(no subject)
Overview:
Got to MIT. Moved into my lovely new sorority house. Met a good amount of people. Had a lot of fun, despite occasional glimpses at loneliness.
School starts. I'm still doing well... until, day 3. You know what? I still don't like it here. The sun is shining. I know plenty of people. Workload hasn't gotten too hard yet, though I still feel somewhat behind. I just... feel lied to.
The straw? As part of our meal plan with AEPi we were supposed to have access to their pantry. You know, for things like cereal or canned foods. But after inspecting the place, it's just the things the cook's going to use for meals, like industrial-sized cans of sourkraut. And it just pissed me off because it's one of those little examples. And it meant I had to go grocery shopping, which I just got back from. That and all I had for dinner tonight was mediocre buffalo wings, since I refuse to eat celery as the 'meal vegetable'.
You know what? Last year was the worst year of my life. Truly. I've never been so depressed, such a failure at everything in my life. I failed at *everything*. And I spent the summer finding myself, proving to myself that I want the opportunities MIT has to offer.. and proving to myself that I did know how to make friends. That I'm fun to be around. That it wasn't just me. And you know what I found? I'm still the fun-loving, crazy, and socially ept person I've always been. Even moreso now that I'm older, more fluent. I had a great time this summer and made some friends whom I'll never forget, whom I've invited all to visit me, and I hope they do soon.
But now I'm back here. Just finished my fourth day of classes. And you know what? Classes seem really great. I'm really excited. But it's just so damned hard to keep a smile on your face. To keep up the energy and the optimism to both keep the option open of making new friends, and more importantly, to make myself sane. I'm losing it. The fourth day, and I'm losing it. And on top of that, then you have your school responsibilities. And the effort you've got to make to get yourself out and doing fun things. Let alone the enrgy to look for fun things to do, so you have a purpose to get out.
I don't know what it is about this place that makes me so ungrateful to everyone who does things for me, who's nice to me, who talks to me even if they don't particularly have the time to. It should be enough, but here it really isn't. It's lonely. It's so goddamned lonely.
But I still have hope. I haven't met many people in my major yet, despite having like every class with them. But they'll be fun, right? We'll suffer together and it'll be great... it was one of my main hopes at the end of last year.. that my major would save my social life. It hasn't yet, but I also haven't really given it a chance, right?
...
Let me know if you've ever heard of Polysics. They're coming in concert this Saturday.
Got to MIT. Moved into my lovely new sorority house. Met a good amount of people. Had a lot of fun, despite occasional glimpses at loneliness.
School starts. I'm still doing well... until, day 3. You know what? I still don't like it here. The sun is shining. I know plenty of people. Workload hasn't gotten too hard yet, though I still feel somewhat behind. I just... feel lied to.
- The best thing about MIT is the people.
- Living across the river helps me separate my personal life from my school life.
- College is fun.
The straw? As part of our meal plan with AEPi we were supposed to have access to their pantry. You know, for things like cereal or canned foods. But after inspecting the place, it's just the things the cook's going to use for meals, like industrial-sized cans of sourkraut. And it just pissed me off because it's one of those little examples. And it meant I had to go grocery shopping, which I just got back from. That and all I had for dinner tonight was mediocre buffalo wings, since I refuse to eat celery as the 'meal vegetable'.
You know what? Last year was the worst year of my life. Truly. I've never been so depressed, such a failure at everything in my life. I failed at *everything*. And I spent the summer finding myself, proving to myself that I want the opportunities MIT has to offer.. and proving to myself that I did know how to make friends. That I'm fun to be around. That it wasn't just me. And you know what I found? I'm still the fun-loving, crazy, and socially ept person I've always been. Even moreso now that I'm older, more fluent. I had a great time this summer and made some friends whom I'll never forget, whom I've invited all to visit me, and I hope they do soon.
But now I'm back here. Just finished my fourth day of classes. And you know what? Classes seem really great. I'm really excited. But it's just so damned hard to keep a smile on your face. To keep up the energy and the optimism to both keep the option open of making new friends, and more importantly, to make myself sane. I'm losing it. The fourth day, and I'm losing it. And on top of that, then you have your school responsibilities. And the effort you've got to make to get yourself out and doing fun things. Let alone the enrgy to look for fun things to do, so you have a purpose to get out.
I don't know what it is about this place that makes me so ungrateful to everyone who does things for me, who's nice to me, who talks to me even if they don't particularly have the time to. It should be enough, but here it really isn't. It's lonely. It's so goddamned lonely.
But I still have hope. I haven't met many people in my major yet, despite having like every class with them. But they'll be fun, right? We'll suffer together and it'll be great... it was one of my main hopes at the end of last year.. that my major would save my social life. It hasn't yet, but I also haven't really given it a chance, right?
...
Let me know if you've ever heard of Polysics. They're coming in concert this Saturday.