. I just... Even his thoughts sounded wrong in his ears. Mind. Whatever. Fuji wiped his face and offered a small smile. "Well, that sounds..." A pause. "Thank you... I guess."

"You think I don't damn well know that?" Mizuki snapped. "But believe it or not, I've gotten rid of the suicidal tendencies, partly thanks to the fact I no more have to be afraid of what sadistic schemes I'll suffer from homophobic classmates every single day. Which ties to my previous argument of not letting you harm yourself when there's any chance I might be connected to it, and since it looks like I'm going to spend a lot of time in the room anyway, I might as well not look the other way if you try to slit your wrists with the shattered shards of your dreams." Looking at Fuji, he raised an eyebrow with a tiny smirk. "Oh, don't thank me. My motivations are entirely selfish in nature. I'm just waiting for you to get better so I can then kick your ass for being such an idiot and make sure you feel the full brunt of it." Despite his words, though, he reached his arms around Fuji, drawing the other close.

"The shattered what," Ryoma said, shaking his head. "You're... You're just meddling." He was almost touched, almost, but he refused to let that show. It didn't make sense. He despised the other boy's guts. Or had done, at least. Why did he let him talk to him like that now? You really are out of it, Echizen Ryoma.

"Oh, something to look forward to, hm?" Fuji tried to laugh, but he found himself leaning into the embrace, resting his brow against Mizuki's shoulder, a sense of being defeated coming over him.

"I'm a data player. We meddle by nature. Between Inui-kun and your darling ex, you should have figured that out by now."

Mizuki let Fuji lean against him, one hand tangling in the fine hair. "You know me. Only the best of my sadistic tendencies for my favourite enemy."

"Can I leave now? I'd rather not watch the two of you get all lovey-dovey."

"... Echizen!"

Mizuki sighed. "Oh, yeah. Because I've overcome years of animosity just so I can be a cheap rebound while he's emotionally vulnerable so he can hate me twice as much afterwards. Truly, you have uncovered the true depths of my moral depravity, Echizen Ryoma."

"Who says anything about cheap? That doesn't look cheap to me." Ryoma's voice was serious and there was the slightest hint of a smile on his face.

"So which one of us are you indicating as the whore?"

"Whore?" Ryoma's eyes widened for a second, then he shook his head. "No one. You know what, forget it. I..." He turned the chair around again, heading outside. Yeah, leaving those two alone for now seemed like the best idea. Before he said anything else.

"... Well, that one's easy. I'm the whore, probably." Fuji pulled back. "I mean, look at me."

"Fuji Syuusuke. Stop. This instant." Mizuki sighed. Damn it. Why were Seigaku alumni so difficult? And why couldn't he bring himself to simply ignore them? "You're not a whore, no I don't care if you've ever taken financial or material rewards in return for sex, and right now we're going to make some tea to get the taste of vomit out of your mouth, get a couple of blankets, and watch something so hilariously girly it'll make us feel macho and masculine in comparison while we make fun of the actresses' make-up and clothes. No arguments." Right now, his main priority was getting everything off Fuji's mind.

"I have. I..." He did say he didn't care. Fuji shut his mouth and unsteadily got to his feet. "Okay. I can live with that. Uhm..." He thought for a moment. "Oh, I know just the flick! I'll go get it and you can prepare the tea, okay? I promise, I won't do anything stupid. You get the blankets too, okay?"

"Fine." Mizuki nodded, still eyeing Fuji closely. Like Hell he'd let anything happen now... "I meant it, by the way. I'm not leaving you alone until I'm reasonably sure you won't end up killing yourself the moment I turn away."

"Got it." Fuji smiled and wiped the remaining traces of tears from his eyes.

"Good boy." Mizuki patted him on the head. "And no, you don't get to complain."

"Oh? Really now?" Head tilt. "That's cruel."

"Dear Syuu-chan, you officially forfeited any and all rights to complain about my hovering the moment you stuck a piece of toilet cleaning equipment down your throat."

He blushed and nodded. The very thought made him slightly queasy again and he quickly forced himself to think of something else. "So. Movie."

"Movie. And tea and blankets and no complaints." A firm nod.

"No complaints, Hajime-chan." He offered an awkward smile. "Tha--thank you."

"The best thanks you can give is not letting me catch you like that again. ...And by that I don't mean you should just be more careful to hide it."

The corner of his mouth pulled in a tired smirk before he nodded.

"Good boy." Mizuki nodded. "Now, let's get this movie business underway, ne?"