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[blurrball]

Who: Akazawa and Mizuki
Where: Akazawa's room
When: Thursday night
What: Serious, angsty and a bit of sweetness.
Notes: PG-ish. Mentions of the hellish parts of their lives.

Akazawa sighed and dropped onto his back on his bed, putting one arm over his face. What had he managed to do? He wasn't seriously going to tell Mizuki what had happened, was he? Kinda defeated the purpose of taking that oath if he was just going to tell people...

It wasn't that he didn't trust Mizuki - no, he trusted the guy more than almost anyone. It was just... a sensitive topic. One he hated to talk about because it just seemed to make things worse. But if that was true, then why was he willingly preparing himself to tell Mizuki all about it. He must be a damn masochist.

Mizuki didn't know what was wrong with Akazawa. However, he did know there was something wrong, and that was enough to worry him. It might have been a while since they'd been around each other much, but he still liked to think they were friends. And friends were supposed to look after each other, right?

With these thoughts in mind, he knocked on Akazawa's door, chocolate chip cookies in tow. He had some left from his Twilight night with Fuji, and, well, chocolate usually made difficult topics easier to bear.

"Come in," Akazawa called, slowly lifting the draped arm from his face sitting up. He had already decided he was not leaving his bed for the entirety of this talk. It felt safe there, soft and comforting. It definitely made thinking about things easier.

Opening the door, Mizuki stepped into the room, seeing Akazawa lying on his bed. Well, good sign, this. Not. Closing the door behind himself, he walked closer. "Cookies?"

Akazawa cocked an eyebrow at the offer before giving a nod. "Sounds good." He reached over to his bedside table, grabbing a hair tie before shifting so Mizuki could sit down. "Have a seat," he offered, pulling his hair back and tying it in a low ponytail.

Mizuki did as instructed, sitting down, giving Akazawa a curious glance. The other did look tired. "I made them myself," he said, indicating the cookies. Better not to breach the more difficult subjects just yet. "Worry not, though, they're perfectly fine. Fuji is my living proof by being, well... living."

"Not that I doubted your cooking skills in the first place." It was an added comfort to know no one had suffered from the baking though. Akazawa reached forward to grab one, taking a bite from it and nodding. "Not bad."

"I should hope not!" Mizuki took one cookie himself and bit into it before speaking. "So... nightmares."

Akazawa couldn't help a small sigh at the mention of the word. Of course, he hadn't forgotten that that was why Mizuki was over in the first place but... he had sort of hoped. "Right..." He said quietly, not looking at his friend. "Mizuki... you have to promise me something.. don't... don't tell anyone about this, okay? And... don't do anything.."

"...Fine." He didn't like making such promises, not knowing anything about the matter except that it bothered Akazawa, but he would rather make the promise and hear about it than let it stay a mystery. Besides, he'd already promised to keep Fuji's past to himself. What was one more dirty secret, whatever it was? "I promise."

"Thanks..." Akazawa managed a weak smile, one hand running through his ponytail. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped and closed his mouth again, being careful with what he says. "I... Do you remember the head priest at SeiRu? In middle school?"

"Yes, I do." ...And already the alarm bells were ringing...

"He..." I don't want to say it... "...Those rumors about priests and boys aren't rumors."

"...I wish I was more surprised." The priest had always been a bit creepy, and... well. Akazawa's behaviour had got him wondering.

Akazawa sighed and ran a hand through his hair, pulling the ponytail over one shoulder and plaiting it slowly, not looking at him. He didn't know what else he should say. The words were gone from his throat and all he could see when he closed his eyes was the face of that man.

"...I'd go and kill him, except I apparently promised not to."

"...I'm not even meant to be talking about it."

"Why not?" What was it with people not wanting their tormentors to get hurt or exposed? Fuji, Akazawa, even himself. Why were they all so idiotic?

"... I'm under oath."

"...Did he make you promise?" That would be just... sick.

Akazawa looked in the opposite direction to Mizuki, flicking his ponytail back over his shoulder. "He made me swear to God."

"...You think God would want such an oath?"

"... I don't know anymore," Akazawa's voice shook a little, quiet and lacking the usual confidence he held in himself. "I did it for Yoshiaki-kun as well... He was terrified."

"...And what about all the ones he's hurt before, and will continue to hurt, because he's never revealed?" Mizuki asked quietly. God, what a hypocrite he was.

Akazawa clenched his hand in his lap. "... There was no one after me." That much he was sure of.

"How do you know that?"

".... I gave myself so he wouldn't touch them."

"...You think that counts now that you're not there anymore?" So stupid. Stupid and heroic and idiotic and brave.

Akazawa didn't say anything, both fists clenched in his lap as he stared down at them. He felt bad for leaving the school as quickly as he had the moment he got an opportunity.

"I should have known." And Akazawa should have known about him, but there you had it.

"I just wanted it to stop..." Akazawa's voice shook as he spoke, his eyes closing. "Six years... I just wanted to get out..."

"You should have gotten out," Mizuki murmured. "You never should have stayed in the first place."

"I couldn't just abandon them!" Akazawa snapped, looking straight at Mizuki. "Yoshiaki-kun needed me... And Kaneda.. and Yuuta... I couldn't just leave them to go through it as well." But that was what he had done anyway, wasn't it?

"Then you should have told about him!" Mizuki replied. "You should have exposed him and told everyone about him and got him locked up so he'd never hurt anyone else again..." A broken chuckle escaped his lips. "...As though anyone would have believed."

"No one would've believed me," His tone turned bitter as he looked back down at his lap. "It's a joke in Catholic schools. Just a joke."

"Just like bullying is just a joke, no matter what the school," Mizuki murmured. "If someone says they were hurt, they're just seeking attention."

Akazawa stayed silent for a moment, slowly looking up from his lap. "Mizuki...." He slowly lifted a hand, unclenching it and reaching out to place it on the back of his shoulder.

No. Not there. He wasn't supposed to be touched there. Mizuki flinched, drawing away from Akazawa's touch.

One moment his hand was touching a solid entity, the next it was hanging in open air. Akazawa dropped the hand into his lap and rolled onto his side, curling up slightly with his back to Mizuki. "He always said no one would want anything to do with me after that..." he murmured, squeezing his eyes shut to hold back the tears that were starting to pool. He had never cried over the act itself, not when he was with anyone else, but it hurt to know that even a friend thought he was disgusting for what he did.

"No... it's... it's not that." Mizuki hung his head, hugging himself. His fingers clenched around fistfuls of his shirt, pulling it tight over his back. As always, it failed to relieve the feeling of touches that weren't there anymore.

"... What then?" Akazawa's voice shook and he clenched his eyes shut tighter.

"I... I don't like anyone touching me." Mizuki swallowed. "Especially not my back."

Akazawa didn't say anything for a moment, breathing slowly before sitting back up slowly. He wiped his face with one hand before looking at Mizuki, shifting a little closer. "What happened....?"

"I didn't say anything happened." ...Very believable, Hajime. Way to go.

"Mizuki."

"...They found out that I'm gay," he murmured. Well, more like they were told. Yay for bitter ex-boyfriends desperate to save face. "So, they figured nobody should be forced to unknowingly share changing rooms and showers with a dirty freak like that..."

Akazawa's gut response would've been to pull his friend against him and just hold him, like he had always done with Yoshiaki when he had nightmares about the experience, but Mizuki had already made it clear he didn't like to be touched... He took the chance anyway, arms loosely wrapping around Mizuki's shoulders. He wasn't going to stop Mizuki if he wanted to pull away.

"They'd never been exactly friendly with me before, but that was the worst thing yet," Mizuki murmured. "They surrounded me, had a couple hold me still while they tore my shirt off. Carved it into my back. As a warning, you know, so everyone'll know to look out. Threatened to cut off the relevant parts if ever tried anything. Like I look like a rapist. ...I don't, do I?" He was babbling slightly, but then Akazawa's little revelation hadn't exactly put him in the best frame of mind.

Akazawa didn't say anything, just shook his head and tightened his hold around his friend, pulling him a little closer. He hadn't expected that at all, but, at the same time, he wasn't entirely surprised. Being gay wasn't exactly the most socially accepted thing, especially in a Catholic school.

"At least they succeeded," Mizuki chuckled bitterly. "Never went to changing rooms or showers with the others after that. Or anywhere else anyone could see or touch my back."

"... Can I... Can I see it?"

"...You sure you want to?"

"You told me the story... I want to read it for myself."

Mizuki swallowed. Before coming to the camp, the only one who'd ever seen it aside from a doctor or two had been his mother. Now Fuji had seen it, and Akazawa was asking to see. He supposed the same logic as with Fuji worked here, too... Akazawa had revealed some very personal secrets to him, so he owed as much honesty in return.

Slowly, he nodded, starting to unbutton his shirt.

Akazawa let got and shifted back to give Mizuki some space. His logic was less an eye for an eye and more... a morbid curiosity and a worry for his friend. He had never thought that Mizuki of all people would be the subject of bullying and he was half wishing that Mizuki had stayed with him. At least then, he would've been able to help him as well.

Mizuki finished opening his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders. It fell down to hang on the crooks of his elbows, revealing the pale back and the cruel marks carved into it.

Staring at his friend's back in silence, Akazawa's mouth drew into a tight, straight line and his gaze hardened. A hand lifted to hover over his back, fingers almost touching skin before he drew it away. A moment later, he looped his arms around Mizuki and pulled him back into his lap, hugging him tightly. "Mizuki..."

Mizuki flinched at Akazawa's touch but didn't draw away. It felt strangely comforting. "They didn't stop, of course," he murmured, "but that was the worst." It was bad enough, he thought, anyway. The pain had been nothing compared with the absolute humiliation and betrayal he'd felt.

Akazawa rested his head against Mizuki's and closed his eyes. "I wish you'd said something..." he said quietly, knowing that telling his friend off for not telling him anything would be a little too hypocritical. "Then I could've sorted those bastards out for you."

"I couldn't. My pride wouldn't let me," Mizuki murmured. "...But then, it was that same pride that kept telling me I couldn't die before I'd beaten Fuji, so I suppose it's not all bad."

"You're safe here," Akazawa said, his voice barely above a whisper as he gave a weak smile. "Nothing will hurt you here. I'll make sure of it..."

"...Right back at you." Perhaps he was gay, but, hell, he wasn't some sissy who couldn't do anything but sob and shiver. He could look out for his friends, too.

Akazawa's smile strengthened a little. He slowly loosened his hold on Mizuki. "I wish you would've stayed at SeiRu," he said quietly.

"Mm." Mizuki shrugged. "I wish I had... and that I'd been able to help you. But then, if wishes were horses, beggars would eat horse roast."

Akazawa managed a soft chuckle. "What've you got against horses?"

"I have nothing against horses. The traditional proverb is just idiotic. If I was out on the streets begging to feed myself, my first thought upon getting a horse would not be to go out on a ride, it'd be filling my stomach."

"... Seriously? I'd sell it and buy something nice."

"And how would you explain your just happening to find a nice horse? And if it really was wishes, everyone would be up to their ears in horses."

"..... Why can't wishes be coins? Then beggars'd be rich."

"Except inflation would eat it. Wishes just don't work that way..."

Akazawa gave a mocking pout. "Stop being so smart."

"Oh, I'm always smart. You should know that by now." Smirk, smirk.

"But so much could've changed in all that time that I haven't seen you."

"I think I'm past the age where I'm likely to get dropped on my head."

"You could've got hit on the head playing tennis!"

"Well, sadly, I didn't." Mizuki drew his shirt back on, starting to button it again. He'd done enough of exposing his secrets for now. "...Your nightmares... is there anything I can do?"

Akazawa breathed out slowly as the conversation headed back where he didn't really want it. "There's nothing...." he said quietly. "But..." He glanced across the room at the unclaimed bed which he generally dropped his school uniform and tennis gear onto. "You wanna stay over?"

"...If you don't mind." At least then he could be there if Akazawa needed help during the night.

"I wouldn't have asked if I did."

"Probably not, no." Mizuki's lips twitched. "You're not a total manipulative bitch like me."

Akazawa managed a small smile. "You aren't that bad, Mizuki."

Oh, I can be pretty bad when I want~"

Akazawa just chuckled. "Anyway. you gonna stay?"

"As I said, if you don't mind."

"Then I guess you're staying."

"Apparently so." Mizuki chuckled faintly. "You can then tell everyone you slept with me... in the same room."

Akazawa gave a smile. "I don't mind telling them I slept with you." There had been small rumours flying around that he was anyway back at SeiRu, especially when Mizuki would show up to the tennis practices despite being at a different school.

"...You know how people would take that in this place." He was rather openly gay, so such rumours wouldn't bother him too much, but Akazawa was a different matter altogether.

"I did say you don't know much more about me than you did in middle school." Akazawa gave a playful smirk and lay down, a hand behind his head.

"Hmmm?" Mizuki raised his eyebrows. There were quite a few conclusions he could have drawn from that, but he had enough respect left for his friend not to do that just yet. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Chuckle. "Take a guess."

"...You're gay." It was the logical conclusion, however unlikely it seemed.

Akazawa just gave a playful smirk.

"...Though if that were the correct conclusion, the logical next step would be to deduce you were coming onto me just now."

"... Would it now?"

"You basically said you'd like to sleep with me. Nfu." A teasing smirk.

"I said I wouldn't mind if that was what was said~" Akazawa lifted his head. "Implies nothing about the act, simply that I don't mind being associated like that with you." He dropped his head again. "Or it could just mean that I don't care what anyone else thinks when they don't know the fact."

"Whatever makes you feel better, darling."

Akazawa lifted his head again just long enough to poke his tongue out him before lying it down again. "Besides, would it be so bad if I was?"

"...I might let you live." Another smirk was sent Akazawa's way.

"You might?"

"Oh, please. Like I'd punish you for what is the most natural reaction of desiring me."

Akazawa laughed and shook his head. "Because no one can resist desiring the fabulous Mizuki."

"Indeed not." Mizuki's smirk was ruined by a yawn, though.

Another shake of the head and Akazawa sat up again. "Looks like I'm not the only one feeling tired." He got off his bed and approached the spare one, collecting his uniform and tennis gear off it.

"Apparently not, no." Mizuki hesitated a bit. On one hand, the thought of sleeping in his clothes was just simply unpleasant... on the other hand, the thought of sleeping topless was disturbing. He needed his little cloth barrier against the world, thank you very much.

Once he was done moving his clothes, folding them and piling them beside his own bed, Akazawa pulled his own shirt over his head, dropping it on top of the pile. "You alright sleeping in that?" He asked, glancing at Mizuki. "Or do you wanna borrow something? You can borrow one of my sleeping shirts. Though... you might drown in it." He was usually one to sleep topless, in just boxers or lounge pants, but when he did wear a shirt, it was usually large and baggy.

"...That'd be nice." Baggy was all right. Bare skin was what he couldn't stand.

"Alright," Akazawa began digging through his clothes, taking a minute before finding what he was looking for, holding out a plain brown shirt for Mizuki to take. He then busied himself with putting away his uniform, not looking at Mizuki. He figured that his friend didn't like people seeing his back bare, so giving him at least a little privacy while he changed was the least he could do.

Mizuki changed quickly, dragging the new shirt over his shirt as soon as he'd relieved himself of the other one. Neatly folding away his pants and shirt, he then looked down at the shirt. It was indeed quite large for him, enough so to hand almost down to his knees. "...You might be right about the drowning."

Akazawa glanced back at Mizuki and gave a chuckle. "I told you," he said with a smile. "It's a couple sizes too big for me, so it's no surprise."

"Mm... I'm not complaining, though." Mizuki sat on the spare bed and stretched. His pale legs looked quite slim, even thin, as they peeked out from under the large shirt.

"Good, cause I can't really offer much else," Akazawa turned on the bedside light by his bed before turning off the main light of the room. He sat down on his own bed, leaning against the headboard and glancing at his friend. "Hey... Mizuki?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"...For?" Mizuki raised his eyebrows.

Akazawa gave a small shrug. "For... listening, I guess. And... for telling me."

"...Mm." Mizuki looked away. "Like I had any choice after you told me."

"You didn't have to tell me."

"So I should have just left you thinking I was too disgusted to be touched by you?"

Akazawa didn't say anything for a moment, staring at the end of his bed before giving a shrug.

"...I know how that feels," Mizuki murmured. "I wouldn't let you make that mistake about me."

"..." Akazawa got up off his bed and sat next to Mizuki, arms wrapping around him again. "You'll be okay here."

"Of course I will." Mizuki's smirk was faint, but at least it was there. "I'll always be just fine."

"I mean it, Mizuki," Akazawa was oddly serious, his voice low. "I won't let anyone do anything like that to you ever again." I couldn't do anything before...

"...And I won't let you get hurt again, either." He wasn't just some damsel in distress, damn it.

"...I know you won't."

"Mmm." Mizuki leant lightly against Akazawa. "...Heh. Been a while since I dared let anyone this close."

"...Now I wonder if it's because it's me or because you're getting used to accepting human company again."

"Probably you," Mizuki murmured. "I know you've never hurt me, even though I've certainly given you reason to, on occasion."

Akazawa cocked an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Oh, please. I'm not exactly full enough of myself not to know I can be a bitch on occasion."

"You might've pissed me off a few times, but that doesn't mean you've given me reason enough to hurt you."

"...Much less of a reason seemed to be enough for some people."

Akazawa gave a sad smile and shifted to lean back against the headboard of the bed, legs stretched out in front of him and spread a little so Mizuki could sit between them, not really giving his friend much choice as he dragged him close again. "They were idiots who deserve to burn in hell."

Mizuki flinched. Leaning against Akazawa meant having pretty much his entire back pressing against the other at once. Still... it was better than hands. "...Such a merciful Christian you are."

Feeling the flinch, Akazawa loosened his hold. "You okay..?"

"Yeah. Just... I told you. I don't like people touching my back." He sat up a bit straighter, still seated between Akazawa's legs but now with a bit of a distance between them.

"Right.. I'm sorry," It was a soft-spoken apology and Akazawa loosened his grip so hands rested on Mizuki's stomach. "You can move if you want."

"It's... it's okay." Mizuki managed a small smirk. "...At least I know what your hands are doing. Nfu."

Akazawa chuckled. "But... you know I'd never do anything."

"I know. As I said... I know you wouldn't hurt me." Whether that was what Akazawa had meant or not, it certainly was what had been on Mizuki's mind.

"I think--" Yawn. "--it's bed time." It was a complete subject change, but Akazawa really did feel exhausted. Consecutive nights with broken sleep really wasn't good for him.

"...Probably a good idea." The yawn was contagious, it seemed.

Akazawa nodded, but didn't move.

Mizuki hesitated, then, very slowly, leant back against Akazawa's chest again. It was just Akazawa. Just Akazawa. And he was so tired...

"Comfy?" Akazawa gave a small smile as he leaned his head back against the head board.

"...You're warm."

"... I thought I was hot, actually." Grin.

Mizuki snorted. "As much as I'm tempted to agree... Dear, I'm literally scarred for life because a bitter ex claimed I molested him, and am just now learning to trust a select few people again. I would quite appreciate it if you didn't try to make me associate letting my guard down around you with your hotness, or any other aspects of sexuality." Why, yes, he was capable of rather elaborate speech even half asleep.

Akazawa faltered a moment and frowned. He gave a slow nod and mumbled an apology. "Haven't lost your touch with telling me off, have you?

"It's a gift." Mizuki yawned in a manner that might have been called cute. "...You have approximately ten seconds to leave unless you want to be used as a mattress."

Considering that for a moment, Akazawa gave a shrug. "It'll take longer than that to move."

"Tough luck." In truth, Mizuki probably could manage to stay awake for longer than that. But then, Akazawa didn't seem to be even trying.

Akazawa just smiled, his hold around Mizuki's waist tightening just a little. "Sleep, Mizuki," he said quietly. "You need it."

Mizuki's eyes slid shut, yet he still managed to murmur, "And you. No nightmares on my watch, do you... hear..."

"Sleep, Mizuki."

For just once, Mizuki did as Akazawa told him, not replying anymore.