(no subject)
i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. thinking seems to come around when i am bored, and i somewhat avoid being bored just because thinking comes of it, and sadness usually ensues.
as of late, sadness has been a by-product of thinking about my situation, and where i currently am, and the people that i miss, but what is different, is that it all gets resolved in my head nowadays. it's really very refreshing. i still know that i will get sad but there are a few great (but at the same time, bad) memories that make me happy.
these memories make it obvious to me that;
a) she wasn't the one for me, due to obvious reasons
and
b) i wish it wasn't still so damn hard to get over her even after what she has done, and is currently doing, to me.
the distance makes it even harder. i could let her push me away as much as she wants to or i could try and keep my part of her alive, the part that would will her to synchronise her breath with mine just as i once did. do i visit and not see her knowing that shit might be over forever? or do i visit and once again try and remind her of what she has done and what we once were?
to tell the truth, the second has been a real bitch and i've been trying to do it since the day she told me of her encounter with him. it even seemed to work when i finally arrived at vassar, only for her to kiss him 4 days later. how do i know that what i do now won't effect what happens in the future?
and why the fuck do i care about this 'future' so much? the way she's been acting, there will never be one and i guess that's it. i wish i didn't care for her or love her anymore.
i wish she knew how much she hurt me and i wish her fucking memory worked, even when it comes to love.
life goes on i guess, and who knows, i might find someone better.
it's amazing how everything can turn to nothing in a few days, weeks and months. it's even worse when there is a ocean blocking your voice from being heard. a telephone will never convey words of love and emotion as well as the air and that is all there is to it,
to her at least.
oh what a loss,
i miss my closest friend,
and now i cling to rocks in wind,
it's a precious thing we lost.
as of late, sadness has been a by-product of thinking about my situation, and where i currently am, and the people that i miss, but what is different, is that it all gets resolved in my head nowadays. it's really very refreshing. i still know that i will get sad but there are a few great (but at the same time, bad) memories that make me happy.
these memories make it obvious to me that;
a) she wasn't the one for me, due to obvious reasons
and
b) i wish it wasn't still so damn hard to get over her even after what she has done, and is currently doing, to me.
the distance makes it even harder. i could let her push me away as much as she wants to or i could try and keep my part of her alive, the part that would will her to synchronise her breath with mine just as i once did. do i visit and not see her knowing that shit might be over forever? or do i visit and once again try and remind her of what she has done and what we once were?
to tell the truth, the second has been a real bitch and i've been trying to do it since the day she told me of her encounter with him. it even seemed to work when i finally arrived at vassar, only for her to kiss him 4 days later. how do i know that what i do now won't effect what happens in the future?
and why the fuck do i care about this 'future' so much? the way she's been acting, there will never be one and i guess that's it. i wish i didn't care for her or love her anymore.
i wish she knew how much she hurt me and i wish her fucking memory worked, even when it comes to love.
life goes on i guess, and who knows, i might find someone better.
it's amazing how everything can turn to nothing in a few days, weeks and months. it's even worse when there is a ocean blocking your voice from being heard. a telephone will never convey words of love and emotion as well as the air and that is all there is to it,
to her at least.
oh what a loss,
i miss my closest friend,
and now i cling to rocks in wind,
it's a precious thing we lost.