rp log: Tachibana Kippei, Fuji Syuusuke
Who: Tachibana & Fuji
What: Hospital visit. Is this where they confess to each other? ♥
Where: Infirmary
When: Last Friday.
So, Saeki had stopped by his room this morning just to tell him to go and see Fuji in the infirmary. Tachibana didn't really appreciate the guy's meddling most of the time, but he hadn't been invited to visit Fuji - actually, he hadn't even known Fuji was sick. He forgave Saeki this time. At least he had a reason to go and not look creepy. He here he was, behind the infirmary door, with a spring flower in his hand. Did Fuji even appreciate getting flowers? Was there a rule about bringing flowers to the infirmary? Here he was, acting all teenager again. He sighed heavily and knocked on the door.
And who could it be this time? Fuji blinked, smiling. Eiji had brought him here, Akutagawa, Saeki, Tezuka and Oishi had all visited. Who was left on the list? Kawamura? Echizen? Dan? Tachibana? From the sound of the knock... Hardly Dan. "Come in...?"
Fuji's voice made a butterfly wake up in Tachibana's stomach. Who the hell names them butterflies anyway? He seriously hoped his stomach wasn't infested with real butterflies, no matter how physically impossible that was. He pulled open the door and stepped in. He tried hard looking nonchalant. "I was told to come and see how you're doing", he greeted the boy on the bed. Fuji looked very pale. Why was it that he always seemed to end up in this kind of places? Yeah, not thinking about that right now. "You look sick."
He chuckled. "We've gotta stop meeting like this," he joked, tapping one bony finger against his cheek. Tachibana looked... Well. Like he usually did. Good. Handsome. Attractive. Gorgeous. No denying that. And awkward. Really, really awkward. Just as Tezuka had. What was it with a select few of his friends anyway? They were totally endearing, but... Oh, so odd. Well, he wasn't the most normal person around either, but still... "How are you? And yes... I am sick."
"Yeah, well, at least we keep meeting." Tachibana shrugged. The infirmary wasn't a hospital, so he wasn't too nervous here, but he had to say places like their Neverland and even a normal school corridor were much more suited for these random rendezvous they kept having. "I'm actually wondering: What is wrong with Fuji this time?" he chuckled, making his way to the bed and without further ceremony - albeit gently - splaying his hand on Fuji's forehead. "It's not a regular fever is it? Your friend looked sick with worry." And Saeki had, considering the way the guy so didn't make a habit of pacing in front of his door like a sad puppy.
Fuji was about to answer, but suddenly couldn't. He couldn't say it, not just like that. Not to Tachibana. He blushed and stared down on his knees. Answer him, answer him, you've got to answer him; he deserves that much. And... Why was that, exactly? He wasn't sure. Couldn't remember right now. Tachibana was... A force. That was the only word that came to him. Tachibana was a force in his life and he hadn't been able to tame it yet... Or found a way to stick close to it when the wind blew. And if that force knew that he was weak... Weak like that... Would he move on? What would he say? What would he do? He wanted to know. Wanted to be able to predict, to rationalize and set up a best and worst case scenario. He couldn't. He couldn't figure Tachibana out. And that frightened him. And... Thrilled him. Damn it all... "... Not exactly something you talk about just like that," he finally managed.
"I see." Tachibana stood there for a moment and then pulled a chair for himself. "It's something serious then. Is it contagious? I hope Saeki's not stupid enough to tell me to come see you so we can die together." See? He was trying very hard with the normal conversation and tried putting in humor too, and he failed so totally. But, Fuji was one of the very selected few he even bothered to try doing it for. Kippei wasn't a person who got riled up over nothing. He wasn't easily excitable person; neither was he the overly nervous type. He didn't run around in panic when there was something that had to be done. And Fuji's eyes seemed to have that look in them. Tachibana couldn't have explained what look even if he'd tried, but he had a feeling it was okay for him to be here. That he was supposed to be here too. If that made any sense.
Fuji stared at him for a moment. Oh... That was so lame. He had to smile. Laugh, even. He was very easily amused like that. "It's only... It's only contagious if we have sex," he said, smiling awkwardly. There. He said that much at least.
Now, that's a thought, Tachibana's mind suggested and he squashed it with an enormous burst of cheer will. He needed to think something else now. What sexual diseases were there? HIV at least. But where would Fuji have got that from? Unless... It was that time. If it was that time, jail was going to feel like paradise to the guys after he was through with them. Him. Either way. He had lots of will power and suppressing his violent urges had become a second nature to him years ago. Objectivity! he demanded from himself. HIV was only one of the diseases which spread through sex. "Now, if you say it vaguely like that, my mind is bound to jump to the worst case scenario", he informed the patient. "Tell me everything." It was time to be strong. Kippei could do that.
"Everything and everything... Well, what is there to tell?" Fuji blushed, hands working the covers nervously. "It's not HIV. I promise. I wouldn't be holding it together like this if it were." And you were holding it together, dear? Really?
"I guess you wouldn't be", Tachibana admitted. He had no idea how he would react to such news, but then again, he would never have to find out. He wasn't one to have careless sex. He lived by what he preached to his sister. Sex wasn't the driving force in his life. Tennis was. "So, what is it then? Keeping me in suspense is really over-rated."
"Maybe it's not so easy to tell," Fuji snapped, then blanched at the uncharacteristically outburst. And then blushed. Red and white. They seemed to be his main colors today.
"Or maybe it's just that easy", Tachibana said after chuckling at the outburst. He reached over and petted the smaller boy's hair with a strong gentle hand, full of callouses from holding the tennis racket. His eyes were warm and kind. "You see, people get disillusioned by feelings like embarrassment and shame, when honestly everything can be just blurted out, just like that. Look, I don't want to pressure you or anything. Just, I think I'd be sad to not know and worry myself to death over what you're going through. I have no intension of ever finding out what it's like being in your shoes right now Fuji, but I'm here for you, okay? You're not all alone." A long speech for someone like him, he thought, flushing slightly in the cheeks.
Indeed it was. Fuji peered up at him with fever blank eyes, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You... I guess you're right. Oh well... Hepatitis. Uhm... From what the nurse says... The curable kind. I hope she's right. I don't wanna be stuck with this for the rest of my life, you know?"
"I know." Tachibana kept petting the other boy's hair. It felt nice and calming, to him. It was easier to think while his hands/hand were busy. He'd read all there was to know about sexual diseases at some point, to bully An into realizing she was way too young to even think about sex. Right now, he could remember only few things. Curable was good. Kippei smiled. "I'd trust the doctor if she says it's curable Fuji. They don't actually get kicks out of lying you know, doctors that is."
"Depends on the doctors, does it not?" But those words felt good to hear. Reassuring. Comforting. Just as Tachibana's hand on his hair. He wanted more of it. Wanted more... He shifted slightly, leaning into the touch as much as he could, smiling slowly at the taller boy. "But... I need to keep my hopes up, right?"
"Absolutely." Kippei chuckled, though he maybe felt slightly panicky when Fuji notably leaned on his hand, and then the familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach returned, when he realized Fuji wasn't pushing him away but looking like he rather...enjoyed what Tachibana was doing. "I've heard miracles happen when people really believe in them. Of course I don't believe in that bullshit, but it's better to hope and focus on getting better than crawling into a dark hole to die."
"Yeah... We're not cats. We can hope." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I... Just find it hard sometimes. Really hard. I'm all but ready to give up... But then something happens. It always does. Someone's there. Someone shows that there are still things that I can count on in this world. I... don't know. It's... odd. I guess I'm lucky, in a way." Maybe.
"It just shows people aren't willing to give up on you", Tachibana said smiling his little Kippei-smile, which was an tiny upwards curve on his lips and a warm warm look in his eyes. "You shouldn't either. Taking care of yourself and caring about yourself are the first steps of appreciating the people who love you, aren't they?"
He... had a point. Fuji blinked, and then reached up on his head with his hand, taking Tachibana's hand into his, and holding it. His own hand felt dry, small and warm against Tachibana's, but that didn't matter. He brought their hands down from his hair and onto his lap. "I'm... not good at receiving help. I need to work on that, nee?" He smiled shyly.
Kippei nodded, looking at their hands on Fuji's lap. He felt...warm, inside. Warm and fluttery. Completely unlike he'd ever felt before. He held Fuji's hand firmly, yet not hard enough to hurt. He hoped his palms were warm instead of cold, but he wasn't exactly nervous now. It should be okay. "There are lots of things happening now which are new to me", Kippei confessed. "New feelings, new discoveries. I need to work on understanding them as well. But this..." He referred to their joined hands. "Feels good. Right."
He looked up to Fuji's face with something which might've been shyness on his handsome grumpy face. "I'm sorry. I spoke out of place. But it's really...how I feel."
"I... don't understand either." For all the love advice he might have given others in the past... His only brush with love had been his ex... And that was a sordid history that was better off well forgotten. That he would develop feelings for someone whom he trusted, liked as a friend first and foremost... It was new to him too. Very new, and frightening. But he felt strangely calm, and there was this soft, warm feeling in his belly that had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was sick. Quite the contrary. "But I... I like it when you talk about what you feel, Tachibana. You... rarely do."
"I've been taught differently", the lion man explained with a tiny shrug, only enough to be there, yet not to break of their contact. Tachibana was careful not to do that. Fuji's hands were smaller and fragile, unlike his, but very warm. "I'm the next man in my family, so if something were to happen to my dad I'm the one An and mom would lean on. So I guess I just learned to keep my feelings to myself." Not to mention how he'd used tennis as an outlet to his suppressed teenage frustration back when he'd still lived in Kyuushu. Until someone important to him had got seriously hurt by his hand. He had still to find a fool-proof way of letting out his frustrations in something that didn't include harming others, but he had other ways to keep himself in check. Like running. Running until he wasn't up to decking someone just to vent.
"That's kind of sad," Fuji said slowly. "... You were raised the old fashioned way, weren't you?" Well, Tachibana had basically answered that question already, so maybe he said it simply for the sake of making a conversation. Tachibana's hand felt good against his, cool and secure, like it could keep his ghosts and the fever at bay by simply being there.
"Yes." Tachibana simply nodded. Then he felt like saying something else as well. "It's a burden", he continued and chuckled quietly. "If dad couldn't support us anymore I'd be forced to quit school and tennis and get a job to do it in his place. School I can give, but if I had to give up tennis..." Wow, he thought. He was really talking a lot today. "I'd do it, of course. No question about it. Not like I'd have any choice. Turning my back on the people I love...I couldn't do it."
There were so many things he could say about that. He could be snide and say that Tachibana really was the good son, he could openly criticize his father for being too demanding and overbearing, or he could just accept it for what it was. He wasn't in any position to berate Tachibana on how he lived his life, after all. Quite far from it. He smiled, nodding. "You're a good guy, Tachibana.
"Oh I know", Tachibana chuckled, deciding to let go of the gloominess which had sneaked around the corner. "That's a burden too. Though I guess it's wiser to be the good guy than the bad guy, since the good guys always seem to win eventually."
Fuji smiled, but then opened his eyes and looked straight at Tachibana, looking strangely vulnerable. "Do you really, truly believe that?"
"Of course", Tachibana said, his tone light but meaning his words, as seriously as always. "I wouldn't say it otherwise."
"Can you make me believe that?"
"I'm afraid I don't know how to make others believe what I believe." Tachibana was truly apologetic. "I lead by example, not by pushing my beliefs on people."
Then he smiled thinly again. "But I can talk your ears full of my beliefs and you can pick the ones which are to your liking."
The shorter boy nodded, smiling. "You know what... I'd like that. I like to hear you talk." And what the heck was he saying?! He could feel his ears turn slightly red and he looked down, feeling somewhat awkward.
"I don't usually find many reasons to talk. Either someone else says the things I was going to say, or then I just decide not saying anything is much better." Tachibana was embarrassed to say the least and his ears were hot. Here he was trying hard to look better than he was in front of another guy. Usually, the reason for his silence was that he just couldn't find anything proper to say. Telling other kids they were chickens and idiots hadn't brought him friends in kindergarten.
"Why not talk just for the sake of being sociable?" Not that guys in his former team did that either... Those guys being Tezuka and Echizen for example.
Tachibana coughed into his free hand and looked down at his lap. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the most sociable person in the world..."
Fuji smiled again. "By choice, or did it just turn out that way?"
"Both, I think." Tachibana smiled right back.
"You're an interesting guy, Tachibana. You... Seem to know yourself pretty well. That's impressive." Fuji tucked some hair behind his ear, head slightly tilted to the side as he studied the taller boy.
The taller boy nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed again. He didn't expect to be complimented on things he did on his own accord, not for anyone else. And it was perhaps about the compliments themselves, as Tachibana wasn't used to being complimented - by people of his own age even less. "I meditate a lot. Knowing Me has become a sort of insurance to not doing anything stupid."
"You know..." Fuji talked slowly, but clearly. "I've always prided myself in believing I knew myself fairly well. My shortcomingings, and my good points. Sometimes though... I feel like all I do is make the wrong choices. I don't know how it got like this. I just know that I dislike it and that I want to change, because I'm hurting the people around me by being this way. I've... never been good at meditating however. Don't know if I ever could. But... I wouldn't mind trying some time."
Tachibana squeezed the hand in his gently, attempting to transfer some of his belief into the other boy. "Anytime you want to try I'll teach you how." He paused, unsure whether to comment on the other things Fuji had said or not, but attempting anyway. "Changing oneself has to come from the heart, from yourself. I don't know what you have done that has gone so wrong, and I'm not trying to say you have a weak will, just that this much I know. Yet I don't know if anyone can really change themselves deep inside. I feel like I haven't changed at all, even if I have changed the way I behave from what I used to be. It's an everyday struggle, if you may, not to slip back."
Fuji hummed thoughtfully. "And then there's the fact that it's difficult for oneself to realize whether one has changed or not... It's usually up to the surrounding environment to decide, nee? Especially people that have known you the longest." Yawning, he lay down again, staring up at the ceiling. "You know... My fever doesn't like us getting all philosophical here." He chuckled. "Annoying, that."
"Yes, very. Then again, philosophical conversations are best had while both parties share the same wave length, sick or healthy. Take a nap, maybe your fever will break." Tachibana moved his chair even closer to the bed so he could lean back on it without breaking their contact. "If you don't mind I'd like to sit here a little longer."
"I... really don't mind. I would like that." He smiled, eyelids already sliding close. The mild scent from Tachibana's after shave, or whatever it was he used, drifted over to him and for some reason it sent a shiver through him, albeit a pleasant one. "G'night, Tachibana..."
"Sleep well", Kippei said softly, feeling another surge of protective instinct towards to beautiful boy on the bed.
And he did.
What: Hospital visit. Is this where they confess to each other? ♥
Where: Infirmary
When: Last Friday.
So, Saeki had stopped by his room this morning just to tell him to go and see Fuji in the infirmary. Tachibana didn't really appreciate the guy's meddling most of the time, but he hadn't been invited to visit Fuji - actually, he hadn't even known Fuji was sick. He forgave Saeki this time. At least he had a reason to go and not look creepy. He here he was, behind the infirmary door, with a spring flower in his hand. Did Fuji even appreciate getting flowers? Was there a rule about bringing flowers to the infirmary? Here he was, acting all teenager again. He sighed heavily and knocked on the door.
And who could it be this time? Fuji blinked, smiling. Eiji had brought him here, Akutagawa, Saeki, Tezuka and Oishi had all visited. Who was left on the list? Kawamura? Echizen? Dan? Tachibana? From the sound of the knock... Hardly Dan. "Come in...?"
Fuji's voice made a butterfly wake up in Tachibana's stomach. Who the hell names them butterflies anyway? He seriously hoped his stomach wasn't infested with real butterflies, no matter how physically impossible that was. He pulled open the door and stepped in. He tried hard looking nonchalant. "I was told to come and see how you're doing", he greeted the boy on the bed. Fuji looked very pale. Why was it that he always seemed to end up in this kind of places? Yeah, not thinking about that right now. "You look sick."
He chuckled. "We've gotta stop meeting like this," he joked, tapping one bony finger against his cheek. Tachibana looked... Well. Like he usually did. Good. Handsome. Attractive. Gorgeous. No denying that. And awkward. Really, really awkward. Just as Tezuka had. What was it with a select few of his friends anyway? They were totally endearing, but... Oh, so odd. Well, he wasn't the most normal person around either, but still... "How are you? And yes... I am sick."
"Yeah, well, at least we keep meeting." Tachibana shrugged. The infirmary wasn't a hospital, so he wasn't too nervous here, but he had to say places like their Neverland and even a normal school corridor were much more suited for these random rendezvous they kept having. "I'm actually wondering: What is wrong with Fuji this time?" he chuckled, making his way to the bed and without further ceremony - albeit gently - splaying his hand on Fuji's forehead. "It's not a regular fever is it? Your friend looked sick with worry." And Saeki had, considering the way the guy so didn't make a habit of pacing in front of his door like a sad puppy.
Fuji was about to answer, but suddenly couldn't. He couldn't say it, not just like that. Not to Tachibana. He blushed and stared down on his knees. Answer him, answer him, you've got to answer him; he deserves that much. And... Why was that, exactly? He wasn't sure. Couldn't remember right now. Tachibana was... A force. That was the only word that came to him. Tachibana was a force in his life and he hadn't been able to tame it yet... Or found a way to stick close to it when the wind blew. And if that force knew that he was weak... Weak like that... Would he move on? What would he say? What would he do? He wanted to know. Wanted to be able to predict, to rationalize and set up a best and worst case scenario. He couldn't. He couldn't figure Tachibana out. And that frightened him. And... Thrilled him. Damn it all... "... Not exactly something you talk about just like that," he finally managed.
"I see." Tachibana stood there for a moment and then pulled a chair for himself. "It's something serious then. Is it contagious? I hope Saeki's not stupid enough to tell me to come see you so we can die together." See? He was trying very hard with the normal conversation and tried putting in humor too, and he failed so totally. But, Fuji was one of the very selected few he even bothered to try doing it for. Kippei wasn't a person who got riled up over nothing. He wasn't easily excitable person; neither was he the overly nervous type. He didn't run around in panic when there was something that had to be done. And Fuji's eyes seemed to have that look in them. Tachibana couldn't have explained what look even if he'd tried, but he had a feeling it was okay for him to be here. That he was supposed to be here too. If that made any sense.
Fuji stared at him for a moment. Oh... That was so lame. He had to smile. Laugh, even. He was very easily amused like that. "It's only... It's only contagious if we have sex," he said, smiling awkwardly. There. He said that much at least.
Now, that's a thought, Tachibana's mind suggested and he squashed it with an enormous burst of cheer will. He needed to think something else now. What sexual diseases were there? HIV at least. But where would Fuji have got that from? Unless... It was that time. If it was that time, jail was going to feel like paradise to the guys after he was through with them. Him. Either way. He had lots of will power and suppressing his violent urges had become a second nature to him years ago. Objectivity! he demanded from himself. HIV was only one of the diseases which spread through sex. "Now, if you say it vaguely like that, my mind is bound to jump to the worst case scenario", he informed the patient. "Tell me everything." It was time to be strong. Kippei could do that.
"Everything and everything... Well, what is there to tell?" Fuji blushed, hands working the covers nervously. "It's not HIV. I promise. I wouldn't be holding it together like this if it were." And you were holding it together, dear? Really?
"I guess you wouldn't be", Tachibana admitted. He had no idea how he would react to such news, but then again, he would never have to find out. He wasn't one to have careless sex. He lived by what he preached to his sister. Sex wasn't the driving force in his life. Tennis was. "So, what is it then? Keeping me in suspense is really over-rated."
"Maybe it's not so easy to tell," Fuji snapped, then blanched at the uncharacteristically outburst. And then blushed. Red and white. They seemed to be his main colors today.
"Or maybe it's just that easy", Tachibana said after chuckling at the outburst. He reached over and petted the smaller boy's hair with a strong gentle hand, full of callouses from holding the tennis racket. His eyes were warm and kind. "You see, people get disillusioned by feelings like embarrassment and shame, when honestly everything can be just blurted out, just like that. Look, I don't want to pressure you or anything. Just, I think I'd be sad to not know and worry myself to death over what you're going through. I have no intension of ever finding out what it's like being in your shoes right now Fuji, but I'm here for you, okay? You're not all alone." A long speech for someone like him, he thought, flushing slightly in the cheeks.
Indeed it was. Fuji peered up at him with fever blank eyes, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You... I guess you're right. Oh well... Hepatitis. Uhm... From what the nurse says... The curable kind. I hope she's right. I don't wanna be stuck with this for the rest of my life, you know?"
"I know." Tachibana kept petting the other boy's hair. It felt nice and calming, to him. It was easier to think while his hands/hand were busy. He'd read all there was to know about sexual diseases at some point, to bully An into realizing she was way too young to even think about sex. Right now, he could remember only few things. Curable was good. Kippei smiled. "I'd trust the doctor if she says it's curable Fuji. They don't actually get kicks out of lying you know, doctors that is."
"Depends on the doctors, does it not?" But those words felt good to hear. Reassuring. Comforting. Just as Tachibana's hand on his hair. He wanted more of it. Wanted more... He shifted slightly, leaning into the touch as much as he could, smiling slowly at the taller boy. "But... I need to keep my hopes up, right?"
"Absolutely." Kippei chuckled, though he maybe felt slightly panicky when Fuji notably leaned on his hand, and then the familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach returned, when he realized Fuji wasn't pushing him away but looking like he rather...enjoyed what Tachibana was doing. "I've heard miracles happen when people really believe in them. Of course I don't believe in that bullshit, but it's better to hope and focus on getting better than crawling into a dark hole to die."
"Yeah... We're not cats. We can hope." He sighed, closing his eyes. "I... Just find it hard sometimes. Really hard. I'm all but ready to give up... But then something happens. It always does. Someone's there. Someone shows that there are still things that I can count on in this world. I... don't know. It's... odd. I guess I'm lucky, in a way." Maybe.
"It just shows people aren't willing to give up on you", Tachibana said smiling his little Kippei-smile, which was an tiny upwards curve on his lips and a warm warm look in his eyes. "You shouldn't either. Taking care of yourself and caring about yourself are the first steps of appreciating the people who love you, aren't they?"
He... had a point. Fuji blinked, and then reached up on his head with his hand, taking Tachibana's hand into his, and holding it. His own hand felt dry, small and warm against Tachibana's, but that didn't matter. He brought their hands down from his hair and onto his lap. "I'm... not good at receiving help. I need to work on that, nee?" He smiled shyly.
Kippei nodded, looking at their hands on Fuji's lap. He felt...warm, inside. Warm and fluttery. Completely unlike he'd ever felt before. He held Fuji's hand firmly, yet not hard enough to hurt. He hoped his palms were warm instead of cold, but he wasn't exactly nervous now. It should be okay. "There are lots of things happening now which are new to me", Kippei confessed. "New feelings, new discoveries. I need to work on understanding them as well. But this..." He referred to their joined hands. "Feels good. Right."
He looked up to Fuji's face with something which might've been shyness on his handsome grumpy face. "I'm sorry. I spoke out of place. But it's really...how I feel."
"I... don't understand either." For all the love advice he might have given others in the past... His only brush with love had been his ex... And that was a sordid history that was better off well forgotten. That he would develop feelings for someone whom he trusted, liked as a friend first and foremost... It was new to him too. Very new, and frightening. But he felt strangely calm, and there was this soft, warm feeling in his belly that had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was sick. Quite the contrary. "But I... I like it when you talk about what you feel, Tachibana. You... rarely do."
"I've been taught differently", the lion man explained with a tiny shrug, only enough to be there, yet not to break of their contact. Tachibana was careful not to do that. Fuji's hands were smaller and fragile, unlike his, but very warm. "I'm the next man in my family, so if something were to happen to my dad I'm the one An and mom would lean on. So I guess I just learned to keep my feelings to myself." Not to mention how he'd used tennis as an outlet to his suppressed teenage frustration back when he'd still lived in Kyuushu. Until someone important to him had got seriously hurt by his hand. He had still to find a fool-proof way of letting out his frustrations in something that didn't include harming others, but he had other ways to keep himself in check. Like running. Running until he wasn't up to decking someone just to vent.
"That's kind of sad," Fuji said slowly. "... You were raised the old fashioned way, weren't you?" Well, Tachibana had basically answered that question already, so maybe he said it simply for the sake of making a conversation. Tachibana's hand felt good against his, cool and secure, like it could keep his ghosts and the fever at bay by simply being there.
"Yes." Tachibana simply nodded. Then he felt like saying something else as well. "It's a burden", he continued and chuckled quietly. "If dad couldn't support us anymore I'd be forced to quit school and tennis and get a job to do it in his place. School I can give, but if I had to give up tennis..." Wow, he thought. He was really talking a lot today. "I'd do it, of course. No question about it. Not like I'd have any choice. Turning my back on the people I love...I couldn't do it."
There were so many things he could say about that. He could be snide and say that Tachibana really was the good son, he could openly criticize his father for being too demanding and overbearing, or he could just accept it for what it was. He wasn't in any position to berate Tachibana on how he lived his life, after all. Quite far from it. He smiled, nodding. "You're a good guy, Tachibana.
"Oh I know", Tachibana chuckled, deciding to let go of the gloominess which had sneaked around the corner. "That's a burden too. Though I guess it's wiser to be the good guy than the bad guy, since the good guys always seem to win eventually."
Fuji smiled, but then opened his eyes and looked straight at Tachibana, looking strangely vulnerable. "Do you really, truly believe that?"
"Of course", Tachibana said, his tone light but meaning his words, as seriously as always. "I wouldn't say it otherwise."
"Can you make me believe that?"
"I'm afraid I don't know how to make others believe what I believe." Tachibana was truly apologetic. "I lead by example, not by pushing my beliefs on people."
Then he smiled thinly again. "But I can talk your ears full of my beliefs and you can pick the ones which are to your liking."
The shorter boy nodded, smiling. "You know what... I'd like that. I like to hear you talk." And what the heck was he saying?! He could feel his ears turn slightly red and he looked down, feeling somewhat awkward.
"I don't usually find many reasons to talk. Either someone else says the things I was going to say, or then I just decide not saying anything is much better." Tachibana was embarrassed to say the least and his ears were hot. Here he was trying hard to look better than he was in front of another guy. Usually, the reason for his silence was that he just couldn't find anything proper to say. Telling other kids they were chickens and idiots hadn't brought him friends in kindergarten.
"Why not talk just for the sake of being sociable?" Not that guys in his former team did that either... Those guys being Tezuka and Echizen for example.
Tachibana coughed into his free hand and looked down at his lap. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the most sociable person in the world..."
Fuji smiled again. "By choice, or did it just turn out that way?"
"Both, I think." Tachibana smiled right back.
"You're an interesting guy, Tachibana. You... Seem to know yourself pretty well. That's impressive." Fuji tucked some hair behind his ear, head slightly tilted to the side as he studied the taller boy.
The taller boy nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed again. He didn't expect to be complimented on things he did on his own accord, not for anyone else. And it was perhaps about the compliments themselves, as Tachibana wasn't used to being complimented - by people of his own age even less. "I meditate a lot. Knowing Me has become a sort of insurance to not doing anything stupid."
"You know..." Fuji talked slowly, but clearly. "I've always prided myself in believing I knew myself fairly well. My shortcomingings, and my good points. Sometimes though... I feel like all I do is make the wrong choices. I don't know how it got like this. I just know that I dislike it and that I want to change, because I'm hurting the people around me by being this way. I've... never been good at meditating however. Don't know if I ever could. But... I wouldn't mind trying some time."
Tachibana squeezed the hand in his gently, attempting to transfer some of his belief into the other boy. "Anytime you want to try I'll teach you how." He paused, unsure whether to comment on the other things Fuji had said or not, but attempting anyway. "Changing oneself has to come from the heart, from yourself. I don't know what you have done that has gone so wrong, and I'm not trying to say you have a weak will, just that this much I know. Yet I don't know if anyone can really change themselves deep inside. I feel like I haven't changed at all, even if I have changed the way I behave from what I used to be. It's an everyday struggle, if you may, not to slip back."
Fuji hummed thoughtfully. "And then there's the fact that it's difficult for oneself to realize whether one has changed or not... It's usually up to the surrounding environment to decide, nee? Especially people that have known you the longest." Yawning, he lay down again, staring up at the ceiling. "You know... My fever doesn't like us getting all philosophical here." He chuckled. "Annoying, that."
"Yes, very. Then again, philosophical conversations are best had while both parties share the same wave length, sick or healthy. Take a nap, maybe your fever will break." Tachibana moved his chair even closer to the bed so he could lean back on it without breaking their contact. "If you don't mind I'd like to sit here a little longer."
"I... really don't mind. I would like that." He smiled, eyelids already sliding close. The mild scent from Tachibana's after shave, or whatever it was he used, drifted over to him and for some reason it sent a shiver through him, albeit a pleasant one. "G'night, Tachibana..."
"Sleep well", Kippei said softly, feeling another surge of protective instinct towards to beautiful boy on the bed.
And he did.