Right now
It's 5 in the morning right now. I can't sleep. I have too much on my mind.
Yesterday was the talent show. Katie and I did really well. The only thing I would have changed about it is the sound girl just stopped the music right when I was done singing, but I don't think she realized to just let the song end. Katie stil had more dancing to go. It kind of pissed me off. It shouldn't have, but it did. We got third. I am happy with that. The people who placed in head of us deserved it. I was sad afterward. Seeing Helo up there perform without me cut me deep. I thought I would be okay with it, but I wasn't honestly. I know Matt complains about me not going to pradctices so I'm sorry. I just have things to do. I am not making a concious effort to try and skip band practice. I just want to make that clear. But I am probably not making as big an effort as I could. But sometimes, they don't even tell me about practices. And they are just not fun for me anymore like it used to be. And I feel like they don't even really care if I am in the band, but I can't really blame them. They don't need me anyway. Chache was there. And it reminds me of how much of an idiot I am. I liked him. I pushed him away. Pretty much the story of my life. I feel like he could have done better than me so I did him the favor of never speaking to me. It sucks cause something might have happened there, but I was too much of a pussy to stick it out. It was my fault. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Now we will never know what could've been casue I fucked it up. But I can't just start talking to him now, cause it's too awkward. It's lost forever, and he's moved on, as he should have.
And I am confused as all shit right now, and I can't stop thinking about everything. I need to raise more money. I want to lose weight. I skipped my band lesson on Friday, and now I am going to have to play the "I forgot card", and she can see right through my lies. We are trying to move. I am getting angry about little things, that shouldn't make me so angry. If I don't get into Nazareth, I am screwed pretty much and I might just curl up in a ball and die. It's really stressing me out. I just feel like I can't do anything right.
Not good times.
But I still love my riends, that never changes.
Yesterday was the talent show. Katie and I did really well. The only thing I would have changed about it is the sound girl just stopped the music right when I was done singing, but I don't think she realized to just let the song end. Katie stil had more dancing to go. It kind of pissed me off. It shouldn't have, but it did. We got third. I am happy with that. The people who placed in head of us deserved it. I was sad afterward. Seeing Helo up there perform without me cut me deep. I thought I would be okay with it, but I wasn't honestly. I know Matt complains about me not going to pradctices so I'm sorry. I just have things to do. I am not making a concious effort to try and skip band practice. I just want to make that clear. But I am probably not making as big an effort as I could. But sometimes, they don't even tell me about practices. And they are just not fun for me anymore like it used to be. And I feel like they don't even really care if I am in the band, but I can't really blame them. They don't need me anyway. Chache was there. And it reminds me of how much of an idiot I am. I liked him. I pushed him away. Pretty much the story of my life. I feel like he could have done better than me so I did him the favor of never speaking to me. It sucks cause something might have happened there, but I was too much of a pussy to stick it out. It was my fault. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. Now we will never know what could've been casue I fucked it up. But I can't just start talking to him now, cause it's too awkward. It's lost forever, and he's moved on, as he should have.
And I am confused as all shit right now, and I can't stop thinking about everything. I need to raise more money. I want to lose weight. I skipped my band lesson on Friday, and now I am going to have to play the "I forgot card", and she can see right through my lies. We are trying to move. I am getting angry about little things, that shouldn't make me so angry. If I don't get into Nazareth, I am screwed pretty much and I might just curl up in a ball and die. It's really stressing me out. I just feel like I can't do anything right.
Not good times.
But I still love my riends, that never changes.