Update 90210
The title means nothing, just want to keep the PC from reminding me that I have no subject. :)
Psych Update
So this week was just a lot of me complaining. I never feel comfortable when I do this, almost like I have no right to complain. I did list things that perterbed me this week. And we discussed them. The end result, he says I am too hard on myself. Here is my rejoinder, if I am not hard on myself, who will be? No one in my family would ever correct a thing I do because they feel that I am on this pillar or something and not to be criticized. I could decide today to go out, sleep around and have thousands of little babies and they would never say a negative word toward this behavior. I may get a "welcome to the family" look of shock but nothing else. For them, what I do is just fine and that is all there is to it.
I did take him seriously that I say too many negative things to myself and vowed to keep an eye out for that behavior. Um, if people could hear my thoughts, I would have been grounded forever. I am not a positive thinker. If there is an exercise to do, within seconds I have totally cut myself down and moved on to cut down the person making me do the exercise. Not once do I think, "I can do this...just go slow." Nope, it is a mixture of my own rain...that way when I can't do it, I have justified my mental hypothesis. There is a word for this behavior, SABOTAGE. I wonder if anyone else has sabotaged themselves in an activity and why.
Meds
I have decided to stop taking the trazadone. I talked to the psych about me sleeping through two hours of alarms and waking up really late and groggy and being late to work. Now I know everyone who knows me will say i sleep through alarms all the time. That was before I got a hold of my life, both rosiewook and koshka_the_cat will testify that I wake up on time WITHOUT an alarm. I even get up a bit early. Even in Scotland and while I was extremely sick in Scotland. I think I may have scared poor kat with how easily I'd wake up. In college, I was dead to the world and now all of the sudden, if we needed to be up at 8, I was up at 7:45 with no wake up call or even earlier.
The end result being, I have woken up three minutes before the alarm one day this week and I am waking up at my normal time with the alarm, I hear it go off and I snooze it three times. That puts me at getting out of the bed a little before six. I have been almost bouncy for the last few days I have been off the stuff too. So, I think the ends justify the means. I am also having no trouble getting to sleep so maybe my insomnia has moved on and I don't need a sedative anymore?
Other meds
I am still taking the prozac stuff. But I will run out before my next appointment. Oh well, that was one of my frustrations anyhoo. The dr. that prescribed them just got deployed. WTH? I actually was comfortable with him because he was nice and dead honest. I tend to be drawn to honesty. So I will see the other doctor who goes to my church, which I am not comfortable with at all. He was the lesser of two evils, there is no way I could do a parent giving me antidepressants.
Things I learned at church
Church has me saying Amen. Why? Because I was finally honest with myself. Half of my misery is not having a group to hang with or know better. I did well with homegroups and I get along well with everyone and I like them all. But as a single female, that church has absolutely NO support for me. It isn't their fault. A specific prayer was said and we will see what happens. I am tired of not being able to relate to the thousands of my husband, my children, the women...stories. I don't get it and they don't get me.
Quantum
Back to why I love teaching. Friday was an excellent way to end a day. The kids were on fire and curious and asking tons of questions and were INTERESTED. Why? Because I am teaching quantum and explaining quantum is one of the things I love about chemistry. Who else could teach chemistry using an example of a woman on welfare and shopping at the commissary or local grocery store? One of the students said, "Dang Ms. Lockhart, you just explained everything about chemistry with that one example." He was the one that asked what happens if one of the kids run away from the mom. To help you guys, the mom is the nucleus and the kids are her electrons. Take her to the store and let her pass an aisle that got the electron's attention and he goes to the excited state. He sneaks in that aisle and the mom has to use a lot of energy to keep up with him. Once captured, he returns to ground state and releases is excitement (energy). Now if you get one that makes a fast break, you now have a beta particle because the electron escaped the nucleus (mom) and usually runs head long into another nucleus or other particles (like that perfectly piled pyramid of cans) and a nuclear reaction takes place. :)
God, I love chemistry.
AP
I am getting AP kids to teach/demo a topic in my regular chemistry class. I think it is helping them with their confidence and learning how to better explain themselves.
Exercise
So I drew up a small scale exercise program for myself that includes taking salsa lessons for a while. That is so fun! My partner has no idea how to lead but he tries anyway. I'd really like it if he had better control over his signals. He moves with no indication from his upper body. Guys kinda put pressure on the hand or arm or something to let the woman know where he is going since we don't look at the feet. Well, he just starts moving and doesn't make eye contact so I have no idea what to do. So I am teaching him how to signal me and it is fun.
Plus I took a circuit class on Thursday that I absolutely love. I told the teacher the truth, I give up easily and she made sure that she showed me every modification to each routine but she left it up to me to see if I really needed it. She wasn't constantly going, "oh you are doing so well" and oozing support. Rather she was sparse on the compliments but at the same encouraging me to do the exercises properly - modification or no. So that is now in my routine. Vegging on Tuesday has now transitioned to circuit and salsa. :) And I swam on Friday, that was so lovely. I miss the pool. Going to do that every Friday too.
And circuit made my butt hurt.
Psych Update
So this week was just a lot of me complaining. I never feel comfortable when I do this, almost like I have no right to complain. I did list things that perterbed me this week. And we discussed them. The end result, he says I am too hard on myself. Here is my rejoinder, if I am not hard on myself, who will be? No one in my family would ever correct a thing I do because they feel that I am on this pillar or something and not to be criticized. I could decide today to go out, sleep around and have thousands of little babies and they would never say a negative word toward this behavior. I may get a "welcome to the family" look of shock but nothing else. For them, what I do is just fine and that is all there is to it.
I did take him seriously that I say too many negative things to myself and vowed to keep an eye out for that behavior. Um, if people could hear my thoughts, I would have been grounded forever. I am not a positive thinker. If there is an exercise to do, within seconds I have totally cut myself down and moved on to cut down the person making me do the exercise. Not once do I think, "I can do this...just go slow." Nope, it is a mixture of my own rain...that way when I can't do it, I have justified my mental hypothesis. There is a word for this behavior, SABOTAGE. I wonder if anyone else has sabotaged themselves in an activity and why.
Meds
I have decided to stop taking the trazadone. I talked to the psych about me sleeping through two hours of alarms and waking up really late and groggy and being late to work. Now I know everyone who knows me will say i sleep through alarms all the time. That was before I got a hold of my life, both rosiewook and koshka_the_cat will testify that I wake up on time WITHOUT an alarm. I even get up a bit early. Even in Scotland and while I was extremely sick in Scotland. I think I may have scared poor kat with how easily I'd wake up. In college, I was dead to the world and now all of the sudden, if we needed to be up at 8, I was up at 7:45 with no wake up call or even earlier.
The end result being, I have woken up three minutes before the alarm one day this week and I am waking up at my normal time with the alarm, I hear it go off and I snooze it three times. That puts me at getting out of the bed a little before six. I have been almost bouncy for the last few days I have been off the stuff too. So, I think the ends justify the means. I am also having no trouble getting to sleep so maybe my insomnia has moved on and I don't need a sedative anymore?
Other meds
I am still taking the prozac stuff. But I will run out before my next appointment. Oh well, that was one of my frustrations anyhoo. The dr. that prescribed them just got deployed. WTH? I actually was comfortable with him because he was nice and dead honest. I tend to be drawn to honesty. So I will see the other doctor who goes to my church, which I am not comfortable with at all. He was the lesser of two evils, there is no way I could do a parent giving me antidepressants.
Things I learned at church
Church has me saying Amen. Why? Because I was finally honest with myself. Half of my misery is not having a group to hang with or know better. I did well with homegroups and I get along well with everyone and I like them all. But as a single female, that church has absolutely NO support for me. It isn't their fault. A specific prayer was said and we will see what happens. I am tired of not being able to relate to the thousands of my husband, my children, the women...stories. I don't get it and they don't get me.
Quantum
Back to why I love teaching. Friday was an excellent way to end a day. The kids were on fire and curious and asking tons of questions and were INTERESTED. Why? Because I am teaching quantum and explaining quantum is one of the things I love about chemistry. Who else could teach chemistry using an example of a woman on welfare and shopping at the commissary or local grocery store? One of the students said, "Dang Ms. Lockhart, you just explained everything about chemistry with that one example." He was the one that asked what happens if one of the kids run away from the mom. To help you guys, the mom is the nucleus and the kids are her electrons. Take her to the store and let her pass an aisle that got the electron's attention and he goes to the excited state. He sneaks in that aisle and the mom has to use a lot of energy to keep up with him. Once captured, he returns to ground state and releases is excitement (energy). Now if you get one that makes a fast break, you now have a beta particle because the electron escaped the nucleus (mom) and usually runs head long into another nucleus or other particles (like that perfectly piled pyramid of cans) and a nuclear reaction takes place. :)
God, I love chemistry.
AP
I am getting AP kids to teach/demo a topic in my regular chemistry class. I think it is helping them with their confidence and learning how to better explain themselves.
Exercise
So I drew up a small scale exercise program for myself that includes taking salsa lessons for a while. That is so fun! My partner has no idea how to lead but he tries anyway. I'd really like it if he had better control over his signals. He moves with no indication from his upper body. Guys kinda put pressure on the hand or arm or something to let the woman know where he is going since we don't look at the feet. Well, he just starts moving and doesn't make eye contact so I have no idea what to do. So I am teaching him how to signal me and it is fun.
Plus I took a circuit class on Thursday that I absolutely love. I told the teacher the truth, I give up easily and she made sure that she showed me every modification to each routine but she left it up to me to see if I really needed it. She wasn't constantly going, "oh you are doing so well" and oozing support. Rather she was sparse on the compliments but at the same encouraging me to do the exercises properly - modification or no. So that is now in my routine. Vegging on Tuesday has now transitioned to circuit and salsa. :) And I swam on Friday, that was so lovely. I miss the pool. Going to do that every Friday too.
And circuit made my butt hurt.