[Log] Heartful Matters
Who: Dan Taichi and Fuji Syuusuke
Where: Tennis courts
When: August 12th
What: Dan is upset, Fuji tries to comfort
Warning: G
Comments: Shoot~ ♥
Dan wasn't sure how long he'd been pounding the wall with the tennis ball. It wasn't the focused state of matches, no, he just... wasn't keeping track. He couldn't have focused if he'd tried, not with all these thoughts and feelings jumbled up in his mind. His body kept moving almost automatically, running back and forth, hitting the ball again and again with about 17 percent more force than was customary for him. The wall didn't seem to care much, though, used as it was to such abuse in the hands of countless players. One boy's upset thoughts wouldn't make it budge any more.
He was probably just being stupid, he thought to himself. He was the one overreacting. There was nothing for him to be concerned about, everything was just fine, he'd gotten upset at Ryoma-kun for nothing and...
And it was just so hard to believe, it didn't help however many times he told it to himself. Things would have been so easy if he could have just picked his emotions and thoughts... but it wasn't that simple. Not in life. There was no data for this kind of thing; he only had his doubts and questions and concerns to occupy his mind with.
Switching hands again, he took one step, two steps, three, and hit the ball.
"It won't get easier even if you should hit the ball so hard that you pull something," a voice said softly, the tone almost apologizing, behind Dan. Fuji had - for some reason or the other - watched the conversation going on over Echizen's journal, and he was starting to think that enough was enough. Echizen was acting particularly heartless, considering his boyfriend could read every word he said to both Tezuka and Marui, and Echizen's own attitude towards Dan left some to be desired as well. Still, Dan was probably taking things a tad too serious as well, but then again, you never knew. Fuji knew that he was hardly one to say that he had Echizen and his intentions all figured out.
As he had spotted the younger boy from his window, slowly after he had logged off, Fuji decided to actually follow through with what he said in Dan's journal; he would offer a supportive shoulder if he could, or a friendly ear. Anything, really, because this was all so unnecessary and he figured that Dan needed someone right now. And his old friends were scarce and far in between.
Somewhat startled by the sudden sound of a voice, Dan stopped on his tracks, letting the ball bounce past him and keep going quite some way. Turning around, he looked at Fuji as he wiped sweat from his forehead. "Maybe not," he replied quietly, "but at least it lets me get out some of my frustration."
Pushing an escaped lock of hair behind his ear, he gave Fuji what he hoped would pass for a smile. "What brings you here, Fuji-san? You don't exactly look like you're going to play."
"It can be helpful, I suppose," Fuji smiled, stepping closer. He looked thoughtfully at Dan for a moment, then smiled. "Me? Just checking up on you~"
Dan tilted his head to the side. "There's no reason to concern yourself with me desu," he said, not rudely but rather with an apologizing tone. "I'm fine."
"Maybe." Fuji shrugged. "Maybe not. I hear that coming from myself often enough to question it though, if you'll forgive me for being so rude." He picked up a tennis ball from a basket nearby and started to toy with it, flipping from one hand to the other. "I just thought that even if someone's fine... They might want some company."
"Would I really give you false data?" Dan asked innocently. Of course, he was currently agonizing over the very fact there was no data at all on this particular subject, but that didn't mean he had the wish or right to worry someone else over his silly concerns. "I told you, it's just my paranoia desu."
Fuji wondered for a moment what he ought to do, then came to a decision. He walked up to Dan and gently placed his hands on the younger boy's shoulders, dipping his head slightly to the side. "Well, paranoia in itself is a pretty bad feeling, nee? And that calls for something nice to drink." He nodded vaguely away from the courts. "I think there's a vending machine somewhere nearby, right? Want to go there? My treat."
Dan was a bit surprised that Fuji actually came so close to him. Nevertheless, he kept his small kind-of-smile stubbornly on his face. "It's not truly the feeling I have right now... merely the reason for my feelings desu," he pointed out. "...But if you insist... it's rarely a good idea to refuse a free drink." He didn't want to be rude, after all... and he was rather thirsty after however long he'd been abusing the tennis balls.
"I wouldn't really agree, you know." Fuji smiled playfully and waved his finger in front of Dan's face while he used the other hand to gently push the younger boy towards the exit. "Sometimes, refusing a free drink is the best idea ever~"
"Perhaps in a general sense, yes, but when you're talking about a vending machine near tennis courts, it changes a lot desu," Dan replied, following Fuji's lead to the exit without much of a protest. "If I'd refused all the times I was offered a free drink from one back in Yamabuki, I'd have missed quite a number of refreshments~"
"And that would have been bad, yes." Fuji chuckled and started to dig around in his pocket for some spare change. They reached the vending machine and the blonde dug up a handful of yen coins. "So, what are you having?"
"Ano..." Dan glanced at the options available before pointing at one. "Raspberry Ponta." Perhaps it wasn't the best thing to thus remind himself of Ryoma right now, but... it wasn't like he could think of anything else at the moment, anyway.
"Okay~" Fuji flipped the coins inside the small opening and ordered an Apple Ponta to himself. He handed Dan the can and then went about to open his own, walking over to the small bench nearby. "You know... I've only seen Echizen apologize once in my life," he said after a moment of silence. "He's... not the best with words."
Opening the can, Dan sighed, taking a sip of his drink as he sat down next to Fuji. "He certainly seems to have no trouble talking when it comes to certain things," he murmured. Like implying he was more interested in Tezuka.
Fuji sighed as well, looking out over the courts. "He has no trouble talking when he can bitch off to people, that's true. I... guess that's part of his charm?"
"Sometimes, yes, it's very charming," Dan said with a small smile. "Sometimes, though, his so-called charm just... hits a bit too close to home desu."
"You think he thinks he'd be better off with either Sakuno-chan or Tezuka?" Fuji asked quietly, the question delicate, and he hadn't really planned on addressing the problem so fast, but since Dan himself seemed ready to drop the 'I'm all right'-smile, he figured he'd give it a shot.
Dan sighed again, taking another sip of his Ponta before responding to the question with another. "Why wouldn't he?" He shook his head, stray locks from his ponytail sticking to his sweaty skin. "What do I have in my favor compared with them? ...Aside from the inside of my pants when compared with Ryuzaki-san, obviously desu."
"For starters, you're his. Tezuka belongs to Marui..." Fuji smirked. "And if Echizen would try to make the moves for real on Tezuka, I would have to strangle him. And second..." The older boy sighed. "I can't say for sure... But I've never, ever actually seen him being interested in Sakuno-chan like that. She's been in love with him, yes, anyone could figure that out, but he seemed mostly clueless about the whole thing."
"But his reaction to her arrival was just so... I don't know. He's never made such a big fuss about anyone else showing up, has he? I mean... he had a more normal reaction to Momoshiro-san's appearance desu!" Dan leant back against the back of the bench, looking up to the sky. "And the things he said to Tezuka-san and Marui-san... even if he didn't mean it, I just... I worry." He chuckled humorlessly. "I told you it's my paranoia, didn't I? It just seems so surreal someone like him would actually pick me over just about anyone... let alone everyone else. And when he says things like that... it just makes me wonder just how any better choices he had to skip on his list as unavailable to finally resort to dating me desu."
Uncertainty issues at their finest, Fuji thought with a grim, inner smile. It amazed him how much this kid actually reminded him of himself, and he wasn't entirely certain that was what he had set out to realize. But anyway... "I guess you have to ask you a few things if you're filled with that sort of doubt," he mumbled, taking a sip of his can. "First of all... Who was the one initiating your relationship? Second... What have you been doing after you established it to keep it alive? Third... What do you have that others don't, and how can you use that to your advantage, either in a way of winning him back for certain, or just boost your self confidence?"
"Do you want to actually hear the answers, or would that be TMI?" Dan let out another not-so-delighted chuckle. "In any case, the start was somewhat unclear... he's the one who first kissed me, but we kept teasing each other back and forth until it became... something." He closed his eyes. "The third question is easy to answer... nothing whatsoever desu."
"I'm willing to hear if you're willing to tell," Fuji replied mildly. He leaned back on the bench and crossed one leg with the other, locking his hands behind his knee, while his can of soda was placed on the bench next to him. "And about that you have nothing whatsoever... I wish that I could tell you that I know that you have this or that... But unfortunately I don't know you well enough." He sucked thoughtfully on his teeth, and then continued: "But I'm guessing you have an unusual high tolerance for people who might have trouble connecting with the main public, so to say, nee?"
"I guess." Dan smiled faintly, again looking down at his can of Ponta, cradling it in both hands. "I mean... I guess I do have my good points, but nothing that's going to set me above others in anything. Well, unless you count the fact I could probably dress up as him convincingly enough to attend class in his stead, but that's just kind of creepy," he said with a tiny laugh. "Anything I have, traits or skills or whatever, someone else's better at it. I mean, regarding things that are important to him, I'm getting good at tennis, but compared with everyone here... I'm still just a beginner, aren't I. Never mind that data annoys Ryoma-kun." He sipped at his drink again. The cold liquid sent a minute shiver down his spine. "About the second question... I don't know. I mean, we've done a lot... we've been playing tennis and cuddling and talking and just hanging out and, for the sake of accurate data... yes, we've had sex." Somehow, it was easier to say that aloud than he might have imagined. Probably because he was already in such a messy state, he just couldn't spare the energy for embarrassment. "I've been reading while he napped with his head on my back. I've been crying so hysterically I had to be sedated as he was carried off to an ambulance helicopter. I've been treated to a lunch and thoroughly humiliated by his big brother who apparently thought we absolutely needed to have a lecture on safe sex in public. But, well, does that matter? Any of it? It's not like my concern is whether he likes me at all... I just fear I'm just the second choice, or third, or fourth, or whatever desu."
Fuji was silent for a moment, even after Dan's long monologue had wrapped itself up, and he picked up his drink again, sipping on it. The carbonated drink immediately tickled his nose, but he ignored the will to sniffle because of it, because somehow it seemed almost inappropriate right now. He leaned forward, crossing his arms over his elevated knee, and as he spoke, he avoided eye contact with the younger boy. "As horrible as it sounds... I heard something there that no one else could offer Echizen. Support and understanding, because you know what happened before he went to the hospital. You were there, and you showed such deep feelings for him that at least someone had to pick up on that. You weren't alone with him, right? So someone else could attest to it. And maybe it would make him feel really... appreciated, if he was reminded of that incident. Echizen, I mean." Fuji smirked suddenly and turned to look at Dan. "Then again, it could backfire, and he could get pissed because someone saw him in such a state. I don't know, really... People respond differently to crisis management."
"He... I think he already knows," Dan said softly. "I was just talking with Ryoga-san when he happened to come by... and then he... went bad." He closed his eyes again as he thought of that time. It still made him feel cold, even though Ryoma-kun was all better now. "I think I apologized later for panicking so badly... he told me not to." So typical Ryoma-kun... "But whatever the outcome would be, I don't want to remind him of it," he murmured. "If I was so badly off from just seeing it, I can't even imagine how scared he must have felt. It would be just cruel of me to make him think of it, no matter what the reason desu."
"There is something else." Fuji smiled. "Selflessness. A lot of people, even if they would talk wide and proud about love and the like... When it came down to it, if they had something like this they could use to prove their love or test their loved one's love for them, they'd probably use it."
"Even if that were true," Dan pointed out, "the moment I bring it up, it becomes selfishness as I obviously have some sort of motive for doing so. Therefore, it won't help me one bit desu."
"Also true." Fuji finished his soda and then started to toss the can between his hands as he thought. "Well... He's allergic to grapes. You're good at data. You think you could dig up something that tastes almost like grape but doesn't leave him comatose? I'm sure he'd like that."
"You're late, Fuji-san," Dan murmured. "I've already started looking for the detailed contents information on all common brands of soda. The problem being, grape soda is hard to find to begin with... and all the ones I've managed to find this far have some form of actual grapes involved in the production process desu."
"That's it, isn't it?" Fuji grinned. "Ponta is special, as it uses real grapes. And from what I understand, it's the grapes themselves that cause the reaction, not the manufactured flavors, nee? So why not try and slip him some artificial flavored grape soda, and see what he thinks?"
"With all due respect, I don't think you were listening to me, Fuji-san," Dan said dryly. "I am currently in the process of trying to find a grape-flavoured soda that uses artificial flavouring for him to try. It's just hard to come by, it seems, as it's so much easier and probably also cheaper to simply use actual grape juice concentrate."
Fuji blinked, then grinned. "Ah, you're right." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, then lit up. "Well, what if you take it from the other end then? If you try and find a fruit or berry that taste almost the same, and then just make some juice with it and carbonate it? Would that work?"
"It might," Dan said slowly. "It'd be a long process for such a simple end, but it might work. The problem being, there really aren't any other fruit that taste like grapes that I know of," he added. "There's no search engine anywhere that will allow you to search with that. And besides... even if I found something I just don't know yet, I don't exactly feel confident about exposing him to some strange fruit or berry that he might also be allergic to for all I know." He shook his head. "Wouldn't that be precious... he certainly couldn't leave me for someone else if I accidentally killed him desu."
"Lychee, perhaps," Fuji mused, pretending he didn't hear Dan's last comment. Because, what could he say about that? Sorry, but yeah... I think each and everyone finds Death Reaper-san more attractive in the long run? That... Probably wouldn't do. "Or rambutan." Fuji decided to be frank, for once. "Say, Dan... It's not the same, but I found myself in a situation where I couldn't trust an old friend of mine recently. So I don't know how I did it, but I finally managed to ask him 'why'. And he replied. I'm not saying you should ask Echizen why he posted that about Sakuno-chan, or why he came onto Tezuka, but maybe you could try and ask him what. What his true feelings are. If you take him by surprise... He might just answer."
"And if it's nothing and I'm just being paranoid? He'll just get upset," Dan murmured. "Niou-san's already calling me a clingy girlfriend... The last thing I want to do is chase Ryoma-kun away by overreacting to something unimportant. But then, maybe I'm already doing that..." He did his best not to clench his hands around his soda can. "I wish there was data about all this... maybe then I wouldn't feel so lost about everything desu..."
"Even if it's just you being paranoid, you've proven to him that you have the courage to be open about sensitive matters, don't you think?" Fuji sighed and smiled softly. "Sometimes... There just isn't data enough to cover everything. You can write book after book after book about relations and human emotions and still come up with blanks even after you've studied them all. I think it's because life's changeable in a way data just can't keep up, not all the time, at least." He shrugged. "Sometimes human emotions just aren't rational enough to be classified into certain groups. It doesn't make them more comprehensible, but it doesn't make them less valid, if you know what I mean?"
"Or proven I'm more trouble than I'm worth," Dan retorted. Ah, the joys of very lacking self-confidence. "I know I'm probably being stupid about all this, but... is it really wrong or overly possessive of me to feel hurt when my boyfriend seems to have a lot of fun publicly implying he's fantasizing about someone else while he's having sex with me?
"Who says that? Niou?" Fuji frowned. "It's absolutely not overly possessive. Quite the contrary, you're being very sensible about it. Anyone else would probably just have gone up to Echizen to smack him one. I..." He bit his lip, thinking. He wasn't good at this, considering his own inability for relationships and the like - hopefully Dan didn't have all the data about that - but he wasn't going to give up trying. "I really think that what you should do is talk with Echizen. Explain how you feel. And if he isn't willing to give you a straight answer after that... I would think that indicates that he's still too uncertain himself to settle down for real right now."
"Who else? He even implied that acting like that would make Ryoma-kun leave me..." Dan took a few gulps of his soda, trying to think everything through and pretty much failing. "Maybe I'm just afraid to hear his answer," he finally concluded. "Maybe I'm just afraid he will answer the wrong way..." He gave Fuji an almost teary chuckle. Damn it, he wouldn't cry... not over this... "Maybe I should just hit him," he mused. "If nothing else, at least he'd have a reason to leave me if he's going to do so desu."
Fuji considered replying to that. Instead he was silent for a moment, then gently reached out and nicked the soda can away from Dan. After placing it down on the ground at a relatively safe distance, he pulled the younger boy into an embrace, because he really looked like he could need one just about now.
At Fuji's embrace Dan simply broke down. He was feeling like such a mess, with all the insecurity and frustration and confusion and the tiniest bit of anger, and he just didn't know what to do to fix things or even if they could be fixed, and suddenly he had no words left and the tears just kept flowing down his face as he leaned against the older boy.
"Damn it," he murmured. "I didn't want to cry desu..."
"I know," Fuji mumbled, gently rubbing Dan's back and humming softly into the younger boy's ear, and after that he said nothing more, only waited for the wide range of emotions to run their course through Dan's system. When was the last time I allowed someone to hold me like this? Was it together with Wakato? Saeki? I don't even know anymore. People claim it helps to let it all out... Let's just see if it does.
Dan finally calmed down somewhat, gathering what little self-control he had left. Pushing himself slightly away from Fuji, he gave the older boy a faint smile. "Thank you, I guess," he mumbled. "I... think I'll have to do something about this. Something else than trying to beat tennis balls to submission." The smile turned into a smirk that was perhaps just on the edge of dangerous. "Once or twice it did cross my mind to try and aim the racquet at Ryoma-kun's balls instead... but I guess that could have a bit too permanent repercussions for my taste desu."
"Probably. Unless you wanted to ruin him for the competition," Fuji smirked back before standing up and stretching. "Well, I shouldn't hinder you then." He sighed, then turned around to offer the younger boy an honest smile. "Glad to see you got some spark back, Dan-kun."
"...Thank you." Dan meant every bit of it, finally managing to give Fuji an honest smile that was actually bright enough to shine through the traces of tears on his face. "If you hadn't come, I'd probably still be trying to break through that wall desu."
"Instead, maybe you broke through another wall." Fuji smiled and then turned around and started back towards the dorms, waving slowly as he left.
Where: Tennis courts
When: August 12th
What: Dan is upset, Fuji tries to comfort
Warning: G
Comments: Shoot~ ♥
Dan wasn't sure how long he'd been pounding the wall with the tennis ball. It wasn't the focused state of matches, no, he just... wasn't keeping track. He couldn't have focused if he'd tried, not with all these thoughts and feelings jumbled up in his mind. His body kept moving almost automatically, running back and forth, hitting the ball again and again with about 17 percent more force than was customary for him. The wall didn't seem to care much, though, used as it was to such abuse in the hands of countless players. One boy's upset thoughts wouldn't make it budge any more.
He was probably just being stupid, he thought to himself. He was the one overreacting. There was nothing for him to be concerned about, everything was just fine, he'd gotten upset at Ryoma-kun for nothing and...
And it was just so hard to believe, it didn't help however many times he told it to himself. Things would have been so easy if he could have just picked his emotions and thoughts... but it wasn't that simple. Not in life. There was no data for this kind of thing; he only had his doubts and questions and concerns to occupy his mind with.
Switching hands again, he took one step, two steps, three, and hit the ball.
"It won't get easier even if you should hit the ball so hard that you pull something," a voice said softly, the tone almost apologizing, behind Dan. Fuji had - for some reason or the other - watched the conversation going on over Echizen's journal, and he was starting to think that enough was enough. Echizen was acting particularly heartless, considering his boyfriend could read every word he said to both Tezuka and Marui, and Echizen's own attitude towards Dan left some to be desired as well. Still, Dan was probably taking things a tad too serious as well, but then again, you never knew. Fuji knew that he was hardly one to say that he had Echizen and his intentions all figured out.
As he had spotted the younger boy from his window, slowly after he had logged off, Fuji decided to actually follow through with what he said in Dan's journal; he would offer a supportive shoulder if he could, or a friendly ear. Anything, really, because this was all so unnecessary and he figured that Dan needed someone right now. And his old friends were scarce and far in between.
Somewhat startled by the sudden sound of a voice, Dan stopped on his tracks, letting the ball bounce past him and keep going quite some way. Turning around, he looked at Fuji as he wiped sweat from his forehead. "Maybe not," he replied quietly, "but at least it lets me get out some of my frustration."
Pushing an escaped lock of hair behind his ear, he gave Fuji what he hoped would pass for a smile. "What brings you here, Fuji-san? You don't exactly look like you're going to play."
"It can be helpful, I suppose," Fuji smiled, stepping closer. He looked thoughtfully at Dan for a moment, then smiled. "Me? Just checking up on you~"
Dan tilted his head to the side. "There's no reason to concern yourself with me desu," he said, not rudely but rather with an apologizing tone. "I'm fine."
"Maybe." Fuji shrugged. "Maybe not. I hear that coming from myself often enough to question it though, if you'll forgive me for being so rude." He picked up a tennis ball from a basket nearby and started to toy with it, flipping from one hand to the other. "I just thought that even if someone's fine... They might want some company."
"Would I really give you false data?" Dan asked innocently. Of course, he was currently agonizing over the very fact there was no data at all on this particular subject, but that didn't mean he had the wish or right to worry someone else over his silly concerns. "I told you, it's just my paranoia desu."
Fuji wondered for a moment what he ought to do, then came to a decision. He walked up to Dan and gently placed his hands on the younger boy's shoulders, dipping his head slightly to the side. "Well, paranoia in itself is a pretty bad feeling, nee? And that calls for something nice to drink." He nodded vaguely away from the courts. "I think there's a vending machine somewhere nearby, right? Want to go there? My treat."
Dan was a bit surprised that Fuji actually came so close to him. Nevertheless, he kept his small kind-of-smile stubbornly on his face. "It's not truly the feeling I have right now... merely the reason for my feelings desu," he pointed out. "...But if you insist... it's rarely a good idea to refuse a free drink." He didn't want to be rude, after all... and he was rather thirsty after however long he'd been abusing the tennis balls.
"I wouldn't really agree, you know." Fuji smiled playfully and waved his finger in front of Dan's face while he used the other hand to gently push the younger boy towards the exit. "Sometimes, refusing a free drink is the best idea ever~"
"Perhaps in a general sense, yes, but when you're talking about a vending machine near tennis courts, it changes a lot desu," Dan replied, following Fuji's lead to the exit without much of a protest. "If I'd refused all the times I was offered a free drink from one back in Yamabuki, I'd have missed quite a number of refreshments~"
"And that would have been bad, yes." Fuji chuckled and started to dig around in his pocket for some spare change. They reached the vending machine and the blonde dug up a handful of yen coins. "So, what are you having?"
"Ano..." Dan glanced at the options available before pointing at one. "Raspberry Ponta." Perhaps it wasn't the best thing to thus remind himself of Ryoma right now, but... it wasn't like he could think of anything else at the moment, anyway.
"Okay~" Fuji flipped the coins inside the small opening and ordered an Apple Ponta to himself. He handed Dan the can and then went about to open his own, walking over to the small bench nearby. "You know... I've only seen Echizen apologize once in my life," he said after a moment of silence. "He's... not the best with words."
Opening the can, Dan sighed, taking a sip of his drink as he sat down next to Fuji. "He certainly seems to have no trouble talking when it comes to certain things," he murmured. Like implying he was more interested in Tezuka.
Fuji sighed as well, looking out over the courts. "He has no trouble talking when he can bitch off to people, that's true. I... guess that's part of his charm?"
"Sometimes, yes, it's very charming," Dan said with a small smile. "Sometimes, though, his so-called charm just... hits a bit too close to home desu."
"You think he thinks he'd be better off with either Sakuno-chan or Tezuka?" Fuji asked quietly, the question delicate, and he hadn't really planned on addressing the problem so fast, but since Dan himself seemed ready to drop the 'I'm all right'-smile, he figured he'd give it a shot.
Dan sighed again, taking another sip of his Ponta before responding to the question with another. "Why wouldn't he?" He shook his head, stray locks from his ponytail sticking to his sweaty skin. "What do I have in my favor compared with them? ...Aside from the inside of my pants when compared with Ryuzaki-san, obviously desu."
"For starters, you're his. Tezuka belongs to Marui..." Fuji smirked. "And if Echizen would try to make the moves for real on Tezuka, I would have to strangle him. And second..." The older boy sighed. "I can't say for sure... But I've never, ever actually seen him being interested in Sakuno-chan like that. She's been in love with him, yes, anyone could figure that out, but he seemed mostly clueless about the whole thing."
"But his reaction to her arrival was just so... I don't know. He's never made such a big fuss about anyone else showing up, has he? I mean... he had a more normal reaction to Momoshiro-san's appearance desu!" Dan leant back against the back of the bench, looking up to the sky. "And the things he said to Tezuka-san and Marui-san... even if he didn't mean it, I just... I worry." He chuckled humorlessly. "I told you it's my paranoia, didn't I? It just seems so surreal someone like him would actually pick me over just about anyone... let alone everyone else. And when he says things like that... it just makes me wonder just how any better choices he had to skip on his list as unavailable to finally resort to dating me desu."
Uncertainty issues at their finest, Fuji thought with a grim, inner smile. It amazed him how much this kid actually reminded him of himself, and he wasn't entirely certain that was what he had set out to realize. But anyway... "I guess you have to ask you a few things if you're filled with that sort of doubt," he mumbled, taking a sip of his can. "First of all... Who was the one initiating your relationship? Second... What have you been doing after you established it to keep it alive? Third... What do you have that others don't, and how can you use that to your advantage, either in a way of winning him back for certain, or just boost your self confidence?"
"Do you want to actually hear the answers, or would that be TMI?" Dan let out another not-so-delighted chuckle. "In any case, the start was somewhat unclear... he's the one who first kissed me, but we kept teasing each other back and forth until it became... something." He closed his eyes. "The third question is easy to answer... nothing whatsoever desu."
"I'm willing to hear if you're willing to tell," Fuji replied mildly. He leaned back on the bench and crossed one leg with the other, locking his hands behind his knee, while his can of soda was placed on the bench next to him. "And about that you have nothing whatsoever... I wish that I could tell you that I know that you have this or that... But unfortunately I don't know you well enough." He sucked thoughtfully on his teeth, and then continued: "But I'm guessing you have an unusual high tolerance for people who might have trouble connecting with the main public, so to say, nee?"
"I guess." Dan smiled faintly, again looking down at his can of Ponta, cradling it in both hands. "I mean... I guess I do have my good points, but nothing that's going to set me above others in anything. Well, unless you count the fact I could probably dress up as him convincingly enough to attend class in his stead, but that's just kind of creepy," he said with a tiny laugh. "Anything I have, traits or skills or whatever, someone else's better at it. I mean, regarding things that are important to him, I'm getting good at tennis, but compared with everyone here... I'm still just a beginner, aren't I. Never mind that data annoys Ryoma-kun." He sipped at his drink again. The cold liquid sent a minute shiver down his spine. "About the second question... I don't know. I mean, we've done a lot... we've been playing tennis and cuddling and talking and just hanging out and, for the sake of accurate data... yes, we've had sex." Somehow, it was easier to say that aloud than he might have imagined. Probably because he was already in such a messy state, he just couldn't spare the energy for embarrassment. "I've been reading while he napped with his head on my back. I've been crying so hysterically I had to be sedated as he was carried off to an ambulance helicopter. I've been treated to a lunch and thoroughly humiliated by his big brother who apparently thought we absolutely needed to have a lecture on safe sex in public. But, well, does that matter? Any of it? It's not like my concern is whether he likes me at all... I just fear I'm just the second choice, or third, or fourth, or whatever desu."
Fuji was silent for a moment, even after Dan's long monologue had wrapped itself up, and he picked up his drink again, sipping on it. The carbonated drink immediately tickled his nose, but he ignored the will to sniffle because of it, because somehow it seemed almost inappropriate right now. He leaned forward, crossing his arms over his elevated knee, and as he spoke, he avoided eye contact with the younger boy. "As horrible as it sounds... I heard something there that no one else could offer Echizen. Support and understanding, because you know what happened before he went to the hospital. You were there, and you showed such deep feelings for him that at least someone had to pick up on that. You weren't alone with him, right? So someone else could attest to it. And maybe it would make him feel really... appreciated, if he was reminded of that incident. Echizen, I mean." Fuji smirked suddenly and turned to look at Dan. "Then again, it could backfire, and he could get pissed because someone saw him in such a state. I don't know, really... People respond differently to crisis management."
"He... I think he already knows," Dan said softly. "I was just talking with Ryoga-san when he happened to come by... and then he... went bad." He closed his eyes again as he thought of that time. It still made him feel cold, even though Ryoma-kun was all better now. "I think I apologized later for panicking so badly... he told me not to." So typical Ryoma-kun... "But whatever the outcome would be, I don't want to remind him of it," he murmured. "If I was so badly off from just seeing it, I can't even imagine how scared he must have felt. It would be just cruel of me to make him think of it, no matter what the reason desu."
"There is something else." Fuji smiled. "Selflessness. A lot of people, even if they would talk wide and proud about love and the like... When it came down to it, if they had something like this they could use to prove their love or test their loved one's love for them, they'd probably use it."
"Even if that were true," Dan pointed out, "the moment I bring it up, it becomes selfishness as I obviously have some sort of motive for doing so. Therefore, it won't help me one bit desu."
"Also true." Fuji finished his soda and then started to toss the can between his hands as he thought. "Well... He's allergic to grapes. You're good at data. You think you could dig up something that tastes almost like grape but doesn't leave him comatose? I'm sure he'd like that."
"You're late, Fuji-san," Dan murmured. "I've already started looking for the detailed contents information on all common brands of soda. The problem being, grape soda is hard to find to begin with... and all the ones I've managed to find this far have some form of actual grapes involved in the production process desu."
"That's it, isn't it?" Fuji grinned. "Ponta is special, as it uses real grapes. And from what I understand, it's the grapes themselves that cause the reaction, not the manufactured flavors, nee? So why not try and slip him some artificial flavored grape soda, and see what he thinks?"
"With all due respect, I don't think you were listening to me, Fuji-san," Dan said dryly. "I am currently in the process of trying to find a grape-flavoured soda that uses artificial flavouring for him to try. It's just hard to come by, it seems, as it's so much easier and probably also cheaper to simply use actual grape juice concentrate."
Fuji blinked, then grinned. "Ah, you're right." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, then lit up. "Well, what if you take it from the other end then? If you try and find a fruit or berry that taste almost the same, and then just make some juice with it and carbonate it? Would that work?"
"It might," Dan said slowly. "It'd be a long process for such a simple end, but it might work. The problem being, there really aren't any other fruit that taste like grapes that I know of," he added. "There's no search engine anywhere that will allow you to search with that. And besides... even if I found something I just don't know yet, I don't exactly feel confident about exposing him to some strange fruit or berry that he might also be allergic to for all I know." He shook his head. "Wouldn't that be precious... he certainly couldn't leave me for someone else if I accidentally killed him desu."
"Lychee, perhaps," Fuji mused, pretending he didn't hear Dan's last comment. Because, what could he say about that? Sorry, but yeah... I think each and everyone finds Death Reaper-san more attractive in the long run? That... Probably wouldn't do. "Or rambutan." Fuji decided to be frank, for once. "Say, Dan... It's not the same, but I found myself in a situation where I couldn't trust an old friend of mine recently. So I don't know how I did it, but I finally managed to ask him 'why'. And he replied. I'm not saying you should ask Echizen why he posted that about Sakuno-chan, or why he came onto Tezuka, but maybe you could try and ask him what. What his true feelings are. If you take him by surprise... He might just answer."
"And if it's nothing and I'm just being paranoid? He'll just get upset," Dan murmured. "Niou-san's already calling me a clingy girlfriend... The last thing I want to do is chase Ryoma-kun away by overreacting to something unimportant. But then, maybe I'm already doing that..." He did his best not to clench his hands around his soda can. "I wish there was data about all this... maybe then I wouldn't feel so lost about everything desu..."
"Even if it's just you being paranoid, you've proven to him that you have the courage to be open about sensitive matters, don't you think?" Fuji sighed and smiled softly. "Sometimes... There just isn't data enough to cover everything. You can write book after book after book about relations and human emotions and still come up with blanks even after you've studied them all. I think it's because life's changeable in a way data just can't keep up, not all the time, at least." He shrugged. "Sometimes human emotions just aren't rational enough to be classified into certain groups. It doesn't make them more comprehensible, but it doesn't make them less valid, if you know what I mean?"
"Or proven I'm more trouble than I'm worth," Dan retorted. Ah, the joys of very lacking self-confidence. "I know I'm probably being stupid about all this, but... is it really wrong or overly possessive of me to feel hurt when my boyfriend seems to have a lot of fun publicly implying he's fantasizing about someone else while he's having sex with me?
"Who says that? Niou?" Fuji frowned. "It's absolutely not overly possessive. Quite the contrary, you're being very sensible about it. Anyone else would probably just have gone up to Echizen to smack him one. I..." He bit his lip, thinking. He wasn't good at this, considering his own inability for relationships and the like - hopefully Dan didn't have all the data about that - but he wasn't going to give up trying. "I really think that what you should do is talk with Echizen. Explain how you feel. And if he isn't willing to give you a straight answer after that... I would think that indicates that he's still too uncertain himself to settle down for real right now."
"Who else? He even implied that acting like that would make Ryoma-kun leave me..." Dan took a few gulps of his soda, trying to think everything through and pretty much failing. "Maybe I'm just afraid to hear his answer," he finally concluded. "Maybe I'm just afraid he will answer the wrong way..." He gave Fuji an almost teary chuckle. Damn it, he wouldn't cry... not over this... "Maybe I should just hit him," he mused. "If nothing else, at least he'd have a reason to leave me if he's going to do so desu."
Fuji considered replying to that. Instead he was silent for a moment, then gently reached out and nicked the soda can away from Dan. After placing it down on the ground at a relatively safe distance, he pulled the younger boy into an embrace, because he really looked like he could need one just about now.
At Fuji's embrace Dan simply broke down. He was feeling like such a mess, with all the insecurity and frustration and confusion and the tiniest bit of anger, and he just didn't know what to do to fix things or even if they could be fixed, and suddenly he had no words left and the tears just kept flowing down his face as he leaned against the older boy.
"Damn it," he murmured. "I didn't want to cry desu..."
"I know," Fuji mumbled, gently rubbing Dan's back and humming softly into the younger boy's ear, and after that he said nothing more, only waited for the wide range of emotions to run their course through Dan's system. When was the last time I allowed someone to hold me like this? Was it together with Wakato? Saeki? I don't even know anymore. People claim it helps to let it all out... Let's just see if it does.
Dan finally calmed down somewhat, gathering what little self-control he had left. Pushing himself slightly away from Fuji, he gave the older boy a faint smile. "Thank you, I guess," he mumbled. "I... think I'll have to do something about this. Something else than trying to beat tennis balls to submission." The smile turned into a smirk that was perhaps just on the edge of dangerous. "Once or twice it did cross my mind to try and aim the racquet at Ryoma-kun's balls instead... but I guess that could have a bit too permanent repercussions for my taste desu."
"Probably. Unless you wanted to ruin him for the competition," Fuji smirked back before standing up and stretching. "Well, I shouldn't hinder you then." He sighed, then turned around to offer the younger boy an honest smile. "Glad to see you got some spark back, Dan-kun."
"...Thank you." Dan meant every bit of it, finally managing to give Fuji an honest smile that was actually bright enough to shine through the traces of tears on his face. "If you hadn't come, I'd probably still be trying to break through that wall desu."
"Instead, maybe you broke through another wall." Fuji smiled and then turned around and started back towards the dorms, waving slowly as he left.