Silvery Dark
Title: Silvery Dark
Author: Aryssia
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: One-shot
Genre: Tragedy, friendship,...
Pairing: Gackt x You (GacktJOB)
Warnings: Character death; not BETAed. I feel bad for writing this and I didn't even want to publish it... But friend suggested that I can, so it's here...
Summary: You was there for Gackt. Always. Even when he acted rather strange...
Disclaimer: Do not own them, boys own themselves and I wish them long and healthy life! ;A;
"Gaku? Is everything okay?" He looked at me, quite surprise but nodded.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"When we have meeting you just quietly sit there, saying nothing; you don't go out, you still sit there... You have never been type who locked yourself inside of room instead of going somewhere. Even if you were sad..." I mumbled. "I'm just worried as well as other band members are."
"There's no need to worry, You." He immediately looked away.
'So there is something happening...' My mind told me. 'But what? He never lies to me...'
I wanted to ask him, I longed for answer that no one knows... But I just stood there, silently watching him typing something on computer. He glanced at me, again. Then he sighed and stood up.
"Where are you going?"
"Where WE are going... Take a coat, I will show you something." He smiled at me. I looked him into the eyes. His blue contact lenses were missing. He noticed my face and left room with just few words.
"Hey, are you going....?"
I nodded and went out with him.
XXX
On the way to 'somewhere', he didn't spoke a word. Radio, which was always turned on, so Gackt could hum into songs, was now silently glooming in the darkness. Moon was hidden in dark clouds that were promise of upcoming blizzard.
I tried to start conversation, knowing him that he would never miss a chance to tell his oppinion even if it was rude, harsh or innapropriate. He was Gackt after all.
But today, he just nodded or shook his arms, leaving my answers hanging in the air and my mind confused as hell. And I knew him for 20 years! Looks like he can surprise me even more.
I closed my eyes. This is going to be a long way...
I think I fell asleep, because when I opened them, car was parked and radio lost his red light. So it could mean only one thing...
"We are here...."
XXX
It was his home. I mean real home - his hometown, a house of his family...
I suppose he missed it here, even though he never spoke about that.
But why did he bring me here?
"When I was younger I wished to fly away from here. That was my dream, to become myself, an adult, who don't have to rely on others and can life on his own. I was so... Childish. Memories I have from here... I want to regain them back. And only one that could help me with it is you...." He said, taking out keys.
'Can he read my mind? No. He just knows you better than anyone else.'
"Now this house belongs to me... But I have never been here since the death of my father. Hm. Here we go..." He mumbled and stepped to house with me right behind.
House seems to be empty, no living creatures expect me and him, maybe some spiders hiding in the corners.
I closed door and expecting him to turn on lights. But he was just standing there, gazing at something in the darkness.
"Gaku? Are you okay...?"
Answer come about a minute later.
"Yeah... I'm... Sorry." But he didn't turn to look at me, he just continued to stare at something. Then he sighed and took few steps forward.
"I remember that there was piano...." He smiled. Even I couldn't see him in the dark, I could hear it from his voice. "How I hated to play.... Ha. I thought I am the only one right. Seems like it was tomorrow, when I did that prank on my personal teacher." He chuckled and reached out, his hand hanging in the air. Maybe he wanted to touch a memory, shining glimpse of reminiscence. Suddenly he turned on his heels, showing me a door.
"There was my father's office. Strict man with strict sense for his job. My mother always told us to not scream and shout while he was working. If we did...." He stood quiet and looked at me. "...How many memories are going to wake up tonight?"
He didn't wait for respond, to be honest, I think he didn't even want or expect it from me. But I had to ask him...
"Do you regret leaving?"
He sighed, his beautiful eyes glimmering in the darkness.
"I wanted to see a world. It's only natural for a man like me. And I told you that time I wished for freedom... Now, maybe... That freedom was ALWAYS here.... You, sit down, please, here on a couch. I want to check my .... Bedroom."
I just nodded. Even if he wanted me to help him in case of regaining memories, some of them were only for him alone.
He dissappeared on second floor and I took out a mobile phone. I didn't want to turn on light as he didn't do so and thanks to its faint light I found chair and sat down.
I took a good look. Hall, living room, kitchen... Modest but really beautiful house. Now, it was cold... But back then... It could be pretty, warm.... Could be.
Gackt's parents were strict. Sometimes (from his word) I had a feeling that they placed all pride of their family on first place, leaving their son behind. When he tried to sing, sing for real, father told him to give up so he won't embarass their family if he failed. Of course, Gackt wanted to run away so badly...
I sighed, my breathing echoing in darkness around me. I stood up. I've decided. Silently, I got took stairs on second floor and found old door and opened them.
Gackt was standing near the window and smiling at image before his eyes. First snowflakes started to fall and moon was watching over the nature. He looked like if he was talking with someone. Sometimes he just nodded or spoke few words. I opened the doors more and he spotted me.
"Arigato." I could hear his low voice and he closed his eyes. Then he turned at me, still smiling gently and shaking with his head.
"Even alone I can't stay alone."
I understood. Spirits.
"Is everything all right?" I asked him. He nodded.
"Of course." He reached for my hand and pulled me closer. "Come, there is something I want to see with you..."
He guided me to their garden.
It really WAS a beautiful scenery. Even now in winter. Snowflakes were falling down gently, with each minute more and more. High trees were covered with smallest amount of snow and silence was so nice...
"Pretty sight, isn't it?" G asked, still holding my hand.
"Yes..." I whispered silently, scared that proper sound of my words would destroy this ideal scenery. I breathed in and finally found a piece of energy to ask him, what was bugging me whole time.
"Why me, Gaku?"
He shook his arms.
"I know you for more than 18 years, I think. I can trust you, you know me better than anyone. Even the dark side of my existence." He said calmly. "You always helped me, you always cared... You are my best friend. That's why..." He added. "And a person I care for, the most."
I stood there, speechless. He just smiled again, but now... I saw sadness that wasn't here before. He took a small envelope from a pocket of his coat and gave it to me.
"You, take this. It's something important, so please, don't loose it somewhere." He looked right into my eyes. "And promise me to open it tomorrow. You will know, when it'll be the time. But... No sooner, no later... Can I believe you?"
"Always." I returned him smile.
"Good..." He nodded and look at Moon above us. "You can go to the car, we are leaving."
He didn't say it like: 'please, go to the car, I want to be alone for a while.' but I knew the real meaning behind this all.
"Okay..." I returned to the car, leaving him in the garden as he wished.
When he returned, I could clearly see that he had swollen eyes. It looked like he was crying there alone. But again...as on our way here... We stood quiet.
If I only knew, I'd talk to him so much, about so many things or dreams... Just to hear him. If I only knew, I wouldn't miss this chance...
XXX
"This evening, a popular singer GACKT was found in his appartment without any evidence of life. His death is shock for fans all around the world and..."
I was frozen. Frozen in horror, shock, anger... I couldn't believe to what I've just heard.
"It can't be..." My voice broke and I felt tears building in my eyes. I swiftly turned around, grabbed coat and searched for keys of my appartment. I found them and took them out with something like paper...
It was envelope from yesterday!
'And promise me to open it tomorrow. You will know, when it'll be the time. But... No sooner, no later... '
Those words.... I tossed coat and keys away and opened envelope, letter falling to my hands.
There were just few words. Few lines and his signature. Tears finally started to fall as I started to read.
'Dear You,
If you are reading this, tabloids, newspapers and TV News are probably making all that fuss about my death. Am I right?
Thank you for keeping your promise. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you properly. That illness couldn't be stopped. Remember how I told you that you are going to die before me, for sure? Haha, looks like I lost this one. Summa~
Well, the only thing I want now from you is to move on. You were always watching after me, not caring a bit about yourself. Now is time for you to look at yourself. Please, promise me that. And yup, I know I'm selfish bitch...' I chuckled between my cries and continued in reading...'Now, it's time to say goodbye. Thank you for always being with me, You. I loved you more than anyone, you were the only person, maybe along with Chacha, who truly understand me. Take care of my family. Don't let them down. I'll be still there, watching over you.
See you someday! Soon! Adiosu!
-Gackt'
I broke into loud crying and let the letter fall down onto floor.
Guilt crept over me. I finally understand. He wanted me to be the last person to share his memories with before he... I gulped.
Why couldn't I stop it all?
Why....?
If I only knew.... I'd give you my life.
Author: Aryssia
Rating: PG-13
Chapter: One-shot
Genre: Tragedy, friendship,...
Pairing: Gackt x You (GacktJOB)
Warnings: Character death; not BETAed. I feel bad for writing this and I didn't even want to publish it... But friend suggested that I can, so it's here...
Summary: You was there for Gackt. Always. Even when he acted rather strange...
Disclaimer: Do not own them, boys own themselves and I wish them long and healthy life! ;A;
"Gaku? Is everything okay?" He looked at me, quite surprise but nodded.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"When we have meeting you just quietly sit there, saying nothing; you don't go out, you still sit there... You have never been type who locked yourself inside of room instead of going somewhere. Even if you were sad..." I mumbled. "I'm just worried as well as other band members are."
"There's no need to worry, You." He immediately looked away.
'So there is something happening...' My mind told me. 'But what? He never lies to me...'
I wanted to ask him, I longed for answer that no one knows... But I just stood there, silently watching him typing something on computer. He glanced at me, again. Then he sighed and stood up.
"Where are you going?"
"Where WE are going... Take a coat, I will show you something." He smiled at me. I looked him into the eyes. His blue contact lenses were missing. He noticed my face and left room with just few words.
"Hey, are you going....?"
I nodded and went out with him.
XXX
On the way to 'somewhere', he didn't spoke a word. Radio, which was always turned on, so Gackt could hum into songs, was now silently glooming in the darkness. Moon was hidden in dark clouds that were promise of upcoming blizzard.
I tried to start conversation, knowing him that he would never miss a chance to tell his oppinion even if it was rude, harsh or innapropriate. He was Gackt after all.
But today, he just nodded or shook his arms, leaving my answers hanging in the air and my mind confused as hell. And I knew him for 20 years! Looks like he can surprise me even more.
I closed my eyes. This is going to be a long way...
I think I fell asleep, because when I opened them, car was parked and radio lost his red light. So it could mean only one thing...
"We are here...."
XXX
It was his home. I mean real home - his hometown, a house of his family...
I suppose he missed it here, even though he never spoke about that.
But why did he bring me here?
"When I was younger I wished to fly away from here. That was my dream, to become myself, an adult, who don't have to rely on others and can life on his own. I was so... Childish. Memories I have from here... I want to regain them back. And only one that could help me with it is you...." He said, taking out keys.
'Can he read my mind? No. He just knows you better than anyone else.'
"Now this house belongs to me... But I have never been here since the death of my father. Hm. Here we go..." He mumbled and stepped to house with me right behind.
House seems to be empty, no living creatures expect me and him, maybe some spiders hiding in the corners.
I closed door and expecting him to turn on lights. But he was just standing there, gazing at something in the darkness.
"Gaku? Are you okay...?"
Answer come about a minute later.
"Yeah... I'm... Sorry." But he didn't turn to look at me, he just continued to stare at something. Then he sighed and took few steps forward.
"I remember that there was piano...." He smiled. Even I couldn't see him in the dark, I could hear it from his voice. "How I hated to play.... Ha. I thought I am the only one right. Seems like it was tomorrow, when I did that prank on my personal teacher." He chuckled and reached out, his hand hanging in the air. Maybe he wanted to touch a memory, shining glimpse of reminiscence. Suddenly he turned on his heels, showing me a door.
"There was my father's office. Strict man with strict sense for his job. My mother always told us to not scream and shout while he was working. If we did...." He stood quiet and looked at me. "...How many memories are going to wake up tonight?"
He didn't wait for respond, to be honest, I think he didn't even want or expect it from me. But I had to ask him...
"Do you regret leaving?"
He sighed, his beautiful eyes glimmering in the darkness.
"I wanted to see a world. It's only natural for a man like me. And I told you that time I wished for freedom... Now, maybe... That freedom was ALWAYS here.... You, sit down, please, here on a couch. I want to check my .... Bedroom."
I just nodded. Even if he wanted me to help him in case of regaining memories, some of them were only for him alone.
He dissappeared on second floor and I took out a mobile phone. I didn't want to turn on light as he didn't do so and thanks to its faint light I found chair and sat down.
I took a good look. Hall, living room, kitchen... Modest but really beautiful house. Now, it was cold... But back then... It could be pretty, warm.... Could be.
Gackt's parents were strict. Sometimes (from his word) I had a feeling that they placed all pride of their family on first place, leaving their son behind. When he tried to sing, sing for real, father told him to give up so he won't embarass their family if he failed. Of course, Gackt wanted to run away so badly...
I sighed, my breathing echoing in darkness around me. I stood up. I've decided. Silently, I got took stairs on second floor and found old door and opened them.
Gackt was standing near the window and smiling at image before his eyes. First snowflakes started to fall and moon was watching over the nature. He looked like if he was talking with someone. Sometimes he just nodded or spoke few words. I opened the doors more and he spotted me.
"Arigato." I could hear his low voice and he closed his eyes. Then he turned at me, still smiling gently and shaking with his head.
"Even alone I can't stay alone."
I understood. Spirits.
"Is everything all right?" I asked him. He nodded.
"Of course." He reached for my hand and pulled me closer. "Come, there is something I want to see with you..."
He guided me to their garden.
It really WAS a beautiful scenery. Even now in winter. Snowflakes were falling down gently, with each minute more and more. High trees were covered with smallest amount of snow and silence was so nice...
"Pretty sight, isn't it?" G asked, still holding my hand.
"Yes..." I whispered silently, scared that proper sound of my words would destroy this ideal scenery. I breathed in and finally found a piece of energy to ask him, what was bugging me whole time.
"Why me, Gaku?"
He shook his arms.
"I know you for more than 18 years, I think. I can trust you, you know me better than anyone. Even the dark side of my existence." He said calmly. "You always helped me, you always cared... You are my best friend. That's why..." He added. "And a person I care for, the most."
I stood there, speechless. He just smiled again, but now... I saw sadness that wasn't here before. He took a small envelope from a pocket of his coat and gave it to me.
"You, take this. It's something important, so please, don't loose it somewhere." He looked right into my eyes. "And promise me to open it tomorrow. You will know, when it'll be the time. But... No sooner, no later... Can I believe you?"
"Always." I returned him smile.
"Good..." He nodded and look at Moon above us. "You can go to the car, we are leaving."
He didn't say it like: 'please, go to the car, I want to be alone for a while.' but I knew the real meaning behind this all.
"Okay..." I returned to the car, leaving him in the garden as he wished.
When he returned, I could clearly see that he had swollen eyes. It looked like he was crying there alone. But again...as on our way here... We stood quiet.
If I only knew, I'd talk to him so much, about so many things or dreams... Just to hear him. If I only knew, I wouldn't miss this chance...
XXX
"This evening, a popular singer GACKT was found in his appartment without any evidence of life. His death is shock for fans all around the world and..."
I was frozen. Frozen in horror, shock, anger... I couldn't believe to what I've just heard.
"It can't be..." My voice broke and I felt tears building in my eyes. I swiftly turned around, grabbed coat and searched for keys of my appartment. I found them and took them out with something like paper...
It was envelope from yesterday!
'And promise me to open it tomorrow. You will know, when it'll be the time. But... No sooner, no later... '
Those words.... I tossed coat and keys away and opened envelope, letter falling to my hands.
There were just few words. Few lines and his signature. Tears finally started to fall as I started to read.
'Dear You,
If you are reading this, tabloids, newspapers and TV News are probably making all that fuss about my death. Am I right?
Thank you for keeping your promise. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you properly. That illness couldn't be stopped. Remember how I told you that you are going to die before me, for sure? Haha, looks like I lost this one. Summa~
Well, the only thing I want now from you is to move on. You were always watching after me, not caring a bit about yourself. Now is time for you to look at yourself. Please, promise me that. And yup, I know I'm selfish bitch...' I chuckled between my cries and continued in reading...'Now, it's time to say goodbye. Thank you for always being with me, You. I loved you more than anyone, you were the only person, maybe along with Chacha, who truly understand me. Take care of my family. Don't let them down. I'll be still there, watching over you.
See you someday! Soon! Adiosu!
-Gackt'
I broke into loud crying and let the letter fall down onto floor.
Guilt crept over me. I finally understand. He wanted me to be the last person to share his memories with before he... I gulped.
Why couldn't I stop it all?
Why....?
If I only knew.... I'd give you my life.